TYLD [now on english] - Fractured_Hope_Co, Sabishi-i (Fractured_Hope

Chapter 1: Intro. This is just the beginning

Chapter Text

No, really, the day was the most ordinary.
Compared to what I've seen, yes.
An ordinary office day is nothing compared to the plague that once raged.
You will never know this feeling that covers you when you walk along the street, along which corpses which are piled in heaps. That feeling when you're a doctor but you can't help them. When this infection begins to eat you...

You can’t consider current events as something like “wow” when you remember both world wars... And when your country lost twice. Nevertheless... Iolanta was more interested in them than I was. After all, she is an alchemist and a necromancer to boot... I preferred to sit out in the city. But I still remember how the Russians entered Berlin... Vandals, no better than how they described our soldiers.

I am still in Berlin.

It's so strange once every sixty or seventy years to play out my own death... Then watch how Io makes someone's corpse look like me, and go make fake documents for myself. For a couple of hundred years I have already learned how to, although it still jars me a little.
I also have to change my job,even if I like my very first specialty as a doctor. Right now I'm taking some courses...
That's how Nicholas Toraitengen lives, that's how he lives.

During the time that I live here, I managed to explore Berlin like the back of my hand.
I left the house early enough to get to another dull job without any problems... I don't like to rush. No, really, why rush when you have plenty of time?
Gaping and not looking ahead, I really did not understand how that strange guy literally crashed into me. A black book fell out of his hands, and he theatrically fell on his back.

– And was it worth it to be in such a hurry? – I gave him my hand. He shakes his head in the negative, and literally immediately, as he squats down, clings to his book.
– I'm sorry, – he says, barely audible. – I do not have muchtime...
– There is always enoughtime, – I chuckled. Only now I noticed how old-fashioned he is dressed for the present time.
– It depends on who and when, – the stranger replies gloomily, dusting off his blue poncho. When he raises his hand, his bare belly is visible. I wonder if he's feeling cold? It is already late autumn, snow is predicted from day to day.
– You need to sleep less.
– What makes you think I'm sleeping at all? – He lifts his head and I see his bottomless blue eyes. He looks tired. – How do I even know it’s not just another dream?
– Are you sick? – I ask, touching the stranger's forehead with the back of my hand. Cold.
– Don't touch me! – He recoils from me like I'm ill withplague. – Never!

Then he takes a couple of steps back and takes off, running in the opposite direction.

The guy is obviously mad. My duty is to help anyone who is sick, and I cannot leave things as they are. It was not difficult to track him down - at this hour the streets were almost deserted. I found him at the bus stop, where, in fact, I was going. There was no one here, apparently, it seem the bus left not so long ago. Far stranger was the fact that there was not a single living soul on the street itself. Even the birds seem to have disappeared somewhere. Blue-eyed stranger lay on a bench with a book in his arms and thoughtlessly stared at the sky.

"Gods, why do I need to go through all of this, why," he whispered.

But as soon as I got closer, he jumped to his feet.

– Why are you following me?
– I was just going to go to work, – I shrugged. – I don’t see any particular purpose in the pursuit.
– Don’t lie, – the stranger closes his eyes and shakes his head. – I can feel lies. However, all this does not surprise me... I don't fit into this world, right? No, don't say anything...
– You said you weren't sleeping. How long?
– From birth, do you believe? My dreams cannot be called dreams, they are... They are something else.
– And what?

He keeps silence and turns away.

– I don't know where I am. I don't know what day it is. I don't know who I am... I don't know anything. I want this to end, and as soon as possible.

Suddenly he grabs his head and bends over. I run up to him and put my hand on his shoulder.

– Are you okay?

– I… I wouldn’t say, – he breathes, – it will happen… Again.

Everything around us begins to flicker and blur.

Chapter 2: Chapter 1. Fog

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

This flickering... My eyes hurt wildly.
Blue-eyed stranger at that time completely turned off, probably – his body hung lifelessly in my arms. His breathing is so weak.
Now we were clearly not in Berlin, and I could say that not in Germany at all. A bluish fog spreads along the ground, similar to cigarette smoke – and the smell was almost the same. We are standing on some kind of embankment, in any case, the grating that limits the road and the bridge, which starts where there was no grating, allows us to think so. Oh dear God, I once asked you to give me peace, but now I renounce my deepest desire. This is not where I rest. Not now.
Breathing is difficult. It's noticeably damp in here, and I sniffle reflexively, trying to breathe in air.

– El?

I almost jumped. Oh, don't tell me that a sleeper could be awakened by a runny nose.

– I scared you... I'm sorry, – the black-haired stranger continues, looking around. – Sorry again for putting you at risk. It just so happened... And I warned you not to touch me.
– Where are we?
– In a dream, if you'd like, – he answered after a pause. – But everything that happens here is quite real. And sorry again...
– Is there a way out of here? – Hoping I was still asleep, I pinched my arm. Hurts.
– Yes... The exit will find us by itself, – he sighed. – But I never know when that will happen. These worlds are out of time. Just like now I can’t promise you returning to your world, – he somehow unhealthy gives out some kind of laugh, then another, after which he starts laughing madly. Some kind of surreal. - It's so... So. So funny, – he says. – Damn it, I even didn't die! But I was able to!
– Do you find it amusing?
– At first, I didn’t think so at all, but… But. But now that I've died hundreds and thousands of times, it must be funny! After all, when you see it all alone... You see all this... You know, there is always a way out. There is an exit. Exit is death!

He bursts out laughing like crazy again. In hysteria, laughter and crying have the same emotions... Is he really laughing?

– Do you want... Do you want to know how it all began? – he suddenly asks. –Yes, she died! Died, died, do you hear?
– Who is she?
– Emmanuel! It seemed that here she is, still alive and warm, as here it is – morning, but she did not wake up to tell you good morning! What's a bitch, huh?
– Sounds selfish...
– Yes, what is there! She promised so much! And the good morning wish was just our promise to each other! Just a promise! What other words are there!

Then he sits down on the slippery, moss-covered cobblestones of the pavement and says more quietly:

– She should have taken me with her… Why… Why did I stay… I don’t want to… I shouldn’t live like this…

I walk over to the stranger, sitting down in front of him. Tears are streaming down his cheeks, he is shaking like in a fever. Poor thing, poor thing... I thought that he just had a severe mental disorder, but everything turned out to be much more complicated. Now I don't know how to help him...

The same book falls out of his hands. I pick it up and look at it from nothing to do. The black binding looks old, and in places lilac flowers show through layers of black paint. A strange amulet is drawn on the back of the cover in gold color... I don't know its meaning – I haven't seen one like it before. "Holy book" is inscribed on the spine in the same gold. Holy? Strange... The front flyleaf of the book was also secured with two rivets and an elastic band, apparently to prevent it from occasional opening. It seems to me that this is more of a notepad than anything else...

– Give me back the book, give it back... – a quiet whisper pulls me out of my thoughts. – You mustn’t touch it… Only I… She will write everything down herself…

We meet with him eye to eye. His, blue, and mine, brown. Deep as the abyss his eyes are. The blue, sapphire iris resembles the depth of the sea, or the night sky, equally full of secrets and mysteries that no one can comprehend... Even more so for me. His pupils are somewhat dilated, apparently from the fact that it is rather dark here. And at the same time, these eyes look immensely tired, as if they saw everything that could and could not be seen... The right one is darker. Why?
For example, my right eye is lighter because it can hardly see anymore... Io tried to restore my vision, but who are we kidding – it's almost impossible. Yes, and would it make sense to restore sight to the dead man...
The black-haired stranger looks at me tiredly and as if condemningly. This look makes me feel myself uncomfortable, and I, involuntarily shivering, give him the book. He literally snatches her from me, closes his eyes and presses her to him like something most precious. However... He has nothing else.

– What is your name? – I asked carefully.
– Knizhnik¹... Yes, knizhnik... Call me that, – he replies without opening his eyes. – Please don't ask any more...
– Looks like I'm stuck with you now, Knizhnik, – I sigh, rising. – Can we switch to the"tú" form?
– As you...túwish, – he tosses his head. – You...túdidn't identify yourself either.

His question puzzled me for a while. Even though Iolanta told me my name after that long the time when I was Nobody... I'm not used to being Nikolas. And I hate it to death when she calls me by my last name. Toraitengen. How that sounds... When she's still Goshikki. Still. And we have been living together for several centuries... That's why it infuriates me.

– I am the Sinner, – I waved off. – I don’t need my name now...
– Indeed funny… – he grinned. – I thought you just have something to hide... Or you just won't say it out of spite... However... I have my own reasons not to give my name. It hurts too much, it has too much effect on me. Too much... Much.

Knizhnik hovered again, staring blindly at the sky. It was completely empty. Not a cloud, what can we say about the birds.

– Why Sinner?
– In terms of? – I responded, not understanding him.
– Well… I called myself Knizhnik because I thought it would be easier for you to remember. Well... I'm travelling with this book, and so... Why Sinner?
– Because I shouldn't be alive for a long time... So this is my hell. Sinners always go to hell. Necessarily.
– Indeed stupid, – the blue-eyed man laughed heartily. – There is no heaven or hell. And God is not alone...
– God is one... He sent his son to us, and we crucified him... He atoned for human sins by sacrificing himself.
– Fool... Fool. There is no your god. It is foolish to believe that an intelligent being with ambition and a beard is sitting above you. Real gods walk among you, you just don't see them... And it's foolish to hope that you will get to some blessed place, doing only good deeds. After all, looking from different sides, any good deed cannot be exclusively good. By doing good for one, you deprive the other, thereby starting a chain of events that denigrate you... Isn't it easier to stay away from this? The whole point is to keep the delicate balance between this all. Be neither good nor bad, and only then will you deserve peace...
– What...
– There is no your heaven... There is no your hell... There is only an endless rebirth! Which is closed to me, hi.
– Hi?

He smiled like a sunny child and said:

– Hello. We didn't say hello.
– Oh yes, of course, – I pretended that this his strange speech didn't happen. - Hello.
– My name is Knizhnik, – he says.
– My name is Sinner, – I answer dumbfounded.
– Let's get to know each other! – he squints contently and holds out his hand to me, simultaneously hiding the second one, with the book, behind his back
– Pleased to meet you, – it seems to me that I am smiling like the last idiot, shaking his hand...
– Ready to embark on the greatest journey of your life? Say yes!
– Umm... Yes.
– Perfectly! - Knizhnik takes my hand and, after a little silence, says coldly and distantly: - Let's leave right now.

The flicker blinds the eyes.

I don't know where we are.
Everything is again covered by an impenetrable haze. It takes a long time for the eyes to get used to it, even after the darkness of the embankment.
After a while, I began to distinguish a blue glow that outlined the area, but on which we were standing... Apart from this, no sources of illumination were observed... But I clearly saw the cells, as if on a chessboard, under my feet. Why?
A few more cells hovered in the air next to the slab, emitting the same light... But the colors weren't distorted by it even in the slightest.
Knizhnik looked somewhat confused... Did he know this place before? It looks like it. I tried to move a little forward from the cell on which we were standing, but this attempt was unsuccessful – it was as if I had hit an invisible wall.

– Not our move, – he said, lowering his head.

I stared at him, absolutely not understanding anything.

– You don’t need to know anything more about this world, – he said distantly. – Sinner... Blindfold your eyes, or at least close them. I don't want you to see.
– To you see what?
– Ask nothing, Sinner, just do it.
– What are you afraid of?
– Do. What. I. Say!
– Give me at least a couple of reasons why I should be afraid? – I asked hesitantly.
– You shouldn't be here! – Knizhnik lifted his head and turned to me. – I should be here alone! Almost… – he trailed off, looking into the distance ahead of him.

And I, obeying the herd instinct, considered it necessary to look there too.

A couple of cells from us – and they were quite large – stood a white-haired elf. She wore an asymmetrical blue tunic, short black shorts, and long boots that covered her knees. She wrapped herself in a lilac cloak, and looked around helplessly.

- Emmanuel! - Knizhnik rushed forward, in her direction, but as soon as he crossed one cell, an invisible wall stood up in front of him.

The elf, apparently, did not hear him, and went somewhere further. Someone else appeared behind her. Lanky, dressed in something that from afar looked like a pile of feathers...

– Behind! Turn around, you fool! – the blue-eyed shouted, but he was not heard again.

The man who looked like a stork extended his hand to her and...

– Blood dominion: Control! – the elf said, but nothing happened. The lanky just laughed, grabbing her by the shoulder and turning her around to face him.
– What are you going to do to me, you f*cking futanari? – he chuckled.
– Do not touch me! – she blurted out, drawing two thin blades from the scabbard on the belt.
– And why are you still clinging to life, unfortunate thing?” – "stork" poisonously whispers. – Why don't you want to go to your lover, huh? Just go into oblivion, it's time for you...
She silently cleaves him, but misses. He leaps back, his cloak billowing into the air, dropping a pair of feathers she'd cut off. More and more.
– He still needs me! He can't live without me!
– Boring. He can live with me too, – says the stork and intercepts her hand. She knees him between the legs, he hisses and releases her. She runs away.

He throws feathers like knives, time after time, as if on purpose falling very close to the elf, tearing her cloak and tunic to shreds.

– Do you remember that it wasn't you who created him?

Knizhnik taps his hand on the invisible glass that prevents him from moving on, falls to his knees helplessly, and dozens, hundreds of screens immediately appear around him with randomly changing pictures of different events in them, interrupting each other, as if some of them were false, and some were incoherent, as if someone carelessly rewritten. I touched a couple of screens that looked like successive milestones of life, and white stitches immediately ran from them to others, as if collecting subsequent screens into some kind of single line, sweeping away the superfluous ones that were a mixture of different eras and worlds. I peered at the first screen in the chain.

Forest. Darkness. The boy, who looks like Knizhnik himself, is in a hurry somewhere, but stops when he hears someone's voices. Their owners are not visible, but their silhouettes, having put something on the ground, hastily leave, apparently, having felt someone's presence. The boy goes there and stumbles upon a basket with some kind of bundle in it. He squats down, lifts the edge of the blanket... A child? White hair, pointy ears... Asleep.

– Kai, if we bring him to the outskirts, we won’t be good, – the boy sighs. – But if we leave him here, he will die...
– He looks like a Morph, – comes the tired voice of Knizhnik himself.
– Are you suggesting taking him to the settlement itself? I'm Medea... The prospect of suffering with a broken nose again doesn't make me happy...
– Do you see any other way out?
– Yes, you are probably right...

The image in that window fades out and I turn to the next one.

A white-haired elf with her hair tied up in a high ponytail opens the door early in the morning, finding a basket on the threshold of her house. He throws up his hands and takes it. It can be seen as if from a tree... Then a rustle, and a short muted scream – the same boy apparently fell from a branch.

The picture disappears again.

The next window showed the expanse of the lake, more precisely, the reflection of Knizhnik in the water. He was dressed a little differently... A gray shirt, black trousers and a raincoat, knee-high boots. Then his gaze was distracted from the lake, and was directed somewhere deep into the forest.
– Where are you, you little bastard? – was heard from there, after which a white-haired boy ran out to the shore, apparently scared to death, because he ran without looking where he was running, all the time looking back. When he tried to run further, he crashed into a black-haired elf who was sitting on the shore of the lake, thereby pushing him into the water.
– Kai, are these your jokes? – he asked, rising to his feet. – Wait, I'll...
The taken aback white-haired boy was doused with a fan of spray. He froze, fluttering his long white lashes being surprised.
– Oh, sorry, – the guy said guiltily, coming out of the water and squatting in front of him. – How did you get here, baby? Got lost?
– N-no... Not at all. Th-th-they just said they'd beat me up. I... I'm scared... – the boy muttered.
– Who?
– Brothers… – the he sniffs and turns around timidly, and at the same moment several elves similar to him ran out of the forest.
– Medea, – one of them says contemptuously. – Don't mind your own business.
– It’s not good to offend the little ones… – The black-haired elf rises to his feet, and the boy hides behind him.
– He’s not even a Morph, he’s a pathetic foundling and clumsy! - spits out the second of the brothers. – It's just his mother still messing around with him!
– This is not a reason... We are all equal before the gods...

The image went out again.

I continued to watch... How that black-haired elf continued to see the boy, how he became an apprentice doctor in the outskirts to treat the bruises and abrasions of the white-haired... How Teo - and that Medea was called Teo - said that he loves a foundling not like a brother and asked Knizhnik for advice on what to do next. How Knizhnik lost his memory. After he woke up then, he remembered as his master already that white-haired, already noticeably matured. How he escaped from the settlement, after Emmanuel was again beaten by his own brothers and accused Medea of this, thereby separating them for a long time. Knizhnik's long lone wanderings. Some cold mountains... And a new meeting with Emmanuel... Emmanuelle? The battle in the tournament, the desert, the uprising of the rebels, then the life of both of them at the royal advisor... A new meeting with Teo. Quiet hatred for his former master due to the strong resemblance. A new journey, vague memories, a return to Arda – their settlement, to the lake. Some kind of skirmish... And Teo's corpse with a cutthroat lying in the water. Frightened Morph, sitting at a distance. The battle with him, but not on the lake, but somewhere in the wilderness... Repentance. The road to the Minstreliya... Again Arda, out of the way... Peaceful days... Emmanuel's longing for his dead lover. Wedding with Lyra – Theo's sister. Children... Morph's sudden illness, due to which he was delirious and could not even stand up. Local healers could not help, and Knizhnik spent whole days sitting by the owner's bed, watching with fear as he literally goes out before his eyes. And the day when, having whispered that he did not want Kai to die, Emmanuel fell asleep with his last sleep. That senseless attempt to wake him up and... Flash.

However, now it has spread to us.

Notes:

Knizhnik1 – "Книжник", "The Scribe". We are not translating this word and leaving it as it is, 'cause some of wordplay will be lost. There's no right translation which will also begin with the letter K to save the hidden sense.

Chapter 3: Chapter 2. Loops –Stranger–

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

The water slowly flowed around your body, making the fabric of an old scarf and shirt collar barely noticeably sway. You liked to listen to this flow, even if you were then dirty as imp, even if you would dry for half a day and get silt and small shells of creeping river inhabitants out of your hair. Likeimp. Hm.

You jerked yourself up, raising a cloud of spray and causing it to briefly reveal a rainbow in the rays of the barely warm morning sun. Somewhere in the distance, a flock of girls fled with a screech, probably coming to the river to either wash or clean up – it's Saturday, after all. You, however, noted with regret that probably nothing will shine for you here, after you appeared before them like a river monster. What's a pity. For the next jump in time, you're not having enough energy, and being an incubus, even after getting the opportunities bestowed on you by a nameless deity, somehow did not want to let you go. After that time jump, you'rehellishlyhungry again.Hellishly. It seems like today is awkward pun day.
So much so that after this jerk you were tortured by the orthostatic reflex, and you almost collapsed back. Also the hand aches. More precisely, its absence whines. You turned your head to the right to re-evaluate your inferiority. Well, yes, today you are a megamind: you climbed into the water, not really letting the stump heal.
Dripping.

– Hey! – was heard from the shore, and you instinctively raised your head in search of the source of the sound. – Yes, yes, you, poor thing! Do you need help?
– To me? – You asked uncertainly, looking at the caller. A woman in her thirties. Redhead. To your taste. Looks a bit like... - Sharlott¹?
– Oh, thanks for the compliment, but it’s a pity, I’m far from the princess, – the stranger laughed, and you instantly realized that the time jump took you only a couple of years ago and, in addition, to the same kingdom. It will be necessary to try to connect your spatial magic to the gift. – Looks like they hit you hard on the head, sufferer. Come on, get out of the water, come to me, warm up.
You obediently rose to your feet and approached her. Now she had to tilt her head up to look you in the face. It's funny.

– And you look like that foolish knight that in the last year everything revolves around the princess, – she noted with a grin.
“Oh, you just don’t know that this very knight is standing in front of you,” you thought.
– All right, let's go, let's go.

She pulled you by the sleeve in the direction of her shack, and as soon as the dilapidated door slammed behind your back, she asked you straight:

– Are you an incubus?
– As if you know everything, – you breathed, trying not to show that this question was bothering you.
– So that’s why you don’t look good, my friend, – she stepped around you and ran her hand down your cheek. - I bet, you're probably hungry.
-Hellishly, milady, – you closed your eyes. That's what you still lacked before the full picture, so it was to fall into slavery to the witch. And that you did not immediately recognize the witch, you were already completely sure.
– You was going to feed in our village? – The witch's voice became stricter. - Answer.
– As if my being gives me another choice?
– Let's make a contract.
You opened your left eye and looked at her.

– What the contract?
– I will patch you up and feed you, but you never come to our village again. I'm not afraid of you, but I won't let you spoil the village girls.
– Well, I’m not in a position to refuse, – you answered with a chuckle. Look how serious. But anyway, it was a pretty good deal for you.

You, however, stayed with her for a relatively short time. Stealing the dark cloak, leaving her exhausted and sleeping, you opened the next portal to the unknown, trying to mix the time magic granted to you with your own, spatial one.
And went into a world completely unfamiliar to you.

Not a single sound. Silence, literally pressing on the ears. The cold, as if coming from the monochrome marble slabs under your feet and... Light. Where is the light from. Nothing here cast a shadow, not even you; but at the same time everything was visible, as if by daylight. What thedevilryis this.Devilry. Oh, seriously?

– What thehell? – You heard a tired deep voice behind you and reflexively turned around. The source of the exclamation was a tall, black-haired guy whose features seemed vaguely familiar to you. You could not make out the borders of his robe, as if it were spreading over his skin like a mist. Aristocratically pale, you could even say sickly pale. You never liked this type, people of this appearance always aroused in you only one desire. Feed them.

– One more mention ofhellish stufftoday and I’ll decide my life is an awkward comedy, – you replied.
– I’m asking about who you are and what you forgot here, – he immediately responded nervously and, literally taking a step in your direction, moved to you as close as possible.
– I am a stranger², a crusader named after the red-haired beast, carrying the holy mission entrusted to my shoulders for her return, – you shrugged your shoulders, not intending to answer seriously. – I can’t imagine what world I was brought into this time.
– You are in Shadowsgone, interworld, if you please, – he answered in a bored tone and pointed with his hand in the direction of one of the random doors that were on the stove. – Let me guide you to the next world, since your being here is fundamentally wrong and is a misunderstanding.
– Is it wrong if I'm still here?
– I don’t accept objections, – the stranger blurted out with a sharp change in intonation and grabbed your hand, immediately pulling it back, as if burned. –What the… You can’t…
– Can't what? - you, to confess, also felt unpleasant goosebumps at the place of contact, and therefore remained in no less bewilderment. In addition, you felt yourself suspiciously good, as if thehellishlife had given you back if not an arm, then at least wings.
– You can't be another one. Shadowsgone only has one demiurg... And that reaction... What thehellis wrong with you?!
– It’s probably not like that, and my life is a dubious comedy, – an awkward laugh escaped from you. – So, you say, it is possible from here without wasting energy on portals, through the door?

You opened the one closest to you, revealing a purple ripple of a portal.
– Stop, wait!

You did not wait, immediately stepping into the next unknown.

And you found yourself in the crowd on the square, where, apparently, the performance, popular in your time, was supposed to begin – the burning of a witch. Sometimes you exclusively liked to watch how people burn their own kind at the stake, accusing them of being connected with evil spirits. The evil spirits, at least in your face, sincerely made fun of all this and mocked, standing in the shadows.
Yes, and the selection criteria were extremely stupid... For example, if you are a red-haired green-eyed girl, then you are definitely a witch, don’t even argue. And if you have birthmarks or simple moles on your face or body as a whole, then you should not hope for salvation at all. You were still wondering how magically this fate was spared for the princess.
In addition, due to the disease, which was decimating entire cities, people hit this insanity even more strongly, and such public executions were carried out almost daily... So today. Square, fire. You decided to merge with the crowd, watching how another prisoner with a bag on her head was being led. Her bare feet tangle and the inquisitor slaps her back to speed her up. The prisoner stumbles, but no one cares.
You do not feel any extraneous energy from it: neither dark nor light... Once again, a human being condemned for nothing. This is already becoming uninteresting.
The inquisitor pulls the sack from the prisoner's head, her red curls fall in waves on her shoulders... But she's good,hellishlygood! (Have you already joked about comedy?) You look more closely into her pale face and understand that she didn’t have long left anyway - there was nothing to hide the plague ulcers.

- Where is your god? Where is he? Why doesn't he want to save us? Why does he let us die?

She would continue on and on, but she was quickly shut up by stuffing some kind of rag into her mouth. She whimpered and trembled as she scanned the crowd. Her eyes seemed to be begging for help, but was there anyone who would heed her pleas?
And now they are already tying her to a pole, putting straw under her feet... But the torch still cannot catch fire. Comedy, so comedy - it's you spending your energy, thedevilknows for what, briefly stopping time and blowing out the flame. When the executioner spat and lit the straw with the flint, you stopped time again and filled the fire with water. Then he looked at the face of the prisoner and ran his hand over it, healing the festering ulcers. You let her come to life before the rest, and she naturally asked:

– Are you a god?
– Don’t tell anyone our terrible secret, – you evasively answer, and, once again returning to your place in the crowd, you start time.

A whisper went through the crowd, saying, a miracle of God, she did not burn out and was healed... Under the onslaught of the people, the Inquisitor had to let go of the newly-baked "saint". The real evil in your face was secretly smirking in the crowd.
As soon as the executioners announced a pardon and untied her from the pillar, the former prisoner ran headlong towards her house. You slowly followed her in the hope ofdevilknows what, but it would be nice if for one more meal in exchange of her miserable life.
It was not impossible to figure out her hut on the outskirts, especially since after you had to treat someone, for some time you continued to feel the “lucky ones” as yourself. You gently knock on the door. She peeps timidly... She is still wearing nothing but the shirt in which she was on the square. Sometimes it seems to you that all this inquisition was invented by the churchmen themselves, who want to hide their vicious desires.

– You… – the “saint” whispers, as if not believing her own eyes.
– I came for a favor, let me in, – you answer her, and she obediently obeys.
– You… You are not a god… – she breathes, closing the door behind you.
– As you can see, – you respond, and open your wings. Oh wow. Maybe that world would have returned your hand if you had stayed there a little longer?

She screams, but you gesture for her to be quiet. She looks at you like a fowl at an old fox.

– I’m just a local healer, why do I need to go through all this... – her voice trembles, as if she will cry.
– Don’t be afraid, I won’t ask much, I don’t need your soul, – you sigh, running your hand over her cheek. It's not in your rules to bring girls to tears.
– What then? – she looks up at you with green, like gooseberries, eyes.

And fate is probably laughing at you to the maximum today. If you feed, then only on those that who, of course, are in your taste.

– A little more down to earth. Just give in and deal competed.
– That’s not right… – she sobs. – It's unnatural...
– Why not? – you lift up her shirt, making the young healer man blush with shame. - Oh, witch...

As it said, when something stopped you on the way to the goal.

– Leave the city tomorrow, as soon as dawn breaks, – you say casually, already standing at the door.
– Why? – the redhead asks, wrapping himself in a blanket.
– I don’t think you need any more trouble… And dye your hair a different color as soon as you can.
– Let me go with you, please! – you can hear the desperation in his voice.
– Alas, I can't afford it. Farewell.

You leave the hut in dismay, ignoring the pleas of the young healer. You cannot afford yourself to become attached to each victim here... Although this feeling that is now scratching in you makes you think that you do not even have to try to resurrect Sharlott in your own time. After all, if you as a whole are now subject to time, then you can find her reincarnation that will love you, and then all this will stop! You can build a house, create a family, maybe even have children… You shook your head, as if trying to free yourself from an obsession. It's too early to think of a good ending. It's time to take the next step into the unknown.
You cut space again with the purple shimmer of the portal. The promise made to the fishfaced god will have to wait.

The next period of time and, probably, the world met you somehow quite bleakly. You hastily passed through the settlement, where you were taken out by the portal, because you did not have the slightest desire to linger in it: the streets were deserted, and occasionally there were human corpses thrown into a heap, consumed by disease.
In the city, where you reached only in the evening, the situation, however, was no better, and although outwardly the population was clearly trying to flaunt and strenuously pretending that there is no illness at all, you noticed black crosses here and there on the doors and hastily nailed barn locks.

– You don’t cover your hands and face, – a voice said behind you, and you turned to see who dared to call you. – So you're not afraid of illness?
– Not at all, – you chuckled, looking at your unexpected interlocutor.

It turned out to be, judging by the voice, a young guy. His face was hidden by a mask in the form of a bird's beak, and his hair was pulled back under the hood of a long dark green cloak. Hands are hidden under gloves, and trousers are tucked into the tops of boots. And on his chest hangs some kind of bag, disgustingly smacking with garlic. The speaker was definitely a man, and far from being a simple class... Only they would have become so worried about their safety.

– However, commendable, – the guy continued, – but completely pointless. This is recklessness. You will catch this infection soon and add me jobs...
– So you are a doctor?
– You are shrewd. And... I haven't seen you here before. How did you cross the quarantine line?
– I’m just astranger,– you honestly lied, – and I’m immune to this rubbish, don’t worry.
– Is that so… Would you like to help us in this case? Perhaps I will be able to understand how your body copes with the disease... However, just go, it's a little dangerous to stay on the streets now.

You shrugged your shoulders and headed for the local doctor. In a way, he was right, this guy. The city now lived a strange life, for example, near one of the houses there was a fervently buzzing company, from a distance similar to the living dead – pale, emaciated faces, sometimes covered with ulcers, looked somewhat frightening. Several children ran past them, either still healthy, or still at an early stage and not feeling sick. At the same moment, a soft ringing was heard, and the doctor grabbed the right eyepiece of the mask with his hand. Apparently, a stone thrown by one of the tomboys on the run reached its goal.

– It’s good that we have almost reached it, – he said with annoyance, pointing with his free hand at the house, which stood apart from everyone.

The house was extremely poorly furnished, in fact, it contained only the most necessary things for life, although there were some interior items that seemed absurd and superfluous here, like that crystal chandelier under the ceiling. The young doctor waited for you to follow him in and then locked the door.

– Io, dimidium animae meae³, I'm back! he called someone. – Iolanta!
– So what, Toraitengen? – a strange-looking person descended the stairs slowly and gracefully. She looked rather young, but her jet-black hair was already gleaming with gray strands. Her face was covered with a black veil, long gray sleeves dangled from her arms, stained with spots of unknown origin, the chest was pulled together by a corset, and black trousers literally swept the steps of the stairs. She didn't have anything on her legs... Wasn't she afraid of illness too? – And who is with you?
– He says he’s astranger,– the guy waved wearily, removing his hood. His hair was a little darker than yours, but cut short, except for a small strand on the left side of his face. Strand was gathered into a braid and decorated with a green glass bead. – He says he's immune...
– If that’s the case, then it would be just wonderful, – the girl immediately quickened her pace and literally ran the rest of the stairs, then stopped next to you. Something inside you clicked. You could be mistaken about witches, but you always felt “your own” unmistakably. – Well, judging by your voice, you are not going to die yet either.
– And you’re still waiting, – the young doctor sighed and took off his mask. On his cheeks, the brown-haired man noticed the very ulcers that those people from the street had. Also, unnaturally pale...
– You… – Io clicked her tongue in displeasure. – Show me your tongue.

Toraitengen stuck out the tip of his tongue, as if he were afraid of something. The tongue was also white.

–Fool, – the girl immediately blurted out. – Why didn't you tell me before?!
– I don't care, it won't live long now, – he shrugged, as if he didn't care at all and just didn't want to upset her. – Hey… don’t be mad at me…
– Your luck that you brought this particular guest to our house, – she sighs and then, removing her veil from her forehead, looked at you. There were huge purple circles under her eyes, apparently from constant lack of sleep, but her gaze was piercing, as if she were looking through you at all. – I know who you are, – she said after a pause.
– And who? – you ask with a bit of a smile in your voice, although inwardly you begin to feel that you will soon succumb to an inexplicable panic and start looking for ways to escape from here.
– An imp, or a demon... No, a demon... You are too strong for an imp... – Io says thoughtfully, as if carefully considering something and calculating the moves. – In any case, I am ready to offer you any conditions in exchange for your help. I know that you are certainly capable of healing.
– Oh, – it was all you managed to squeeze out of yourself. – So, you know a lot ... But if you open all the cards, then I don’t know who you are.
– I'm an alchemist... For ordinary people, of course, – she shook her head, as if estimating how much it costs you to know personally. – You can call me a witch, because I will never refuse the help of creatures like you. But to be honest, you probably already understood that my simple craft is a little different.
– Your speech is devoid of emotions, and you probably wear a veil to hide traces of fatigue that you yourself do not feel, but your still living body perfectly feels, – you randomly expressed the first assumption that came to your mind. – So I’ll assume that you are a necromancer, of a fairly high level. Perhaps the future lich?
– Oh, I'll take that as a compliment, – she laughed. – But you are right, I really am a necromancer.
– That's how... So all the same, what will I get in return?
– Anything, Herr...
– Longshadow.
– Interesting wordplay in your name, Herr Longshadow, – Io points out. – In general, I am ready for any sacrifice. It's like, you know, I could heal this fool myself, but I won't have time to finish what will help before he dies, that's the case...
– But with your level, it would be pretty easy to raise him from the dead later on, wouldn’t it? – you ask with a smile and get a judgmental look.
– Alas, I need him in a clear mind and memory, – she shakes her head again. – I have not yet found a way to keep these factors raised after death. So that?
– Maybe I still have to help? – you sigh. – However, I have absolutely nothing to take from you, milady. Necromancers are alien to what I could demand as a payment.
– Nikolas, how did you manage to secure an incubus in the house? – the girl raised an eyebrow and looked in the direction of her unlucky companion.
– How do I know? – he blurted mournfully.
– Damn, I was ready for any request – potions, souls, sacrifices, after all, – she continued indignantly. – But an incubus? Seriously?
– However, I’m not greedy and will help you just like that, – you interrupted her nervously. – You probably really need it right now. Just forget about my existence after.

Then you turned to Nikolas and touched his cheek. He jerked reflexively, as if trying to recoil.

– Don't take it as something wrong. I don't see the point in lying, I'll just let you win some time until she finishes what she started.

You placed your thumbs on the bridge of his nose and ran them over his cheeks, healing the sores. You were fully aware that these wounds were caused by what is inside him, which means that you can only correct the symptoms, which will soon reappear if the lady necromancer does not hurry. For a moment, Toraitengen stopped breathing and his body went limp, and he probably would have collapsed to the groundlike a sack of potatoesif you hadn't picked him up.

– Go back to Shadowsgone, try other doors, - you heard a whisper in your ear. – I don’t know when, butwe'll get along somehow,aKaio.

And then Nikolas came to life again and began to break out of your "embrace", as if nothing had happened. You phlegmatically released him, said goodbye to the necromancer lady, and left the house.

That very night you left this city and this world in principle. You did not understand what happened at that moment, and why he called youaKaio, but in general you felt that the advice could be really good. Expending the last of your strength, you made another leap through time and space, hoping for that strange mistake that carried you into the interworld.

Notes:

1Occasionally we officially translated Шарлотт wrong. We won't fix that 'cause we used to this wrong translation. Sorry not sorry.
2Originally Tori names himself "Странник", what sounds sorta wordplay between "wanderer" and "strange", so, here is not fully clear translation, but "stranger" which we used has at least half of this wordplay.
3Half of my soul (lat).

Chapter 4: Chapter 3. Cells –Seer Through–

Chapter Text

This apartment was strange.
At least for those who lived in it.

In general, mistress of it attributed the sudden movements of things from place to place to her own absent-mindedness or even a poltergeist, when she was sure that she herself could not rearrange the object. And under the windows, an anomalous flower bed withanemonesspilled into a blueseaof petals. Red found them quite beautiful, but sometimes they were too much an annoyance to her eyes that there were too many of them.
She did not know who planted them, but her conscience didn't allow her to touch the flowers - after all, it is so much someone's work, to take care of such a vast meadow! Sometimes she could stare out the window for hours, hoping to see the mysterious gardener, but her attempts to track him down were futile. There was only aseaof flowers without a single weed. Whyanemones? Why blue? Why so many?
One day, however, she dared. One flower riveted her attention to itself, because its blue petals held in their cradle a slightly smaller corolla of, scarlet, like arterial blood, petals. She herself did not really understand how her hand reached out to the flower bed and plucked it. As if waking up from a dream, she ran headlong home... And in the morning the unfortunate flower disappeared from the vase, as if it had never existed - she shook the whole apartment. You won't show her the book you put it in, will you?

And by evening, oddities took a new turn for her.
At first she probably thought she was imagining it.
She was sitting in the kitchen drinking tea and reading some paperback book. Everything went on as usual, until you entered the kitchen, as if nothing had happened. Scratching the back of your head, you habitually searched one of the cabinets, found a mug and reached for the teapot that was on the table. That's when she noticed you.
You were dumbfounded, trying to realize the fact that now she also sees you, looked at her, as if some outlandish thing, and she choked on her tea from such surprise.
She is used to the fact that there is no one here but her. And you got used to the fact that your neighbor was a little intangible. Well, at least for you. Otherwise, you weren't so sure. She lived alone, and you were not going to start a family yet.
Quick, as if full of suspicion, the hands rushed forward and... Passed right through. She couldn't touch you, and you still couldn't touch her.
"Mirage?" – you read her lips.
You silently poured yourself some tea and sat opposite her.
She could not stand it first, and, jumping up from her seat, ran out of the kitchen. You just shook your head as you sipped your iced tea, and only a roar from the hallway disturbed you. Disturbed – to put it mildly. You felt panic rising in you, as if something irreparable was about to happen. You gave in and went out into the hallway to find her unconscious on the floor. And no breath. Damnripples.
An awareness of your own helplessness instantly came to you, since you could influence her world only within the framework of this apartment. It's like something is intersecting here. Apart from these visions and a branching scar all over your back, that lightning strike brought you nothing more. Hmm, within the apartment.
You ran around looking for her phone, and found it pretty quickly, after which you dialed the most frequent number in the call list, and as soon as you heard “hello” in the speaker, you dropped the gadget on the floor. You still can't get through with your voice. You were lucky not even to break the screen, but on the other end of the connection, sounds of concern were already audible. “Elly, dear, just hold on, I’ll run up now!” - if the friend you disturbed is really not far away, then this is a success. You nodded to yourself and flung the front door wide open. What the hell, it's a pity you can't touch her. On the other hand, it would be much scarier if you could. It was as if it was by default, as if your touch would mean the death of one of you. Death. Goddamnit!

You ran out into the street. The count was already in seconds. Oh,hell, only your ugly world, the squally wind before a thunderstorm and the scarletsea of anemonesunder the windows. Theseais worried once.

When you returned to the apartment, she was no longer there, and you had to open the door, since you luckily didn't put the keys out of your jeans pocket. You closed the door and slowly, as if on wadded legs, went into the hall and limply collapsed into a soft chair, where she usually sat in the evenings. You threw your head back and put your hands on the armrests, as if the old chair was your throne, but you didn’t feel anything so proud right now. You were exhausted, as if all your senses had left you at once.

– Your perception is too limited, why don't you develop it?
– 'cause why thehelldid I need that, – you answered muffledly into the void and immediately stood up with a jerk, as if waking up from a dream, and realized that the chair now stands not at all in your usual apartment, but on the shore of the graysea.
– That's the wrong answer, – you had to turn around to see the speaker. A tall, slightly stooped man in his early thirties, wearing a heavy marsh-colored overcoat with silver rhombus buckles. Brown hair. The eyes are light brown. Will need to sketch a little later if this conversation is important. – The correct answer is: I stuck on the very first sight the otherworldly lady whom I had come across, and the light on her converged like a wedge.

He looked at you as if he was amused by your confusion.

– But I don't blame you for that. I myself have a sweetheart in one of the worlds that I used to watch, – he said. – You can call me Nemo. Let's get acquainted.
– Emmanuelle, – you hesitantly held out your hand to him.
– There was no need for it, I have known you much longer than you can imagine, – he replied, but he shook his hand anyway. – I suppose next you will ask where exactly you are now. I will answer in advance that you always have one foot here.

Theseais worried two.
You vaguely remember this world, for the first time in your current memory you saw it just the same on that day with the ill-fated thunderstorm, when you managed to remain alone in the field as a lone warrior. You... You remember well how awaveof discharge swept down your back. As if on the surface of thewater.
That day you saw a dubious dream with a stormysea, instantly calmed down, just as soon as you began to regain consciousness. But for some reason you don't remember what happened before the storm. As if all your memory was some kind of nested knowledge: who are you, what are you? After all, everything is not yours, not someone else's, not common, you always felt so out of touch with reality, as if you snap your fingers and everything will end, as if the party of some strange game. Memories will be ugly frozen like uglymarinefigures.

– And she always has one foot here, too, in case you were wondering.

You tossed your head. Theseais worried three. What thehellis he talking about?

– She is your anchor. It will appear wherever you want to go, – continued your interlocutor. – Vice versa, you are the anchor for her. Pretty simple, but fascinating mechanism of action. Direction of reflection to see through what no one can see. You know, I am immensely grateful to you for your help with the development of the vision machine, it is a pretty good help so as not to waste my time on unnecessary rebirths. Living your whole life is a little tiring, though... If you find someone to share eternity with, it's not so dull. Or so it seems to me.
– It seems to you, – you answered indifferently. – Anyway, I… I find such an existence extremely depressing if that someone doesn’t hear you. I would even call it sophisticated torture.
– Is that how? – he smiled somewhat sadly. – I didn’t know that you could be familiar with the feeling of longing. In any case, I have to ask you for one more favor. The machine works perfectly. But I want to try to go through it to one of the worlds directly. I have already found a suitable victim in that world.
– Victim? What do you have in mind? And what can I do?
– Oh, come on, Emmanuelle, you will probably remember what it is if you see the machine. Sorry, I keep forgetting that it's hard for you to switch between memory compartments after you stop for a long time somewhere other than the Grayworld, – he laughed lightly. – We tried to recreate your vision mechanism through a pile of scrap metal in the basem*nt of the mansion. In general, we succeeded, except that now I need a little more.
– And what will I get in return?
– If everything goes as I plan, then your anchor will have to be washed ashore as soon as I leave the Grayworld. The vision machine will stop working. I will ask you for a favor to look after the mansion, and also, immediately after my departure, lock the basem*nt and hide the key. If possible so that I do not find. Throw him into a random world, Emmanuelle. I have no desire to return without Iolanta, so let's leave everything to chance. If chance brings me the key itself – well, so be it.

With that, he turned around and walked towards the house. House? When did the house arrive here?
Old, one might even say a little dilapidated, on two floors; thin twigs of lichen were beginning to crawl along its white walls, and the wood of the steps of the stairs and the floorboards of the small terrace seemed somewhat dry and grey. The house gaped with openings of high windows, and its front door was wide open, as if inviting entry. However, your interlocutor went to the stairs leading somewhere under the terrace, down. You had no choice but to follow him.
It was definitely damp on the stairs, and moss had already found its habitat here, covering the sides of the steps with a dense carpet. He fiddled a little with the lock of the door that ended this uncomplicated corridor, and then you entered the basem*nt. Now you remember this place.

You remembered how you and him were sitting here, you described the future device, and he created it, for some reason in full confidence that it would work, no matter what absurd details of the mechanism you named. For some reason, you remembered yourself about two voices, which led you to some confusion, but you preferred to consider it just a small bug in perception. In vain, it seems to me.

– You made this colossus work, and I myself don’t fully understand how, – your interlocutor nodded towards the far wall, on which there were nine screens and a large control panel with levers and buttons. Leveler against the center screen was turned on hold. The central screen showed exactly the same mansion, in the same condition and the same colors – white walls and a roof that had turned green from time to time.
– It works just because I want to, – you began to remember.
– Probably so, – he agreed. – Well, that’s why I need your help. I will probably have to damage the machine a little, but I need a guarantee that I will fall exactly where I planned anyway.
– The Shadowsgone's guide will be there any minute now, I think they will pick you up in case of emergency, – you chuckled. And how do you know all this? However, this is exactly what I wanted to hear now.
– Oh, aKaio will be quite useful for this very “in case of emergency”, – your interlocutor was clearly pleased with what he heard. –So will you help?
– For sure.
– Thank you very much, – he nodded.

You shook hands again, after which you touched the central screen, causing its surface toripple.

Your interlocutor ran a little and jumped into the gap of realities created by you, stretching forward his left hand, on which poisonous green enamel flashed for a moment, which immediately crumbled into small fragments all over the control panel, as soon as I passed through the gap. So, thank you my friend, now I'm one step closer to making my eternity a little less dull, no matter what you tell me. And do not be angry, mysea, when you see your reflection. That's right, you probably forgot how exactly the anchor returns.

Chapter 5: Chapter 4. Fin

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Emmanuel was nowhere to be found.
I looked around again, but no-no one but me and Knizhnik.

- Was it possible to just want to stop? What kind of sick joke is this?! - The blue-eyed man shouted in a huff. - Don't tell me you had to do it sincerely and for the public good - I'll go and hang myself!
- Maybe that wasn't the end of your story? - I muttered, touching his shoulder.
- Yes. I also have a terrible mess of memories in my head, - he stated. - At least I remembered her as a girl, Sinner. And it turns out different. He had a wife and children... Why am I haunted by an entirely different haunting image? Why, Sinner?
- Sometimes memory is wishful thinking, it's quite normal...
- Normal? How the hell is it normal?!
- Are you the last ones to the reception? - some old lady asks, and only then do we get to look around and see where we are.

The corridor where we were standing, distantly resembled a clinic. That's right. On the door, at which we are standing, hangs a sign that reads "Psychiatrist".

- Yes, we are the last ones, - I hastily answer her, and seeing that there is no one in front of us, I open the door and push the Bookman into the office. It must be good for him to see a psychiatrist.

- One at a time, I said, - yawned the doc, boredly, sitting at the table and filling out some papers that were piled all over the table. A young specialist, I see. Probably wouldn't have much to offer for lack of experience, but he might be able to give me some clues as to Knizhnik's condition through questioning, if he'd done it properly.
- We won't be long, - I said. - Don't look for our cards; you won't see us at all soon.
- Then at least introduce yourselves... - The curly-haired man sighed somewhat dejectedly, adjusting his glasses in a thin rectangular frame on his nose. There was a small sign on the table that said "Sava Medner'. Suppose that was his name.
- That's no use either, Dr. Medner, - I replied.
- Where do you think you're taking me, anyway? - Knizhnik, who had been absorbed in what was going on, was indignant.
- My friend needs help, - I interrupted him.
- Now I think I understand, why you two, - Sava rose from his seat and with an open hand pointed to the vacant chair near his table. - Have a seat. And let your friend lie down on the couch... I think it will make it easier for him to relax and share his thoughts.
- I'm not going to tell you anything! - the blue-eyed man blurted out.
- And who will put your mess in your head? Hegel? - I could not stand it.
- I wish I knew who Hegel was, - he grunted, but lay down on the couch.

Medner, with his "it could have been worse" face, pulled a chair over to the couch and asked the black-haired man what was bothering him.
I stayed at the door, though, watching what was going on.

- At the very least, memory lapses, at the most, my master is Herr Schrödinger's cat... I've lived long enough, in my opinion... But I only remember everything in bits and pieces that create false memories...
- For example?
- My master was a man, but somehow I remember him as a woman.
- Maybe you felt something for him? It can be perfectly normal...
- What's that got to do with it? He was a woman for a while, but all those time periods are mixed up in my head...
- I wonder... You said he was a woman for a while. He was trans...
- No, just a normal, full-fledged woman, - the blue-eyed interrupted him.
- What do you mean?
- Magic tea and all that. Anyway, that's not even the point. When she was dying, I was there for her... But as it turned out not too long ago, he died a man, not a woman, and he also had two children. It's strange that I didn't remember that, even though I spent almost all my time with him...
- Maybe you just didn't want to remember it.
- Just like I didn't want to remember his reincarnation? A mad god?
- God? - Sava's eyes rounded visibly. - Oh, okay. Suppose so, if you've found the reincarnation of your master, why not?
- Would you like to know the man who f*cked you to death against your will?
- N-no...
- That's just it. Especially since it's not the man I loved anymore...
- So you did feel something for him? Then why do you call him master? Those feelings were one-sided? Did he push you around as he wished? Were you in bondage?
- No, you fool... He created me... I should be grateful to him for that. As it turned out, though, he wasn't real anyway. I killed the real creator with my own hands...
- For what?
- We were like twins. Except if twins can love different people, we were in love with the same person... And he tied me to him. Later, a certain artifact made me insane and jealous of him... Which got me into a fight with a questionable ending.
- Artifact? Are you talking about some kind of online game?
- What are you listening to, doc? I wasn't talking about games. If I was talking about games, I would have said, hey, I'm a game-addict, I need to get rid of my addiction.
- It's just hard for me to understand... Creators, artifacts... Who are you?
- Who cares, doc? It's your job to listen and advise, right?
- Y- right...
- That's just it, - Knizhnik closed his eyes and folded his hands across his chest, which made him look a little like an unforgettable mausoleum exhibit.
- But perhaps you don't remember certain things because of the moral trauma? It's not uncommon anymore...
- Aha, because of brown-eyed moral trauma most likely. Damn it, doc, let's close this subject.
- You don't feel comfortable talking about it?
- You could say that.
- Is it because your maker turned into some kind of monster?
- You're a fortune teller, doc.
- Can you not be sarcastic? I'm just trying to help you... Make a contact.
- What am I, a ghost to make contact? - he opened one eye. - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah...
- Oh, yeah?
- I'd like to show you so you can understand, but... I'm not sure I can.
- Show what?
- I'm not in right shape to... Well, never mind.
- Not in the right shape?
- Uh... Give me your hand, Doc.
The blue-eyed man takes his hand and places it on his stomach, and then he presses it gently and... Medner's hand is inside him. The doctor stares dumbfoundedly at his hand, surrounded by a faint haze of wound edges, and immediately pulls it out. The wound immediately heals.
- Wh-who are you? - Sava mutters dumbfoundedly. His eyes dart from side to side, frantically trying to figure out how to get away from us. It's funny. Doc grabs his coat and is about to run out of the office.
- Where are you going, Doc?
A familiar flicker fills the room.

We're in some kind of gray forest.
- Where? Where are we? - Medner blurted out, looking around. - Where have you taken me?
- I wish I knew, - sighed Knizhnik melancholy.

We walked among the half-dead, decaying trees of the gray, weary forest. Sometimes I caught my face in a thin net of cobwebs, and scowled angrily and pulled them out of my hair. However, there were no spiders on it. And, in fact, no other creatures. The forest was absolutely silent, the trees were lazy even rustling their leaves.
We stepped out into the dark gray sea, which was barely touched by the rippling waves. They slammed lazily against the rocky shore with a long stretch of white sand, bringing with them small marine debris and leaving a gray, as if soapy, dirty foam. Forgetting about Knizhnik and the doctor, and carried away by the unknown, I made my way to the surf itself. The waves beat silently. Not a sound.
Dead fish.
Definitely a lot of dead fish of all varieties and colors. It smelled pretty nasty, but it looked a lot worse. In one place it was piled in an ugly pile, so that the waves couldn't cross it. Behind this peculiar wall was a model of some city... I looked closely and realized that it was built from the remains of the same fish. For consumption, apparently, was used everything that the unknown builder could extract from the carcasses: fins, backs, tails, rotten meat, eyes... The eyes were the windows of some building, apparently an important one.
Nearby lay a butterfly knife, rusted from time, with scales left on the blade. And a lot of rusty keys. My heart gave me a little tingle for some reason. I'd forgotten what mine looked like. I don't remember.

- Are you all right? I barely caught up with you, - Medner's voice said as I leaned over to get one of them.
- Yeah, absolutely... I don't know what came over me, - I replied, not even bothering to turn around, and twirled my "trophy" in my hands. It seemed to glow strangely, unlike the others.
- Knizhnik said he was going to explore the house, - the doctor said. - Since we don't know the place, I don't think it's a good idea to split up.
- Yes, yes, you're right... Wait. What house? - I turned to him, perplexed, and, to put it mildly, I was taken aback. Behind Sava's back was my and Io's mansion. - That's...
- What?
- It could be dangerous in there! - I grabbed Doc by the arm and sprinted toward the familiar house, for Knizhnik was already on the steps of the porch. I can't let him in. Nothing connected with Iolanta can be easy.
- I-ah-can't-run-so-quickly, - Medner said confusedly, panting.
- Wait for us here, I've got to stop him, damn it! - I yelled as I let go of his arm and kept running.
Just as long as I can make it.
Knizhnik's slender fingers closed on the cold metal of the handle.
Like a bird I flew up the dilapidated wooden steps.
In a jerk, I clutch at the blue-eyed man's poncho and drop him to the floor of the small attic. His fingers tear from the handle, and the door slowly, with a creak, opens. With a creak?
I looked into the gut of the mansion that opened to my eyes. It was the same as it had been in the years of the Black Death... I never got it fixed then. I couldn't.
Knizhnik fidgeted beneath me, trying to get out and reminding me that he existed at all. Hell, I'd collapsed on top of him when...
Blue eyes looking at me reproachfully, making me feel like the greatest asshole in the world... I was reminded of one of my countless birthdays and a shirt with the cipher "you're an asshole" given to me by Iolanta. The meaning of this cipher, by the way, was a mystery to me for a long time, because it was in Russian... However, when I found out, it only made me smile - Io was in her repertoire. I'm still wearing that shirt, though it's faded quite a bit. So, Nikolas, you're lying on top of Knizhnik now, and under his judgmental gaze, you realize that the inscription was addressed to you.
- I'm sorry, - I sighed, getting to my feet and then helping him up. - I just shouldn't have let you go in there alone.
- You. Was able. To say that, - he muttered, turning the other way from the open door.
Doc, who had reached the porch by this time, was taking notes in his notebook. Knizhnik coughed defiantly.
- I'm a doctor, I have to get experience in my specialty from wherever I can! - Sava blurted out, hastily hiding the instrument of crime against our orientation in his coat pocket. - And anyway, the reception isn't over yet, and it's my duty to understand and help you!
- Yes... Of course... Everybody took an oath, - I shrugged off, knowing that I would never be able to find out what he had written in his memoirs, even as a colleague. Damn psychiatrists.

The wind blew, drawing my attention back to the door. The white paint had already fallen off... The house had clearly been in disrepair for a long time. I remember that Io and I sold it when we had to move to the city.
What happened to it after that, I don't know.
I squeezed my eyes shut and entered the mansion. I hope there aren't any of the things Iolanta left behind... At any rate, nothing had happened now. Everything in the house was just as it had been. Not just as it was, but as I remembered it when I first got here. The same circles of colored mold on the carpet, the same half-rotten planks that I later had a hard time replacing, the same nearly crumbling chandelier, the glasses from which were scattered all over the floor... The same stairs upstairs.
I definitely don't like this world. It was as if someone was digging around in my head, pulling out the strangest and almost forgotten memories.
And then my gaze fell on Io, standing in the doorway. I froze. I rubbed my eyes. No, damn it, really, Io...
I walked over to her and held out my hand. She, at first a little taken aback, took it. I pulled her to me... For some reason I wanted to dance that semblance of a waltz that we danced about two hundred years ago, wondering what it was like at balls. I vaguely remembered the movements, but something told me that I had danced yesterday. Step forward, step to the side, step back, turn... It was as if nothing had happened. There were no three hundred years, no plague, no metropolis...
But this seemingly idyll was shattered by the creaking of the floorboards beneath our feet.

I looked up at Io, who I'd been hugging the whole time, and found myself hugging Knizhnik. His face expressed some wide range of emotion, from righteous anger and indignation to utter confusion, like those moments when you want to say something and don't know what to say.
I let go of him and took a step back, and the floorboard beneath my foot collapsed. The same floorboard.

Darkness.
I woke up in someone's apartment.
On something soft, like a bed... My right arm was quite stiff, as if it had been crushed by someone, and my left side felt a little warm breath. I yawned and looked around.
The room was poorly furnished, and some of the mess gave away its owner with a head - a decent hostess was clearly not here.
Knizhnik was asleep on the left, with his nose on my neck, and my right arm was crushed by Sava, who had his arms around it.
I couldn't think of anything better to say than "good morning, darlings".
Medner shrieked and got the hell out of bed. Knizhnik continued to sniff his nose rather sweetly in his sleep. God be with him, though, he complained that he couldn't sleep at all.
The doctor scrabbled around on the floor, trying to find the glasses that had fallen with him. It was an amusing sight, especially when you consider the mess on his head made by his already unruly curly hair. Still, my conscience wouldn't let me sit and mock him for long, so I helped him find it. Now the brown-haired man was sitting on the floor, trying to eliminate that very racket. In the end, he spat in anger and sat down on the edge of the bed.
- Oh, it's my apartment, - he said as he looked around and wiped his glasses. - That's great... Well, if we were back in my office, it would be a dream come true, but thanks for that.
- So... Anyway, now I'm glad too - at least I don't have to justify myself to anyone, - I sighed.
- Yes... Yes, I suppose so.

The room was silent for a while.
- Do you live alone? - For fear of seeming insensitive I asked.
- Yes... It so happens, - sighed the doctor, coming to the window. - Does it show?
- Not that conspicuous, but it must be hard for you to feel separation from your beloved. What happened, Dr. Medner?
- You're very perceptive, - he replied with a bitter smile. - By the way, the situation is not formal, so you may call me 'you. It's just Sava.
- Nicholas, - I said. - Let's meet each other.
- Are you from Europe?
- Yes... Lately I've been living in Berlin.
- So...
- Are you going off topic?
- No, - Sava said dejectedly. - Alex cheated on me with a rich daughter.
Then he looked at me, and, probably because there was a look of undisguised surprise on my face, he added:
- And I grew horns. Horns of Plenty. What?
- You... That's...
- I thought no one cared about that kind of relationship anymore.
- Don't get me wrong, - I said. - I'm over three hundred now, and I've been living with a girl who's been in the same room with me all this time...
- No need to make excuses -" the brown-haired man sighed. - Though... Um... So Knizhnik isn't a guy?
I turned and looked at the brunette, dozing peacefully, perhaps for the first time in all this time.
- God forbid, - I said, and it came out of my mouth.
- Just daring to guess, - Medner shrugged. - The dance in that old living room looked as if you'd been together for a hundred years. Except for Knizhnik, who was freaking out over what was going on. But you looked hopelessly in love, Nicholas. I've been practicing my specialty for years, and I know emotion very well.
- I was hallucinating, - I said briefly. - That place was... How should I put it... Unpleasant? It was like someone was messing with my head.
- Oh, so that's why you didn't want us to go in the house...
- Kind of, yeah... We'd been living there for, like, a thousand years. I didn't know what could be there. We had to leave that place, and that was quite a long time ago. You know, when I went in there...
- Did something go wrong?
- Yes. In the place of Knizhnik, I saw her. Even though I hadn't been traveling through worlds for that long, I realized I missed the hell out of her already... I'd give anything to go back.
- I have to admit... Parting is really hard to get over. Sooner or later the longing comes over your head, sometimes almost trapping you in a cage of hard thoughts. Especially when you initiate it yourself, - Sawa sighs and his eyes fall on the bedside table. - What the...
He walks over to it and picks up the thin black plate of a cell phone. He stares at it for a long time.
- I can't imagine what Alex's phone is doing here... I chased it away a week ago...
- Shadowsgone's jokes, - Knizhnik muttered half-asleep, blindly stroking my back. - This week probably hasn't happened yet...
- I don't understand, - the brown-haired man said in a daze, fixing his glasses, which had slid down the bridge of his nose.
- He didn't understand. You know, it's like this... What's... The movie, - the brunette twisted my scarf around his arm, and I had to lean back on the bed. - You know, like in cheap psychological movies - time travel, second chances and all that...
- Eh? - Sava looked like he was about to cosplay an overloaded Windows Vista of the very first build. Then he slowly walked back to the window and looked down. - Yes... Alex had just arrived...
- And? What were you doing that day? - Knizhnik asked more animatedly, waking up in an instant and sitting down on the bed with his legs tucked under him.
- What-what... Hacked into the phone and then smashed Alex's nose with it, - Medner sighed sadly.
- When you want to do something important, you have to count to three first... Slowly... Thoughtfully, - the blue-eyed man scratched his nose and turned to me. - Morning, Sinner.
- Huh? - Now it was my turn to hang out, for I, frankly, no longer knew whether he had let go, or whether it was an unscheduled jerk that he would not remember.
- What are you talking about? - Doc interrupted my question.
- Would you like a story? A girl once came to the shrine of the goddess of rebirth and said: "Hey, Shiqu, my lover died, so don't f*ck around, reincarnate me too, I want a sh*tload of romance." The goddess objected to her, saying, "Don't bullsh*t me, honey, your time has not come yet," but the girl was stubborn. She was reborn, but there was a problem: the circulation time of the soul between the vessels was different for her and her lover.
- I don't know what you mean, Knizhnik.
- But there is such a simple morality in it! - he burst out indignantly. - When you're going to do something that has consequences, you must wait! If you had waited, you might not have smashed his face...
- Eh?
- He might have flinched later, over tea and conversation, - the brunette shrugged. - Or sew him to the bed at night, like in pioneer camp. Or... Yeah, well, what are the odds of revenge?
- You're a sly one, Knizhnik, - I sighed and shook my head.
- But we might as well talk it over so your big lug stays with you.
- How did you... - Saa whispered, groaning.
The key clicked in the lock.

- Sava? - A voice came from the corridor.
- Sava bien¹, - Medner answered dejectedly.
- So you're at home? I stopped by your place of work, but you weren't there anymore. Is everything all right?
- Yes, everything is very much all right, - Doc answered irritably, shrugging his shoulders.
- I don't like your tone, Sava... - a rather tall fellow came into the room, almost bumping his forehead on the doorjamb. It seemed to me that he didn't even notice us.
- How many times have I told you to leave your shoes in the hallway?
- Once,- the visitor said in a daze. - What happened?
- Nothing happened! - the brown-haired man blurted out, and there was silence in the room.

For a moment, I thought I saw the mop of gray, wolf hair in my guest's hair move. I rubbed my eyes. It seemed like it was.

- Don't interfere, - Knizhnik said lazily at my side. - It's their fight.
- I know, - I snorted.

- Sava...
- Oh, nothing happened! - Medner chuckled strangely, and it was getting creepy.
- The joke's too hard, explain, - the tall man in the green cloak answered calmly.
- You explain it to me! Explain all these cute little correspondence in your phone!

And then the guest raised his ears. Eh...
I rubbed my eyes again. Well, yes, two ears slightly larger than a cat's. Apparently, they'd been pinned to his head the whole time... Oh, wow.

- What kind of... - The cat takes his phone from Medner almost by force, briefly looks for something in it and then gives out: - Here, you want to see for yourself, there's nothing...
- There it is, I saw it!
- Nothing happened, Doc, - the blue-eyed man gets out of bed and heads towards them. - Forget it. Nothing happened.
- Nothing... Nothing happened, - Sava repeats, spellbound.
- Sava? - The cat-eared man asks worriedly now. - What is the matter with you?
He walks toward Medner, passing through the scribe, and stops shortly thereafter.

- Oh, damn, - he grimaces and adds: - Now to take you, too.
- What do you mean? - turns slowly in his direction, the cat asks.
- Oh, there's no subtext in my words, Alexander, - the blue-eyed man answers, still standing back to him.
- Who are you? How the hell do you know my name?
- You will in time, - he shrugs melancholically. - Now is not the time.
- I think it is.
- You don't think so. You should live more of your own pleasure. I do not want to say how long you have left. But if you quarrel with him, - said Knizhnik, not looking at Medner, - it won't be long. Well, you see, I calculate all sorts of outcomes, blah, blah, blah, blah...
- What do you mean? Are you... Are you God? Or are you thedevil?
- Pfft, no, there's no such thing asdevils, only people with a nasty temper, - the blue-eyed man hummed. - And as for God... Maybe he is. Maybe not. I don't know who I am, - he chuckled. - Or maybe you're just a glitch, and you're not even here.

There's silence in the room again for a while.
- Come on, Sinner, they'll be here a little later, - Knizhnik sighed, and the fog covered everything.

We found ourselves on the very slab where we had first encountered the Knizhnik's memory. It was still empty, and only the sparks fidgeting under the shards gave off a steady blue light.
Medner wasn't with us, and neither was the cat-eared one.

- What did you mean when you said they'd be back later? - I asked, perplexed.
- What did you mean? - The brunette turned around and asked me again.
- About the doctor and his friend.
- What doctor? - Knizhnik smiled wryly, as if he were joking.
- But...
- I don't remember any doc. There's that strange place again. It makes me tense, let's get out of here.

And he did go. Pretty fast, and a couple of times I even broke into a run. It's still not clear to me where he's going.
- Where in the world... - The blue-eyed man stopped and looked around once more. - I don't want to stay here!
He stomped his foot, and the piece of the slab behind him slid aside.
- You should be careful, - I muttered.
- Thehellwith it, - he spat, sitting down on the edge of the rest of the slab beneath us.
I sat down beside him and asked:
- Aren't you afraid of falling?
- Where? There's another slab below, I won't die, - he brushed me off.

I chose to remain silent and stare down. You know, it was true, there was another slab below. It made me feel sad and hopeless.
But there was someone else down there...
Someone else?

A slab below, on the edge just like us, sat a man. He was hunched and gray, as if swept away by layers of dust. The green glass of his flight goggles rested on his head, and the rest was simply impossible to see.
- Have you seen him before?
- Whom? - Knizhnik interrogated sleepily, and then, looking down, added: - Oh, that one... I have. He is being punished.
- By whom?
- Who the hell cares?
- For what, at least.
- Heck knows, I don't remember... He's a warrior. In his world, it was a perpetual war and all that. Died young, didn't realize he was dead. Wandering around, you know... Delusional, looking for something, until he ran into...
- Whom?
Knizhnik grudgingly clucked his tongue and went on:
- I don't remember. And don't interrupt... Well, they quarreled a lot then, and to this day unforgiven is suffering. The slab where he sits is surrounded by a barrier so he couldn't see us even if we were shouting like two lunatics. You want to talk to him or something?
- What makes you say that?
- If you didn't want to, you wouldn't even see him, - the blue-eyed man shrugged.
- Well, yes, I'm interested in his story now, - I sighed.
- Well, I'll wait for you here, - the brunette grimaced and handed me a flask. - I think you'll need this...
Then he shoved me down.

The flight was... Unusual? I felt like Carroll's Alice.
Soon I flew through some kind of fog and collapsed on a slab, raising clouds of dust in the air. The dust got in my nose, and I willed myself to sneeze.
The man sitting there turned around instantly.

- Ave Emperor that I will not sit here alone! - He exclaimed, and then added more quietly, - What are you in for?
- I am on my own...
The prisoner rose silently, came to his feet, and gave me his hand.
- Vladislav.
- Nikolas, - I answered, getting up with his help.
- I wish you were a lady, - he said with a kind of melancholy voice and looked up. His eyes were gray, as though faded by time. It was not without fear that I remembered my eyesight.
- How long have you been here? - I asked, shaking myself off.
- I have lost track of time, - the prisoner answered, still melancholy. - It has no weight here. I might have died for the Emperor, but it was a foolish thing to do. There is no meaning to life now...
- The Emperor?
- Oh, you wouldn't understand, - Vlad waved. - Apparently, no one would. I'm too far from my own world. Look, do you have anything with you?
- What do you mean?
- A drink. I could use an amasek... Although any of the local brews will do.
- I confess I don't know what amasek is, - I scratched the back of my head and handed him a flask, - but it's certainly not empty.
He took the flask with some disbelief.
- I've seen it before. I drank from it with the black man after we quarreled with his master. And then I woke up here.
He uncorked it and added:
- It smells different this time.

While he drank, I dared to stare at him. It must have looked strange from the outside, but I don't think I'll be here long.
He looked like he'd been here... A couple of weeks? But he looked so tired, like he'd been here forever. The scars on his face were tiny, and he had stubble on his chin and cheekbones. Man, I was jealous. I tried growing it out, but because I'm a bit of a zombie, it doesn't grow. It's a shame. I wish I could.
His hair looked like old straw, yellowish gray and frizzy. Green pilot's glasses rested over his bangs. Did he drive a plane? Or was it just a show-off?
Vladislav was dressed in a soldier's overcoat, some kind of sweater-like jacket, hiding his throat, old faded jeans and boots.
- They took away my weapons, - said the prisoner, ticking his tongue. - A pity about the knife in particular...
- Do you remember much about your past life?
- Not really... Not much... Just bits and pieces. And anyway, it's not very interesting... There's one servitor I remember. Even hers must have been more interesting.
- A servitor?
- Oh, how can I explain it to you... Well, you know, they're like people... Except they're mechanical. They don't think. They just execute programs... And she was special... L... - He hesitated, and something scraped behind the only door here. - Well, I even forgot her name.
- I'm sorry...
- Yeah, I'm only as sorry as I'd like to think I am. Fun, fun...

He shook the flask. It was clearly at the bottom. He finished the rest of it and sighed:
- I hope I get some sleep tonight. I haven't slept in so long. I'd like to go to sleep. Optionally, wake up not here.
- Why can't... Can't you sleep? - I asked out of scientific interest.
- It's simple. You lie down in the dust, close your eyes... And then nothing. Not a sound. It's the same every time. Nothing happens.
- Nothing at all?
- Occasionally, there's a scratch at the door. But the door is locked... I even tried to break it down.
- That's how...

"You don't have much time, Sinner," the Knizhnik's voice sounded in my head.

- What are you in here for?
- It's nothing. I don't know.
- What do you mean?
- I mean, like, literally. I said I was sorry, but... Ignore. Ignore and ignore... I'll probably die before I get out of here... Thanks for the drink, though.
- You're welcome.

I didn't have time to hear what he said, because the fog covered my eyes.

Notes:

1 - Sava uses misspelled "ça va bien" ("I'm all fine", french), like meta-irony

Chapter 6: Chapter 5. Refrain –Stranger–

Chapter Text

Time after time you made jumps through the inter-worlds, just as Toraitengen had advised you, or whatever was speaking through him that day. Door after door, you explored new realities, worlds, and milestones of time in search of Sharlotte's reincarnations, and sometimes you even found them, but it wasn't the same, it wasn't the same. It was stranger to findalternateversions of myself. Though you were grateful for the version of yourself called Demian, the morock mage, for his knowledge and skills, now shared with you, allowed you to at least make up for your burned face and your missing right arm, which even interworld would not heal. However, at times when you overdid it, ignoring the need for reinforcement, the illusions of the morock stopped holding, and even your eyesight began to fail you as well.

Time after time, you bumped into that aristocrat in the interworld. Each time, you didn't have time to listen to him, though he seemed to be genuinely interested in every appearance you made. You scathingly rebuffed any attempt at dialogue, and responded with barbs to his attempts to hurt you, apparently looking for ways to draw attention to himself. In a way, this became habitual for you, and was so until, on another run, you didn't receive the expected caustic greeting. And then you found him in a very bad state, curled up in a fetal position under someone else's heavy trench coat.
You squatted down beside him and examined the damage. A few bruises on his knees and thighs, countless abrasions on his shoulders, neck, and back. All in all, from the location of all the injuries, it wasn't hard for you to guess exactly what had happened to him some time ago. You sat back comfortably on the marble floor and pulled him toward you, then gently touched the bruises on his knees to heal the most extensive of the "effects" to begin with. He regained consciousness for a moment, clutching his thin fingers into your shirt and pressing his whole body against you. You stroked him on the head, and he passed out again, letting you continue to heal him. It's actually so weird. Why thehellare you even doing this? You don't even know his name. Still do.
When you moved to his shoulders, he hugged you, as if he wasn't going to let go, and with each touch you began to feel something unimaginable, or something you hadn't felt before. It was as if he was exchanging energy with you. Sugary sweet, like maple syrup. With a hint of bitterness, like burnt caramel. With a faint hint of mint that tastes like something you'll never be able to describe in words, but makes you crave the unctuous spice. Who thehellis he?
- Why you, Stranger?

- Leave him alone.
Someone else's voice came through quite loudly, like an order you couldn't disobey, and you looked up. Standing a little away from you was a tall man in a blue shirt with a tattered wicker belt, black jeans, and dark blue, worn boots. He crossed his arms over his chest and looked at you haughtily.
- Leave him alone, he'll heal on his own, - the stranger said. - He's just a good illusion, created by a creature trapped in here.
- Is that so? - you gently laid the unfortunate victim on the floor, despite his feeble resistance, and rose to his feet. - In that case, it still doesn't give you the right to put him in such a horrible state.
- That's for me to decide, it's MY guide, - the man snorted. - I can't allow you to influence him. Especially not you.
- I wonder what makes me so honorable to be 'chosen'? - you walked toward him, and soon you were at his side. He didn't look so tall to you from there, and you might even have been a couple of centimetres taller than him. Well, or maybe the guy was just a bit of a slouch.
- Because you're still not a vessel, but a wretched guide who occupies a place not intended for him, - he answered in the same haughty tone, turning his head toward you and squinting his hazel, almost orange eyes. - Know your place, aKaio. You're just anunfortunate alternative. Do your job, for which the DUAUO has given you opportunities, and keep your head down.
- Vessels, guides, - you said. - Do you think I care about that at all? I care about the moment I live in. And right now I'm trying to get something familiar back.
- You're wrong, aKaio, - he shook his head, and his faded brown hair was now blocking his view a little, accidentally creating an overly long bang. - And you managed to destroy the vessel, too. How else did your world not collapse at the same moment?
- It did for me, - you snapped. - That's more than enough.
- Well, why didn't it collapse with you? You have no idea how many problems would have solved themselves!
- Oh, well, if I've destroyed my "vessel," shouldn't I get you, too? - you swung to at least give that narcissist a swipe, but the world around you seemed to blink for a moment, and you found yourself in anabandonedbuilding, as if left in the middle of being built. And you were attacked by someonedisgustingly similar to yourself.

Perhaps it was once again not a good encounter with one of your other worlds'doppelgangers. This version of you was objectively stronger and more experienced in combat, and you were rapidly losing ground, eventually ending up nailed to the concrete floor with a ruby-handled mahogany cane. You coughed, and your double, after reading you some moral tirade, the essence of which you could not absorb, no matter how hard you tried, left you to die, pulling the cane from your chest. A dubious end to a dubious journey. Your consciousness slowly faded and you, succumbing, closed your eyes. So goddamn stupid.
Your dying brain began to helpfully toss you pictures, slowly merging into your final dream; apparently, so you wouldn't be so despondent.

It was as if you became aware of yourself in some narrow corridor of stairs and small platforms, at one of which you clearly saw her. Sharlott.
Still young and beautiful. In a crowd of impersonal people inclining her to obscenity. Her resistance ends with a blow to the face, after which she immediately grabs the bridge of her nose and blood drips from the tip of her nose. You are overwhelmed by rage and lust to kill, and, growling muffled "Run," you rush into battle. If you don't kill her, you maim her abusers. She runs upstairs, jingles her keys, slams the door behind her, and rage finally clouds your mind.
Then you realize yourself in a school of those worlds newer than yours. It's like you're seventeen again. And you stand at the blackboard, like a student who has arrived in class in the middle of the year.
Oh, there she is again, at one of the back desks. The seat next to her is vacant, and you don't hesitate to sit down next to her, to follow her everywhere again, to be a wall for her to be safe behind.
Doubtful visions for a dying mind, really.

You were pulled out of your obsession by someone's careful touch on your face, and you instinctively flopped the one sitting beside you to the floor. The redhead. Pretty. The Universe obviously took pity on you if it sent you food with a delivery.
On closer inspection, you noted the resemblance between your hapless victim and Sharlott; the girl was almost exactly like her, except that her hair was cropped, unlike your Sharlott who always had a thick braid. This resemblance made you want to possess her even more, so you let your instincts run wild as you began to undress her, and literally immediately caught a slap in the face, which seemed to have been as strong as it could be. The slap, though, put the idea into your head that it was likely that your vision was in trouble again and that something like that mistake with the healer was about to happen.
You pulled out your familiar roughly rectangular glasses from your pants pocket, sincerely hoping you hadn't managed to break them.
You're ahellof a fortune teller today. The redheaded guy underneath you, however, fell silent and gave up trying to resist, as if those glasses would really make a difference.

You're stuck in this world, after all.
There wasn't even enough strength to try to escape into the interworld. The only thing that made you happy was that you didn't have to live on the streets.
You didn't know what had happened in general, but you thought that dying vision was some lame "introduction" as a "gift" from that bastard from the interworld, as if he had "inscribed" you into a world from which you could not get out. Well, or at least you wouldn't get out anytime soon. You have at your disposal a local copy of Sharlott, named Roma, and the apartment where this brainwashed marvel resides. Better than nothing, but your access to energy replenishment is permanently cut off. You liked girls, though, and you preferred not to remember that incident with that healer, writing it off as a harsh necessity to ensure the possibility of the next leap through time and space. And here, as if on purpose, as if to spite you, they tied the boy to you. Who resists even an attempt to kiss him. You have no idea how to approach this gift.
Long, unbearably boring days trying to squeeze out a little, even a grain of energy, so that at least you do not feel so hopeless. You'll probably die a long and painful death of exhaustion here. It would have been better if yourdoppelgangerhad finished you off at once.

You fell asleep again this evening because you felt hopelessly tired, even though you'd done the sneaky thing of getting the boy drunk and finally getting something to drink from him. Now you're tired, if not mentally, then morally.
You fell asleep and immediately found yourself back in the interworld.What the hell.
- I called, - the guide of this world said as if reading your thoughts, appearing as if from nowhere behind your back. - You look like sh*t.
- You're the shrewdest, - you sweat tiredly at the temple. - Something urgent?
- Not really, - he walked forward a little and shrugged. - I can do it later, if you're not up to it right now. But I'd prefer to do it now, while Avier's not in Shadowsgone. He wouldn't forgive me for being so unruly.
- So, what exactly did you want?

Blue-eyed turned and looked at you as if he were terribly embarrassed by what he was about to say.
- Let me feed you, Stranger.
- What makes you thinkyou're my type? - carefully, trying not to betray your confusion, you asked.
- As if you had a choice? - he asked you back nervously. - Look at you, you'll soon be dead, you don't have enough... And I kind of owe you.
- You don't owe me anything, - you shook your head. - Don't make this up.
- P... Please don't refuse taking it, - he whispered, turning to you finally. - I know your nature won't let you be cruel to your victim unless you're asked otherwise, or the efficiency of such a hunt would be zero for you. I... - his voice was beginning to tremble, and there wasn't even a fraction of the haughty tone that sounded like he was doing you a favor. - Show me love, Stranger. I'll give you anything you want.

You sighed. f*cking confessions started here.
You looked at him again. Taller than you by about half a head. Sickly pale, with thin, delicate features, black-haired, and those eyes of his, blue as sapphire chasms. Staring at you point-blank, the bastard. You could call him handsome in his own way, unless he's reallynot your type. On the other hand, you're not being offered a hand and heart here, just something with no strings attached. Something you won't be getting anytime soon, if you plan on completing the quest to get Sharlott back to Arcadia, and not dying in the process.
You walked right up to him and said:
-With what the devil doesn't joke.

After which you kissed him, and were surprised to note that he couldn't. You pulled away for a moment to look into his wide-open eyes and notice the faint blush.
- From the look on your face, you don't seem to know what's going on at all right now, - you smiled faintly, because you found it rather amusing. - Write it down, it's a kiss, it's not the same without it.
He nodded dazedly and then tried to kiss you back. Awkwardly, almost innocently. And you automatically took the initiative. It's worth spending a little time on this to let him get used to it. There's something about it, too.
The blue-eyed man presses against you with his whole body, and you run your palms over his shoulders and then his back, noticing the way his clothes are spreading under your fingers like a haze. He shudders briefly when you touch his hips. M, that's probably where his unpleasant experience begins. It's going to be hard to get him to the right emotion.
- I'm not going to hurt you, you know that. Relax.

You sit down on the cold marble slab, pulling him behind you. He sinks somewhat hesitantly to his knees, throwing his leg over you. You immediately wrap your arms around his waist, pull him close to you, and kiss him lightly on the back of his neck, closer to his ear. He sighs sweetly and hugs you softly, and just now you realize that he's pulled you out into the interworld in what you have slept. Naked. A dubious bonus.
You put your palm around both your co*cks, his and your own, and begin to slowly jerk off. He rests his nose against your neck and moans softly; you're not at all used to hearing a rather low voice like that, and goosebumps run down your back. It doubly sucks that it turns you on after all. It sucks even more that you feel the energy response in a completely different way; it's as if his energy is melding with yours in a hot, spicy mulled wine with each successive kiss, more and more, so that now you feel him as yourself. The surge of post-discharge energy overwhelms you, and you give in as he pushes your back against the stove and lays on top of you.
- That's not all you can do, is it, Stranger? - you hear him whisper in your ear.
- Why is the such kind of interest in you, - you sighed, catching your breath. Except for a slight foggy feeling in your head, you're feeling strangely good right now.
- You could have gone further without restraint, I wouldn't have resisted, - he whispers, as if he's a serpentine temptress, dodging the answer. - But on the whole... I think I understand why you didn't continue. Thank you, I suppose, if I understand you and your actions correctly.
- You just offered yourself to an incubus as food, and now you're thanking him? You're weird. Well, ideally, of course, you should bring me back to where you called me from, - you close your eyes and hear him chuckle lightly.
- Are you in a hurry? - he asks with a sort of feigned regret.
- I just wish I'd find you here next time, in good health, and not dead like the last time, - you answer without any anger. - If you're doing this in secret, I don't think we have much time to talk.
- Well, you're right about something, - he grudgingly agrees. - Can I have one last kiss?
- Then tell me your name.
- You can call me Knizhnik, so I can be the book you can't read, - he exhales and kisses you as if really for the last time.

You wake up in the same room where you fell asleep yesterday. The barely rising sun glared uncomfortably into your eyes, and Roma was asleep, leaning trustingly against your side. You felt hopelessly sleep-deprived, but at the same time full enough to continue your journey and become at least a few steps closer to completing the quest. And yet, this night'shellfirehas made you question whether you really need what you're doing. More precisely, you've got that request firmly in your head.Show me love, Stranger.
Now you're even a little sorry to get the boy involved in all this. You mean, you're sorry that you're probably so confused about yourself that, obsessed with the idea of finding Sharlott again and getting things back to normal, you've lost the way you used to feel. You are no longer in love. It's all a cold calculation to turn the tide in Arcadia and stay alive. You promised to bring her back on pain of death.

Again the dreary, dreary days of a dreary, dreary existence began. On the whole, you had enough strength now to get away, but you hesitated. Getting out of here meant only one thing: ruining Roma's already broken life and putting Knizhnik in danger again. And you were a little more worried about the second part. Then it occurred to you that this reincarnation of Sharlott would be a good way to finish the plan, because except for trying to get power from him, Roma did what you wanted without any questions. So you decided that the best way out would not be a new interdimensional jump, but to create a temporary loop around this apartment. This would eliminate the possibility of the boy aging, and also give you enough time to find a way back to Arcadia.
So you did, and on the whole, almost successfully, except that the boy's memory was damaged again, as if you had broken his pre-destined program. You christened him Ronnir after that hapless healer, and in general, luck smiled on you - you were able to "tune" him in the way you wanted. The source of energy was rather weak, but at least it was stable. This allowed you at least to maintain the loop and make small "exploratory" jumps in time and space - at least, from each subsequent world you were now thrown into the "native" temporal loop without unnecessary energy consumption. You were also beginning to think that Ronnir was gradually realizing that you were using him, no matter how sweet your love songs were. You didn't want to think about it, and at times you'd run to the bathroom to immerse yourself in that pocket river, going under the water and listening to the flow of the water, just as you did in Arcadia once upon a time.

Exactly as you do now.

Your peace, however, was disturbed by some knocking as soon as you turned off the water. At first you thought you were imagining things, and you lay back in the bathroom, plunging headfirst into the hot water, leaving only the tip of your nose outside. The water filled your ears, literally cutting you off from the outside world, allowing you to relax and not think for at least a few minutes. So you didn't hear the knocking again right away. As if from somewhere far away, but, damn it, insistent.
Full of indignation, you got up from the warm embrace of your cast-iron abode of tranquility, grabbed a towel from the radiator, and hastily wrapped it around you and left the bathroom. Water was dripping from your hair. Ronnir will grumble again that you have made a swamp in the corridor.
There was a knock on the door.

You looked through the peephole and, logically, saw nothing behind the door. What did you even want to see behind the door of an apartment cut off from everything by a time loop, eh? But it certainly wasn't Ronnir knocking, you promised to get him yourself, since you can't come back here without you directly. But who did?
You opened the door cautiously, leaving the useless chain-lock behind.

- And you're not very hospitable, sunshine.

The door was opened by you directly into the interworld. And you were looked at, with his usual condescension, by none other than Knizhnik.
- And you've got a natural talent for punctuality, fishy, - you exhaled. What thehelldoes he want from you.
- I'll take that as a compliment, - he winked at you and added, - Are you going to open the door properly, or is that an offer to play limbo?
- Depends on what you're doing here.
- Make another joke about as if I have nothing else to do, - the uninvited guest said sarcastically. - But on the whole, yes, I don't have. Avier's busy with the new toy the Prophet brought, so I have plenty of time for introspection and trying to retrieve some of my memories.

You raised an eyebrow and silently removed the chain from the door, allowing him to enter the apartment. Since when did he, who remembered everything, start having some sort of memory problem?

- Thank you, - Knizhnik nodded at you and intended to go straight into the room, but you pinned him against the door as soon as you closed it behind him.
- What do you mean by retrieve, and what exactly do you want from me? - you asked, looking him in the eye and clearly making him nervous. - Spit it out.
- Not much from you specifically, - he answered, averting his gaze. - I can't figure out if I ever actually managed to summon you to Shadowsgone out of interest.
- It was, but it better wasn't, - you snickered. - Anything else?
- What was it, then, that stopped you from being more assertive with me?
- I...
- Oh, no, don't say anything, you're an incubus, you don't mess around with...
- Oh, for heaven's sake, shut your mouth about my bloodline, - you blurted out. - If the only purpose of confirming some of your questionable recollections is to get you out of my way, you can go back to the interworld.
- Wouldn't you have time then? - and then you noticed how his shape gradually changed, became more fluid, more feminine. - You like size two, don't you?

There was silence in the hallway.
- Tell me, dear friend, - you said slowly, trying to grasp the reality of what is happening, - were you able to do the same thing last time?
- Well, if I had been human, I probably weren't, - he shrugged. - But it depends on the situation. Though I don't like this form very much.
- Then why, and more importantly, why the f*ck are you doing it now?
- I'm used to getting what I want, - he breathed out. - Don't you get it? Oh, and for a bit I want to do some things before they wipe my memory completely. One last thing, so to speak. You're on the list.

And with that, he kissed you.
Tori, you're a thing.

- Thank you, I'm flattered, - you frowned as soon as he broke the kiss. - But are you sure you didn't get the wrong door? I'm not your expert on troubles with head.
- Too bad, I thought if I could pay you back, you wouldn't refuse to at least have a little chat with me.

He's looking at you expectantly. What the f*ck.

- The only time you didn't ignore me was when I was almost dying and when I called you in to pay you back, - he exhales. - I wouldn't mind talking for nothing, but if you could use some kind of help now, too, you've got me all to yourself. I'm so tired, Stranger. And you've been... Good? I don't know.
- Go back to the form in which you were comfortable, - you let him go and headed for the room.

Knizhnik expectedly reverted to his masculine form, except now he wasn't wearing the smoky garb you were used to seeing him in, but a heavy blue poncho with crimson edging and a hood, simple pants, and a woven belt.
- I left my boots in the hallway, - he said a little awkwardly, stopping in the doorway. - I suppose you can't go into a room with outdoor shoes on.
- The room makes no difference, - you hummed. - You just can't go on the couch. Come in and lie down.
- S-so right away? - he mumbled, dazed.
- You wanted to talk, didn't you? - you answered phlegmatically. - Well, I have a couple of questions.

You sat next to him on the sofa and massaged his back while he was talking. And he sounded as if he had no one to talk to but you; it was as if everything was pouring out of him: his experiences, his past, his present. All you had to do was ask leading questions and make mental notes about Shadowsgone, the fish gods, other worlds, and so on. Occasionally, just when you were back on his shoulders, he would break into quiet moans, and you would allow yourself to torture him in this way, comparatively briefly, just to gather a speck of energy to spare. Not the bursts you need for a full meal, but the information pouring out of him now is far more valuable. Now you know how to proceed. How to lull the vigilance of the inhabitants of the interworld. How to destroy the branch of development of your world that threatens your existence.
When the conversation bored you, you turn him on his back and kiss him on the lips; he shudders briefly, but responds eagerly. You're still driven by hunger, and it's hard to stop when you know you can take more and meet no resistance. Without breaking the kiss, you undress him, and he wraps his arms around you, pulling you against him. You know what's coming next. He knows what happens next.

- I'm not at all sorry for any of my memories if I do get my memory erased again, - he sighs, lying on top of you, just like the last time it was over. - But I'd be damned sorry to forget you, Stranger.
- Why would you? - you ask not angrily, stroking his head without any thoughts in your head. What happened didn't want to fit in your head in any way, but you felt so damn good again, as if you were one, you could literally feel him as yourself. And he seemed to like it.
- You're amazing, - he answers briefly. - I'd like to get to know you better. I wish I'd had the chance. I don't want to go.

You kept silence.

The next time you crossed paths in interworld, he didn't recognize you, and it was as if you were a blank slate. It was as if something had broken inside you.
You didn't see necessarity in recovering his memory, though.

Chapter 7: Chapter 6. Spillikins

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

I struggled to get up on my hands so that I could sit up and take stock of what was around us this time. What I was lying on was rough and cold, and I could clearly feel sand on my cheek. I wiped it off with my palm - no, I was not mistaken, it felt like sand... I could still see badly, my eyes could not focus on anything.
And then something jerked me upward. To say that I screamed like a little girl - to say nothing.

- Why are you yelling, - said Knizhnik tiredly. - I'll go deaf in a minute.
- I. Me. You frightened me, - I answered, fidgeting to catch my breath.
- I'm sorry, I didn't know you were such a coward, - he grunted.
- Hold your words...!
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, calm down, do not rage. How are you? Are you all right?
- What's all the fuss?
- We brought someone else with us from Shadowsgone, - the blue-eyed man chuckled grudgingly. - That's not what the crossing was intended for this time. Something's gone wrong.
- I can't see much right now, - I said. - But my vision was going down anyway.
- Hmm... A moment, - I felt his hands touch my temples and then...
It was like something exploded in my head. For a moment I thought I was deaf to hell, as the world turned into a vacuum for a while. Or had it not? When I opened my eyes, though, I could see just fine.
- How the hell did you do that? - I asked, dumbfounded, as I realized that my right eye, which had been half-visioned for a long time and was actually starting to die out, could see practically perfectly.
- Did what? - the brunet began to play the idiot again.
- Gave me back my sight.
- I did? It turns out I'm a magician and a wizard, - he smiled at me, childishly.
- Well... You said something about Shadowsgone. You do know something about him, don't you?
- What Shadowsgone? I don't know any Shadowsgone. Is that a kind of tea? - he caught my judgmental look and added, - And don't look at me like I'm an idiot. I really don't know.

I sighed and turned around to look around. We were in some kind of concrete cage - a building that wasunfinishedor had already been destroyed, but it wasabandoned, because the branches of trees could be seen through the holes in the floor. The floor itself was strewn with sand, broken glass, and other debris, making it clear that the house had been destroyed by time. Downstairs, apparently a couple of floors below, I could hear people talking in what sounded likeEsperantoor somewild mixture of languages. A little further down, face down in a puddle and with a flask in her arms, was a woman sleeping, whose purple curls would have made even a blue-haired fairy jealous.
Madame was snoring and blowing bubbles up her nose, the latter fact causing me to go over and turn her over on her side so that she would not choke in the damned puddle. Condensation was dripping from the ceiling, falling on her face and drawing wet trails on it.
After a while she opened her eyes and said:
- Oh, I know you. We drank with you the other day.
But her own voice confused her and she was immediately silent, slowly probing first the glasses on her head, then her face, and then stopping at her chest and squeezing it in her palms before uttering just one word:
- f*ck.
- Did you lose something? - I asked, assuming that she had kept something important "under her heart" and now she hadn't found it.
- Common sense and dignity, - she said suppressedly.
- What have you got there, Sinner? - shouted the blue-eyed man who had been wandering around this floor of the building, exploring it.
- You... - whispered madame, rising to her feet and staring deadly at my traveling companion. - It's because of you that I'm back to wherever thehellI am!
- I do not understand you, lady, - said Knizhnik, but he clearly did not come closer.
- He does not understand! He leaves me in some sort of isolation center, and then he goes back to making fun of me! - the woman stomped her foot angrily, and the spillikins on her breast jingled and clattered against one another.

The hubbub from downstairs stopped abruptly, and all I heard was, "Oh, I think Mama's awake". Then I heard footsteps and an indignant hoarse voice, "Why do I have to follow her again?"

- You, that black asshole! - madame shrieked.
- Meredith, calm down, - said the husky voice behind us.
- We're surrounded, - sighed Knizhnik in frustration.

He panted, and, muttering something to himself like "I hate f*cking stairs," strode forward. I noticed that his right eye was hidden behind a black plate, as was quite a bit of his face. I wonder who did that to him. Is it really that unsafe in this world? Though, why do I ask - this fellow's flat mechanical arm was clearly "screaming" about it.
- Why are you shouting now? - he asked wearily. - You drank last night alone, told everybody to f*ck off, squeezed the whole floor, and now you're yelling again.
- You just don't know who this jerk is! - Madame blurted out, but didn't have time to tell...
- Sleep, - Knizhnik snapped his fingers, and she collapsed on the floor again.

It was quiet again, lacking only the squeaking of crickets.

- What the f*ck just happened? - the voice of the guy in the blue robe or kimono, God knows, was so husky that I thought Knizhnik had made a demon out of him. - How, and more importantly, why the f*ck did you knock her out?
- Can I just explain? - Blue-eyed suggested.
- Go ahead, - the stranger waved his prosthetic arm.
- To hell with explanations, though, I changed my mind, - the brunette chuckled sneeringly. - Sinner, let's go!
And with those words he grabbed my arm, and we raced across the floor. The concrete floor ends, we jump and... A flash.

However, the fact that we were back in this world again with a chessboard was no surprise to me.

But we came back quite epic - we slipped on the slab and collapsed on it with our backs. That hurt, though.
- What was your hurry? - I asked, catching my breath.
- He was bluffing, - said the scribe, with a kind of indifference. - I recognized him. He came to solve the problem himself. He is a good player... But his games are always complicated.
- Who are you talking about?
- He knew about our accidental capture of Kajdar... How the hell does he know everything all the time? - the blue-eyed one got all giggly. - And decided to set it up, as if he needed it that way.Like it wasn't my f*ckup.Ahahaha.
- Who are you talking about?
- Who?

He turned his head toward me and looked at me intently. For a long time, as if he was trying to understand or remember something...

- I don't remember.
- You must be joking! - I could not stand it anymore and shouted. - You know it all, and you are making a fool of yourself, you impudent pig!
- It was a shame, - he answered, twisting his speech deliberately. - I don't even remember where we were just now.
- World number five-one-four-three-seven-six-six, - said a maiden voice that sounded vaguely like the Knizhnik's own. - Have you had your memory erased again, Father?

I looked up, and saw before me a creature of unearthly beauty... Piercing blue eyes, almost white porcelain skin... Her jet-black hair was pulled back in a bun, her breasts tightened in a corset, and her legs tucked under a fluffy tiered skirt. All wrapped up like a doll...

- Oh, Gerda, madly glad to see you, - exhaled Knizhnik.
- If the phrase "say thank you that I still remember you" follows now, I'll kick you, - she said coldly. - What was the rush this time?
- He lost his temper again, - he answered in a whisper.
- So you remembered everything! - I shot him on the shoulder again, and he laughed.
- No, not at all.
- What a bubonicdemon!
- It's no use snapping at him, - she snorted. - Avier cleans his brain, even from a distance. He's got so many mental blocks that it's a wonder he's not already gone mad.
- Avier? - I asked him again.
- Oh, so father didn't tell you?

I shook my head negatively, rising to my feet. Now we were watching Knizhnik lying on the floor, staring upward.

- He's having a hard time, I could tell. I don't know why this farce was happening again, though, and...
- So? - the girl asked impatiently.
The blue-eyed man was silent. He either tells too much, or hangs back and has a hard time remembering even what happened five minutes ago. Whoever twisted his memory was a sad*st, that's for sure.

For a moment, the black abyss is colored by bright, acidic flashes that immediately go out. Somewhere far away, like the northern lights, a fish swam by.
- Not good, - Gerda shook her head as she watched.
- Shadowsgone is going to be sick again... - sighed the brunette, and I was the only one standing there, staring into the makeshift sky.

Fishes. f*cking flying in the air. I rubbed my eyes. No, really, they fly.
- DUAU will be angry, I'm too slow!
- There'd be no hurry here, - the blue-eyed man sniffed.

Gerda sighed and pointed to the door.
- I'm sick and tired of dragging two of your carcasses from portal to portal! - she blurted out as she saw the look of undisguised surprise on our faces.
- Well... That's... Wait, why don't I remember anything about that? - Knizhnik scratched at the back of his head.
- Orders from on high, - the girl shrugged. - You're supposed to be knocked out now. Now, now, now, now, go away, I'll be kicked in the head for fooling around!

With these words she swung open the door, and from there there a couple, who seemed to be about to engage in all sorts of nastiness, sprang to the floor. Gerda stiffened and blushed thickly. The redhead, lying below, did almost the same thing, except he fell unconscious. His partner crouched beside him and patted him lightly on the cheek. The boy flinched, opened one eye, looked up, and closed his eyes again.
- Eh, Ronnir... - man sighed, smiling faintly. - Who could have known this would happen?
- No one knew, - the redhead muttered, keeping his eyes closed.
- Neither did I know I'd be back here, - the man grunted, getting to his feet and looking around. - I wasn't exactly welcome here. And there was no reason for me to come back here, either. Not yet, anyway.
- Stranger? - the blue-eyed man asked. - Well, yes... Stranger.
- Stranger himself, - he mended his bangs, and I noticed that the left side of his face, badly burned, was slowly being covered in new skin, making it look like a normal face. I've seen him somewhere before, but where?
- You don't have to waste your energy. Don't be silly, everyone here knows what you really look like, - said the Knizhnik.
- Okay, you're right, Mr. Know-it-all, - the brown-haired man chuckled, and in an instant his right hand disappeared into a black clawed paw made of smoke, and his red leathery wings fluttered open behind him. So where did I see him? - May I ask what the hell we've been dragged back here for? I don't think I owe anyone anything for a long time.
- It was an accident, Stranger. Wrong door, - Knizhnik shrugged, nodding at Gerda, who was talking to the redhead.
- You've spoiled my whole evening, - the green-eyed man shook his head. - What's your payoff, Knizhnik? You know you have nothing to offer me but...
- Oh, don't worry, we'll manage somehow, - the blue-eyed man interrupted him.
- If we meet again, yes, yes, yes, - the demon answered feignedly, and they both laughed. - So, how is Avier? I see he's not dead yet, and that's a pity.
- And you're not poor, I see.

And then I remembered. The year when I was so unfortunate as to get sick. That strange man who left no trace... But that didn't stop me from getting sick again a little later.
- Herr Longshadow?
- Eh? - the brown-haired man paused for a while. - Have we met before?
- I owed you my life long ago.
- I don't recall, - the demon shrugged. - I'm so old, I don't give a damn who I've saved, or how many times I've saved.
- A long time ago. Maybe the seventeenth century. The end of the seventeenth. The Black Death Epidemic, don't you remember? Well, I understand if you've really forgotten...
- Did you have a girlfriend who was a necromancer? - Stranger suddenly perked up. - The little black one with the big eyes?
- Yes ... Iolanta...
- Is she here? How the hell did she find me, why did she need me? - he swung his head in all directions, as if looking for her.
- You may rest assured, Herr Longshadow, Io is not with me, - I sighed.
- Why so? - he asked. - She seemed to me at the time that she would not let you go far. Did you have a quarrel?
- No, no, it just... It just happened.
- If you're here, it's not that simple, - the demon smiled at me in a strange way, and then added, - It's not that simple. Are you sure you know what you're remembering?
- Mind your own business, Stranger, - the blue-eyed man said.
- What's in it? Avier's secret plans? - he chuckled. - Don't be ridiculous, hiding something from someone who's going to get it sooner or later is stupid, to say the least.
- I don't think it's stupid to take orders from above, - Knizhnik remarked as he moved closer to him.
- Avier is a madman. Yes, he has his moments of lucidity, but the rest of the time he thinks of nothing, particularly the consequences of his actions...
- How you dare... - the brunette snatched at the demon's shirt and then hauled himself up on his toes.
- Oh, I can, - Longshadow replied sneeringly, putting his hands gently on Knizhnik's shoulders and forcing him down. - 'Chill out, you know yourself I'm not lying.
- Chill out, both of you! - Gerda blurted out, which drew everyone's attention. - You're making a scene out of nothing! Do you want to live in the same body for reconciliation again?

The last phrase she uttered made both disputants blush and move away from each other.
- That's better, KaTori, - the doll sighed. - Now get out. All of you. The door's open.
- Won't you join us for tea, dear lady? - asked the Stranger.
- I'd love to, but I have things to do here, - she said with a hum. - You'd better inviteyour other half.
- Which one?
- Oh, you have someone else? - the redheaded boy, who'd been forgotten up to this point, said angrily.
- It's a joke, Ronnir... A silly joke, - Longshadow walked up to him and hugged him. - Don't be angry with me, please...

- God, I hate this snot, - muttered Knizhnik. - Stranger, have you gone completely soft with family life?
- And you're so jealous as if you're lacking of E-B-C vitamin, - he chuckled, watching the blue-eyed man rise silently, adding, - Oh, well, I thought we were told to leave the checkered room. Nikolas, - he turned to me, - you're Nicholas, aren't you? Come with us, and let Mr. Know-it-all stay and look for trouble.
- I'm not a mi...! - almost shouted the aforementioned, but shut up under the threatening look of Gerda.
- Are... - she began.
- Oh no, we're leaving, we're all leaving, honest to goodness, - the brown-haired man interrupted her, and after giving the scribe a swift kick to the door, picked me and the redhead up by the scruff, he rushed in himself.
The door slammed shut behind us at once, leaving us in the small hallway of no larger apartment.

- What did she mean by that? - I asked, not really understanding what they were saying.
- Not what, but who, - the redhead sighed. - The Prophet.
- That was long ago and untrue, - interrupted Knizhnik.
- Why so? - Longshadow asked with a smirk on his unshaven face. - It was quite an experience in communication and finding common ground.
- They didn't turn the heat on in Shadowsgone that winter, - the redhead snigg*red sarcastically.
- So what of it, Ronnir? We survived it, - the demon shrugged.
- It's been a horrible winter, - the blue-eyed man said somberly, rising from the floor and shaking off his poncho. - I thought I was going to kill Are...
- Come on, that was a good one, - the brown-haired man grinned.
- Like you couldn't be bothered to sit in an effeminate body?
- Well, it goes without saying, - Herr finally bothered to unclench his hands and let the redhead and me go.

The boy, apparently accustomed to this kind of treatment, remained on his feet, while I just collapsed to the floorlike a sack of potatoes.
- Excuse me, - Longshadow said, watching my dazed face.
- Oh, that's all right. I realize we left the old place in a hurry.
- He wouldn't have done anything to me, though, - Knizhnik chuckled, leaning against the wall beside the old mirror with the chipped edge hanging on it.
- Sure about that? What if your dearest Avier hadn't come?
- He's not mine! - the blue-eyed man was visibly embarrassed. - And besides, anyone don't belong to me. And I don't belong to ANYONE, mind you. My mistress is dead.
- Which reality?
- Shut up!
Knizhnik got the shivers.
- Coffee?
- You know very well I can't stand it.
- You've been drinking stupid "coffia¹" all f*cking winter! - Ronnir blurted out. - What the hell were you stirring, anyway?
- There was definitely some heavy drugging involved, - chuckled Herr Longshadow.
- Shadowsgone could have been heated with one Ronnir-household, - the blue-eyed man covered his grin with his hand.
- And they're making fun of it! - the redhead blurted out angrily. - Oh, to hell with you!

With these words he disappeared into the kitchen, slamming the door loudly, which made the glass in it even a little jingle.

- I haven't seen him like this in a long time, - the demon said after a while of silence. - He's usually soft and easygoing... - He went to the kitchen door, knocked on it, and said: - "Ronnir, what are you doing? I'm sure this moron didn't mean what he said, he just doesn't know how to talk to gi...
- Get the f*ck out of here, Tori! - was heard on the other side of the door.
- Ronnir...
- I don't even want to hear from you right now! Stop bullsh*tting me! I got enough for the rest of my life!
- Oh just don't cry, eh.
- Shut up! - that scream was clearly through tears. - You can shove your apologies up your ass, I'm tired of them!

Herr stepped back from the door and sighed.
- Stubborn... What kind of day is it today?
- Say clear that we interrupted your meal, - said Knizhnik sneeringly. - I do not believe that you're really "not so," a womanizer with two hundred years of experience. You've broken your battery's trust, haven't you?
- Let's go outside, - said Longshadow.
- Why else would you drag him along? - he dodged the fist that slammed into the wall above his head. - Neither am I lying, Stranger, neither am I!
He prepared to retreat into the room, but he caught himself on the curb and collapsed.

Leaving the old fools and their squabbles behind, I made my way into the kitchen.
The room was more like a corridor - narrow and long, it ended with a door to the balcony, where Ronnir was barricading himself in at the moment. I walked through the kitchen and stopped at the door, tapping softly on the glass.
- Well, go ahead, resent me for starting to smoke, that I'm a mess, and you can crawl away, - the redhead said melancholic, without turning around. - Oh, you can still call me an insensitive bitch, I won't be offended.
- But smoking is really bad, you ruin your lungs, - I objected.
- Huh? - he turned in my direction. - Oh, you're the traveling companion of this imbecile... I hope you are more adequate.
- I'll do my best to live up to your expectations.
Ronnir shook off the ash from his cigarette into a small ashtray, then extinguished the butt and hid it all in the cabinet near the ceiling.
- I've never seen cigarettes like this...
- It's an Astra, locally made. I've tried something lighter, but it's all rare sh*t. It's like there's no tobacco, just chopped papers with synthetic smell.
- Why do you smoke anyway?
- Out of spite, - the boy grunted, opening the balcony door and heading to the sink to wash his hands.
- For spite of who?
- Hatori. That's the one thing he doesn't know about me, - he said, still melancholy. - He'll be furious when he finds out.
- Does he mind? - I'd have to try on the role of psychologist. Oh, where are you now, Dr. Medner, that's your specialty.
- Sort of. It's kind of overprotective in terms of my health and everything, - Ronnir finished washing his hands and filled the kettle with water before putting it on the stove. - It was annoying after my real family had been permanently stonewalled on me. No, it wasn't bad in a way, but now it's just too much. I feel like an incubator chicken.
- What happened to your family?
- Nothing. I got ripped out of their memory when I was graduating from high school. It wasn't very hard, I think if my mother knew about it, she'd breathe a sigh of relief. Who needs an incomplete hikkikomori from whom you can't even expect grandchildren...
- Because of Herr Longshadow?
- Oh, I wish! - Ronnir took two cups from the cupboard and put them on the table. - Sit down, by the way, what's your name...
- Kolya, - for some reason, the somewhat oppressive atmosphere of the small house made me Russianize my name.
- I used to be called Roma. I would have forgotten it if it hadn't been for a book I forgot to give to the library an endless number of years ago, - he sighed. - Now used to think that Roma Perov, a boy not of this world, suffering from Klinefelter syndrome with all its attendant consequences, was a thing of the past... But no, it's still a harsh reality.

He fell silent, and listened to the noise of the kettle on the stove.
- I think the chorus of suffering molecules is done for the day, - he tried to smile, but you could tell it was just an attempt to change the subject of the conversation. He turned off the fire under the kettle and made tea in the cups placed on the table earlier. - Anyway, why am I always talking about myself, it's not good. How's nothing? What brought you to travel with that fool?
- I've lived in Germany all my life, the last sixty or seventy years in Berlin...
- You don't look that old, - Ronnir looked at me sternly, as if trying to see if I was lying, - I thought we were the same age.
- I caught the plague when I was in my twenties. Iolanta, you might say, finished me off that year by making me the man I am today.
- The plague? What are you, about three hundred years old?
- Does it surprise you that much?
- No, I'm twenty-six myself. You were talking about Iolanta, the mention of which alarmed this idiot when we were in Shadowsgone. Is she ademonette, too?
- No, not at all. She's an explorer, an alchemist, and an enchanter, - I corrected him. I don't think we'll be here long anyway. - I've been with her most of my life. And she's the reason I'm still alive. Though I should have died a long time ago. It's not very Christian...
- It's a kind of romance, though. And here... It's no fun, - Ronnir sighed. - I love him, and he f*cks me.
I almost choked on my tea.
- Well, he says he loves me, but there's still something wrong... It's like there's a catch. Yeah, at first I trusted him implicitly, but... As soon as I realized what he wanted as "food," I began to doubt everything.

- But come on, you've been together so long. I don't think he'd bother with you if he didn't like you, - I explained, still setting my cup of tea aside.
- Compared to you, he's a ponce. And Tory is just a sick bastard.
- Or maybe he just loves you?
- You really think so? - the boy held his head up.
- I'm sure, - I nodded.

I'm not such a sh*tty psychologist, though.
We would have gone on talking, but a shriek from Knizhnik behind the wall cut it off. A new outburst.

Notes:

1- originally it goes as "кафяо", somewhat in midst of "coffee" and "cacao", but I guess mix of "coffee" and "tea" has same comic effect like it was originally)

Chapter 8: Chapter 7. Dysphoria -Actress-

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

You yawned and, with a somehow doomed sigh, fumbled for the button under your right palm. Your fingers touched it, pushing it down, and the freeze-capsule you were in opened, releasing a cloud of steam into the air. You shivered involuntarily and sat on the edge of the capsule, adjusting your nightgown and wrinkling against the uneven neon light of the slowly turning on lamps. Southerner, you could never get used to the coldness of the capsules, but it had become a harsh necessity from time to time - you could not allow the delicate circuit boards and mechanisms that supported your life to overheat.
Yes, from time to time you were reminded that once upon a time everything was not so, and your heart was beating in your chest, and your blood was hot, and the machinery of the people was simpler overall. But at the same time something told you that it was better not to share this with anyone. The management, in any case, would not like it. You especially didn't want to meet that unpleasant little woman with the veil again. The last time you met, you had your core replaced...

You ran your hands over your chest, wrinkling the nightgown in your palms and fumbling for the metal plate under the fabric. Still, curse the day your past life was taken from you. I'd rather have remained an unknown, dead soldier-sapper than...

Your gaze fell on the i-mirror lying on the bedside table, or rather the clock widget in the corner of it. 7:40.

- f*cking hell! - you blurted out, jumping up. - That Mussolini in the skirt will gonna kill us!

The capsule should have automatically opened at seven in the morning.

You ran around the room, looking for your uniform and hiding your turquoise dress and boots in the process. Your partner shouldn't have known about your 'hobbies', especially after yesterday.

It was your little secret... You knew you were a guy, and had been a guy in a past life, remembered that you were even popular with girls, but... It didn't work out in this body. Because of the imperfectness of the guards models, even those ones which were close to the top of the Entropolis authorities, the sexual characteristics of these mechanical bodies ended up being secondary, and there, below, there were only additional connectors. Being extremely proud and having received such a 'kick in the balls' at rebirth, you decided that it would be easier to associate yourself with a woman.

Usually in your spare time you put on a turquoise dress and long boots, replaced the two missing parts with two small melons, painted yourself up, and went for a walk away from the tower, your dormitory, and all those boring faces. Eventually, without noticing it yourself, you started flirting with other guys. You weren't afraid of ending one of those days in a cheap motel somewhere on the outskirts closer to Karel, knowing that as a guardsman, you were an order of magnitude stronger than any of the residents of Entropolis. So you'd been bribing the naive with alcohol until you'd dropped by the newly-opened "Piñata" yesterday to find your partner there. A partner from whom this secret was successfully concealed, and who failed to recognize you behind your make-up and girly clothes. But drinking with him was definitely fun - almost equal, except that the red-haired asshole was clearly a russian before his arrival in Entropolis, and actually had some immunity to drinking. You vaguely remembered walking with him to the dormitory, but you remembered well what was in the room.

- You've had your fill, - you sighed, pulling yourself together and looking in the i-mirror. There was a purple spot just below your left ear, and a bruise on your right shoulder that blossomed mockingly. The androids' skin had been the subject of considerable effort on the part of the creators. As realistic as possible. You adjusted the ribbons on your arm, trying to hide this provocative mark, and mentally killed your partner for too rough a grip.

Once again you remembered the evening when you were almost on your doorstep, unceremoniously pulling up your skirt, running your hand over your thighs and quite brazenly exploring the hidden connectors between your legs... It made you cringe. Noooo, you didn't associate yourself with a girl for that. Screw that.

- The subject of bangs has done irreparable damage and cannot be styled, - the i-mirror said in a sneering tone. - Comb it, remove it, leave it?
- Comb it, - you replied, a little nervously, remembering that there wasn't much time and that you should get on with your packing.
- Mistake. Comb it, delete it, leave it?
- Comb it! - You blurted out and kicked in annoyance your partner's freeze pod standing nearby. It opened, but the sleepwalker - in perfect form, by the way, to your envy - do not even think to open his eyes.
- Mistake...
- f*ck you, i-mirror! - you howled, watching as the clock widget in the corner of the screen changed the numbers of the minutes to 48. Another window popped up in the middle of the screen, showing a face as smirking as the i-mirror's.
- Sweethearts, you have ten minutes to reach the tower. Time was running out.

With that, the window disappeared, and, pale - though where do you go from here - you whispered 'leave' and hurried to wake your colleague, because there were no jokes with management.

- Piss off, Maore, let me sleep, it was such a busy night last night... - mumbled the red-haired man, turning on his side with his back to you.
- Maynayo... - you whispered, leaning closer to your partner.
- Is that you Maura? You're still here... What a surprise, - he smiled blissfully and held his hand up, trying to catch you.
- Company up! Three minutes to pack up! - you blurted out in an instant, sending your partner sprang to his feet.
- Ready for duty, Private Karjalainen!
- Well, - you grinned, noting that it was a good thing you'd bundled him into the capsule yesterday without undressing him.
- You bastard, Maore, you've ruined a good night's sleep... - sighed Maynajo, and, after a short pause, added: - Heck, I can't remember when I went to bed last night.
- You should do less clubbing, - you said in a sarcastic tone, thinking something along the lines of, "I wish you'd remembered that after I took a knee in your chest plate."
- You must have been out till dark last night...
- That's it! Go f... Get to the teleport, we don't have much time.
- Is your "perfect" alarm clock broken?
- No, I forgot to set it.
- Why would you?
- Not your problem, Maynaio!
- I've been told never to use my full name, - he grimaced and stepped into the teleporter lap. - It's cheesy and old-fashioned.
- I don't care, - you snickered, following him.

In the corridor of your usual duty station, you immediately heard some kind of commotion and the quiet dull voice of the grey cardinal, followed by another deep low voice snarking something along the lines of "you sound like you're about to die" and immediately followed by a blurt: "Run!"

Maynajo stepped aside as if he suspected something, and a tall, black-haired guy "flew" into you literally at the same moment. His companion slowed down just a few steps away from you.

- Maore, hold them, - he said after a moment. - Head said they had to be locked up until they knew what was going on or something.
- You're kidding, - you sighed, grabbing the black-haired "lucky guy" by the scruff of his poncho.

I offered no resistance and followed you into the 'waiting room', as you used to call it. Taking someone into custody is not a particularly fun task; you even found such tasks particularly boring. Especially after you'd had to sacrifice your booklet in an attempt to shut up the Knizhnik's whining. Now what? You weren't keen to support Maynajo's pointless chatter.

- It was lovely yesterday at the Piñata, - he said dreamily, then yawned. - Have you ever been there, Maore?
- Why would I go to a place like that? - you grunted.
- Nerd. It never hurts to unwind a little... And picking up some cutie. Just yesterday I was with a Southern girl... Mhm... Angelic voice, though a bit low for a girl...
- Maynajo! - you burst out in a huff and then you knew right away that you had blown your cover.
- What do you want, nerd?
- What the hell are you talking about at work?
- Oh, for God's sake, get yourself a chick, you're a nervous wreck these days... Too bad Maura left after all. I wouldn't mind spending another night in her company.
- You should have known who she was, - you muttered in a low voice. It's okay.
- Wait, wait, you know her? - the guard in red brightened up.
- Don't try to sit on two chairs, - you interrupted him nervously.
- I ain't seen Nika in Techno Town in a while anyway. I'm bored, - Maynajo rolled his eyes. - Maura was something else last night. Man, I haven't seen anything like that in a long time; she's like an old befriender, except you don't want to cuddle a befriender in the back alley. And what were those melons worth...
- Melons? - your eyes rounded like two deutsche mark coins, giving you an amusing look for sure, but that wasn't what was bothering you at the moment.
- Phew, wouldn't you have liked tit* of a size four? I knew you were a hom*o, Maore.
- Look at yourself, - you hissed angrily.
- I'm straight enough, I'm not the one playing the infantile saint, - he chuckled.
- You're going to f*ck this up, Karjalainen.
- What are you gonna do to me, queer?

You hit him with a nice left hook and sent him flying to the nearest wall.

- If you'll ruin my face, Nika'll have all your library blocked, - Maynajo blew his bangs from his forehead.

Watching you slowly boil over, I decided to join in their conversation.

- Maybe you shouldn't provoke him. I think your comrade got up on the wrong side of the bed today.
- I don't know which foot is right or wrong, - Maynajo shrugged.
- I think we can work it out for ourselves.
- Suit yourself, - I shrugged.

There was a small opening in the wall opposite our makeshift prison, and something rushed in.
- Leshy¹! Kitty, kitty, kitty, come here, - said Maynayo, still sitting on the floor, trying to call out... The mechanical cat?
- Why is his name Leshy? - I asked, genuinely puzzled.
- A high guest of ours often exclaimed 'Leshy love you' when my colleague misbehaved, - you snigg*red.
- Now Leshy really loves me, - he smiled, scratching the cat's belly. - Isn't it, Leshy?

The cat rumbled reverently.

- How long do you think it takes parcels to Tithe?
- Ask for something easier, - you said. - You know interstate mail is still crap... Wait. Tithe?
- How do you think Nika's gonna like Leshy? - May held the cat up, and it meowed, arching its wire whiskers in an amused sort of way.
- Well, girls like all sorts of cute things... And you're really going to hit on Kirano?
- Nothing's true, Maore, - the red-haired man chuckled.
- She's a towering figure above you, Karjalainen.
- When has it ever bothered anyone...
- If that's another target on your bucket list, forget it.
- You sound like you've got your eye on me yourself, queer.
- Just worried about the girl, - you turned away, crossing your arms over your chest. - She's just a kid!
- Mhm, an eighth grader, - Maynayo chuckled. - Actually, I was thinking of getting rid of all the lists and such. New year, new life, that sort of thing.
- You won't last a week.
- What's the wager? - he asked sneeringly.
- A wish, as usual.

The conversation turned personal, so I poked the Knizhnik on the shoulder in boredom.

- I've got to see if Ellie can get the sword to Will in time², - he brushed me off. - Especially since there's no one in Shadowsgone to pick us up now anyway.
- To tell you the truth, I didn't feel much like it, - now it was time to pout like a turkey and sit with my arms around my knees.

A gate reopened in the wall opposite, and in it I saw her.
Iolanta.
They were talking about something with a statuesque blonde woman in a puffy blue dress, the hem of which looked like the surf of the sea. I watched Io spellbound, trying to remember her in every detail - we might not have time to say a word to each other... And I hadn't seen her in that outfit in a good hundred years - at least she'd stopped wearing the veil because of her adaptation to the modern world.

And so, when she finally deigned to turn her head in my direction...

- Okay, that was a joke, at least Gerda is always in touch, - Knizhnik pronounced, grabbing my hand.

Flash.
Perhaps that surprised look on Io's face I won't forget for a long time.

- You idiots.

You and your partner squeezed your eyes shut in unison. You guessed there were no days off this week, or any holidays, not that you deserved one, according to your superiors.

- But mister... We've certainly checked all the sensors; it wasn't a teleport! - Maynajo ventured an objection, hoping to ward off at least an evening's rest.
- I don't give a damn, Karjalainen. The fact remains that the so-called guests have escaped.

The Grey Cardinal of Entropolis rose from his desk and approached you. It was somewhat comical in appearance since you were both almost a head taller than he was.
- Perhaps you have something to say, Maore Tai?
- Not at all, Mr. Grey, - you said, then sighed. This is the last Christmas Eve you'll ever have.
- Take a lesson from your colleague, Karjalainen, - Grey pointed out sarcastically. - Excuses are never in your interest, when will you learn that?
- Never, - he muttered through gritted teeth.
- What did you say?
- Nothing, Mr. Grey.
- Very well. Now, then. Your punishment this time has to do with these so-called guests. I don't care how you find them, that's your problem.
- Mr. Grey, it's impossible to...
- You, too, Tai?
- I got it, mister.
- Great. As you may have guessed, you're working on it from now on. Well, what are you standing up for? Go! - The cardinal clapped his hands.

As you left the office, May muttered softly: "I planned to take Nika to a concert... Eh, missing Donoma's show in Techno Town again. What a life...".

But that only brought a smirk to Cardinal's face. For some reason, he seemed to take a strange pleasure in this ruined Christmas Eve of yours... However, Mr. Grey had noticed it more than once, but it didn't bother him one bit. He was more concerned with his own personal problems.

The problems were in the province of Vaterloo City, and for the moment he was in a coma. Both the provincial headman's daughter and her new paramour. It wasn't a good idea to cheat.

The Cardinal walked to the window and with a glimpse of the thin silver ring on the ring finger of his right hand, closed the curtains, plunging the office into darkness. With a wave of his hand a PC was switched on and a dozen blue flickering screens hung in the air. One of them was brighter and contained only a login and password frame.
Without looking, Grey took a claw ring from his desk and slipped it onto the index finger of his left hand. Then he touched the login frame with it, calling up the keypad and typing "Heiden Ortvick" into it. A simple name, "Jane," came up automatically in the password frame.

Immediately the office environment changed, visualizing a small room behind a waterfall. There were a couple of bookcases, a small sofa, and a coffee table on which photographs were fanning out. Most of them depicted a girl with long scarlet hair, working on another painting.One of the last artists to have real materials - of late, paints, ink, pastels and even the canvases themselves were worth their weight in gold, and there were not many artists left with the skills to do so. The photographic cards brought a bitter smile to the Cardinal's face - he remembered how he had taken the stars out of the sky when he had courted her. Then the engagement, and something changed in her.
What a blow to his ego that had been! To think - to find his fiancée with someone else! Oh no, he was not prepared to share his beloved Jane with anyone else. Especially not with some uneducated street urchin... Nonsense.
Heiden walked past the table to the wall between the cupboards. A secret door opened after pressing a couple of buttons behind one of the cupboards, revealing a white empty corridor with a single door at the end. The ability absorption point was doing a fine job if there wasn't already visible destruction here.

And so this door was opened, behind which was a similarly white box, except with more subdued lighting. On the floor, chained to the wall by the arms, was a young lad, half sitting, half lying. His soft cherry hair, tousled in a ponytail, was dry with blood, and his exhausted body showed more than a dozen bruises and abrasions. His shirt was unbuttoned - on his last visit Ortvick had been particularly angry, and so had instructed the Guardian of Memory to examine him for fractures. For the moment, killing the boy was not part of the Grey Cardinal's plans.

- Wake up, scum, - Heiden prodded his captive under the stomach with the toe of his boot. - You're not very interesting when you're asleep.
- Why don't you go f*ck yourself, Mr. "I move butylopropyloshekels³, and therefore I think I'm tough?" - he muttered, sniffling.
- Cheeky, eh? - Ortvick squatted down, and said more quietly: - I see someone's beginning to get a taste for it...

At the same moment, the piercing gray eyes met wide-open blue ones.
Seeing the prisoner frantically check for the wax seal around his neck, the Cardinal continued:

- Your amulet of superiority will not help you.
- What do you mean by that?
- Do you think I'm a fool not to foresee all the possibilities of your possible escape? This place blocks your abilities and weakens you physically... I think you've already noticed that.
- Freak...

Ortvick just laughed.

- Would you like to play a little game tonight? Maybe I'll even let you go...
- Is this another taunting trick? - the prisoner raised his head and squinted at his tormentor.
- Walk to the door yourself and you are free, - the Cardinal grinned, lifting the chains from his wrists.
- The hell with you.

With great effort he rose to his feet, then almost collapsed to the floor. Slowly, cautiously, he walked a few steps before the force of gravity took over his weary body.

- Very. Funny, - the boy gritted through gritted teeth.
- Oh, it is. To me, - Heiden slumped back down on the floor beside him. - Shall we continue the fun?

The snow drifted off the centuries-old spruce trees in the yukionne.

The Guardian of Cold shook his head and headed toward the only tree that was deciduous, and therefore seemingly dead in the eternal winter. He had to check to see if everything was all right with his mistress's room, which his master had told him to guard as the apple of his eye.
There was another guardian under the cherished tree who appeared to have been attracted by the same interest. In any case, the two of them alone were responsible for the safety of the house of eternal sleep with their heads.

- Martin, did you hear that? - the Guardian of Memory asked as he drew closer.
- Hear what?
- That cry... It seems to me that the master has definitely overdone it today, torturing the prisoner. His mood has been getting worse and worse lately when he comes here.
- It's not in our power to influence him anyway, Marian, - the Guardian of Cold snigg*red. - Anything else?
- I think the Dungeon's been breached, - the memory guardian sighed, his delicate wings trembling. - I distinctly sense two more... Wouldn't say one of them was human.
- Oh, nonsense, who could possibly want...

This corridor where the new displacement took us was definitely strange. I could feel no walls and the floor beneath my feet glowed. Knizhnik darted forward smugly, and I had no choice but to follow him.

"Help! - suddenly rang out in my head. - If anyone can hear me, find this f*cking torture room!"
- Someone's calling for help, - I uttered. - Knizhnik, did you hear that?
- Hear what exactly? - the blue-eyed man smiled at me oddly. - The bloody voices are tearing my head into a thousand little Knizhniks, I feel like there are a lot of trapped souls in here...
- Then we should at least get out ourselves...
- You're very intuitive, Sinner! - he chuckled. - Oh, hell... I can't take them all, oh no. No, no, no...

He started walking twice as fast and it was getting difficult to keep up with him.
In my peripheral vision, I saw something chasing us...
A gigantic black silhouette, like an owl with white flattened eyes, swooped down upon us.

And we were thrown out into a completely different place.A dark room where not much was visible at all. There was a body lying on the floor...
It was my duty as a healer to check it for viability.

Notes:

Leshy1 - "Леший", leprechaun, woodsman, a name of spirit from slavic mythology, used here as the name of the kitten.
2 - is a reference to Meg Cabot's "Avalon high".
3 - "бутилопропилошекели" in original. That was sorta local meme thing which came from bugurt-thread community and stuck as local meme in text of Shadowsgone ark, 'cause Crow found that word from that legendary bugurt amusing. It's hella cringe, but we weren't able not to leave it as name of unit of information in Shadowsgone.

Chapter 9: Chapter 8. Butterflies

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

We were thrown out of the uncomfortably dark room and into the sunlit green meadow as soon as I touched the unfortunate man. The wind was blowing... It wasn't too cold, but I involuntarily tugged on my scarf. Our new companion, who had somehow moved with us, was still unconscious and lying in that tall grass.
In the emerald green of the grasses - here and there - blue flashes appeared. Knizhnik sat down on his knees and rose, already holding a thin flower stalk in his hands. It was blue - four delicate petals, and a few faintly white beads of stamens in the middle. A gust of wind and all this beauty is torn from its green stalk and sent flying... Only a few buds remain on the stem¹. Blue-eyed sighs and says:

- These are her favorite flowers.

Then he sinks back into the green grasses, lies down on the ground and closes his eyes.

- Sometimes I feel so close... But at the same time so far away. Who am I kidding, tell me, Sinner? However... Be silent.
I sit next to him. I don't feel like talking right now, and I know that I should just let him talk. There are bugs in the grass, glistening in the sun. A ladybird climbs on my hand, lying on the ground. It tickles.

- She called them butterflies.
- Whom? - I asked, not expecting Knizhnik to say anything else.
- Those flowers. She was right about something, you know... The flower itself, like a butterfly, takes off at the slightest opportunity... And lives just as briefly. As... As she... - the blue-eyed man falls silent, and after a pause he adds: - Look... I mean, you're a Christian... Explain to me why your God takes many so quickly? All the scum from the backyard live and live, and those who have done nothing wrong, go away... Why is your uncle god so unfair?
- Her mission in your world was finished and God gave her peace...
- Ridiculous... Answer me, why am I still alive?
- And who are you?

There is silence in reply. The wind is blowing, but it's stuffy; the grasshoppers are chirping - to the heat. But will there be any heat? We don't know, we won't stay here even for a day. There is not a cloud in the sky... Somewhere in the distance we can see a dark strip of forest.
We lie like two idiots in this field.
Keeping silence.
Stumping each other with our questions.

- You know, Sinner, I keep wondering why I didn't leave sooner. I mean, it's kind of wrong...
- Why?
- I just shouldn't have seen her die. I sensed something wasn't right a couple of days before... But...
- Sensed?
- I should have disappeared then... And she didn't want me to die until the last minute. Somehow she cared about me more than she cared about herself, it's so strange...
- You say she's your mistress...
- Does it matter that much to you?
- No, it's... It's just that the way you describe her is more like a mother's affection.
- Do you know what her greatest fear was? Fear that I would disappear after she was gone. Fear that everything she did would go wrong... You know, thoughts are material, Sinner.

Again. Again I can't find anything to say to him... It's so weird. I can't figure out what he means. She's not his mother, but her fears contradict that. And he contradicts himself - he remembers the girl when there was a guy in those memories. Thoughts are material, should have disappeared... Who the hell is he? Why has he forgotten everything that happened to us again?
The wind blows harder, picking up the delicate petals of butterflies in the air, the sky darkens, heavy clouds appear on it. The scribe still lies on the ground, his back to me. It's getting cold.

- Get up... The weather is getting worse and we haven't found a way out yet, - I touch the blue-eyed man's shoulder, turning him over onto his back. He immediately covers his arm.
- Are you in a hurry? I thought you said you had plenty of time! - he says angrily.
- No, I... I just don't feel like getting wet in the rain, - I reply, getting to my feet. The clouds are beginning to darken... It is definitely going to rain.
- Don't you care what I think?! - he yells, getting up into the air. - Maybe I do! I can do that! I can ignore your opinion! It's my f*cking dreams! - he's shaking again, like he did the first time we met.
All I can do now is hug him.

- I'm sorry... - I pull him close to me, even if it looks weird because Knizhnik is a little taller than me. - Let's just forget about it, okay?
- About what?

Awkward silence again.

- Hey, let go of me, that's kinda gayish, - Knizhnik chuckled lightly.
- Suit yourself, - I broke the embrace and stepped aside.

Somewhere in the distance I hear a low moan and a stirring. Oh damn, our silent ballast! I'd forgotten all about him.

- Heavens to heaven! - the voice of the ballast turned out to be very young. - I wonder what the catch is this time?
- The catch is that you're not supposed to be here, - the blue-eyed man said thoughtfully, coming up behind me.
- Are you telling me we're not in Dungeon? - he tried to pull himself up on his hands, but he soon collapsed back into the grass.
- At least not where we were an hour ago. What's got into you with us? Let me see, - Knizhnik sat down again, this time beside our unwilling companion, and stared into his eyes.

I could see the boy flinch. I could feel him panicking, as if he wanted to snap out of his seat and run, as if Knizhnik had seen through his eyes something that no one should.

- Can't fix him, - the brunette turned away, and the boy collapsed again, this time curled up in a ball altogether. - He's still alive.
- Sure I'm f*cking alive, - the boy howled.
- Not in that sense, - Knizhnik sighed. - You're in a coma, my friend. If we're lucky, we'll come back to your world and visit your body in the hospital.
- Eech wha'at?

And then I remembered how the blue-eyed was "fixing" my eyesight.

- You can't fix a living... Then I'm dead, right?
- Go on, attack the one of a kind guide with your questions, - Knizhnik fluttered his arms. - That's the last thing I need... Although... Do you realize yourself, Nikolas?
- What do you mean?
- Are you aware that this isn't a bit of a dream? Do you feel any change in yourself?
- I wouldn't say... - mechanically my fingers reached for the keyhole on my chest. It's become a habit over a couple of centuries... There was a key sticking out of the keyhole. - f*ck, f*ck, f*ck, f*ck!
- Just as I thought. Get it out.
- I'll gonna die, how am I gonna get it out, it's twisted!
- Let's think about what you said you were dead for a few minutes. Take a deep breath. Turn it around. Get it out. There you go, good zombie.
- Hold your tongue, - I said glumly, staring at the key. The one that always hung around Iolanda's neck. That's definitely that one.
- I guess you can find out for yourself now, if you want to.

I distinctly felt something rather weighty appear in my right hand, which on closer inspection turned out to be a bundle of keys.

- What are they for?
- Hold the bundle up to me and you'll find out, - Knizhnik sniffed. - They have not yet devised a better method of observation than the scientific experiment.

One of the keys in the bundle glowed with a steady royal blue glow as I moved closer to him. I took the key in my hands and... Emptiness.

Again the images I had seen in Shadowsgone flashed before my eyes, but it was as if someone had corrected them. I saw everything still through the eyes of Knizhnik, this time as if reconstructing his lapses in memory. They had not reached Minestrelia, having drowned the sword in the very lake where the real creator of Kaj had been killed. In a fleeting moment I saw Shadowsgone itself, where the essence of Emmanuel was literally transported at the same moment, leaving the body to someone else... And I realized pretty quickly what had happened. Even seeing footage of Morph's family life, I could feel the madness consuming him. Suddenly the picture changed to a dark room, it was as if I had been thrown onto something soft, I was getting scared, though I hadn't suffered much damage yet. Someone stronger than me squeezed me into whatever I was lying on, with the other hand pulling up my poncho. Attempts to resist were unsuccessful. The unknown man only hissed something, from which I could only make out "you will answer for what you have done". Then a sharp pain pierced my body from my lower back... And I must have blacked out. The next image that emerged was of some kind of road packing, me watching with some kind of animal fear as my master disfigured himself by cutting off his long hair and then dyeing it with something from a bowl... Then the escape, the desert...

I don't know how much time passed while I was literally reading blue-eyed. I felt devastated, and the last of Knizhnik's memories made me feel especially nasty.

- I remember now, Sinner. I remember everything now, - he smiled wickedly at me. - Thank you.
- This is... It's horrible. What you went through...
- Oh, I realize now that I do deserve it, though I admit Avier was a bit harsh. But now my memory is put together and I can tell the difference between the false memories he sent me and the true ones he tried to erase. Now I am... Free.

A cloud of black smoke enveloped him, then revealed him in another form.
The blue-eyed man's skin was now completely white, like freshly fallen snow. He wore a cloak that seemed to be woven from the smoke. His legs didn't appear to be really material anymore - they seemed to be a smoke illusion. Knizhnik was not standing on the ground - he was literally hovering above it.

- I think you're going to want an explanation now, - he said. His voice changed, too, becoming deeper, and I could have sworn there was an echo coming from somewhere else.
- That's right, - I confirmed. - Can you tell me now?

The brunette only smiled and nodded.

- So why are you hesitating? Who are you? What is Shadowsgone?
- My name is Kaj Llingvam, given to me by my maker and which I have, however, renounced. Call me Knyaz'². I was not born. I was created as an Esper, an invisible companion and advisor to an elf whom I killed in a fit of madness. Avier wanted to kill me then, but he couldn't. Now he doesn't give a damn. Emmanuel was still the ghost of Shadowsgone.

He was silent for a while, apparently assessing whether he had said too much already, and then continued:

- Shadowsgone is the world of the demiurg. Granted to Avier by a supreme intelligence called the DUAU. All his life and a few so-called ghosts are trapped in it.
- Gerda is a ghost? - cautiously I asked.
- Oh no, - Knizhnik laughed. - Gerda is Shadowsgone itself. Every demiurg world has one. I don't know what they look like in other worlds, but I am the one who created their appearance here. Ghosts are particularly powerful entities of Avier's past lives. Morph, for example. He's been him for too long.
- Okay, well... What about me? What have I done to deserve this kind of misfortune after death?
- You? Nothing. You've been marked by the DUAU with your penchant for knowledge. They love and appreciate that. So you are a healer of souls now, - Knyaz' said as if he could be taken for granted. Seeing the genuine bewilderment in my eyes, he continued: - You remain with Shadowsgone. Avier is the demiurg. I am the guide of souls. We also have a prophet, but that was a whim of the demiurg, for which he actually paid the price. The DUAU robbed him of his arm.
- Oh, - I muttered. - And what powers do I have?
- You heal souls. You see, I can fix them visually, mend their defects for not letting more cripples in worlds. You can heal memories and wounds of the soul, like the sh*t that made Morph turn into what we are now. That's useful. And yes, now you too can bring souls to Shadowsgone and rebirth them. You don't need my help anymore.
- What do you mean you don't need it? How am I going to get back there?
- Just think about it. In the meantime... Here's your first assignment, to bring a man back from his coma, - he nodded at a startled Kassij. Kassij?
- I think I know his name.
- Oh, yeah, you know the names of the souls by default now. Except mine. Don't even try to do that, since guides are a bit special that way. I have to go now, - the blue-eyed man made a strange gesture, as if tooting his praying fingers, and disappeared.
- Are you sure you can help me? - the boy, whom I called "ballast" behind his back, muttered dazedly.
- I... I'll try. Come on.

We continued walking through the field.

I didn't know if I could drag a living man into Shadowsgone. Something told me that since he'd already moved with us, nothing bad would happen, but, nevertheless, anxiety gripped me.
The glade finally began to end, and we emerged into the forest. The trees were very tall and somehow thin, like spikes. However, there were no leaves
but there were no leaves on them, only broad scales, half dried out, which made this resemblance even more evident. The path through them was almost overgrown.

- How long until we reach the next world? - Kassij asked, obviously tired of walking in silence. - That man disappeared at once. Couldn't we?
- I don't know, - I shrugged. - I do not know what I can do and what I should do.
- The least you could do is try to find a key for me, wouldn't you? - he sighed. - What worries me is that, though I remember my life pretty well, this place feels vaguely familiar.
- Let's risk it, - I nodded, and raised the bundle of keys up again, looking closely at each one, hoping that this time I would be lucky and the necessary one would glow.

Yes, it did, one of them, brass and twisted like a branch of an old bent tree, glowed faintly with a rich blue light. I removed the key from the bundle and held it up to Cassius. And then things didn't go according to plan.

The emotion on his face was something unspeakable. First his eyes went wide, he covered his mouth with the palm of his hand and backed away... Then the wax seal on his neck glowed too, and seemed to start melting as the boy squeezed his eyes shut and his face literally twisted in pain. The melted wax flowed from under his shoulder pad, encompassing his left arm, giving it the shape of a three-toed clawed paw... In some places it
cracked, exposing luminous elements that had come out of nowhere. Next to his head, at eye level, six blue, star-like sparks appeared, three on each side of his face. When he opened his eyes, white concentric circles appearing in the blue irises, I could see that something had changed in his gaze.

- Alas, we're still in Dungeon, - he said disappointedly. - This is the controlled part of Hime Petunia, I... I used to love coming here. Too bad now that Heiden may have disturbed the memory of all the guardians and they can attack their own demiurg. What a bloody shame! I need to get out to Shadowsgone now, I'm powerless here.
- Explain, - I said in a daze.
- In brief, hello, I'm a f*cking loser! A demiurg who had a falling out with his own guide over a girl! A sucker who's had his own guide wrapped around his finger and left him holding the world in his pocket! - Kassij finished reciting and stared at me. - Well, maybe I'm exaggerating and the world can be turned back.
- At least something, at least something in this sad story isn't so sh*tty, - I heard from my left hand, and I jumped up on the spot and turned around. - f*ck, watch out!

There was a fairy sitting on my left shoulder. A curly pretty fairy, wearing a yellow firing shirt, brown trousers and boots. Behind his back, translucent tattered wings fluttered.
The fairy swore foully once more and adjusted his triangular pendant around his neck, which had flung behind his back from a violent jolt.

- Who are you? - I asked, staring up at the creature in a daze.
- Me? - the fairy and Kassij answered in sync, and then the fairy continued: - I am Alistor P'en, your hallucinatory syndrome. Pleased to meet you.
- Kassij, can you see him? - I whispered.
- Whom? - he asked incredulously.
- You're the only one who can see me, - the faerie snorted. - Don't you remember how much you used to drink when you were alive? I am your eternal companion now.
- Damn, - I blurted out, sensing a desperate need for clarification.

There was nowhere else to look for explanations than Shadowsgone, so I wasn't surprised by the flicker that took us there. This time, though, there were no doors.

The slab was charred in places, giving rise here and there to strange plants like pharaoh snakes³. The usual blackness and darkness around it had been replaced by acidic stains. For a moment I thought I was having trouble breathing.
Out of the corner of my eye I noticed someone approaching us... I think I've seen him before. A blue dressing gown with a wide belt, a flat metallic hand... I definitely saw him. And when he spoke, I finally remembered him. But alas, he wasn't talking to me.

- Greetings, bKas, - Abyss said. - We have at last succeeded in tracking you down.
- It is good to see you, Avier, - Kassij said in a low voice, glancing again at Abyss. - Thank you for your help, I was hardly able to resist on my own.

Kogito's voice had become more masculine and confident as if it had lost that youthful edge. It was as if they had known each other for hundreds, or even thousands of years...
- I take it we cannot count on help from Dungeon anymore? - the hazel-eyed man raised an eyebrow. - However, owe your survival to the Guide and Healer of Shadowsgone. We were never able to pinpoint your whereabouts, and it was a fluke that they found you. We await an explanation. Even the Dungeon Core isn't making contact, what's your situation?
- My Guide betrayed me, - Kassij bowed his head. - There was a malfunction at my last rebirth, throwing me out into a world where I was given a bloodline so impossible to grasp. Maybe it was a trick too, I don't know. I couldn't remember anything about my true identity, at this point I believe it was because he somehow suppressed Akuno... After a while, when I was officially dead in that world altogether, I crossed paths with the Guide and found myself locked in room of zero.
- How did he know about the soul restraint place? Only you had access to it. So what the hell? - Abyss didn't even raise his tone, but his speech literally crushed his interlocutor. Behind him, two silhouettes of fish appeared.
- I beg... Forgive me, - Kassij dropped to his knees. - This is my great mistake! I considered him more than a friend, a brother, I didn't know he could lie to me!
- A friend is an enemy who has not yet struck, bKas, - the phrase seemed to be accompanied by an echo that had, in truth, nowhere to be found here. - You're too trusting, and we warned you about bHay. We are d i s p l e a s e d. Are you worthy to be a demiurg?
- I will try to redeem myself, - Kogito whispered. - I will restore the Dungeon, no matter what it costs me.
- You have no choice, - Abyss smirked, closing his only eye.

Notes:

1 - flowers in a question are Veronica chamaedrys. They were placed in text before we found the actual name of them, and we find it kinda ironic with real life.
Knyaz'2 - "Князь", "Prince"/"Duke". As in case with "Knizhnik", we are not translating this word and leaving it as it is, 'cause some of wordplay will be lost. There's no right translation which will also begin with the letter K to save the hidden sense, and there's no right translation to save the atmosphere of the word. "Knyazhe" ("Княже"), a form, which Avier uses, is softer and less official.
pharaoh snakes3 - about chemical reaction. ggrks.
Kolya4 - weirdly and familiarly shortened name "Nikolas". Mostly used in russian language.

Chapter 10: Chapter 9. Tangle –Stranger–

Chapter Text

Nothing went well for you this morning; you never imagined that time in this sanctuary would be so disgustingly long and boring. Even the fact that it wasn't long before you found your way to Arcadia in the time you needed didn't exactly cheer you up. Well, like the right one. You stumbled upon a time period where your promise to bring Sharlott back had turned into a prophecy about her return. You'd think, go ahead, throw Ronnir out there and be done with it - your mission would be over. But you could still remember the day you'd coaxed information out of Knizhnik about the workings of the world between, and the fact that you weren't the vessel made you uneasy. What exactly would happen if you brought Sharlott back to Arcadia, you have no idea. Somehow you get the hindmost sense that with the end of the mission, it'll be over for you directly. It's a crappy case.

You sit in a chair and pretend to be reading a book, but actually stare thoughtlessly at the text in a language you do not know and occasionally look over the book at the way Ronnir is sitting on the computer. You, however, were not particularly interested in technology, and you did not study the principles of this mechanism. Then there was a knock at the door.

You stopped time before Ronnir could notice that; the knock was all too familiar to you. You got up and walked down the corridor. You opened the door without looking, already knowing whom you would see behind it. But one thing you couldn't understand...

- What are you forgot here?

There was no answer, Knizhnik just took your face with his palms and then kissed you.

Just like that last time. Whythe helldoesn't time stop work on him. Also that crazy energy response you missed. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Missed?

- What's gotten into you, - you hissed as he broke the kiss and hugged you. It wasn't a question. It wasn't even just addressed to Knizhnik.
- Please forgive me, - he whispered back. - Forgive my foul tongue. For those spontaneous visits, too.

He kissed you again, but broke the kiss as soon as you kissed him back.

- I don't know you at all, Stranger.
- Don't start the old shuffle after which you'll forget everything again, - you reprimanded him. - Don't play with me.
- I have a way to recover my memory now, don't worry, - his voice quavered. - Even if Avier interferes again, I'll try not to say you the same sh*t I already said. Dear lord, I'm sorry, it's really all about the damn memory lapses, I don't know how or what I can make up for my sins...
- Only with a new sin.

You stand there and stare into each other's eyes in silence.

- If you really need it...
- What makes you think I need help in the first place, - you sigh and pull yourself out of his grasp and go into the kitchen.
- What makes you suddenly thinkIneed help, then? - Knizhnik immediately follows you, hovering in the doorway like a media vampire who needs an invitation to come in. - Nobody ever tried to relieve my suffering, nobody cared. Except you, Stranger. That's why I'm here now. As soon as Sinner restored my true memory, I...
- And you think I care after all?
- Oh, I'm sure you do care, - he exhales, still walking into the kitchen and cheekily taking a seat on one of the kitchen counters, the one next to the sink. - Your reaction. You ask me something every time, as if you're not just asking me, but yourself too. It's like you're trying to tell me to f*ck off, but you don't want to, something's stopping you. And that's why I'm happy to remember you, Stranger. Happy to know again that there's still someone who genuinely gives a f*ck about me.
- Even if I told you that the only reason I needed you was getting all possible information about the interworld? - you raised an eyebrow. - How could I be honest with you?
- So you need to know something about Shadowsgone? - he seemed surprised by your question. - As much as you like, hun. What's bothering you?
- I've almost finished what I had to do, thank you, of course, for telling me how in that last meaningful conversation of ours, - you began, and then stopped yourself.

Should you tell him about it? Is he lying about actually remembering everything, or is this another cheesy surprise from Avier?

- Oh, is it? In that case, well done for not completing it yet, - he smiled faintly, as if he was really glad to hear just that. - I'm right on time.
- What's the catch?
- I'll let myself be cheeky and ask you to pay me for the information. Have pity on me, my tender and gentle beast.

It's like you've got words stuck in your throat. What does he allow himself?

- It's nothing personal, I just want to get what I want too, - he shrugged. - And tonight my slu*tty little soul's making out and getting laid if possible.
- Stop making jokes.
- Who says I was joking now? - he squints his already narrow eyes. - Even if you're a good boy, Stranger, and things are going the way I once planned, you'll still need a little boost to stand up to what you have to do to save your ass.
- What do you mean?

You walk up close to him and look him in the eye. He looks back expectantly and you feel his energy response, as if he's already feeling pretty good and his mind is floating a bit. What the f*ck.

- Well, that was f*cking hot already, - he exhales and looks away first. - You can count me out as losing to you this time in this staring game. And since I lost, here's your first clue. You can't bring Sharlott back to Arcadia. Because it'll kill you. Maybe you'll notice some of the prerequisites yourself a little later. But you can't stop preparing for it either, because otherwise you'll be killed by the DUAU. Their plan is for you to die anyway.

You froze. That's how it is. You knew it was bad, but this bad?

- Fear flashed in your eyes now, Stranger, - Knizhnik moves closer to the edge of the kitchen counter he's sitting on, and therefore closer to you. - I don't ask for much, just kiss me and I'll go on.
- You'll do without, - you reply in a low voice.
- Do you do without hope of escape? - he asks you slyly. - I'm going to teach you a trick that will generally help you pull off a scam that will save your life. Oh, don't ask me what interestsIhave in helping you.

You kissed him after all. It's crazy, but you can physically feel how much he likes it, how easily he gives you energy.

He breaks off the kiss and breathes heavily. He's clearly "ready" already, and it's at least weird to you that you're not actually making any effort to do so.

- I'm not a fool to let you die in peace, - he whispers. - Anyway, listen. You need to rewrite everything. Erase f*cking Arcadia. Erase the f*ckin' alternative branch of it too. Give up your past and create it all over again. If you want, I can teach you how to call someone from another reality. I think you've got a good tongue, you'll figure out what to do next. Ideally, you'd get the support of someone else... Well, if you're lucky. All in all, that's how you'll get real. Regarding Shadowsgone, I'll play along. The important thing is...Don't betray me.

He kisses you again, pulling you to him, stroking your neck, your back, as if not deliberately touching your scars. The energy response is already frantic, and you're already driven too, and it's beginning to feel like it's not enough anymore and needs more. You place your hands on his hips and then put your legs around his waist.
You trade kiss after kiss for a detailed plan of how to proceed and the energy you value, so sweet and a little astringent today, like licorice syrup. You explore his body, caressing sensitive points, and he keeps talking, though confused, sometimes like a fish grabbing for air with his mouth. Then, as he leaves, he asked you to erase his memory.

"Do you realize that I went here literally as soon as I remembered everything about you? - he said. - If Avier finds out about what I've just told you, everything will go down the drain. Erase my memory of coming to see you today.We don't want to set each other up, do we?"
It was painful for you to do that.
You feel hopelesslybroken. Youdon't like feeling that way.

You go back into the room, back into the chair and restart the passage of time in your time loop. Somehow you feel a little ashamed still of what has happened. It's like you've unscrupulously betrayed your feelings and principles.

- Tori, did you hear a knock? - Ronnir suddenly asks, turning round in your direction.
- You imagined it, - you answer hastily, trying not to give away your inner panic. - We're in a time loop, cut off from all worlds, for heaven's sake, who could be knocking on our door?
- Yes, - he says thoughtfully. - Indeed. I think you are right.

You rise from your chair, walk over to him and kiss the top of his head lightly.

- I have to go to the one world that used to be my home for a while, and I hope you won't get bored here.
- Your home? - redhead brightens up. - You never said anything about where you're from. Tell me, will I ever be able to see this world?
- Who knows, - you answered evasively. - But trust me, you are very welcome and loved there.
- If that's not sarcasm, I'll be looking forward to our move there, - Ronnir smiled at you. - This cut-off existence is starting to wear me out. I don't know how much longer I can hold on to my sanity.
- You will, - you smiled back at him. - You're doing will already.

You opened the portal to Arcadia in the usual way, in the front door, in the corridor.

The half-destroyed world greeted you again with a not too friendly welcome, with a gusting cold wind and clouds of sand it lifted into the air.
You covered your eyes with the elbow of your good arm - the shadowy limb you were summoning to replace the one you'd lost refused to summon in Arcadia - and walked blindly toward the AjDo temple that used to be here. You realized you had reached its walls when the wind died down, at least died down around you. You took your hand away from your face and blinked. Yes, that's right, you'd recognize the mighty grey walls of large stones from a thousand by now. You walked along the wall and entered the temple.
The ground floor was strangely unoccupied, and you ventured out to devour the fruit of a local crooked pear tree growing between two staircases right in the middle of the temple. The tree was old and ugly, with almost no foliage, but steadily yielding light yellow rounded fruit with a thin skin and that taste from your childhood. You used to bring them to Ronnir, but he only wondered what you found in the taste of water with sugar and the faint aroma of pears. You found them to be the food of the gods, however.

You picked one of the pears hanging lower down and immediately bit into it. You were rarely that attracted to human food, and usually, with enough energy from another type, you could do without food altogether. But this was different. You could probably only compare that taste to the way Knizhnik gave off energy... Damn. Whatthe hell.

Still taking advantage of the fact that no monk was visible on the ground floor, you ceremoniously buried the pear bones under an old tree, then habitually wiped your hands on your jeans and headed upstairs. Still, if there's no one here now, the priests are probably holding a prayer service to invoke the goddess. That's what you asked them to do the last time you were here. You should talk to her about Entropolis.
Yes, that's right, the AjDo's priests have congregated at the gate where you used to open a portal home and open a window between the alternate realities of your world. Basically, you could have summoned Ajris without them, but she's always flattered when there are plenty of priests. And you need her favor.

- I wrote you a damn list of days I shouldn't be disturbed!
A murmur in the manner of 'the goddess is angry' went through the crowd of priests, and you stepped forward after all. Ajris isn't really in a right mood today, you've miscalculated. And she's also somehow gotten two unknowns thrown in with her, one with fiery red hair, now looking around dazedly, and one with dark hair in a turquoise dress, who literally froze in place as soon as they'd shown themselves fully. That's definitely not the plan, but it'll play right into your hands.

- You were summoned at my instigation, Goddess.
- What would have to happen for you to disobey? - AjDo raised an eyebrow.
- In exactly three days you must appear and remain here, I beg of you, - you replied courteously. - Entropolis will be wiped out for the glory of Arcadia, as foretold in the prophecy.
- What do you mean by that? - that red unknown blurted out, unable to endure such a turn of events.
- To you, my friend, I have a separate conversation..., - you smirked, waving a finger at him and motioning for him to step aside.

You're lucky to run into the opposition. What a surprise. Anyway, you tales about the new life worked well and now all the dirty work will be done for you. You can apologize to AjDo for the inconvenience and not bother her at all. And all in all, it's probably safe to not go back to Arcadia anymore. The main thing is not to tell Ronnir about it.
The stump of your right hand is unpleasantly cramped and it's sore. It's not the first time. If the bandages on it are soaked in your black blood again now, it's probably really starting to bother you. You went up to one of the priests and asked for help with the bandage. Ronnir didn't need to know about your problems.

You dozed, dropping your head on your shoulder, dozing while you could. You didn't even try to throw off your restraints anymore, because the only thing you had left was the strength to go home. But did you have a home? There was no answer to that question.
All this farce, all this hide-and-seek, it all went to hell in little shards like road dust. Now they were going to come back to you and give you a verdict, probably not the most pleasant one. However, you were already prepared for anything from the moment you fell into the hands of the authorities.
A sudden flash of light struck your face, making you wrinkle and try to turn your head away. Your neck stiffened, and you were in pain as well as the other parts of your body that were tied to the chair you were sitting on. "Time passes and tortures return to the Middle Ages," you thought to yourself. The light ceased and you ventured to open a healthy eye.
There was a man in orange, unknown to you. It was hard to see the borders of his clothes, and it was hard to tell whether the growths on his head were part of his clothes or his actual fins. His features were pleasant, except for the ugly nose, which resembled a fish snout.

- What do you want with me? - you muttered. - I think I've already told you that I'm not going to repent of any of your bullsh*t...
- Arrrrrrnd you don't have to, - you heard back. The stranger's voice sounded hoarse and strained. - We have come here to do you a favor.
- What is it? What shall I owe you?
- We can give you the ability to go back in time, aKaio. We can give you the world and other things on loan... You owe us the least: a favor in return.

There was the sound of footsteps and the rustling of robes on the ground outside the door. You could have sworn thata bunch of keysrattled too close by.

- I agree! - You blurted out, realizing that this was a real chance to end your torment.
- We knew, - the stranger grunted and disappeared.

The door to the prison rattled and opened. Several people in dark hooded robes entered, and you couldn't see their faces. You were involuntarily reminded of yesterday's torture, which resulted in your right arm being cut off.

- What do you have to say today about your part in Princess Sharlott's death? - asked one of the priests, leaning over you.
- I will have her back! - you shouted in his face and mentally wished that the orange prick hadn't deceived you.

At the same moment you noticed everything around you flicker, changing from a musty room to some sort of back alley by a stone wall. When it stopped, the restraints also disappeared, you were simply in a new place, somewhere far, far away from your tormentors... And your strength left you, leaving only the red-haired girl who peeked into the same alleyway before you collapsed.

You sat up on the bed, breathing noisily. The dream kept repeating itself over and over, as if the DUAU were reminding you of the debt you owed, and it couldn't help but be tense. Ronnir was wincing at his side, you're not wanting to wake him. It was still dark outside, so there was still time. In the morning... In the morning, you'd have to act out the return to Arcadia.

- Tori?.. - the redhead asked softly, awake after all. - What is it?
- I had a bad dream, - you sighed as you lay back down, thinking that sometimes the Ronnir's sleep was a little too easy to break. - Go back to sleep.
- It's because you're weak... - he whispered, cradling you in his arms.
- Just sleep, - you know that in general Ronnir is ready to give himself to you right now, but if you take, it will be harder for him to play his part in the morning, and that was not to be allowed.
- It's like we switched places, - Ronnir grumbles as he removes his hands and turns his back to you.
- What are you implying? - you knew exactly what he was talking about. At the very least, the role of "deny me" usually belonged to Ronnir, and you, caught up in all this f*cking Arcadia bullsh*t, had unscrupulously taken over that role.
- No f*cking way! - he blurted out and pulled part of the blanket over his shoulder as if in revenge.
- Don't tell me you're mad at me right now, - you wrapped your arms around his back and buried your nose in his soft curls. - Hey... Don't sulk.
- Watch yourself, - he muttered, as if he was trying to hurt you.
- I don't like your mood.
- Why should it bother you at all? - Ronnir turned his head, giving you a chance to roll him onto his back, which you did.
- And you think it shouldn't?

A game, a subtle, skillful game, and the whole thing was a new farce. You knew that everything was hanging in the balance lately, particularly the trust of the young redheaded creature on whom the outcome of your affairs depended directly. Now you were already seeing him again as the willful princess who had once died by your hands. That's the reason why, in your moments of intimacy with Ronnir, your mind stubbornly framed Sharlott, who had once stomped on your ego.
All the while you were rejoicing in your soul, swapping them places, making the redhead more and more attached, taking away his willpower and becoming literally the center of the universe for him. What a pity you couldn't have done that back then, when you were young and at least both hands were intact! The right hand was a pity. You'd managed to retrain making your left hand the main one, and you were grateful to that doppelganger for the basics of morok magic that allowed you to create a projection of the lost one, but it still wasn't the same. It made it hard at times to hold myself together and not snap at Ronnir, then heal the thin threads of scratches on his thighs. Tonight, if it did come to that, you'd definitely snap. You can't...

- We've got a hard day ahead of us, - you sighed, kissing Ronnir on the forehead and then returning to your place. - It would be better to sleep at least a little longer...
- You're right...

However, you weren't destined to get any more sleep until morning. You lay looking out the window, watching the sun's rays gently licking the upper stories of the neighboring nine-story window and the sky gently fading from its soft pink color to its balmy blue, as it usually do on a winter morning. The window itself had time to freeze a little on the edges outside, and when the sun reached it, the icy patterns had the nerve to glare brightly at your eyes, and looking out the window was no longer so great. The redhead curled up under his side again, then pulled the blanket over his head. You smiled and rose from the bed, careful, not to wake him.

Passing all the eerily creaking floorboards like a top ninja, you made your way to the bathroom. The stump in your right arm was beginning to bother you again, in any case, the closer you got to your goal, the more changes were beginning to show in it. Your back started to hurt again, but you didn't pay much attention to it - there was nothing to hurt where it hurt a long time ago, and the phantom pains... Screw them. You untied the bandages again, though, and involuntarily winced as the old wound, long healed and now reopened as if it had been fresh. No, that medieval healer had done a splendid job, but the reason her work was now disappearing was a mystery to you. You tried to re-bandage the wound, but with only onehandit turnedout of hand. Ronnir usually did this, but because of the changes you had to keep a secret and seek help from Arcadia. The last bandage was done by one of the AjDo priests, but you couldn't go there now because you'd promised to be back with Sharlott.

- Let me give you a hand.

The redhead appeared in the doorway like the devil out of a snuff box, taking you by surprise. You mentally cursed yourself for forgetting to put a damn hook on the bathroom door. A treacherous drop of black blood dripped from your hand.

- What's the matter, Tori? - he asked again as he entered the bathroom.
- Nothing drastically important, - you replied, - Help me, if you've come in anyway.

Ronnir looked at you reproachfully with a pursed lip but said nothing. "Typical Sharlott's look," you noted to yourself. Meanwhile, the redhead began to bandage your arm, or rather the lack thereof. When he was finished with your arm, he gently touched one of the two white marks on your back, making you hissing unintentionally. The phantom pains were there and someone had inadvertently triggered them again.

- This... What's left of the wings?

There was an awkward silence in the bathroom and then he spoke without waiting for an answer:

- You never said, so I took the risk of asking. I'm sorry.

Then he walked out, leaving you alone with your thoughts.
When you returned to the room, you almost prayed to the random god that came to mind.

- I already figured you had it in for me, - Ronnir snickered. - I'm not going to ask why it's a dress... Just at least tell me who I am.

Chapter 11: Chapter 10. Tertia

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

- Take Knyaz' with you, because it's going to be difficult, I thought, - I heard in my ears as everything around me began to shimmer again.

I was thrown into a room with the lights dimmed by the curtains. It was probably someone's bedroom, and I was in an awkward situation again. There were two people on the bed, who looked like twins at first glance, the only difference being the color of their hair. But the brunette wasn't hugging the white-haired one in a fraternal way... There was a shuffling sound on their side, and I hurried to turn away.

- Sinner, what the hell? - I heard the Knyaz'es voice. - Trouble with the teleport?
- No, I was told to fetch you before I went to fetch Dr. Medner, - I muttered.
- Avier's lost his f*ckin' mind, - he sighed wistfully. - I'm a hundred percent sure it's not the complexity of the mission, but the fact that I can finally afford to rest...
- Leaving again? - a quiet, melodious voice asked.
- Sorry, Uriel...
- Will you come back?
- I will try.
- When will you come back?

There was an awkward pause.

- In this century, - the blue-eyed man said reluctantly, as he hurriedly threw on his black shirt and then snapped his fingers, transporting us, himself and me, to the other world.

Barely had I begun to distinguish the outline of the place of arrival, Knyaz' not particularly cheerfully uttered:
- The white angel is a puppet for beauty. Well, we were too late.

In the cottage nearby the windows were glowing with colorful flashes, and some loud music of modern squabbles, refrains and other "rocking", according to the youth, heresy was playing. We were standing on the edge of the pool with the deep-blue water, like in Hollywood movies. There was a body lying at the bottom of the pool; it had probably been there for a while. There was a man's snoring coming from the green hedge nearby.

- f*ck, I won't dive, - Knyaz' added, adjusting his shirt and buttoning a few buttons. - No matter what going to happen, but diving is without me.
- I swim like an axe, - I hummed.
- Medner doesn't swim at all anymore. He's dead.
- Mein gott...

I squatted, staring down at the corpse on the bottom. Oh yes, now I could see the familiar features in it... Poor doctor. I touched the water surface with my hand, and my palm tingled unpleasantly.

- It doesn't look like water to me.
- I suppose that implies that I shall have to dive in after all?

I hardly recognized Sava in what Knyaz' had retrieved from the bottom of the pool. In any case, I was glad I hadn't gone into the pool myself; I could tell by the way his skin was peeling that there was acid in the water. I looked into the pool again. The body was still there. What?

- Corpse should be found there in the morning, - explained the blue-eyed man, seeing my bewildered face. - So I got the spark right away, no big deal. Now do your part.

I removed a bunch of keys from my belt. One of them glowed a cold gray-blue color. As I tried to bring it to Medner, the eerie piece of metal melted right into my hand, dripping onto the dead doctor and apparently initiating the other key in the bundle - it, flaring scarlet, couldn't be missed.
And so the scarlet key had already begun to work. I couldn't see any pictures this time, but Sava himself began to change. His hair was blackened and straight, a few strands of it dyed red. Acid-soaked clothes were replaced by a black shirt and jeans, sneakers appeared on his feet.

- Wake up, Doctor...
- HClOe Acid, - Knyaz' interrupted me.

Our newly minted 'Frankenstein' opened his eyes, staring up at the sky and then focusing on us.

- Welcome back, Custodian, - the blue-eyed man held out his hand. - I am younger than you in rank, but as the first initiated, I can drop the formalities.
- What happened? Even... What's going on? - the former Sava muttered dazedly. - I...
- Drunk as hell fell into the pool, prepared by your colleagues for your murder and staging a terrible accident. The reason is one of the platitudes - "do you want more than everyone else?" - I coldly stated and shut up. How did I know that? It was as if someone had spoken through me. - Currently initiated as the third highest demiurg. We are sent to bring you up to speed... Oh yes, the first one told me to give you this, - I handed him the very newspaper-lined box.

Acid carefully took it in his hands and opened it. Inside was a handmade deck of tarot cards mixed in with playing cards.

- Nominate your Guide, - Knyaz' said, causing him to take his eyes off the gift and raise his head.
- I have no f*cking idea who I am, - HClOe shook his head. - Much less the people associated with me.
- Are you suggesting that I should initiate as a guide random bum off the street? - the blue-eyed man blurted out in a huff. - Very well. Bums don't make plans to take over the world, at least! Whatever snores in those bushes will be your guide, and there'll be no turning back! - after saying that, a red thread stretched between the Custodian and that thing at the green hedge.

Acid waited a moment or two, batting his eyelashes in surprise, before he ventured a little closer to the creature bound to him. I decided to do the same.
We found another character drunk as hell.

- I think I used to...
- Knew him, Alexander Ketler, your former roommate who accompanied you to the event, - the words sprang out of me, and I still couldn't figure out who or what was guiding me.
- It felt good, didn't it? - I heard the laughing voice next to my shoulder again. In my head, I told Alistor to f*ck off. Why was I so angry now?
- He would be called Doom Coaend now, as isn't customary to leave behind memories of a previous life in the rebirth, - Knyaz' added. - Now we'll escort you to your new home and then leave you there for a long time.
- Fine, - the newly minted demiurg replied grimly. - There's always some sh*t going on with me.
- Everyone you meet there will be your new family, - Knyaz' sneered, - so be careful what you say.

Then he snapped his fingers, with a look of absolute boredom, like he was about to yawn; and we were transported to a new world.
Or rather, into some kind of void, since we weren't even standing on anything.
- Create, - the blue-eyed man yawned after all.
- Create what? - Acid asked.
- World, - Knyaz' snorted as if he meant it.
- Somebody help, it's trivial for a man here! - I chuckled softly.
- Calm down, I'm a postmodernist, will play that comically right away! - the non-bum was interrupted, and then he hiccuped and fell off. Probably into oblivion.
- A lump of hair! - HClOe blurted out, dropping to his knees and peering out into the blackness of the uncreated world. We continued to stand in the air. - Is it supposed to be like this? - he added, turning his head towards us.
- Who knows maybe, - replied the Knyaz', shrugging his shoulders. - How should I know? It's your world.
- Oh, for f*ck's sake, - sighed the Custodian, rising to his feet. - You ain't got a manual, have you? Or a DIY book? A handbook or something, 'What do you do if your Guide goes off the deep end?
- Write it, - the blue-eyed man chuckled. - I'm sure you can do anything you want in here, whether it's sun as a lamp, rivers of milkshake, or a carpet of tit* for a floor.
- I can do without a carpet, - Acid replied, his hand covering his smile. - So, will the Guide return himself?
- He will.
It was as if someone had switched on a light.
The space was entirely white. Dimensional cubes were floating here and there; we were standing on one of them. A green object glowed above one of the neighboring ones.
When HClOe gazed at it, it turned into a pretty woman in a long black dress.

- You're pretty damn strong to turn the world's core like that, - Knyaz' said. - I've done Gerda for three cycles, and still she's like a jerky puppet... Oh yes, I'm just the Guide, of course...
Then he looked around and added:
- Come, Sinner, there's nothing more for us to do here.

Again the usual movement, I only managed to notice some furry ball rising behind Chloe's back. Still, Knyaz' was definitely a good actor... Or was he? After experiencing what it was like to be controlled, I doubted it all the more.
- Now we need a forecast, - the blue-eyed man said, sighing as soon as we appeared in Shadowsgone again.
- The weather? - I asked.
- If that mug was a weather man, we'd all be dead around here by now, - Knyaz' declared with a frown.
- You mean Avier?
- Avier's an asshole, but not that asshole, - he replied. - If you're so curious, we're on our way to get a prediction about the Custodian. Because with Kassij DUAU already miscalculated once. Now, when they are separated and can speak adequately, we can get a more accurate result. Although I would have preferred not to deal with the Prophet.

The slab we were standing on slowly drifted somewhere upwards. Soon I noticed the outline of a green cube, which on closer inspection turned out to be a construction of multiple patches.

- Arekuuu, come the f*ck out, you miserable recluse! - Shouted Knyaz', as we approached the cube up close.

A blonde-haired, blue flounced skirted person appeared from the cube, which I'm sure I've seen somewhere before. The person waved the hem theatrically, like a gypsy and said in a singsong voice:
- What could be said, what could be said, the people made this way, they want to know, they want to know, they want to know what's lies ahead...¹
- And why is he an asshole? - I asked.
- Because... Give Gerda back her skirt, you, fa*ggot! - blue-eyed shouted and rushed to the hapless gypsy. He, however, managed to hide in his cube again.
- This is an appointment only, today is a day off, opening hours tomorrow from three to six, - Areku said smirkingly.
- I'd tell you to go f*ck yourself, but I have no time for that now...
- When will there be time to go? - chuckled the individual, not coming out of the cube after all.
- Don't f*ck off, you're supposed to be in the loop, - Knyaz' said coldly. - Go on, open your hikki-room, we're on a serious business.
- Really? Serious? - the door did open a little, and a head peeked out. - How serious?
- That much, - Knyaz' scooped up the occupant of the cube and pressed him against the wall.
- And which one of us is the bigger fa*ggot, - indignantly blurted out the white-haired man.
- Come in, Sinner, come in, we won't be long, - the blue-eyed man sighed, letting go of the "victim of circ*mstances" only when I got into the cube after all.

It was quite dark in there, and only the light from laptop allowed me to see at least something. Including the white-haired man's face, with a patch in place of his left eye. He, by the way, darted off quickly and closed his browser.

- Has been watching that p*rn with traps again? - the Duke remarked in a sarcastic tone.
- Piss off, - hissed the cube-owner. - Or you want to live with the alternative again?
- Oh, that's it, - the Provider rolled his eyes. - I can't even take a joke now.
- Get to the point. You're not here to see me, are you? - asked Areku, point-blank.
- You are very perceptive.
- I am.
- Is he going to transform too? - I asked.
- How do you know that? - I immediately got staring by two pairs of... No, one and a half - the Prophet's right eye was obscured by a patch - pairs of surprised eyes.
- I saw the DUAU talk through Avier. He changed after they were done.
- f*ck you're so lucky, - Knyaz' exhaled. - The DUAU spoke to you and you kept quiet?
- Not to me... To Kassij, when I dragged him to Shadowsgone.
- Add a hundred to your sense of worthlessness, - P'en commented, coming out of nowhere again.
- I'm not worthless. - I snapped.
- Oh brother, - Areku walked over and patted me on the shoulder. - Welcome to our f*cking club.
- You really can't see him, - I said with a sigh. Looks like, as Ronnir would say, Shadowsgone won't need heating again until I get used to the winged commentator.
- No, I don't see any faeries, - the white-haired man shrugged. - So, back to the body... I mean the case. What was the reason for your visit?
- As you may be aware, - Knyaz' began, - a third demiurg has been initiated. - No one wants to have such risks after what happened to Kassij, and we chose a guide for him at random from the bushes nearby.
- Youuuu guys are... Iiidiooooots? - suddenly Prophet's voice turned out to be slow and drawn out, as if time had slowed down around us. - Whoooo does that... aKaio, are you trying to set us up?
- I beg your pardon, - the blue-eyed man dropped to one knee. - It would have taken too long to find a candidate, and the Custodian had been so drunk he'd lost his memory before he'd died.
- Empty excuses. That was able to be dangerous. You're lucky we don't see any bad lines about them.
- So we didn't miss it after all?
- You couuuuld say so, - the white-haired man agreed, then he paused for a moment and added, "Also... Let Nemo go with bKas. He's having a hard time without bHei.

Then Areku suddenly shook his head as if awakening from a nightmare.

- Booh... Why do they always decide to talk without warning? I'm a f*cking Viy... Lift up my eyeliiiids, - he said, as if mimicking DUAU.
- Who cares when we get the answer, anyway, - Knyaz' snickered indifferently.
- Don't sneer now, Veelon Dick², - the white-haired man blurted out. - You get it? Now if you'd be so kind as to f*ck off out of my abode.
- What about Kassij? - I asked, not caring to see the blue-eyed man boiling over again, as knew that the third demiurg had been initiated into Kogito's niche.
- You were told you'd be messing around with him for a while, - Areku shrugged. - I'll be able to tell you more accurately once Arcadia is broken. And don't trustthe demons, they're liars. By the way, Veelon Dick, how's that other half of yours? Didn't get a mind to decide the end of his world yet?
- I think he's not thinking about it at all, - replied Knyaz', trying his best to keep his composure.
- Oh, yes, he's thinking of Reaper's ass, - the Prophet rolled his eyes. - Like children, sir, like children. You're mocking around, forgetting your real problems...
- I'll kick your ass! - shouted blue-eyed furiously, grabbing him by the hoodie. Areku mechanically co*cked his head to his shoulders, as if this was not the first time he had done so.
- Stop it! - I tried to calm things down when I saw that this was able to end with more than just a bruises for Areku. - We seem to have gotten all we wanted to know. I apologize for the inconvenience, - I nodded briefly and left the cube.

It didn't take long for Knyaz' to get his bearings.

- What the hell, Sinner? - he asked in an after voice as he left the Prophet's dwelling.
- Veelon. Help me find Kassij, and I'll let you out of my presence, if that pisses you off so much already.

Notes:

1 - a reference to a song from old soviet film "Ах, водевиль, водевиль..." https://youtu.be/KfX3Tyf32bA
2 - a reference to world's lore from Kornel&Alphyna's books: it's name of the tower (Имперская башня, Небесное таинство, Ллинвам, Вилонский Хуй), from which Kaj's surname originates from. https://twitter.com/pesiydvor/status/1024790749639008256

Chapter 12: Chapter 11. Statesmen -Actress-

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

- And just when I'd decided to manage to get away for the evening from this intergalactically important task of Eventime, Nika called and said that Kirka wouldn't let her go! - the red-haired man blurted out indignantly, falling theatrically onto the couch of his frieze pod. - No, can you imagine!
- Maynajo, I don't give a f*ck, - you replied wearily. - I think it's for the best, because we'll get over with this troublemaker much quicker.
- That's not even the point, Maore... I arranged for us to be on the scene together with Ajris for a song, - Karjalainen muttered, his face sunk into his pillow, and then he pulled it away from it, adding: - Do you know how much that cost me? Three f*cking salaries!
- Damn, - you even looked away from the book and stared at your partner. - I always knew you were insane, of course, but what the hell's with all the posturing? I didn't mishear that, did I? Three of our salaries?
- Yeah, three of our salaries. I can't get the money back, we're on the concert program. Where can I find a chick for the evening?
- Any pub, like you always do, - you snorted.
- But you can't do that now, - May collapsed back into his pillow. - Nika'll gonna choke me.
- Well, that's your problem.
- Look, - he interrupted you abruptly, - could you change into a girl? It'll make it easier for me to explain all this crap to Nika later.
- Maynajo, are you f*cked up? - you responded nervously, remembering that this is all borderline.
- Oh Maore, you're a hom*o, what's it to you?
- You're even not afraid if am I going to make you gay? - you snorted irritably, trying to keep this comedy going as long as possible. Agreeing to it would be like giving yourself up. In your humble opinion, it can't end well.
- I'm a Karelian, I'm immune! - chuckled your partner. - At least sing something, you're not much of a singer for that sort of thing.

Maure shook his head, but started singing anyway.

– Una mattina mi sono alzato oh bella ciao, bella ciao, bella ciao, ciao, ciao...
– Уна матина мисоналзато эхо тровата линвазор... - began to sing along May, recognizing the tune.
- Shut the f*ck up, - you threw angrily. - Your Italian is complete sh*t.
- Oiii, - he exhaled. - I'm gonna start speaking my own language, you won't understand a f*cking thing!
- Please go back to Esperanto.
- Whatever you say, - he smirked. - So what about... Come on, Maaore, come on!
- What time? - you sighed, aware that your partner was locked in like a tick and would not let go until he had what he wanted. - I think I can arrange it with a friend of mine from the book club.

- We met at Confucius¹, a festival of opinions and views. She was called a chipmunk and I said chipmunks are cute.
- And after that, you believed you had an obligation to hook up with her? - you pulled on your dress and looked at your partner again.
- Well... It wasn't my decision, I just know how to compliment, Maura! - he blurted out. - But I really think she's my destiny!
- I hope that was before we met at the club, - you said with a pouty, hurt expression. - I hope the naive child isn't already aware of your adventures...
- Oh, what are you talking about, Maura! Of course not! - he hastily answered. - No, perhaps I shall tell her later, but not yet... However, I am glad you agreed to come with me.
- I thought it would be interesting to talk to you in a different setting, - you shrugged, knowing that scheduling a meeting away from the tower and then using the teleport with impunity was a genius idea. Anyway, so far the comedy has broken down nicely.
- How's that going? Living up to expectations?
- Quite so, Maynajo, - the you shook your head, mentally adding "what a fool you are".
- You don't have to call me by my full name, please, - May asked with a sorta disappointed tone. - It's just a formality in the service, and a personal privilege of the nerd partner.
- Is that so? - you tried to remain calm, but inside you were instantly fuming with righteous indignation. But then again what? Personal?
- Late, late, late! - he exclaimed in reply, glancing up at the clock on the town hall.

A little frantic running and you were already standing outside AjDo's trailer. After a brief chat with security, you were allowed inside to stipulate the specific song you would take to the stage.

- The set is particularly cashier today, - Donoma grinned, taking another look in the mirror for minor image clutter. Everything was perfect. - Particularly at the end Grey himself had promised to be there, I don't know what possessed him. And that song hasn't been on the program for a long time. I don't really like it, but if someone at the top gave a shekel, why not? A little database expansion is never a waste.
- Eventime will shoot me when he sees me, - May groaned.
- He promised he wouldn't be until the very end, eternal trouble, - aidol shrugged. - Maybe you'll get away with it, I can't promise anything. So what song shall we sing? I was thinking something new at this concert. What did I add to the library... - she paused for a moment. - Oh, how about Arcadia? It's for three voices, though, as it should be.
- Arcadia's fine, - the red-haired man nodded.
- Great, - Ajris snapped her fingers, - now I need a little diagnosis just in case, and I think we should start the concert.

And then she closed her eyes and sang.
- A-di-o-su E-de-n...
You looked around, noticing a strange ripple as if someone was breaking reality, and nothing stopped you before you cried out in fright and clutched at your partner's hand. You found yourself neither more nor less in some old temple, surrounded by a crowd of some people in long robes that looked like very old Roman togas.
Aidol reluctantly opened her eyes and said indignantly:

- I wrote you a damn list of days I shouldn't be disturbed!

There was a "goddess is angry" kind of murmur through the crowd. One "cripple", as you mentally dubbed him - he was missing one arm - emerged from the crowd. He was dressed differently from the men who looked like priests, wearing a large collared shirt, simple jeans tucked into his boot cuffs, and a large green medallion in a brass frame dangled from his chest. The "cripple" stepped even closer, knelt down on one knee and began his speech:

- You have been summoned at my instigation, Goddess.
- What would have to happen for you to disobey? - AjDo raised an eyebrow.
- In exactly three days you must appear and remain here, I beg of you, - the 'cripple' replied courteously. - Entropolis will be wiped out for the glory of Arcadia, as foretold in the prophecy.
- What do you mean by that? - Maynajo blurted out, unable to withstand the turn of events.
- You, my friend, are a matter of opinion. - smirked the 'cripple'.

They stepped aside and you couldn't hear exactly what the cripple said to him, but May nodded with a completely serious face, which was uncharacteristic of him. It made you tense.

You came back to your world as suddenly as you came into that one. The concert went well on the whole, except that the grey cardinal did notice you. Well, like you. Maynajo. But still, the punishment for him was a punishment for you too - the management thought it would be extremely amusing to put collars on you, restricting your movement in space relative to each other.

- When am I supposed to live?! - your partner squealed indignantly as the door slammed shut behind you.
- I agree that you had to do it, - you said quietly, groping for your "new clothes".
- I don't even know if they're traceable or not!

He shut up and walked to his room in silence, only clacking loudly on the heels of his uniform. You've been pondering the real reason they put those magnets on you. Eventime had personally fastened cold black straps around your necks, which couldn't help but be tense. You always knew, though, that Mr. Grey trusted you a little more than any other guard. It's cost you a lot of time and stamina, but now it's had amusing consequences. You got to keep an eye on May, and it made you want to laugh, because you already did... Well, except for those days when a colleague was drawn to the small motherland, to the criminal areas of Karel. Surveillance there was extremely dangerous, even though you were physically stronger than any other android.

- You'll have to come with me tonight, - May stated as he entered your room. - Prepare your tender soul, queer.
- We're not going anywhere tonight, - you countered.
- You don't have a choice, - he chuckled. - You'll be dragged when I'm more than a hundred yards away. And I ain't gonna live with that crap, by the way. So get your things together, put on something less fa*ggy than our uniform, and let's go. Kenko might be able to disrupt this crap Eventime put on us.

You froze. You haven't had any belongings on you since you got here, except for that unfortunate dress and uniform.

- Why are you freezed, you, aspen post? - May asked and then, without waiting for an answer, rolled his eyes: - Don't tell me you don't have it.

Panic gripped you. Fail waved again from behind the horizon.

- Eh, was my kindness, take something from my cupboard, a cinnamon bun. I can't drag you like this, they'll laugh you out of here, - May sighed, walking over to the wall behind his freeze capsule and opening the hidden door.
- You didn't even tell me where we were going, - you hissed, trying to hide your panic.
- To TNT, I promised the guys I wouldn't be late. I'll take you into it sometime, you won't need to do anything difficult, just stand nearby wall pretending you like the music.
- Some kind of concert? What's that? And where?
- A club in Karel, - brushed off your colleague, - would you like that answer?
- What?! - you blurted out and hovered under Maynajo's ever more poker-faced stare.
- We're opening for RuBi tonight, - he added. - So being late will be deathlike.

You cursed life, heaven, god, whatever you could as you ran after Maynayo through the ramshackle streets of Karel between the grey concrete frames of old houses. You ran in through the back door of one of those and immediately someone impressively tall intercepted your partner.

- Hey, where are we going in such a hurry, Goldfinch?
- Hey, Tima! - he chuckled.

The guy let him go and they did some sly greeting with fists and stuff. Then he adjusted his green hoop and asked:
- What are you doing up so early? It's still two o'clock.
- Just had some unforeseen problems, - he sighed. - Is Kenny in?
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, what happened? I thought Kenny was just hanging around, Yan's the one who's always waiting, so what's the question?

May threw his head back so he could see the 'upgrade' and then pointed his thumb at you:
- One hundred meters. Management's f*cked up, need to fix it. I won't last that long.
- Come on, he seems like a normal man, - the green-eyed man looked in the direction indicated.
- Cinnamon bun, - May said with a roll of her eyes.
- Ahh, - Tim grinned understandingly. - Maybe we should make a human out of him?
- It's no use, - your partner dismissed, eliciting your quiet indignation.
- He'll have to wait anyways, - he said with a conspiratorial wink.
- I'll have to introduce you anyway, yeah, I get it.

Well, you wanted to run. You wanted to run away from this place, but you couldn't. Wanted to, but couldn't. In Karel, you never knew if everything was okay. sh*t always happened in Karel. sh*t happened so often that even the authorities didn't give a f*ck about the area, and as the guardian of the Mayor's tower, you knew that. And you had absolutely no idea what to expect from these friends of your colleague.

- Tim, this is Maore, my partner and part nerd, - he made you want to punch him, but you had to restrain yourself. - Maore, this is Timon, our string lover, who is also the humble inventor of the wonderkit, which can be anything from double bass to violin, but more often it is a guitar.
- Oh, come on, - he chuckled and held out his hand to you. - Let's meet!
- Goldfinch, are you sure he's a bun? - Timon asked, looking at his hand, which had a reddish imprint of your hand.
- A professional courtesy, I beg your pardon, - you said curtly.
- Now, stop that officiousness, bun! Just keep it simple and let it go, it's cool for the slam! - the green-eyed man held up a finger. - Now, we've got to find Kenych, if you're in such a trouble.

Kenych was found surprisingly quickly. He was an inestimably tired-looking guy in a T-shirt with a print of calculator buttons and messy long yellow hair on his head. He was asleep sitting at his desk, his face tucked into some book on the spread with some kind of diagram.

- Bastards! They've killed Kenny! - May exclaimed, causing the poor yellow-haired man to jump up abruptly.
- Damn you, Goldfinch, - he muttered. - To deprive a man of an unscheduled fifteen minutes' sleep is sacrilege.
- Come on, I've got a case for a can of dark, - he retorted, dropping onto the big sofa against the wall.
- Well, - Kenny perked up and sat down beside him. - What's it about?
- Well, for starters, Kenny, this is Maore, - May jabbed his finger at you, whose hovering by the door, - my colleague. Maore, this is Kenko, our drummer in every sense of the word. Hits the drums and the job well, and doesn't forget to be a good man.

Kenko's face said "praise, praise me completely".

- Kenych, they're in the sh*t, help them out, - Timon blurted out, falling onto the couch on the other side of May. - There's some magnetic crap in there, and if it ain't cleaned up, we'll have to rehearse without the vocalist.
- Damn, - said Kenko. - Where's it goin'?
- Over here, - May tilted his head back.

He inspected the black-belted inferno, nibbled at it with his finger, and rendered a verdict:

- If you take it off, it could be f*cked up. The lock will give off too much current if I get in. You'll get shorted out, what sucks.
- You can't do that at all? - May asked frustrated.
- Well, I can weak it down to a five hundred yards, but I can't guarantee it, - Kenny shrugged.
- What's all the fuss? - you heard a voice behind you.
- Yan! - the three of guys yelled as one from the couch.
- You don't have to shout like that, - a rather thin and slim fellow in a dandelion T-shirt burst into the room.
- Hey bun, check it out, now you can see the Studzen'T in the backstage in full, - said Timon, - That's our piece of fanservice arrived, who's also the keyboard player. He's always getting shipped with the Goldfinch, but it's not a good idea.
- Yeah, you don't mind being in that fanfiction instead of me, - May elbowed him in the side.
- Hey, Goldfinch, are you out of your mind? We ain't got no hom*o! - the green-eyed one objected.
- No quarrels, boys, I've got the lipstick, - Yan chuckled as he sat down on the armrest. - What's the fuss about?
- Just a regular onlooker, - muttered Kenko, evidently wondering what he could do. - I'll be building a muffler out of sh*t and sticks²later, apparently. But not tonight, I guess. Goldfinch, what the hell are they inventing out there? I can't keep up!

You walked back in complete frustration. A devotee of classical and light-hearted songwriting, having spent nearly three hours in a rowdy crowd, amidst fights and incredibly loud music with growling instead of singing, you couldn't describe your state. Maynajo walked behind in the company of his friends. Kenko was discussing something with him about offered can of dark an about extraordinary price hike, Tim was occasionally throwing in a few quid about how ale was better, and Yan was just sitting on his shoulders, sipping cider from a can.

It was getting dark in Entropolis.

The lights disappeared altogether when you reached your dormitory. "Studzen'Ts" had sprawled out in different directions earlier, and only Maynajo was following you. You needed to rest, and as soon as possible, so you started walking considerably faster up the steps. However, you did not find any peace in the room.
When the door closed, you felt something sharp resting between your shoulder blades. You involuntarily swallowed.

- Shh, don't be silly, - May said in a half tone. - Walk away from the wall.
- What's... What's going on? - you whispered, though you complied with the request. - Just put the feather³down, please...
- If you thought I was a fool, you are mistaken, - he replied, pushing you with his forearm against the wall while drawing his knife away.
- What are you talking about?
- Huh, your voice is already shaking, - he suppressed a chuckle. - Will you tell Eventime about my adventures tomorrow?
- Why would you think that? - there was a hint of panic in your voice. - Why do you think that of me? If I was, Grey would know about your drinking every weekend, especially after the Piñata!
- And you didn't tell about the Piñata because you were ashamed, Maura, - the scarlet guard turned you over to face him. - Or am I wrong? Your eyes are running. Don't even think about hitting me now, Maura.
- What do you want from meee, - you howled, cursing yourself resolutely for the day.
- You won't even deny it, amusing, - Maynajo quipped, pulling up your T-shirt and pushing down on his chest panel. - Would it be easier for me to turn off your speaker, or would you be smart enough to keep quiet?

You sobbed.

- Pathetic and helpless, - he snorted. - So, let's start with what I know about your following me. What's the reason? Well, I don't really care much about that in general, but if Eventime finds out about the opposition, I'm screwed. And today you found out I'm not alone, it was a forced measure, but now you're a danger to us. Particularly for tomorrow's operation. I've known more than that since we moved somewhere with AjDo back then...
- That cripple... What did he tell you?
- That place where we were is our true world. We're all dead in Entropolis. And he can bring us back to life for one favor... Eventime is a mistake. Everything that happens here is his doing. This world doesn't exist, and I have to change that. And you're a liability now, Maura.
- Maore, call me Maore, call me Maore, please...
- As long as I'm more perfect than you, I'll call you whatever I want... Tell me, do you want to live, Maura?

You nodded convulsively.

- I could ask to take you to the new world as well... But what will you do for me?

And then your nerves gave out.
You woke up in the room alone. The freeze capsule was open, worse, not your freeze capsule. On the nightstand was May's service weapon. He usually hid it, had been hiding it ever since the time it had been decided to be withdrawn due to the diminished danger level. Beside that there were a note written in your partner's sloppy handwriting.

"You remember what I asked you to do, bun."
"Though I'd better not," you thought as you got up and put on your uniform.

The connectors responded with pain with every movement, except for the two audio ones on your collarbones. Gritting your teeth, you grabbed the weapon from the bedside table and left the room.
You had to walk carefully so that no one would notice the weapon in your hands. You almost had a heart attack when you were nearly knocked down by Maynajo outside Eventime's office.

- Good boy, - he chuckled.
- May... Was that really not a lie?
- I will do anything for my and Nika's happy future, - the scarlet guardian replied.
- Yesterday...

But Karjalainen had already twisted and fled down the corridor, disappearing into the screen control room.
He had nothing to lose, at least not in your own mind. You knocked on the door of the advisor's office and entered.
Eventime nearly choked on his tea, but quickly removed the open screens hanging in the air.

- I dare report a conspiracy, Mr. Eventime, - you began.
- Haha, I knew that! - Grey jumped up from his seat and sprinted towards the door. - I knew...

And that's when he noticed a sideways glance of his weapon pointed at him.

- Tai? Don't you dare... You were... A confidant...
- I was.

The shot annihilated the head of the now former advisor.

Notes:

1 - a reference to "UTAU confessions" public, where an anonymous user shipped Maynajo Karjalainen and Nika Kirano for the first time. How it grew up into the strongest canon we don't know still.
2 - "out of nothing", "with lacking of materials".
3 - about folding knife.

Chapter 13: Chapter 12. Ghosts

Chapter Text

- I think this will work itself out, - I leaned back in my chair, leaning my head back and resting my hands on the armrests. - At the very least, we should leave this to Kassij.
- DUAU are against it, - my companion said with a chuckle, standing by the window and letting another ring of tobacco smoke out the window. - It will end, but for some reason they maintain that time bubble themselves. I wish I knew why.
- I'd like to know why I personally need all this crap when there are demiurges, - I covered my eyes with the palm of my hand. The sun, which was setting over the horizon, was intruding in my eyes through the windowpanes, and we hadn't been able to close the curtains yet. - So you're saying the mistake is Entropolis after all?
- Thanks to Kassij, Tori was already convinced of that, - the redhead grunted as he extinguished the cigarette butt in the ashtray and dropped onto the couch. He looked more at home than I did, still wearing the same tattered coat and other street clothes. - The Deposed had thrown Kogito out into his own birth-world. And because of his self-will, when he tried to interfere with the essence of that world, Entropolis cracked, forming a time bubble. Don't tell me you weren't interested in why this city is covered by a dome.
- Knyaz' has dragged me through various worlds, so to tell you the truth, not really.
- Well, the dome was created under the pretext of a lack of oxygen, - he hummed, rolling over on his side. - Actually, that was the Deposed's bullsh*t, so he'd cut off the boundaries of the bubble. There was nothing beyond it. The portal entrances-exits lead to the past.
- He's crazy, - I stated. Something rattled in the corridor.
- Nevertheless, the Tithe is willingly cooperating with this madman, - Herr Longshadow interrupted me as he entered the room. - They are watching both versions, as far as I understood.
- Were you at home? - Ronnir asked, rousing himself and rising.
- Not really, - the demon brushed me off. - There isn't much time. They'll do it for us now.
- Oh, yes, you're in your style, - the redhead slumped back down.
- I don't see what you've got against it, - he sighed. - We're this close to DUAU being f*cked off.
- You know you can go on in this agony as long as you like, - the boy answered. - Now you ain't even strong enough to keep your arm working anymore. I'm not an iron man either, Tori.
- I'm still left-handed, -the demoninterrupted him, hiding the stump in his right hand. - You didn't mention we were having guests, by the way.
- I'm not staying long, - I said. - I'm just stopping by for a word or two while I figure out how to help the lout with Dungeon.
- Avier's going to get it someday, - Herr Longshadow laughed back at me. - Lazy ass. However, no one else knows what I've unearthed during my time with the DUAU... Nobody. Nobody... That's ironic.
- What are you talking about?
- The DUAU forgot something. They forget their mistakes as soon as it's resolved. But they're not alone, Nikolas. You'll have to figure that out for yourself, though. I'll tell you just one thing: you're no one's equal, Nikolas. Not even Avier. Not even me.

There was a ringing silence in the room for a while.

- Anyway, thanks for the information, - I nodded and rose from my chair.
- Information is not a shekel you can put in your pocket, - said Ronnir with a smirk. - At least you weren't bored out of my mind today.
- Remember what I said, and don't tell anyone about your visits to my time loop, - the demon said, patting me on the shoulder before I returned to Shadowsgone.

I knew what he meant. Or rather, I was beginning to guess. I'd started digging myself, after all, to at least understand the general situation... I just couldn't do otherwise. I was getting more and more fed up with those bouts of "obsession", as I was beginning to call them.
Alistor was either absent or silent for the most part, occasionally uttering something neutral. I began to get the feeling that he was just watching me, and I began to try not to do anything provocative in his presence.
Kassij was asleep for the third twenty-four hours, citing fatigue, but I learned from Knyaz' that they had had another spat with Avier. Perhaps the DUAU had intervened, though I am not at liberty to judge them.

I jogged across the slab, then jumped to the shard I'd spotted earlier. Immediately a few more small ones, covered in dust, were revealed. There were footprints on them, but they were from a long time ago. I had come to this shard several times before, but I didn't dare go any farther because it was too far to jump. But there was nothing else for me to do in Shadowsgone at the moment.

I was lucky not to fall off, more splinters appeared ahead, and finally I came to another slab. As I looked around I realized that I had climbed quite high relative to the second slab and even the Avier's slab. Where am I?

- Stranger, is that you? - I heard a man's voice in the distance. It was rather dusty on the slab, and there was a hazy veil partly in front of my eyes. - I know someone is here now!

Walking forward, I came out to a small box of walls - you couldn't call it a room, it was missing the front wall. In the box was a man suspended from the ceiling. His eyes, with cloudy pupils, were staring blindly forward, and his chest was not moving - perhaps he was not breathing, like me.

- Unhook me, my arms are stiff, I can't hold on much longer, - said the hovering man. The eyes on his shoulder looked as if they were struggling to open. Eyes?

I shuddered.

- Not the Stranger, - the hovering man stated. - Well, I'd be glad if you could help me out if you could at least look me in the eye. Ehh, don't look at me like that, - he sighed. - Don't be afraid of me... Mhm, I think I've seen you before. Sinner, right? Well, do me a favor and take off the shackles, if you can.

Fearing a trick, I slowly approached him and touched the black metal of the chains. The shackles opened, but the prisoner did not fall - something seemed to be fixing him in the air. The black staves began to slowly detach from the walls and cling to the floor.

- Thank you, - he said. - I thought I was going to be here forever... Stranger had been coming for far too long, the last time he had said that he would soon resign his duties as demiurg and would have no right to interfere in Shadowsgone's orders. That upset me catastrophically, robbing me of all chance of release... I think I should introduce myself. My name is Theodore, and I think you know who I am now.

Yes, of course, I remembered who Teo was. That elf from true memory of Knyaz'... But what had happened to him here, I did not know. Missing the opportunity to ask was not my style.

- What happened to you?
- With me personally, or in general? - the look in his eyes came up to me. - I died the most idiotic death possible. I was killed by my esper. A creature that I myself had created, and which had taken everything it could take from me. Love, life... Huh. Even in death it keeps me going. Feeling him like myself. Especially now... Ooh...

He shivered, and all his eyes squeezed shut as if he'd seen something disgusting. Then he tucked his legs under him, and those feelers held his
weight. He was shaking.

- Avier, as he called himself now... When is he going to calm down already?
- You mean Abyss? - I asked, not really understanding.
- No," was my answer. - You know that the demiurges break their souls, don't you?

There was an awkward silence. The eyes on Teo's shoulder opened again, staring up at me reproachfully.

- It's a good thing you don't know. I don't know how many times Avier has broken himself, but it hurts to see someone you love turn into a monster... When I was ten, an elder warned me that a foundling would make my life a living hell. I only laughed then, but now I realize she was right. Emmanuel was sweet and naive while he stayed in the settlement, but later, when I met him again, I didn't recognize him at all. And after I ended up here, things finally went downhill. When I found myself here, I bumped into El'. To say I was surprised was nothing to say. But even here I continued to feel my esper... Who remained in our world under the guise of Emmanuel, we didn't know. I only continued to feel Kaj, to feel that monster breaking him. I had created him as an indestructible wall, a protector who could be a wall for Emmanuel, while whoever was left there began to turn him into a helpless servant, to trample his pride into the ground... I felt sorry for him, to be honest.

The elf sighed, and his feet touched the slab again. He strode forward, and the black feelers reached for him.

- But when the monster showed up here, things took a turn for the worse. El disappeared, I never knew where he ended. The monster itself stunned me, and I woke up here, looking like this. He said he didn't want to risk the Guide, and believing my reincarnation would make Kaj disappear, he locked me in the world. He said he was sorry, but I could hardly believe it. I don't know how long I spent here, Sinner, but it was horrible. Everything my esper had been exposed to kept projecting onto me... If it hadn't been for the occasional visits from the Stranger who found me, I'd probably have gone mad. He promised to help, but in the endhe lied. I want to destroy this bond that destroys me... Help me! I know you can!

He moved quickly toward me, causing me to jerk back automatically, dropping my keychain. We both stared at the cold pieces of metal resting on the equally cold marble of the slab. Two of them were glowing now.

- I suppose I can do little without the presence of Knyaz' himself, - I threw my hands together, picking up the keychain from the floor.
- I see, - Teo nodded and then added, - I hope the monster's gone by now... A quick trip by ghost express?
- What?
- Give me your hand, - his eyes looked the other way.

I had no choice but to take his hand, and then the styli that held him down darted towards the lower slab, clinging to it. With wild force, they ripped us after them. In the blink of an eye we were on the demiurg'es slab.

- Ghost Express has arrived, - the elf said with a chuckle. - Don't ask for the "walk through walls" trick - not a Shadowsgone's ghost's prerogative.
- All right, - I said in a huff, and then looked around.

There was a pristine white body lying about, carefully wrapped by someone in a black trench coat. I went towards it. The closer I got, the more I thought it was Knyaz', but I couldn't tell from the back. It was only when I came close and squatted in front of him that my doubts vanished. It was him.
The look in his blue eyes was blank and vacant, as if he were looking right through me, and there were patches of gray on his paper-white skin. Especially on his wrists and knees and thighs. A bite mark was clearly visible on his shoulder. Knyaz' was completely naked, and only his feet were beginning to be enveloped in smoke.

- Better just finish me off, - he whispered barely audibly.
- What happened to you? - I asked, snapping my fingers in front of his eyes.
- Don't... Don't ask, - the blue-eyed man answered uneasily, rolling over onto his stomach. I noted the new elements in the tattoo on his shoulder.
- Pride has been stepped on, - the elf said, catching up with me.
- You... - hissed Knyaz', still not raising his head. - I thought you were gone...
- Yeah, well, I'm on my way, - Teo said sarcastically. - At least I got to see you in person since the times I died.
- I. Am. Sorry. I was. Not. Myself.
- I know, Kaj, I know. But you keep falling lower and lower. You probably hate me now for teaching you to feel pain.
- You bastard.
- Yeah?
- As if you died like the Virgin Mary yourself, - Knyaz' threw down angrily. - You think I don't know about your relationship with your brother?
- Shut the f*ck up, - the elf blurted out, closing his mouth immediately. - I didn't come here to quarrel with you again, though you're trying hard to...
- Nevertheless, now you're gloating, calling me pathetic...
- Shut up both of you! - I suddenly intervened and stood up. - I'll rewrite your history from scratch, you'll just become brothers!

Despite the protest that followed, I snatched the two keys from the bundle and clenched them in my fist. The pictures rushed habitually in front of me, and I intervened in almost every one, drawing Kaj in a new image. He was just born into the Medea family now, and he was growing up before my eyes. I barely touched the Emmanuel story, only inserting fights between the brothers for plausibility. When I finished, the first thing I heard was Kaj's tearful wailing. When I took a closer look, I realized at least one of the reasons why. His skin had taken on quite a human hue, and all the grey patches appeared to be badly bruised. His left leg lay in an unnatural position for it.

- I could sense how brutal the monster was, - Teo exhaled, looking at his condition. - But this time...

I gestured for him to be quiet. I squatted down again and took another key out of the bundle, a faint warm white glow. Knyaz' sitting in front of me shut up, still sniffing his nose, and looked at me.

- I'll roll back the events that put you in this state, all right?

He just nodded.
And I began to rewind the events in Shadowsgone. And at the same moment I realized the disadvantages of my powers - I absolutely did not want to see what I saw. Remembering what Teo had said about feeling Knyaz' like himself, I realized that he had every right to call Avier a monster.
I got up myself and helped Knyaz' to his feet. He wrapped himself up in Avier's coat.

- I have my life now, and you have yours, - the elf said, putting his arm around the blue-eyed man and then ruffling his hair.
- And the bond with Avier is broken, - he murmured, stretching his right hand forward and peering at it. - f*cking hell... Am I now really free or what?
- In the sense of slavery, yes. Not in the duties of the Guide, - I replied blankly.

Then Knyaz' looked around and whispered:

- Then you must go. Avier must have noticed that too...
- Can you tell me where to find El'? - Teo asked hopefully.
- Somewhere on the bottom slab, probably behind one of the old doors with the scratched plaques, - he replied. - I tried to sign them when I first got here but some of them have been wiped off by some unknown power. Search and you shall find.

When we got there, we heard the blue-eyed man shout, and Teo whispered something of "I forgot to warn him that real feelings are not the same way he used to feel at all". Well, my keychain shimmered with every possible and impossible color, as if I were holding a miniature northern lights in my hand. With that, I knew that I couldn't stay here much longer.

Teo had already flown far ahead, darting between the doors while I looked around. The doors were chaotic, as if they didn't lead anywhere. One of them gave me two bright blue eyes, but they quickly disappeared. I didn't pay any attention to it, and went to catch up with Medea before he got the hell lost.

- Behind that door, - I heard a thin, mosquito-like voice. And when I turned my head toward the source, the voice added: - Behind that one.

The lavender key glowed particularly strongly. I decided to try it on the door, and it worked just as well through the keyhole as a knife through butter. There was another shriek from the demiurg's slab, and it definitely was Avier's. I opened the door to see a white-haired elf in a time-worn blue cloak and a short blue dress, from beneath which I could see... Oh.
Not exactly what I was meant to see, fate had not prepared me for. Not at all. Teo, who had appeared in an instant, was apparently not at all embarrassed, but he reached over and picked the elf up, moving him out of the room, and as he exited, he asked:
- Where to go now? Evidently he'll go to that slab where he locked me up...
- There, - the thin metallic voice said again, and when we turned in his direction, there was no one there but a shard covered of sand.
- Whoever you are, I give you a thank, - I said, heading toward the shard and jumping on it. The ghost followed me.
- Thank receiving, - a voice answered me, and before the shard began to slowly float upward, I noticed those bright blue eyes behind one of the doors.

The shard was rising higher and higher, and I could no longer even make out the slab of demiurges. For a moment I thought I saw a few giant stingrays floating somewhere in the distance. The darkness of Shadowsgone, to my surprise, was beginning to dissipate, replaced by more grey tones... Eventually we emerged from the water and I reflexively coughed. The shard we were standing on continued to float for a while, approaching the grey shore.

The grey forest of the island to which we had arrived seemed painfully familiar, as if it were my own. After walking along the shore, I understood everything. I came across the town of dead rotten fish again and the penknife still lying next to it. The keys, however, were no longer there.
Teo, who had followed me, asked:

- Do you know where we are?
- I guess so, - I said, and headed toward the mansion.

The house greeted me with the same creaky boards, the musty smell from the carpet, and the impenetrable darkness inside. I stepped inside and the first thing I did was tear the curtains off the windows, letting in the light of the nonexistent sun. The room still looked as if it had been abandoned in a hurry, and at the doorway I found a duffel bag with some papers in it that I had not noticed the last time I had been there.

- Home, sweet home, - I said.

Teo peered cautiously into the hall.

- I can't be very hospitable, but you can stay here for now, - I shrugged. - It's not a perfect place, I know, but no one from Shadowsgone would ever set foot in here. I have a few things to take care of in the meantime.

I grabbed my duffel bag and headed upstairs. The stairs were strangely intact this time.
There was a small room upstairs, like an attic, half cluttered with stuff. There was, however, a desk and a wicker chair by the window. There were a few pencils, a quill and an inkwell, and a portrait of a stranger with gray strands of coal-black hair on the table. I dumped the papers onto the table, and with them fell out what had once been the cover.
On the cover was printed in twisted letters, "Nobody's diary." On the sheets I recognized my own handwriting. Each of the sheets in the cap contained a number and some kind of mark, mostly the numbers were difficult to make out, and the marks were roughly the same... Conventionally I called them months, because at the time it added up to dates. One sheet was only half-full and then crossed out. I read it.
"15 uno. There's still nothing going on here. Looked through the windows of the vision machine, they don't have much change either. Seems like the perfect time to go to ▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓. Some of the windows really are fine, but the ▓▓▓▓▓▓ world is giving me anxiety. If ▓▓▓▓▓▓ continues there they will be in danger of dying... I think ▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓ there, at least the DUAU won't be looking for me there, and there's someone there whose demise I'll probably later regret. If my calculations are correct, I can disappear from here and live a normal life. Sorry, ▓▓▓▓▓▓▓ I'll have to absorb your life to..."

Chapter 14: Chapter 13. Lady

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

The image of the woman in that unframed portrait kept haunting me. She was shown shoulder-length, wearing a beige coat and black hat, and a massive scarf around her neck. A veil fell from the hat over her eyes, shading her face with tired gray eyes. It seemed as if I had seen her somewhere before, but recent notes gave me no answers, carefully skirting her name, in consequence of which I only knew that I had been following her for a long time.
The ghosts didn't bother me much, and I quietly continued my exploration of the house. In particular I was interested in the basem*nt, which turned out to be locked. The key to it was not in my bundle, and later I found a note about throwing it into the sea. My impotent indignation was overpowering.

I warned Teo that I was leaving them here all alone for a while, and then headed for the shore. Nothing had changed there, the city of rotten fish was still in its place, and the waves were lapping the muddy grey foam against the shore. I picked up my knife from the sand, wiped it on my pant leg as ifI'd always done so, and entered the water. The water was still no temperature at all, completely undisturbed, as if it hadn't been there at all. I kept walking forward, and when my feet were just barely touching the bottom to keep my head above water, I pushed off and dove in. Breathing for me was not necessary and the dive was fairly rapid - I was beginning to see the outline of a slab. When I reached a certain point, I began to fall, as if the water had disappeared altogether.
I fell onto one of the shards, hitting the cold marble painfully. The only thing that surprised me was that I hadn't crumpled. I got up and looked down. The shard had "caught" me not far from the second slab, where Gerda usually lived. Now she was half-sitting, half-lounging on the slab, leaning on one of the large cushions lying nearby, hugging a soft doll with long red hair. The Prophet was sitting on another pillow, reading something enthusiastically aloud.

- In fact, the "green one" turned out to be some kind of herbal tincture with a tart smell. Ron squeezed his eyes shut and drank it. He felt as if he were burning inside. Tincture was tincture, but there must have been a lot of alcohol in it. "Who drinks like that? - the brown-eyed man chuckled. - "Oi, let's have another one, for courage..." Then another... And another... And now, like cronies, they were sharing life stories, drinking on the brotherhood... Until Ron's memory insistently replaced Nikuto's image with that of Hatori. Fearing nothing, the redhead reached for the Sinner...¹Fffuuuu, fa*ggots! - the white-haired man suddenly exclaimed, interrupting his reading.
- Go on, keep reading! - exclaimed Gerda.
- Why do you make me read these stories about fa*ggots? - The Prophet asked indignantly.
- Areku pleeeeeeeeease, - Shadowsgone's core puffed out her cheeks and feigned resentment.

The white-haired man sighed, and with a face of universal sorrow, he stared again at the little black book.

- But he hadn't considered the fact that the chairs were bolted to the floor a little too far apart, and for that reason succumbed to the forces of gravity and met the floor...
- You, little asshole! - Knyaz' shouted, suddenly appearing beside them, whereupon Areku, trying to rise to his feet, slipped on the marble slab and also collided with the floor. Which, however, didn't stop him from getting up again and trying to escape.
- "Heh, looks like someone's had enough," the brown-eyed man chuckled, getting up from his bar stool and helping Ron to his feet, - the white-haired man run and continued to read the passage.
- Give me back my miserable graphomania! - blue-eyed exclaimed, rushing after him in pursuit.
- Stop fighting, - I blurted out, leaping onto the slab from my splinter.

Everyone froze, allowing me to come closer.

- Oh, what people, - the Prophet grinned.
- Does Avier have any more errands to run? - Knyaz' asked, sighing wearily.
- I'm looking for the key, - I answered honestly. Then I remembered the size of the cellar keyhole, and added: - Probably not very big.
- Avier found one once, I think he gave it to his owl-eared, - he hummed. - But I don't give a f*ck where's Koetree. I don't keep track of her, she's not my ward.

After that, our gazes turned to Areku. He rolled his eyes and exclaimed:
- Am I her father to know? I don't have the key, anyway. But you could use the services of another creature to search for something lost. There's a lady who specializes in that. Not for free, though. It's going to be hard for you, I'm saying as a Prophet.

And then he threw something at me, however, being totally unprepared for such a "pitch", I "caught" the object with my head and was nearly knocked out by it. The thing fell onto the cooker with a low thud and would have rolled away had it not been caught by Gerda.

- Here, - she held it out to me.
- Thank you, - I replied, rubbing my bruised forehead.
The object was a thick white candle with a black wick.
- What is it?
- Come on, did I give you a fish memory with this hit or something? You're not going to believe this, but it's a candle! Don't ask me what-how-where I got it, - the white-haired man looked arrogant, as if the whole world depended on him. Perhaps in a way it was, but it made me shudder. - I'll teach you how to summon the lady. You take a candle in your hand... ...and shove it up your ass, you fa*ggot piece of sh*t, maybe you'll cure your hemorrhoids!

The Prophet laughed like a madman and then, watching our dumbfounded faces, he cleared his throat and continued:
- Just kidding. Though she would have appreciated it. So, you light it, and then you say, 'Lostet-sama, come and do my bidding'. Well, she will appear, and then you get the lost item. You just have to figure out how you're gonna pay her. Hmm... Perhaps some rare tea would do.
- I wish I knew where to get it, - I muttered. - But thank you.

Something told me I couldn't light a candle in Shadowsgone, and I had no matches. I had to get back to the house. I said goodbye to Gerda, because Knyaz' was again busy arguing with Areku, and I didn't feel much inclination to have contact with the latter, and headed to the end of the slab where I could break into the hidden tier again and find the slab that took me up.
At the very edge of the slab Knyaz' caught up with me.

- I wouldn't trust him, Sinner.
- I have no choice, - I grunted. - I found something that might help me get my memory back, but all the tracks lead back to somewhere I can't go now, anyway. And I'm sorry, I can't let you in on this one. Your connection to Avier is too strong anyway, and I don't want him to know.
- I understand, paranoia. But let me go with you now. Areku isn't the kind of person who can help without some kind of catch.

I sighed and shook my head. There was no point in stopping him either, for even in rewriting his and Teo's lives, I'd managed to leave him his abilities, with which he wouldn't have much trouble following me. I jumped down. Knyaz' followed me, then still looping between the doors as I did. This time the hidden slab was really empty, or whether its mysterious occupant wished only to show herself to me, I did not know. But the shard had been found and was already carrying us to the surface of the sea, to my, presumably, home shore. From afar, just as the slab brought us to the surface, I saw Teo sitting on the steps of the mansion. On his lap sat that futanari, somehow strangely seated, as if she were unconscious. With a gesture I told him to hide in the house. Not even Avier would have to find out where they were hiding...

Stepping ashore, I walked in the opposite direction from the house, as my paranoia was dancing wild dances with tambourine and banners about the fact that I was now on my own and could not trust anyone. Once I had moved a decent distance away from the mansion, I repeated exactly as the Prophet had said. Suddenly a downpour came over us. I was about to cover the candle with my palm, but it did not go out. I couldn't even feel the heat from the candle flame.

- Even if you were alive, you still wouldn't feel the heat of the candle, - I heard behind me. I looked back. There was a girl standing in the downpour right on the sea. It was hard to make out the silhouette from the distance and the downpour. But it was clearly a girl; she was wearing a blue dress that looked like eighteenth-century crinolines, her arms and legs were covered by gloves and stockings in black and white stripes, and the top half of her face was hidden behind a white mask. In her hands, resting it on her shoulder, she held an open umbrella on which burned white candles, the same as the one that burned in my hands.
- I know what you are looking for, - the lady added. With that she drew a key from her cleavage and waved it in front of me. I could not get hold of it
as soon as I made such an attempt she darted away.
- But-no! Payment for my services first!
- Well, what do you want in return?
- Fall down in front of me and kiss my feet!
- What? - I wasn't expecting that.
- And if not, then...

Suddenly it was hard for us to stand in the rain. It was as if the raindrops weighed like bars of gold each, forcing me and Knyaz' to sink to the ground.

- Correct movement. Bow down to Lady K! Show respect for at least showing up in front of me. A-ha-ha-ha-ha-ah-hee-hee-hee-ho-ho-oh…

That nasty laugh erupted all over the beach.

- One of you clearly doesn't like the rain. And how does it feel to feel ten-kilogram needles piercing through you? Ah, Ka-ju-kun? - the lady continued with a sneer and a smirk, walking over to Knyaz' and placing her foot on his head. - This is your punishment for your sins. Freaks like you should burn in hell. But you didn't die, and you're not in hell. Sadly. And forced to suffer by your new master. Furniture! A sex toy! Worthless! HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! Kiss my damn feet!

As soon as Knyaz' tried to raise his head just a little, she folded her umbrella and struck him with it. The blows grew stronger with each stroke, causing the blue-eyed man to curl up into a ball and howl softly.

After enjoying his pain, she tossed a box next to him and said:
- Tell your master for me, servant. I'm off. I'll see you later. And you owe me.

Then she turned her head in my direction, and, looking at me with disdain, threw me the key and disappeared into a scattering of blue lights.
The rain stopped at once, and I was able to rise to my feet, which was not the case with Knyaz'. His body was riddled with gunfire, and he was bleeding and dying. Probably at this moment we both regretted that we had rushed with rewriting his life.
The rollback treatment I had already become accustomed to was now taking place slowly and painfully for myself, making me wonder what kind of creature she was. Having patched up the blue-eyed man a little, I turned my attention to the box. Something dark red and seemingly slightly viscous was oozing from it onto the sand.
I twisted the key in my hands once more. It was small, brass, ending in a four-leaf-shaped extension. I needed to check as quickly as possible if it fit in the basem*nt of the house, well, or be disappointed otherwise.

- Help me... Get to Shadowsgone... - whispered Knyaz'. - Even after... You've kept my wounds to a minimum... I do not feel well.

Remembering the strange liquid that leaked out of the box, I thought that Avier would obviously not be thrilled with its contents. Perhaps I should take
some risk and leave the unfortunate man in the house so as not to trivialise his situation. I held out my hand to him, but the ex-spirit found himself unable to rise.

- If you think I'm going to carry you in my arms now, you are sorely mistaken.
- I don't give a f*ck, - was his reply.

I spat, made a bag out of my scarf, put the box in it, then tied it to my belt; I took the man by the arms, and dragged him along the coast. Well, Knyaz' would get as dirtyas hellin the sand, so whatthe helldifference would it make... The only good thing was that I hadn't gone far enough from home.
He was hissing as I dragged him up the steps to the porch, but this timeIdidn't give a f*ck. I dragged him into the hall and stopped. I had no time to tidy up the house, and splinters of the chandelier gleamed in the dust here and there. I wondered how I had managed to break it.
Teo looked out from the archway into some other room I hadn't yet entered. I nodded toward Teo, who realized that I couldn't do this alone and came over to help me carry him to the sofa.

- You? - the blue-eyed man asked quietly, noticing him.
- Shh, - the ghost put his finger to his lips, and then lifted him silently by his feet.

The fact that the couch wasn't in a badly spent state was a little reassuring. Knyaz', coming into contact with a surface slightly softer than the floor,
instantly slipped into unconsciousness.

- What's the matter with him? - Teo asked the expected question.
- The reaction to the rain is still there, - I answered reluctantly.
- It's been noticeably weaker since he was... Ahem. Human, - the ghost said thoughtfully. - I have one more favor to ask of you, if I may...
- Speak, - I said in a tired tone. - If it doesn't take too long. I need to get back to Shadowsgone....
- I understand, - the ghost sighed. - You know... El'... She's still unconscious. Can you do the same thing you did for me?
- You're asking for a dangerous thing, - I shook my head. - You said that demiurges go mad when they break themselves... What would happen if I tried to strengthen the rift? Even you were weakened by it, but what would happen to Shadowsgone?

There was silence in the house.

- I'm sorry. I really am a fool if I was hoping for that, - he replied and headed toward the room from where he'd left.

Somehow I remained indifferent to it.

I left the house and headed towards the sea again. There was no wind, but the waves were still bringing muddy soapy foam to the shore. I stepped into the water, but they didn't react in any way, not even crashing against my feet, it was as if I wasn't there... But somehow that didn't seem strange to me either. I dove in.
It wasn't hard to find Avier, sitting on the edge of the demiurg'es slab, with his feet dangling from it and looking somewhere into the vast emptiness of Shadowsgone.

- Where is Knyaz'? - he asked without turning around.
- Sick, - I answered briefly.
- I asked where, not what with him, - the Demiurg said with a frown.
- What the hell do you care?

He chuckled angrily and got to his feet.

- It's all f*cked up, don't you see? First a piece of memory goes missing, then Knyaz' is acting weird, now I find out Kassij is literally dying... What the f*ck do you think you're doing with him? I know you're involved in this cycle of sh*t in nature too... What you got there?
- I was asked to give this to you, - I hummed and handed him the ill-fated box.

He took it in his hands and suddenly said in a chant:

– Ja trymaju u daloniach, niešta boliej, niešta boliej...²

But the song stopped when he opened the box. In it, on a small pile of bloody feathers, rested large round glasses.
Avier was shaking.

– Niaŭžo... Kamu ž heta bylo... Patrebna?³

Notes:

1 - Actually it's a reference to the very first try to write global BJM story, "Отель на вишневой аллее" ("Hotel on the cherryblossom street"). It was written somewhere in 2014-2015, and actually is very cringy. So we found it's amusing to left is as inner fanfiction. We put fanfiction in your fanfiction so you could read fanfiction while reading fanfiction!
2 - actually here Avier switches to belarusian language and says "I'm holding in my hands something more than, something more than", what is a reference to Acute - Adzinoctva https://youtu.be/PgK-NMRnArw . That's why we're left it on belarusian latin. However, highly recommending to listen to the song to get the mood of this chapter's ending, chapter 14, chapter 15 and afterlogue.
3 - "Is it... Who needed it?"
Yes, we know that Areku is cringe himself. He was made like that by his author, and will change only after Afterlogue. That's not the end. However, he's not so simple disgusting character as he seems from the first glance.

Chapter 15: Chapter 14. Falling –Demiurg–

Notes:

Highly recommended to listen Akute - Lipkaje https://youtu.be/ZxpHWJS8hT8?t=1281 to get right mood of the chapter!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

You hated the edges of Shadowsgone's slabs with all your soul. Hated, feared, avoided. But still jumped down every chance you got, feeling that same feeling of flying, enjoying the pain your body felt when you were tossed back onto that same slab.
You hated poisons with all your soul, but every chance you got, you wanted to try them and then vomit your guts out.
You hated yourself for wanting to bite Knyazhe's delicate neck and shoulders until they were bloody, to hear him sob softly and to lick off the sticky, salty droplets of black blood.
DUAUO had told you repeatedly that a demiurg must live out his reincarnations, so as not to violate the laws of the world in which he came, but you had sent him away for a long time.

First cycle. You gurgle, hold your fish-faced father's hand, gathering sparks, trying to swim, but it does not work like father do. Father shakes his head, and you watch his orange fins wiggle. Your father says something to you, and then everything disappears, and you find yourself somewhere in another world all alone... It was probably the only world where you listened to the DUAUO.
From each successive cycle you came back, kicking out, tossing a diary at the DUAUO and "going into hibernation". The DUAUO tried to reason with you, but all these attempts were so futile. You came back from each reincarnation by setting up an accident, trying poison, opening your veins or going out the window. You thought it was the only way out of the situations you found yourself in... A totally unfit for life, an infantile teenager with a grudge against everyone. From some worlds the DUAU had to pick you up themselves, taking you from the deviant sections of society. With each reincarnation you became more and more insane, defying the influence of your father. You crippled yourself as best you could, spewing out everything you held inside. By the fifty-fifth time you returned, your blood had darkened so much that it turned from scarlet to blacker than carcass.

You were tired. Either from constantly running away from your problems, or from your existence in principle. You have never loved, never felt needed. Most of your time in Shadowsgone had been spent drinking and keeping away from your brothers. You were created first, so DUAU knew you was very defective and tried to choose worlds for your reincarnations themselves, but in the end they chose not to make a happy family for the fifty-sixth time, and left you to fend for yourself in the elven forest. And so in that world you felt needed by at least one person... But you could never love. Watching you there, the DUAUU thought they had finally found the right approach, but after the death of that elf, he realized how wrong they were. Your madness developed again with renewed vigour, spilling over the edge onto the creature left behind by the one person you cared about. You have stepped over the line of your usual relationship.

Long refusing help, you brought the esper with you to Shadowsgone. He did not yet know how many circlesof hellhe would endure here... You snapped and snapped back at him, crippling him both mentally and physically and finally breaking him. The once willful esper gave up his resistance and surrendered, becoming the only creature capable of putting up with your shenanigans. After a while you calmed down. Then, against the will of the DUAUO, you left in Shadowsgone (who knows how he got here?) the Prophet, and esper had to work hard to pacify you, creating a replacement for the hand your father had bitten off in his anger. It was a skillful job, to tell the truth, except for moments of Shadowsgone's reality failure, you couldn't tell that your left arm from the elbow was no longer alive. And then, out of nowhere, the Prophet brought in Koetree, and it seemed that all of Shadowsgone breathed a sigh of relief - no one had seen you in such a peaceful state in a long time. You never knew what it felt like. With her gone, everything started to go back to the old way.

You sat on the edge of the demiurg'es slab, staring frantically into the distance and occasionally sipping a cherry blazer¹from bottle neck. You felt the Knyazhe's cautious and quiet footsteps approach you. He knelt beside you, then sat down on his heels. How he seemed to flinch as he tried to look into your eyes. How he put his hands on your shoulders, then snuggled up and wrapped his arms around you.
You didn't even move.

- Avier, I'm scared...
- If you think it's vital that I snap at someone right now, you're wrong, - you said muffled. - You're free.
- You don't seem like yourself.
- How much do you know,aKaio?

You turned around and saw no one. Another mirage of your sick mind.
Everything was falling rapidly downward. You brought the bottle to your lips for another sip, but your hand shook, splashing the blazer. You sighed disappointedly and changed your shirt with a snap of your fingers. The sleeves on this one were shorter, and you weren't happy to see the white streaks of scarring from past reincarnations on your wrists again.
The silence was coming out kind of bad. The rifle is a feast, everything goes to hell.²The other day you were tingling and shivering like a fever; first before you lost complete control on Knyaz', and again when one of the ghosts of your past lives disappeared. The loss of a ghost was harder on you physically. You're still so f*cking queasy (and you keep poisoning yourself with a blazer on top of it). That day, as if in drunken delirium, you lunged for that hidden slab where you'd stored your memory to figure out exactly what you'd lost, and the moment you found Archon's door open, the puzzle in your head was put together. Of course, if someone wanted Knyaz' and his freedom from you, surely that someone would have taken his true masters to give him a guarantor for his future life, as you once did. Well, in your own way, but did. You could have sworn Teodore from that detached shard disappeared too.

Except it's weird, totally weird. It's as if someone just wants Knyaz' as a given, as a person, with or without his powers. Or... Or does someone care about hurting you personally? You frantically ran your mind through all the people you could have crossed in one way or another. That's bullsh*t. You had the foresight to throw both your Doppelgangers into a position they wouldn't get out of in a hurry. One has been stalled in his weakest reincarnation, and the other can't develop his full power because he's weak. Mr. Comfort-lover couldn't have thought of breaking all the barriers you set on the Reaper, could he? He wouldn't have the brains to do it. And why would he do that, when you've put him into the world with the maximum amount of peace and quiet where nothing happens at all? Too bad you can't keep track of them and have to wait for them to self-destruct. DUAUO promised this problem would self-destruct, and unfortunately for you, dad was always right. Always has been. Like dogma. Like an axiom.

Except that Koetree's glasses that Nikolas gave you kept you in suspense. This is definitely someone's practical joke. But that evil? Is she really dead after all? Who was it that interfered with her, an innocent mewling who wouldn't hurt a fly? Who would want to deprive you of this bastion of tranquility? And Areku is insidiously silent on the matter. Has this Aktalpaz³demanded new victims?
You've practically given up on your work with the rebirth of the soul sparks because you can't concentrate on anything.

- Avier!

The cry caused you to turn your head phlegmatically toward the sound, then spring to your feet and give DUAU access to your body.

Notes:

1 - blazer is iconic (or memetic) drink of emo culture in CIS sector; emo culture occasionally became Avier's aesthetic in some ways, mostly due to his expressive and suicidal nature. We cannot get rid of stereotype jokes about him and blazer as it became weird canon.
2 - a reference to legendary song https://youtu.be/_OBYdCbRwMM
3 - Aktalpaz (mirrored "заплатка") is real name of Azemi, a nightmare, who took the control over Areku. No one knows her goals or from where she appeared. She just exists.

Chapter 16: Chapter 15. Glass

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

I twirled the small key in my hands, standing hesitantly at the cellar door. It was damp in here; the water must have been eroding the ground, hinting that someday it would break through here and destroy the hell out of everything. It didn't bother me much, though, because I knew the water in this ocean wasn't real anyway. There was just a little excitement, because I didn't know if this key would fit in the door. Still, I made up my mind.
The key, strangely enough, went into the keyhole like a knife through butter. A click, the creak of hinges that hadn't been lubricated for a long time, and the basem*nt was in view. It was rather dark down there, but as soon as I entered it, eight screens lit up the wall in front of me... The ninth, the central one, was smashed, and in the others there was a flicker of white noise.¹

I stepped closer. Near the screens themselves, at some kind of console, more like a giant keyboard, something rustled under my feet, like broken glass. The keyboard itself was also littered with something vaguely resembling shards of something green. But I shouldn't have touched them; the shard I'd touched was immediately digging into my skin, as if it were going to get under my skin and hurt like hell. I threw off my coat, tossing it on the back of the operator's chair, and rolled up sleeve of my shirt to at least trace the shard's trajectory. It stopped in the area of the scar on my left arm, and I could see it clearly. I tried to poke at it with my finger, but it wasn't interesting - the piece was fused to the skin, as if it had always been there. I decided to take another one. Story repeated itself.
I never knew how I got this scar, nor did anyone around me. My parents, I remember, were surprised by its appearance, which meant that I definitely did not have it until I was eighteen. So I considered it unnecessary to spin the theory of its origin. And now, with these shards, everything was falling into place.
I proceeded to collect the shards, I don't know how long I spent on it, but somehow, my arm was fully restored. Being fused to the skin, those pieces resembled enamel or something similar. The white noise on the screens disappeared, but words began to appear.
Slowly, letter by letter, I read them. They formed into a kind of phrase... All that U ever ▓▓▓▓ are gonna ▓▓▓▓. Then the working screens turned on, and rather different ones appeared... Worlds? The picture in the screens changed occasionally, and only the number 5 on the keyboard had a lever on hold, and a small LED lit up. The fifth screen was broken.
Suddenly the diode of the ninth screen flashed, and that went out. Afterwards, someone's snow-white smile appeared in it.

It made me recoil. From the screen, meanwhile, I heard a wicked laugh, more like a gurgle.

- Glbgl... I thought you were dead, - he said at last. - You found your way home, though, didn't you, Nobody?
- Who are you?
- Gl... You really cleared your memory... I see what's wrong with you. It's going to be hard.
- How about you appearing here in one piece? I feel like I'm losing my mind.
- Ap-pearing... Gl... The apparition of Christ to the people, I think it was in the world you fled to... - my interlocutor spoke slowly, as if savoring each word he uttered. - Expect me in your image and likeness, yes.
- What do you mean? - I didn't know if he was being ironic or if I really should wait for my doppelganger.
- Blgl... - the gurgling was beginning to sound like laughter. Chuckling, he replied: - We haven't seen each other in too long to show up as it is. I'll scare you again, and why should I? You're not used to it.
- Anything else?
- You need to drown. I'm deep now. Gl... And take some sugar... At your discretion. Haven't eaten in a while.
- You said you could scare me...
- I'm pelican eel. Compared to those bastard sons of carp and flying fish, I look intimidating. Although when I was carrying you around in my mouth, you didn't really care.

He must have seen me, though, because the look of my face when I heard that information made him laugh.

- I'm also going to show you something now... Don't even think about meddling in it, because you'll going to make a mess... - my interlocutor said. - It's none of our business. You've always watched the whole thing for fun. I hope you didn't get attached to anyone...

The pictures in the other screens began to change to images of places familiar and not so familiar to me.

- Once again, don't interfere. I'll wait for you at sea... Call me NN, I think you've managed to erase that from your head as well.

Then the ninth screen went out. I turned my attention to the other screens turned on by the NN. In one of them I could see the corridor of the building where Knizhnik and I had been sitting behind laser bars. A guard in turquoise was walking down the corridor, looking around warily. For a moment he hesitated at the door of some office. The guard in red stepped into the corridor, almost colliding with his colleague.
They talked about something, clearly in a half tone, then May said something to Maore, after which the latter grabbed his arm, as if trying to talk him out of something, but the red-haired man deftly twisted it and continued his run down the corridor. Soon he appeared on another screen, in some room similar to my basem*nt, but with more switches, and started talking to the black-haired cameraman about something. I decided to turn my attention to the screen with his partner. He had already entered the office and was standing in line to report something to the "grey cardinal". The latter was alarmed by something, as was evident from his twitching and nervous movements. Eventually, he flung himself out of his seat, almost knocking over the desk, and headed for the exit, but was stopped by a shout from the turquoise guard. The dark-haired man held him in the sights of some kind of small arms I had never seen before. I saw the cardinal become hysterical. Gray was shaking with some sort of laughter or something else... Gunshot. All that was left in place of Mr.'s head was a cloud of smoke, he collapsed, and I lost that screen. When I got back to the screen with Maynajo, I caught him when he tricked the operator into talking and pressed a button behind him. Then his screen also disappeared. I rushed to the next screen, and found Mr. Grey running through the Dungeon's gallery and being pulled into some kind of painting, after which that screen too went out. In the next screen, a girl with long brown hair stitched his mouth shut with black thread, and two creatures, blue and white, took him somewhere else. In the sixth screen they dragged him through the snow, leaving behind them crimson stains of Cardinal's blood, and disappeared into a dry deciduous tree. There a girl with long scarlet hair was waiting for them. She was holding something in her hand, and it glared unkindly and slit Grey's throat. The corpse disappeared instantly, as did the image on the screen. The eighth screen showed Shadowsgone, or rather, as Kassij vomited blood. I wasn't sure if it was blood, as it was too dark for blood, with a hue close to black. But nevertheless, it made Avier uneasy, flying up to him instantly. Judging by Avier's transformation into Abyss, the matter was serious and required the intervention of the DUAU themselves... I had almost missed the screen in which Knyaz had willfully left my house and returned to Shadowsgone.

I ran out of the basem*nt at a breakneck pace. I needed to meet with the NN quickly, because only he could tell me what the hell had just happened. Diving in, I remembered that I couldn't stop in Shadowsgone. I swam as fast as I could, stopping only when my strength deserted me.
Suddenly it was dark, as if something had locked me in a chest, and I felt a strong desire to sleep... "I'm pelican eel..."

When I woke up, I found myself being carried somewhere.
- Blgl... Are you awake, monpensier²? - the voice clearly belonged to the one who was carrying me. - Who the hell did you grow up into...
- Enen?
- Who the hell else?

He set me on my feet on something like a slab of Shadowsgone, but much less expansive, and entirely black. I could get a good look at him now. He looked human, with large fins growing from his neck and where his ears were supposed to be, and his nose looked like a fish snout. The borders of his skin were indistinguishable in his attire, and one strand of his long black hair ended in a white glowing ball, which was apparently his only source of light.

- Good to have you back, by the way, Nobody. You've always been punctual. Got any candy?
- No, - I admitted, remembering that I'd forgotten about it after seeing that things on the screens.
- Well... And there wasn't even anything for me in your right pocket?

I didn't know what the magic was, but in my right pocket was indeed a bunch of round citrus caramels.

- Oh, that's another thing, and you were going to upset your father! - NN exclaimed.

I gave him the candies, still not sure what was going on.

- Blgl... That was the first thing you ever created without my help, monpensier, - he said, popping one caramel into his mouth. - You've always created sugar for me... Is it all right if I speak directly into your head? Doing it the way you do is a little tiring.
- If you tell me what's going on at all, yes, as you feel more comfortable, - I replied.
- Sure, make yourself comfortable, - he waved, and I noticed two large wicker chairs. I may not have noticed them earlier, as everything was black.

I climbed into the chair, somehow habitually, as if I had been doing it for years... I still wanted to curl up with my legs under me, and, as if reading my thoughts, Enen covered me with the plaid.
Seeing my surprised face, he sat down in the chair across from me, folded his fingers in a lock, and said:
- You're still the same, monpensier. No change in habits. So, for starters, I'm your maker, though you've always called me mentor. Roughly speaking, you and I have the same bond as aElm and DUAUO. We haven't seen each other in a while, I didn't want to intrude on your life, you're a big boy after all!
He reached out to me, then ruffled my hair.
- I'd love to ask you about your adventures, especially about whether your memory was worth your girl and her world, but you see, restoring your memory is much more important now. I'll say in advance that I don't get along with the DUAU, and I don't approve of their boisterous activities, but there are those in Shadowsgone right now whom I consider to be, ahem, your friends. And it's not quiet there...
- What's going on there? - I interrupted him.
- All I know is that everything created by the DUAU is going to die before the cycle can begin again, - half-smirked NN. - I don't know how things aren't already collapsing, not with the true and alternate demiurges of Shadowsgone being there at the same time. Though, considering the children of aElm, and the Reaper whose powers I had to override in one of his rebirths to keep Shadowsgone from collapsing a little earlier, depriving me of a fun show... Blgl... A lot of wild things happened while you were chasing that girl and sniffing around in front of her. Eh. You're throwing me off topic.
- I'm sorry.
- So, like I said, you're creation of my fins. I could teach you everything I can and know myself, you could be the equal of those sons of bitches, but see, the thing is, I'm too lazy. So you've learned most of it on your own and have developed a pretty good analytical mind, which I'm happy about. You're also the same age as aElm, or he's probably half a cycle older than you. Well, you know, sometimes creatures like me have nothing better to do. But comparing you two is like comparing a snout to a fin. You've got more potential because of me. But not about that, not about that, the skills I can pour into you easier. The only time you saw aElm was when you decided to explore the ocean and you swam past Shadowsgone. He was asleep after another suicide and therefore couldn't remember you. And then you created the Grayworld bubble.
- A bubble?
- Later, you lived in that bubble. It's quite big, but there's nothing but your house and a piece of unnecessary forest. There's atmospheric air, though, so I couldn't go in for long. Almost ran away from your, blblg, mentor. Started looking into that DUAU's handmade stuff, I even helped you with the screens and that whole dual-core system. And for nothing.
- Does this have to do with the enamel on my hand? - I unknowingly rubbed my left hand.
- Unlike the DUAU, I'm more thoughtful, and I don't trigger my tracking on jewelry, - Enen snickered. - You smashed it on the screen when you escaped into reincarnation, eating up someone else's spark in the process.
- I... Can I eat them?
- Don't make that face, blgl, it makes me laugh. Of course you can. So can I. Everyone can. It's more humane to start with an empty body, though, or you might get stuck if you're inexperienced.

NN got up from his seat and walked over to me.
- All right. There's no time. Let's get on with the skills, - and with that I felt his hands on my neck and he pressed against my carotid arteries.

I woke up in total darkness again.
- I swim faster than you do. You're unfit, you can't change your body.
I tried to get to my feet and look around, but there was only enough space to sit.
- Blgl, don't squirm, it tickles. If I'll occasionally eat you, then we'll be in trouble.
- Where am I?
- In my mouth, - mentor replied nonchalantly. - Almost there.
He did indeed open his mouth when we reached the Shadowsgone's slab. It was the middle one, definitely. Before I could stand on the slab and look back, mentor was already standing to my left as I had seen him before.

- What are you looking at me like that for? If you were a vessel, like an aElm, I'd use your body. But I'm not that down yet, and at least I respect your privacy.
- Fair enough, - I replied, and started our way towards the doors.

A few feet away I noticed someone's silhouette in a long blue dress, the hem of which consisted of large blue feathers. I must have been spotted too, for the distance between us began to shrink rapidly.
Ronnir flew over and embraced me. We stood like that for about a minute, completely speechless. He seemed to have a lot to tell me, but he couldn't. I hugged him back and, somehow automatically, started stroking his head.
- If either of you shed a tear now, I'll laugh, - NN broke the silence.
- I don't see what's so funny, - the redhead pulled away from me and rubbed his nose. - Tori left me here all alone. He said he was going to finish the mission, and then we'd go back to Arcadia... God, I'm so glad to see you, Kol'! It's strangely empty here, I can't even find Gerda...
- Sorry to interrupt... - I interrupted him, still unable to find an explanation for his appearance. - But why are you... Ehm... In a dress?
- He said I had to, - Ronnir sighed. - I'm supposed to look like my old, old reincarnation. As it turns out, I'm not someone ordinary, but the rightful heir to the power in Arcadia. What that gets me, I don't know. It's going to break the branch anyway...
- My bad, - mentor interjected. - I should have gone higher. I can't eat you both, so I'll have to traumatize your psyche. You'll ride on my backs.
- Enen?

The transformation process was a spectacle mesmerizing and disgusting at the same time, but it wasn't like his bones were breaking or anything. It was as if he was empty inside.
- What are you standing up for? Get on back, - I heard in my head, and then the eel lay down on the slab. I'd say that, for his earthly appearance, he exceeded all acceptable sizes.
I sat on his back and then gave my hand to Ronnir, helping him up as well. The dress, by the way, suited him quite well, making him even more... Elegant, or something?
It took almost nothing to get there, and I could already see Avier squatting by someone's body, and Knyaz' kneeling and gently hugging him by the shoulders. As I got closer, I realized that the body belonged to Kassij. There were almost black spots on his throat, similar to bruises, and his arms were already beginning to disintegrate into small glowing fragments.

- Avier? What happened? - I asked dazedly.
- We lost Kassij, - he said aloofly. - Perhaps something happened to Deposed, I do not know. It is practically impossible to break connection with guide, as it turns out. I suppose Deposed is dead. It is such a local romance, - he grinned mirthlessly, - to die on the same day. It's waiting for Knyaz', too.
- Don't say that! - exclaimed mentioned one, throwing his arms around the demiurg'es shoulders and huddling up to him closer.
- Let go, taiga mite, - the brown-eyed man brushed him off, rising to his feet. Then he stepped away from Kassij's corpse and looked out into the darkness of Shadowsgone. Knyaz' rose after him, but did not dare to approach him. - You see, Nikolas, when you associate yourself with another being, you condemn yourself to great responsibility. Demiurgs are mortal. I've played with death a great deal, even too much...

Then he turned, and his gaze fixed on my mentor.
- You... - breathed Avier. - You are the last person I would have expected to be here. That doesn't bode well.
- You're thinking clearly.

The images flashed before my eyes as two familiar red wings fluttered open behind aElm, then he wheezed, clutching his chest and dropping to his knees. Stranger gave everyone an arrogant look. In his demonic hand Avier's tattered heart still beats, spewing black blood on the cold marble slab.
As we all freeze in horror, Avier collapses onto his side. Knyaz' falls to his knees beside him, he says something, spitting out black blood. Their last kiss, after which the demiurg disappears, and the blue-eyed man screams out a tearful scream and then disappears after him, disintegrating into a sheaf of blue sparks. Shadowsgone begins to crumble.

- Avier, look out! - I blurt out as the obsession fades away.
The brown-eyed man steps aside, but there is no impact.
- But that is not my point. Diplomatic negotiations, - chuckled Hatori, standing behind him.
- What on worlds are you doing here in these troubled times? - the elder demiurg raised an eyebrow.
- I only have to get you to betray them, that's all, - the demon scratched at the back of his head. - You go into your final reincarnation, resigning, thus solving the problem of temporal collapse with an alternate version of yourself. The world is null, I'll create it, you finish it, if you won't forget how. There will still be a number of sparks with you, which I've promised to keep alive, but that's irrelevant. Then I'll make a pact of non-aggression with NN, level up a little, and restart the demiurg'es world by rewriting the lives of everyone here. Come on, give me carte blanche to mess out. That's a f*cking great idea.
- Bring it on, - Avier exhaled, turning to the Stranger and holding out his hand. - I'm f*cking sick of taking it out.
- Lol what. Was it so easy all this time? - the demon, stunned, shook the outstretched hand. - At that whole time I was making this genius plan to destroy Shadowsgone, I was able to just come up and ask?

- Apparently so, - Avier shrugged. - Alright, well, here's just a little wish list for the future...

He moved very close to Hatori and began to whisper something, and I could only make out "and take care of Knyaz',if anything happens to him I will come back and rip your head off".

Then they looked at each other conspiratorially, shook hands, and Stranger opened a portal into the unknown, immediately shoving Avier into it and pulling the amulet off of him. In an instant the metal of the amulet underwent a transformation, stretching into glass plates of something remotely resembling an hourglass. Knyaz' hesitated as he approached the portal, but the demon immediately clutched at his shoulder.
- You, - he said, - are not going there. Maybe he'll make himself a copy of you, I don't know, but they've asked for rehab therapy for you, unless you screw it up for yourself later.

The blue-eyed man slumped, still standing beside him. Areku came running behind them, throwing the corpse of unknown girl into the portal and jumping in it himself. The slab was slowly beginning to blacken and reveal those black plants.

Except that the acidic flashes never showed, instead white stitches streaked across the 'sky' as if cutting through it in an attempt to let light into the world.

- Now I need your help, NN, - he said to my mentor, who had been watching with interest.
- I'm all ears, - he answered openly.
- I thought it was out of your league to interfere in the affairs of the DUAU and Shadowsgone, but now that I am plunging this world into darkness, I shall need your help and some knowledge, - Hatori continued. - In particular, I would like to get the small creation abilities and make this world inhabitable for more than a couple of former demiurges and their henchmen. Simply put, I want to create a city where entities similar to third tribe or weaker demiurges can exist as regular humans, and conduct world-watching in a less strenuous manner through a couple or three wards.
- Your point is a sound one, but I doubt you can hold it all together, - Enen shook his head. - Unless, of course, you mean by your request to expand what you are allowed to do.
- You are most perceptive, - herr Longshadow replied. - I have long observed your race and am fascinated by your ability to change forms and such. But, you would agree, to leave worlds to a city of creatures weaker than the Avier would be to ensure that they are both self-sustaining. And with the likelihood of other creatures getting into it while they sleep, it provides faith in your species and all that.
- Blgl, well, let's give it a try, but whatever happens is on your conscience, - the mentor put his hand on my shoulder. - Anyway, I've got someone to counter you if you jump out over the water.

Notes:

1 - at this moment please, consider re-watching Io/lanta cover https://youtu.be/DJYGD0XPiRg , as you'll understand it more!
2 - originally NN calls Nemo even softer that this, "монпансьешка". It's sorta monpensier candy but even smaller in sense.

Chapter 17: Afterlogue. That's not the end.

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

You woke up in a dark room with only light coming in through a small round window under the roof. Someone had carefully covered you with a blanket as you slept. The slightest movement made the netting of the bed creak disgustingly.
You sat up on the bed and looked around. The room looked like a den with stone walls and a wooden staircase down. The room was clearly inhabited; at least there was another bed, a table and a large basket with some kind of rags.
There was something on the table, covered with a towel. You got up, strode barefoot to it, pulled the towel off and found nothing more than a small clay jug of milk and bread. Your stomach rumbled.

After eating breakfast, you went down the stairs, finding a spacious room almost entirely filled with clockwork. A pale-skinned tall man was fixing something closer to the dial. His long black hair was gathered into a sloppy ponytail, and a small torch burned on his forehead.
He looked away briefly and looked at you.

- Are you awake, Nemo? Come on, plug yourself in, there's a lot to do...
He looked at you some more and laughed heartily.
- Oh, did aKaio really think we were going to play by his rules? Quite naive of him to think so. My own plans are a lot less global, but I think they'd be just as amusing. Find your Io again, for starters. Still not to question the rightness of my deeds and offer her to share your dull eternity with you. Three hundred plus human years, you've managed somehow. Then go back to Grayworld, fix the screen system in the basem*nt, ideally get her out of the house altogether. And then do one simple little thing.

It's nothing personal, Tory, it's just more fun and relaxing so you don't do anything wrong yourself.

***

With a lazy yawn, you've closed the last window of the story you're editing. That's it, that's enough now. You've sent everyone away, now you can go back to your house and do whatever the hell you want. Well, within the limits of your own prescribed laws of the city, of course. You clenched the amulet in your hand, injected yourself with a false memory or two so you didn't lose your lore, and exited this subspace to your new home. What was it Ronnir said? Sanctuary? No, now you finally had a real home. You could only hope that you wouldn't cross paths with anyone from the past version of Shadowsgone in the current version, steeped in darkness.

Not even Knizhnik. Especially with him. Nothing personal, fishy, didn't the Prophet warn you that demons always lie?

And ah, Shadowsgone. "Shadows gone." Better it be Shado from now on.

Notes:

YES
At this point, the restart of the Shadowsgone arc aka pre-Shado arc aka old lore ends.
Next up will be a more digestible and groovy actual things.
Thank you for surviving these 15 initial episodes of Reborn with us.
And it's time to re-watch Kairel's 8th anniversary PV https://youtu.be/LRHPQ9pcUz8 , aha. Now you'll get it at max)

Chapter 18: Chapter 16. Beginning –Knyaz'–

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

You lie staring aimlessly at the ceiling, watching as the streak of light from the lantern shining through your room's windows slowly creeps up the wall, and then disappears altogether, giving way to a beam of sunlight. The beam moves a little faster, until it begins to shine a nasty light right in your face. You wrinkle your nose and hide under the blanket. You have been meeting sunrises alone with yourself for three days now, tormented by insomnia.
You used to be fine, but this week you suddenly realize that your life is more like Groundhog Day, and this valuable information has made you overwhelmingly depressed. And that sort of thing always brings with it a whole bunch of "nice" bonuses like boredom, apathy, insomnia and a pessimistic outlook on life.
Over the past two days you've even managed to calculate what's happening in the day almost minute by minute. Regret has already raised the sun, which means that soon Momo, your mother's maid, will be knocking on your room door and calling you downstairs for breakfast. And then you'd better hurry up, or your grandfather will reprimand you for being unpunctual. It was at times like this that you began to think that being an aristocrat was extremely f*cked up.
However, the thought made you get your ass out of bed and start cleaning yourself up. Somehow, after hastily dressing in your home clothes, you walked over to the large mirror that stood against the far wall of the room. It always made you a little uneasy, especially while it was facing your bed. After you moved it to another corner of the room, your paranoia calmed down a bit. The mirror was old, and seems to have once been part of a trundle, as it had two mirrored flaps on the sides. As a child you liked to cover them, creating a sort of mirrored corridor, and poke your head through the gap between the flaps. You could look into that corridor for hours, and eventually it bothered your grandmother, so the flaps were removed for a while. You got them back not too long ago, around the beginning of this solar cycle.
Ah, the solar cycle! Less than a month to go until the day of the cold sun and Regret change the color of the solar disk from cobalt to azure, marking a new temporal milestone in the history of the Blue Consulate. Perhaps now you are looking forward to this day in particular, hoping that the new milestone will bring some change in your life.
You stared into the clear mirror, sinking somewhere far away in your thoughts, and probably would have continued standing there if Momo, who was times more punctual than you, hadn't knocked on the door.

- Kairel? I assume you're already awake. Come downstairs, or everyone will be waiting only for you again.
- I told you to call me Kaj, Momo! - you blurt out as you take a break from your "exciting" pastime.
- Oh, well, forgive the old woman, I forgot, - the maid replied sneeringly, and apparently walked away.

You didn't know how old she was, as for shadromancer who can mature very quickly if they wish, and retain their appearance throughout their lives. All you knew was that Momo had always been a special figure in your family and had hardly ever left the house due to your mother using her appearance on her work. For the same trivial reason, because of your mother's work, Momo became a substitute for her and also your best friend. And you grew up as an orphan, abandoned by your parents. Your mother was the consul's secretary, and she came home dead tired and went to bed almost immediately. You couldn't get her home even in the mornings. Your father was there too, and if he wasn't, he might spend days in a shack in the border zone between your and the Green Consulates. The shack was proudly called a laboratory, though your grandfather disapproved of your father's occupation, believing he was only distilling moonshine there and drinking with Glyph along the way. You didn't think uncle Glyph was a bad man, a bit strange perhaps, but nothing more.
You sighed and looked in the mirror again, then tried to smooth out your disheveled hair after lying in bed. Your bangs, however, were not tidy; they refused to stay in place, as if a cow had licked them. You ran your hand through your hair once more, and, noting that it was time to get it cut, you closed the mirror flaps. Then you thought you'd already wasted quite a bit of time, and hurried downstairs, following a route you'd learned over the years. A small corridor, a balcony and a spiral staircase down which you could no longer stand, but if you wanted a room on the top floor, something had to be paid for. But no matter how fast you were, your grandfather was already waiting for you at the archway leading to the kitchen. Or rather, you didn't know it until the moment he caught you by the ear.

- Ouch, Grandpa, it hurts!
- Don't worry, you'll get over it, - grandpa says coldly. - When are you going to learn punctuality?

You are silent in answer, trying not to howl at your grandfather's iron grip, realizing that you will have scarlet finger marks on your ear for half a day.

- Come on, Grandpa Willow¹, - Ellen interjected as she finished her morning cup of tea, but was quickly silenced by her grandfather's fearsome gaze.
- You are not to inherit the bloodline. But your brother doesn't know he's responsible.
- You've been scolding him every morning, you old fool, Willow. You even discouraged him from coming for breakfast probably.²

Grandpa hummed, and after letting go of your ear and pushing you to the table, he left the dining room.

Notes:

1 - originally Ellen calls her grandpa "Ива" instead of "Уиллоу"; in english both words are same, just keep in mind that Willow is his actual name and Ellen called him using the name of the tree)
2 - here and further all what Solamer says originally was on belarusian language! We have to translate her phrases as they're somewhat large to handle them in belarusian latin; however, keep in mind that to understand why Kairel and other characters are complaining that it's hard for them to understand her sometimes ;)
3 - originally there were a local substance named "кисель". Idk how to translate it right, 'cause we even don't know if such a dish exist somewhere else than CIS countries, so we replaced it with random jam to make the text quite a bit more easier to read for foreign ppl.

Chapter 19: Chapter 17. Iron -Longing-

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

You woke up close to lunchtime. Well, how you woke up - you were sharply dragged off the bed by your leg, then dragged some more and heard a disgruntled "get up, you lazy ass". In response, you only curled up, showing the subject who had woken you the obscene finger, and smiled blissfully. The engineer was in his repertoire.

- You're about to be woken up. You'll be woken up in a hard way, - you heard Goldfinch laughing. The engineer must have dragged you across the floor to the kitchen. He was the only one who dared go into your room uninvited, not because he wasn't afraid of getting a couple of firecrackers up your back. All of you were recovering nicely, of course, but no one liked the feeling of their own materia flying around the room.
- That's not how I should be, - you replied, settling into a stretch right where you were lying, deliberately making that mistake.

The engineer's reaction was immediate, and in a matter of seconds you curled back up as you left your abdomen unprotected and received a tickling attack. That was the calculation - you couldn't afford not to rebuke the engineer's strange tendencies.

- Vlad... Ahhhh, stop it, I didn't consent to a bdsm session! - you burst out laughing, barely dodging your attacks. - But if you want to continue, at least not here!
- Is that another tactical way of saying I'm a fa*ggot? - snorted the engineer. - No, thanks. Oh, by the way. Don't forget you were going to meet and talk to the blue consulate hunters today.
- Oh. Yeah, - you peeled your eyes open and took a relatively upright sitting position. - Though... Wouldn't Goldfinch and Co. handle it?
- You irresponsible piece of materia, Sabish.
- Ooh, let's not talk about it, at least I'm here all the time.

You lifted your head and looked at the cheeky dreamer, who was capable of disappearing at any moment. His straw-blond hair was flecked with the reddish hue of the sun, his fringes were carelessly brushed against his green-rimmed glasses as usual, and his dry face showed a hint of annoyance. All in all, your ideal and standard of wicked beauty adjusted his overcoat collar and looked down at you again. As if he looked at sh*t.
No one in your team could understand why you'd let a common dreamer, even if he was your ward, do this. Vlad was an engineer, of course, and he used the literature he'd read to implement in Shado projects that made your lives a lot easier, but he was able to wipe his feet on you and put you in your place. That's why you loved him. That's why you made tons of cruel jokes about him. The only thing that annoyed you, of course, was that he had a real girlfriend to whom he remained faithful even here.

The engineer apparently had no intention of parrying your statement, demolishing you with just a frustrated look. You sighed and, grunting like an old stump, got to your feet. A quick glance out the window let you know that it was far from morning or, more accurately, that you didn't have much time to get ready. Goldfinch, your right-hand man, was taking his time to finish what was probably not his first cup of coffee. You should advise him to be more careful with his ward-dreamer girl, who imagines that she is his girlfriend now and can control him in everything. Goldfinch seemed to be really annoyed by this, 'cause you have crossed paths with enviable frequency in your impromptu neurotic smokehouse in the catacombs over the last couple of days. His ward-dreamer, however, bloomed and smelled, appearing out of nowhere, demanding enormous attention and causing problems for the entire team. Oh, what worth her last appearance during the battle last time.

- May, will you round up the guys? - you went to him and added, - We'll move out when the sun has rounded the spire of the TV tower.
- Not a problem, - May replied. - I think we should all be there.
- Thank you, - you smiled, then turned to your ward. - You are coming with us. You have no choice. Please don't make a mess of things. I hear Bitter's not too keen on dreamers in the squad.
- Oh, you'll come up with something, there are not as many raiders as hunters yet, - he chuckled.
- You're good. Give me a fiver, - you realized you wouldn't leave him in your bungalow tonight. You wanted to spend as much time with the engineer as possible, and just having him around made you a little calmer. By instructing him, you were more afraid of messing up yourself.

Afterwards, you left your little kitchen and staggered back to your room to tidy yourself up. You saw at least three of the squadmates in the hall as you staggered down the long corridor. Your squad was in your cozy little bungalow, consisting of a couple of living rooms, a meditation cage, a relatively cozy living room, a kitchen, and a couple of other rooms that you'd so rarely been in that you'd forgotten what was there. One of them seemed to be a laboratory or a workshop, something like that.Compared to the two or three-story mansions of many of the shadromancers in the central buildings, your bungalow in the slums wasn't much, but you loved it for its stealth and quick deployment in case of an emergency - it had a hatch that led directly to the dungeons, so you could go anywhere.

In the room, you essentially just looked in the mirror and fixed the twisted amulets, straightening the tangled strands. You didn't feel the need to grow long hair, so it was a permanent burgundy mess. You had shadows under your eyes of color of wine, and bags under them, even though you slept quite well -sometimes you thought Bun had given you the evil eye when he joked that you could hide potatoes in the bags under your eyes. The shadows had clearly considered themselves canon and didn't want to dissolve no matter how hard you tried. You closed your eyes and outlined your face with your hands, imagining they weren't your hands. You lifted your head by your sharp chin... And almost let yourself burst into tears. You're already letting too much of your ward.

You closed the curtain on the mirror, then quickly scooped up junk, like the yellow tins of cherry beer you'd been chugging by the litres lately, from the floor. In that respect, you considered your race the ultimate boon, or, as the engineer would put it, the greatest good - the cans could easily be filled with materia again, and programming the liquid seemed super-easy. Well, the fact that the materia was almost free of charge, extracted from the ghouls²also warmed one's soul. Pan¹Zieliński would kill himself with his bit-thing-beasts if he knew you were a genius! A joke, of course. Krzysztof was your idol and was known far beyond the green consulate - he was one of those steel-balled shadros who left Shado boundaries and hunted bit-thing-beasts. Bit-thing-beasts were worse sh*t than ghouls, because no one knew where their spark was, or if they even had one - all they had to do was methodically chop them into small pieces. It was a lot easier with ghouls - you knock the spark out of the mass and you're done.

With a spectacular movement of your foot you shoved the box of films far away under the bed. Though Vlad had already caught you in a bad way today. You could only pray that he hadn't spotted your cherished box and suspected you were slowly losing your sanity. You adjusted the plaid on the bed. Maybe last night in Kenny's company will make you a little less nervous. Kenny really is too f*cking right to sleep with the boss, however. And yesterday he also told you right up front that the whole squad already suspects that the reason you're nervous is the presence of an engineer in the squad, and asked if he should talk to Kajdar over fixing the unscheduled shambles.
You even started to think that Kenny was only suspicious of being in the squad because he too was an engineer and also blond. But that's okay. You wait and things will work out.

When you left the room, you found that everyone was packed and ready for the diplomatic march. Goldfinch was just adjusting his backpack-styled off-load that already had his two-handed sword on it. You couldn't remember the name of the sword, but you did remember that May had given each weapon some sort of punchy name. The others didn't mind it too much, though, so it gradually became the norm for you. You checked your pockets for firecrackers and silently walked out the door.

The others followed you and you began your manoeuvre through the narrow nooks and crannies of the slums. The buildings here were no more than nine storeys, and closer to the border they became one or two storeys altogether. The material used was varied, with old masonry, planks, or just plain walls for the lazy ones. There was also a lot of rubbish and, occasionally, corpses, the materia of which seemed to have been faithfully absorbed by the DUAUO. Well, and you were advancing in a cautious, heavily armed procession to negotiate with the bastards who can't keep their sh*t aka ghouls to themselves. Though it's not out of the question that you'd make a friendly peace treaty and even sell them some normal weapons, disarming the ghoul's matter many times faster than the "grandfather's" ways with waving cold weapons. You, however, had such an "old man" as well, but he had a magnum to spare.

They were already waiting for you at the border, where you had managed to cross paths with one of their units yesterday. Bitter was conspicuous in their group, for he disdained pretentiousness and was dressed in a banal but comfortable jumper and jeans. Next to him loomed a girl with pink curls and a similarly plain sweatshirt. Perhaps if your spark wasn't busy with the engineer by this point, you would have found her rather cute and definitely tried to hook up.
You waved to them and someone standing behind Bitter waved back. It was a good sign. You stepped closer, and you and Bitter nodded to each other in sync, then sat down on the ground, folding your legs Turkish-style. Your troops form a tight circle around you.

The formidable head of the Blue Consulate hunters looked like a teenager of about fifteen. A juvenile, if you didn't know what he'd been through and how brutally he avenges ghouls, skillfully inspiring and leading people. You, on the other hand, looked no better, in the sense that being partial, you still couldn't grow to your normal height, and you seemed too frail and dainty for the head of a squad. Usually even the head of the squad considered to be Goldfinch - the tall, perky dominant, which, however, sometimes worked to your advantage.
You noticed how Bitter tried to hide his surprise when you sat down in front of him. He looked at you and, smirking, placed his pen in front of him as a sign that the meeting should be peaceful. In response, you rummaged through your pockets and dropped a couple of handfuls of firecrackers in front of you.

- What are these?
- My weapon, - you shrugged. - Quite effective, by the way.

A whisper was heard from the side of Bitter's squad. The pink-haired loli leaned over and asked him something, you couldn't hear what it was. He brushed it off and then asked you:

- How does that work? It doesn't look very serious.
- Mmm... Very simple, - you replied and, turning back around, added: - Pssst, guys, spread out a few secs, nobody wants to be blessed by the scruff of the neck, do you?

Your guys knew exactly what your "blessing" would do, so they followed the order without a problem, whereupon you just, without looking back, threw a couple of firecrackers back and snapped your fingers. There were a couple of pops from their explosion, and you watched triumphantly as the eyes of your opponent and those behind him rounded.

- Cool boys don't watch the explosion, - you chuckled.
- The joke is certainly funny, but I'm amazed, - Bitter said in reply, slowly applauding. - May I ask how effective these things are against ghouls?
- One firecracker probably won't make a difference, but two or three of them are quite effective, - you told him. - But that's just my experimental dabbling, you were right. For others, our engi makes more serious things. For instance, Maore's "Slowpoke's Fury" simply removes the sparks of mortality from the mass of matter. Yan's "Cosmobaby" combines my firecrackers and pistol.

A wave of laughter swept through the crowd of Bitter's squad.

- Please keep the laughter to yourself. I don't name the weapons, but each piece is strictly individual, - you said glumly.
- I understand that this was to be a mere negotiation, resenting the encroachment of ghouls into your territory, but... - Bitter began, and then he broke off. After a few seconds of silence he continued: - I would like to offer you cooperation. Our weapons are not perfect, and I admit that, since every battle costs us an enormous amount of time and resources.
- And?
- I would ask you to at least provide us with weapons. I understand that training is out of the question due to the fact that none of us or you have permission to cross the border. But it would be a mutually beneficial cooperation - you supply us with weapons, we increase our productivity and save you from frequent patrols.
- It smells like scam, - said Goldfinch.
- In any case, our engineers have the last word, - you snickered. - Where's Vlad, by the way, boys?

And then you all heard a shot. You and Bitter instantly jumped to your feet, picking up your weapons as well. What you saw made your spark shrink.
Kajdar, your dear and beloved ward, tossed his lasgun aside and went up against the suddenly appearing ghoul in hand-to-hand combat, as if afraid of damaging what, or who, it was attacking. The ghoul, however, howled and stabbed its victim before its spark was destroyed by the engineer.

- Raiders, defence! - you blurted out and rushed over to him, checking to see if he, too, had suffered any damage.
- Got that, pan! - Goldfinch exclaimed and ostentatiously saluted to you, pulling your two armed sword out of his kit and giving Bun, who was dozing, a kick. Bun winced and looked around.
You heard a wave of a similar order from Bitter, followed by a shout of "I see they're here". Your squad had to cope, for with an overwhelming number of long-range weapons they had a considerable advantage - ghouls came from the side of the blue sector. You, on the other hand, were morally unable to get involved in all of this right now.
Vlad sat on his knees, cradling the long-haired girl who had been the accidental victim of ghoul. She was trembling violently, and her wide-open blue eyes were beginning to lose their luster. A hole was gaping in her belly, the exact size of hole you could not yet determine. The engineer whispered something to her, apparently trying to reassure her.

- Am I going to die? - the girl's voice was weak and confused, as if she were a child.
- I won't let that happen...
- But I can feel it...
- Is there anything I can do to help? - you asked, hovering over your ward.
- Give me some materia and keep out of sight, - he replied with a frown, not even turning around. - Don't ask me to dissect a ghoul now, I need material that already belongs to someone else, or it may not work.
- I'm certainly willing to give you my hand and heart, but not in that way, - you tried to joke.
- This is no time for jokes, Sabish. There is no time at all, - Kajdar cut off, and you noticed how the girl's body began to gradually decay and fall into little blue sparks, like your soul sparks. Admittedly, this was the first time you'd ever seen a dreamer die here.

Swallowing, you pulled off your cardigan and held it out to him, then watched as he transformed the materia into a semblance of a large flask, where whatever was left of the girl was then dispatched. Collecting every last unit, the engineer seemed to seal the flask and then rose to his feet. You looked into his grey-blue eyes and realised that this dead dreamer was someone very important to him.

- Gemini, no more dreamers in the squad, do you understand me?! - you heard Bitter's angry shout behind you. - You've seen how this ends!

The head of the hunters came up to you, asking in a matter-of-fact voice what had happened, though he knew full well that someone in his squad had just lost a ward.

- I'll make weapons for you, as long as no one else finds out what happened today, - the engineer said in a detached voice, gripping the flask with those remains tighter. - And... I'll take what's left of her with me. I'm not a god, but I must at least try to keep her alive.

Bitter looked at him dumbfoundedly, then shifted his "what's this dreamer letting himself in for?" look to you. Without waiting for you to explain, he exhaled:
- The remnants of the blue consulate drawer. To Cog. Are you mocking me now?
- Not at all, - you replied, though you knew in your heart that you and the shadromancer, whose ward was a dead girl, were in danger of receiving a lot of troubles from the Consuls. You've had enough trouble living with the idea of Kajdar appearing alternately in Cog and Green Sector.
- She's from my world, you see, - Vlad said reluctantly. - I knew her. And yes, her death is still on your conscience - the attack was in your territory, where you haven't even posted sentries to secure the negotiations.

Bitter was clearly nervous, and the tension in the air grew exponentially until he uttered:
- Ok. All right. I agree to these terms. It's crazy, but the likely lives of future squad members are at stake, so I'll still choose progress, spitting on the law.
- It's a deal, - you hastily fashioned a mobile phone out of ghoul's materia and handed it to the head of the hunters. - I'll call you when we need to meet.
- Is that a phone?
- Well, yes, - you were beginning to get annoyed at the fact that, due to the strained relations between the Consuls, the inhabitants of Blue Sector needed a lot of explaining to do in terms of some of the things you were used to. Although you couldn't exactly call them stupid either.
- Ah, I see, - he said hurriedly in response.

You shook hands and retreated to your squads, which had already slaughtered the attacking ghouls, which were not as numerous as they first appeared. You waved to your raiders, calling after you.

You made it home without incident. The lads had a grand bout of drinking, as it was quite an achievement to demoralize a fairly large force of hunters with a smaller number. Yes, they didn't seem to be in full force at the talks, but your skill and weaponry were worth all of them combined.
You gave up the drink, though; all you could think about was what would happen next. So Vlad brought the flask with him, so what? There's cadaveric material in there, even if it's slowing down now, it's still disappearing. The engineer is found in your room, sitting on the floor, assembling some extraordinary mechanism. You walked silently behind him and collapsed on your bed.

- Why here?
- I don't want to leave the flask in the workshop. I'm sure to have it perfectly safe here. I hope so, anyway, - said Kajdar, and after a short silence he added: -you don't mind, do you?
- No, leave it if you like, - you sighed and turned on your side with your legs tucked under you. - Tell me who she was... I'm guessing, of course, but you have to be more specific.
- It was Abby, - he said wistfully. - Damn, I hope there's nothing wrong with her in our world. You know I'm not afraid of death, but... Losing someone close to you is something else entirely.
- It's your girlfriend, I get it, - you turned to face the wall. - I'll try not to break the flask.
- Thank you, - you heard him saying. - I'm glad you understand.
- I'm glad you do, - you muttered, your face pressed against the pillow. - If I'd known I would have let her die the rest of the way... What's a f*cking luck.
- I probably won't be able to finish some of the details today, - Kajdar didn't hear you, or cleverly pretended not to. - Ask Kenny to find some extra matter for tomorrow or the day after - I don't know if I can stay here for days at a time. Sabish?
- What? - you grudgingly blurt out, but with your face still in the pillow, the cry is muffled and inaudible.
- Dick around your throat³. Everything all right?
- I'm fine.
- You're damn nervous, - the engineer sighed. - I'm sorry I messed up. That's how worthless I am.
- I still love you, jerk, - you muttered in a low voice.
- I need to wake up. Again, I'm sorry for the way things turned out.

You didn't answer, waiting for him to just disappear before you burst into tears like a girl. Your shadows under your eyes streaked with tears.

Notes:

1 - here and further: Sabishii&co used to use some polish-style things in their speech, so pan = mr. or somewhat like that.
2 - here and further: ghouls not from Tokyo Ghoul, it's just commonly named heavy damaged shadromancers who lost their minds and became just dangerous shadows of themselves.
3 - originally there was also obscene answer in rhyme, but quite a bit different (not throat but shoulder lol lol). Here clear translation is not need, 'cause it's sorta pun with answering with the rhyme.

Chapter 20: Chapter 18. Stigmas –Knyaz'–

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Something tingled painfully in your chest, causing you to drop the whisk from your hands and mutter:
- Ba¹... Can I help you later? I think something... Bad has happened.
- Go, - Solamer sighed, shaking her head. - Go, go, I understand.
- Thank you so much, ba...
You took off and ran. You knew where you had to run, your feet carried you. An old garden, a couple of voluminous thorny bushes, created here personally by you, and there it was, your loophole into Cog. He was already waiting for you at the other end of the tunnel.

- Ah, you really summoned him, - you heard the dismissive voice of his creator. - Well, tell your goodbyes and farewells.
You sprinted out of the tunnel, where you were bent in half as you struggled to catch your breath after an unscheduled run. When you recovered and looked around, all you could see was the redhead and his host standing in the distance. There was a look of obvious concern and fear in the redhead's eyes. He was clearly nervous, as he only grabbed your hand in response to your "hey, what happened" and pressed it to his chest.
- I guess... I guess you're not even talking to me anymore, - he was silent for a moment, swallowing, and then he continued: - With the last echoes, as ironic as it was that I was the voice².
You only flapped your eyelashes dazedly, unable to understand what he was talking about.
- We are finally being erased. All of us. It's just... It's the last thing linking her to the past right now. I guess I'm sorry.
- If the past is gone...
- It's always been that way. Any future has to be a rejection of the past...
- Not for someone who's made of the past.
The redhead let go of your hand and looked away.
- I would say a very hurtful thing, but I don't want to.
- I can, I can, - his maker interjected. - That kind of 'someone' doesn't deserve to exist. You all can't get over your weaknesses. You hold the past in your hedgehands and try to create better selves by looking back there. But all it takes to be happy is to accept it all. Not to create better selves. Not to give up your weaknesses. Not adjusting yourself to your own ideal. But just to be. For yourself. Yourself.
- One way or another, I'm attached to it all, - you answer confusedly, - I can't.
- That's why I say. You don't deserve it. What I do is the only right thing to do. There are no you as individuals. When did your names appear? When did it all become so consuming to you?
You began to shake perceptibly, and the redhead put his arm around your shoulders.
- Really, don't worry. It would hurt me more to leave, heh.
You just pressed your nose into his shoulder, trying to hold yourself together and not start sobbing.
- I believe she's doing the right thing, and I'm glad you believed me.
- I've always... Believed...
- I was originally a huge problem for you, heh. Don't forget that, please. All of me.
- I can't forget...
- You in all this time... Made me so happy.
He sat down a little bit to look you in the eye.
- I promised I wouldn't take too long. Anyway... Go where you think you should go. Your life is for you. I love you.
- And I...
He put his arms around you again, holding you tight.
- Close your eyes, please...
You obeyed his will, feeling the slow start to burn away, fading away, units of his materia, giving you the last of its warmth. The redhead was indeed being washed away, and it made you fearful, for once you had hoped that all would be well, and he would outlive his host...
- Take care of yourself.³

- Isaak!
You jumped up, sitting down on the bed and then, gradually calming down and catching your breath, you tucked your knees under you and rested your face in them. Your heart was pounding like mad. Why. Why, just when you'd at least managed to get some sleep, you were overtaken by memories you'd spent half a cycle trying to get rid of?
Could it be a warning? If it's a warning, then you definitely shouldn't venture into Cog, as your trek could end extremely miserably. And if it isn't? What if it is a strange sign that he is still alive?

It was still dark outside the window, only a couple of lanterns visible by the path leading from the porch to the gate. You didn't think you'd be able to sleep again, so you got up and lit the lamp. They were the same throughout the house, but fairly easy to use - although Granny called them the mysterious word 'gazavyja'⁴, they certainly didn't have the property of burning out. The light from the lamp made the shadows of the objects even blacker, and you almost shrieked when you noticed them on your arm as well. You ran your palm over your right shoulder and groaned. It wasn't a shadow of anything. It was your own matter.
You'd almost forgotten the existence of those "birthmarks," which intricate ligatured your body. They were self-inflicted, and touching them only evoked one feeling, driving you crazy. It was difficult to keep the willful materia out of your skin and lock it inside your body - it was too reassuring to be seen in person. Officially, you're not having a pair, and never have been, so you shouldn't have these black spots. You certainly didn't need to be questioned or lectured by your grandfather. But why did you lose control of them now? That's the last thing you need right now.
You pressed down on one of the lines of the stain, trying to push it in, as you had done before while you were running to Cog for dates. After a long time, you'd learned how to do this a little, and as you hid the pattern from your shoulder, wrist, and part of your neck, you felt your consciousness "swim," twitching with fog. You decided to hide back under the blanket and lay back until Regret raise the sun. You were determined to go to Cog after all.
After waiting for the sun, you got up to extinguish the lamp and start packing. The mirror immediately upset you by the fact that your hair, which had been cut the night before, had managed to grow back a little. You gave up, and decided not to bother with a new haircut - you'll be back here tonight anyway, and it's not really noticeable how crooked your bangs were. You got dressed quickly, only hovering slightly when you noticed that the fiery orange bead on the pin was still pinned under the collar of the coat. You threw a thin layer of extra fabric over the patch, just in case, hiding it from the prying eyes of Momo and sister.
Without thinking for too long, you'd left a note on the table that said you'd found yourself a new ward dreamer and had to leave the house early today to meet him and show him around. With a note saying you'd be back late. Granny would probably then lament that you'd left without breakfast, though it was a simple morning tradition for you - your race needed no food at all, if excluding the materia derived from the attention of the dreamers. Absorption of imitation of dreamer's food became a mere psychological addiction for you.
You left the house unnoticed, only Senna was rummaging around in the kitchen and could hear you closing the front door. Out of habit you ran to the old garden loophole, hoping it hadn't become too overgrown with thorns since you'd been using it.
You were lucky and it was still just as you remembered. After running through the tunnel without a problem, you removed the excessive materia from the patch and froze in indecision. Doubts plagued you. Wasthe strangerlying? Could a slum-dweller really issue such invitations? The only way to find out was to go and meet him.
However, the nearby streets of Cog had changed considerably, becoming narrower in places or split into two altogether. You happened to pass by the guard post and, as a result, you reflexively dashed off in the opposite direction, provoking them to chase you. You weren't much of a runner, and you started panting pretty quickly from that cross. You didn't know what was going to happen, and you were about to die when you hit someone and were stopped by them.

- Abandon the chase, - the voice you heard sounded familiar. You were unceremoniously turned with your right shoulder, where the patch was hanging on your sleeve, towards the guards. - Is that my job now, or have you been blinded?
- We confess, Mr. Executioner! - you let the guards' words slip past your ears and pressed against the stranger from yesterday, catching your breath. Thank goodness he showed up just in time.
- Then I take the young lady and you return to your post.
- We have no objection, Mr. Executioner! - but when they turned to yourstrangeragain, they made you tense and try to pull away from him, but he held you firm.

He must have waited until the guards had disappeared around the corner and then, letting go of your shoulder, he said:
- Lorenzo should definitely finalize their program... Are you frightened?
- Executioner? - with a trembling voice you asked in reply.
- The job doesn't prevent from being a good man, does it?
- Yes... You are right, - you smiled silently, hoping for sincerity.
- And you are silly.
You didn't even realize how you ended up pinned against the wall of the alley. You tried to break free, but thestrangerwas clearly stronger than you physically. Your attempts only made him smile. It probably did look comical from the outside, considering he was at least a couple of centimeters shorter than you.
- I love the childish naivety with which you all fall for my speeches.
- Let me go!
- Why don't you spend a couple of days in my care while you wear the condemned's tag on your clothes?
- You said you'd help me search!
- Forget it. There are times more interesting pastimes than this almost aimless wandering of funeral lights through the streets, - he ran his palm over your face, then tucked a strand of fringes behind your ear, causing you to resume your attempts to pull away. - I wish I'd had better luck with the blue sector ladies so often. You're much prettier than the locals. More graceful... Ah, that white, porcelain skin! I wonder what you'll leave me as a memento?
- I am not a lady! - you blurted out nervously, realizing you were trying too hard.
- Don't try to lie to me. Fragile, exquisite - now that's a statement you can only make fun of.
- Can you even hear me?

You gathered the rest of your strength and tried to push him away again, but in return you were pushed against the wall even harder and bitten lightly on the ear. The only thing you could think of was a stupid idea to play on the surprise factor, but which one?
Without thinking, you kissed him. As well as you could, as far as your half-remembered skills allowed. Suddenly, and fortunately for you, it worked, and his grip on you loosened for a moment. That was enough to allow you to step aside and leave this unfriendly embrace.

- Blah, that's disgusting... - you're used to doing this only for love, and, in fact, you've never kissed anyone but that redhead. - What do I have to do to prove you wrong?
- You've already done enough to prove to me that I am NOT wrong.
- It was a measure of last resort! - you exclaimed indignantly. - I wasn't going to do that at all!
You were standing in this alleyway between two brick five-storey buildings, staring at each other.
- Don't you want to live anymore? - he said coolly, folding his arms across his chest. - I can solve the problem simply and easily if you don't want to prolong your agony in Cog.
- If I don't find what I'm looking for here, OK, I agree, - it was a bluff, but you chose to maintain this wave of indifference, hoping it would work. - I have decidedly nothing to do even in my own home anyway.
- Then I'll make sure you don't find anything, - he smirked.
- Try it, - you folded your arms across your chest, too. - At least introduce yourself first. And respect my pronouns.

He laughed.
- I'll try, but it's going to be a bit of a challenge with your silhouette. Call meAlter.
- Etiquette dictates that I should say "pleasure to meet you," but the circ*mstances of our meeting today make it very difficult for me. My name is Kaj.
- It doesn't suit you very well. Oh yes... I don't remember you having horns when you came to my sector.
- Never mind, - you muttered in exasperation, groping your head. Of course. If the stains showed, it didn't take you long to see this crap, either. - You imagined it.
- Who knows, who knows... But if I were you, I'd change the shape a bit if you want to keep pretending to be dominant.
- Maybe it's my own business?
- Again, as you wish, - he hummed. - Come on. I'll show you around the sector, see if you can find anything else you need. And don't forget, as long as you're in my territory, you're just my plaything. And don't try to escape.

You had no choice but to follow him. You slowly approached the central quarters and you watched the buildings grow disastrously fast in height. You, who grew up in a sector where there were no houses higher than three stories except for the House of Regret, were beginning to feel uncomfortable - you could no longer count the number of stories in the houses you passed, and the background noise level was increasing in the same progression. There were also many more people in the streets, and you couldn't tell if they were locals or just dreamers - you walked through the crowd, and the high-rises blocked the sunlight so much that down here everything was lit by streetlights, big street TV screens and neon signs from shops and other establishments. On one of the screens a pretty girl was saying that there would be no smog today and everything was fine at the consulate. You looked up and saw something drive over you. I think one of your former ward dreamers would have called it a 'train' or an 'electron'⁵- there was a network of rails running between the houses at altitude. You felt Alter take hold of your hand and pull you along, as if in tow. You continued to look around, though, for previously you had only seen Cog from the side of the slums when you came to see the redhead. And then you would go to him altogether, to his inner city, or, as he called it, paradise.
You stopped briefly at a street shop, of which there were countless. You did not know what the executioner was talking to the clerk about, but then he exchanged a bottle of something for a couple of shekels. You had absolutely no idea where to look, because even if there was stuff like your father's chess, you didn't know where it could be. Alter was right. You wouldn't find anything. Although sometimes you'd get the feeling that the object you're looking for is very, very close, closer than you can imagine.

- So what do you think of Cog? - The executioner asked you a question without looking at you.
- I don't know, - you muttered. - It's so noisy and there's so much going on.
- You look like you're crawling out of a hole, - he chuckled. - There's really not much to see, especially when you lose track of time. One dreamer once gave me about 500 years, by the standards of his world. It doesn't feel that way at all here.
- I've never been given more than twenty-three, - you tried to keep the conversation going.
- Oh, so that's why you're so indeed stupid.
- Hey! - you blurted out indignantly. - It's not my fault I look good!
- Funny. Age isn't just a matter of looks.

You turned down another alley, heading back to the lower houses, and when you noticed the sun, you froze. It was practically gone from the horizon. Seeing you hover, Alter said:
- It's getting late, yes.
- Look, I went out early in the morning when Regret had just raised the sun...
- And you seriously believe in this fairy tale for young sparks? - he laughed and, through his laughter, continued: - Consuls do not raise the sun. It moves by itself, in a circle. When it is morning on your side, it is evening on ours. When evening comes in your sector, it's morning in the green sector and so on.
- What do you mean?
- Shall I rhyme it for you? - The executioner became abruptly serious again.
- No need, - you answered hastily.
- Think of it as different time zones, - he hummed. - That's all there is to it. You shouldn't be outdoors at night, by the way. You'll be staying with me.
- I don't suppose I have a choice?
- Oh, well, excuse me, mademoiselle wants to fall into the hands of bums. I won't stand in the way.
- Stop clowning around, - you sighed. - And treating me like a lady.
- Prove to me that you're not, - he said, stepping closer to you. - And then as much as you like.
- I've already asked you what I have to do for that.
- Overdrink me.

There was an awkward silence in the air. That offer was too sudden for you. Because you didn't know how to drink right. Last time it was champagne, and you were pretty wasted, according to the redhead.

- I'm sorry, what?
- You should know that the dominant has a much higher tolerance to alcohol.
- Not an option?
- Trust me, it's the easiest.
- I don't drink...
- Boring. You have to start somewhere. Personally, I'm hardly drunk, it'll be fun to watch you. Come on, it's not far.

You followed him like a convict, deliberately slowing your pace. Things were beginning to smell like a trap that was about to slam shut, like the door of this entryway behind your back. The door to the executioner's abode was, oddly enough, on the ground floor. You were literally pushed inside, and your eyes were opened to the total absence of a corridor. Even the vestibule was heavily improvised, with a couple of hooks screwed into the wall in front of you, and an umbrella hanging languidly from one of them. To your right was a staircase to the top, and to your left was a passageway to the kitchen.

- Come on up, - Alter said with a sniff. - It's not exactly a five-storey mansion. Leave your coat here.
You could not object now, for you felt almost entirely disenfranchised here. You took off your coat, hanging it on one of the hooks, and then went up the stairs to the first floor of the flat. It was a bit empty, though maybe you just thought so. The whole floor was like one big room, with a fluffy rug in the middle, and the rest was arranged around the perimeter: the wall to your right was almost entirely occupied by a bookcase, by the far wall there was another staircase, in the far right corner there were some boxes and against the railing there was a sofa. The railing?

The railing was mahogany with stained glass inlays and looked beautiful, but a bit ridiculous in relation to the other pieces of furniture. You walked up to them and looked down. There was part of the floor missing from this floor, which is why this railing was placed in front of the missing piece. This makeshift balcony overlooked a small kitchen, half-full of cupboards of various sizes. Otherwise the kitchen was not much different from what you are used to seeing at home. The hanging cupboards made it hard to see what else was there, so you squatted down to look through the stained glass windows. The panes were different shades of red and orange, making the light passing through them a little warmer. From this angle, you noticed that part of the work surface of the lower row of cupboards was stuffed with all sorts of pots of plants. Plants? In Cog? PerhapsAlter only wants to appear cruel? You couldn't get those two things together in your head.

- What are you looking at?
You would have jumped to your feet if your agility had been a couple of points better - since you were squatting, your abrupt attempt to stand up wasn't very successful - you skidded back a bit and landed back on the floor, hitting your tailbone in pain.
- Plants... It's not what you expect to see in Cog, - you muttered, catching your breath and rising more calmly from the floor.
- They're not just plants, - Alter clarified. - I wouldn't sweetly collecting violets like my mother. It's spices, a vital thing for me personally.
- Ah... I see.
You noticed that there was a small coffee table and a large armchair in front of the sofa. On the table were a pair of chubby glasses and the very same bottle from the street shop.
- Fall in, - he said. - I mean, get on the couch, I just don't know how much of a blue sector resident needs explaining right now.
- Understood, not a fool, - you replied, a little indignant at the disdainful way you were treated.

Alter sat down in his chair, positioned exactly opposite you. There was a tense silence in the room, and you just sat there staring at each other. You stared into his emerald eyes and tried to suppress the feeling of dread that grew the longer you were here. Finally, he brushed a disturbing strand of mahogany-colored hair out of his face, and laughed openly.

- What are you thinking about now? - he asked, calming down a little.
- No matter, - you answered hastily, feeling very uncomfortable with the question.
- You just have this look of concentration on your face, as if you were going to kill me, not I.
- You're going to kill me?!
- You knew where you were going, - Alter snorted. - Those who break the law and travel between consulates tend to end badly.
- You invited me here yourself, - you hissed. - It's dishonourable.
- It's Cog, baby, - he laughed again. - I did it because I had slightly different plans for you, you know what I mean?
- But I'm not a lady!
- Oh, yeah. You were going to change my mind. Go on, then!

Alter uncorked the bottle, and you could smell the subtle scent of caramel in the air. He filled both glasses and held one out to you. The liquid was clear and the color of burnt sugar. You took a sip of it and almost cringed - it burned inside you, curse your bloodline.

- I can see that you don't know how, - he took a sip from his glass, and then he paused for a moment, apparently watching you slowly boil over, and then he continued: - Okay, well, before you explode with anger, what exactly are you looking for here? Well, just in case you happen to be dominant and I have to do something as an apology.
- A relatively small thing, I suppose, - you were glad to see that the topic of conversation had been diverted to something else that interested you. - I have a feeling it's very close, but I can't see it at all. You know... There are things that dreamers bring with them from their worlds, creating them here from our materia. I came across such a thing recently, and it turned out to be a portal to another world...
- Hmm... Close, you say? Perhaps I have some nice little things from my exes. Not sure if it's going to be the exact dreamer's ones, but it's no question to check.
- Exes?
- Time flies fast, especially in my relationships, - he got up from his chair and walked towards the boxes. - They don't live long. Well, you could say I've set up this den at their expense.
- Not living long? - you took another sip from your glass.
- If you talk too much, you'll definitely go to them.
With a sudden nerve, you sipped some more of that amber liquid. It tasted a little less vile now.
- Two emerald earrings, an iron ring, a sapphire pendant, a green bead on a string, a glass bracelet, a necklace with cubic zirconia, a strand of colored pearls, some kind of amulet, a crane... What should it even look like approximately?
- I don't know. Right now it looks like it's gotten farther away.
You really had a strange feeling. Now that you felt like the stuff they were trying to get you drunk with was starting to aggravate your senses a bit, you felt some warmth from executioner's side. When he returned to the table, the sensation intensified again.

- What do you mean?
- And now closer again... - you felt rather foolish, especially as you now had to look up at Alter. The artifact seemed like it should be right on top of him. - Hold on.
- Holding.
- That vial you're wearing as an amulet...
- You've got a lot on your mind, - he rolled his eyes, tsked, and then looked at you again. - It's mother's. In other words, it's a clan thing. A local thing. Shadromancer's.
- Are you sure?
- She gifted it to my father. And when he died, I quietly inherited the amulet. The last thing left of him here is his blood.
- Your father was a dreamer?
- Why don't you keep your questions to yourself and stay out of my life? - Alter sassed you sharply and coldly, then returned to his chair.
- I'm sorry, - you muttered, beginning to stammer.
- Did Regret send you here?
- N-no... - you said, bewildered, wondering when the flow of the conversation had changed so drastically.
- Drink. Now you're going to tell me everything, - he went on, without any of his usual razzle-dazzle. - Who sent you, to what end... I know Hannah would have given a lot to undermine us.
- D-don't think I'm a spy, - you finished your drink, but Alter refilled it immediately. - My father's a dreamer too, I was just surprised...
- Don't lie to me. And don't you dare interfere in my family. I won't let anyone influence the Consul through me!
- I get it, the subject of family is very painful for you, I won't touch it anymore! - you blurted it out, then drank the whole glass in a gulp and clutched your eyes. - And there's no need to yell at me! I didn't do it on purpose!
Alter silently refilled your glass, and you drank it all down again. Then you caught your breath for a moment and you got really woozy.

- Cog is nothing but trouble, be it then or now, why couldn't I have sat on my ass and inherited the family business and saved the materia...
- Then?
- Now, I'm going to have to ask you to stay out of my life, that's not very nice either!
- You've been to Cog before, interestingly enough... - he folded his fingers into a lock and leaned on the table.
You paid him no mind and just burst into tears like a lass. It was a mighty slap that brought you to your senses.
- A nasty partial.
You were rolled onto your back and pressed against the sofa by your neck so that all you could do was sob and gasp for air like a fish, completely oblivious of your true shadromancer nature. Why did he have so much strength?

- How long were you going to keep messing with my head? Speak!
Your speech was an unintelligible gurgle, and curse your bloodline, which made you need your throat and mouth and lungs and whatever else dreamers have for speech.
- What the f*ck is wrong with you?!
- Al... Ter... - you mumbled, trying to get his hand off your neck. - I'm not gonna... Lie...
You were drunk out of your mind and your self-control was already very poor, but there was only one thing you could do. Barely remembering a part of the standard curriculum, you summoned your blades. Trying to do so silently and inconspicuously, one by one you materialized them at the executioner's back.
- Just hear me out!
You shouted this as your blades slammed into his back, forcing him to open his hand. It had little effect, however, beyond releasing you from his grip and allowing you to crawl back to catch your breath. You only felt the matter expended on your blades slowly leave you for good and be absorbed by Alter.

- Ow. Unpleasant. Is this what you were expecting?
- H-how did you...
- It would have been more effective to cut off my arm, or my head, if you were going to attack me from behind, - he hissed, and then loomed over you again. - You're either really unaware of your actions, or you're a lout for life if you think I'm supposed to get hurt. Hey, you hysterical piece of bit-thing-beast, we are materia.
- That still doesn't give you the right to yell at me and hurt me, - you said quietly with your feet tucked under you.
- You forget that you are nobody here and that you have no name.
- My name is Kairel!
- Well... - Alter sat down on the edge of the sofa and silently gripped your ankle, pulling you toward him. - That name is already more like the truth, you worthless partial. So, back to your last visit to Cog... Or visits?
- I told you I'd stay out of your sore subject, so can I have a little responsiveness in return?
- Just tell me what you're doing here. You're obviously not interested in the junk you're wearing. It's more than that.
- I wasn't planning on coming back here, nobody knew about it but me and him! - your lips are treacherously trembling.
- Tell me who, Kairel.
- What the hell do you care, he's gone anyway!
- Who was he? Told you about Cog?
- Stop it!
- So you're looking for a replacement?
- What...
You felt him run his palm over your forearm, up, lifting the sleeve of your shirt, causing your damned spots to reappear. Coupled with your intoxication, it was getting harder and harder for you to control yourself again.
- You think I haven't noticed the change in you? You can't hide that willful part of the materia completely, no matter how hard you try.
- Taking advantage of my condition? How sneaky.
You tried to crawl back again, but you were simply prevented from doing so.

- Don't try to press my conscience. My conscience is a myth, - Alter smiled faintly and touched your horns, making you flinch and your cheeks turn a treacherous blush of crimson. - And now you'll see why your neat horns are an absolute loser for you at the moment.
- Cheater, - you muttered, closing your eyes. Let it just end, let him just kill you, not this humiliation.
- Haven't even started yet, - he hummed. - But you don't seem to mind much, Kairel. Where's your spoiled temper gone?
- Stop it.
- Uh, no, that won't do. I've had enough of that orderly tone on the carpet in Curse's office. Ask, but don't order.
- I... - You didn't have time to finish your thought, for your train of thought went astray after another such "attack" by Alter. You groaned and reflexively pushed your knees together as tightly as you could.
- So, what are you, giving up?
He pulled up your shirt, then ran his palm over your stomach. If he hadn't pressed you against the sofa with his other hand, you would have curled up by now. You didn't let anyone touch you there. He noticed how you fidgeted and slid his hand down, stroking your side and then stopping on your thigh.
- Are you going to show me what you learned at Cog, or are you going to be a log?
You snapped and tried to slap him, but he caught your arm in a lightning quick motion.
- So you're going to be a log. All right, then.

That's all you remembered.

Notes:

1 - "ba" is shorten from "бабуля" ("granny"). Usually used when grandkid asking something which he absolutely want granny to do or so ^^'
2 - originally Isaak uses two common root words, "отголоски" and "голос". That's really ironic thing.
3 - and it's time to re-check this cover to get a visualisation: https://youtu.be/hOmCrIl2LOA
4 - gas lamps
5 - derived from "элетричка" ("electric train"or so)

Chapter 21: Chapter 19. Storyteller –Reaper–

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

You woke up towards lunchtime. You stretched like you did each morning and buried your face in the pillow. Your body ached uncomfortably, and you curled up like a baby, wrapping yourself up in a blanket. You had absolutely no desire to get up.
Then you remembered that you'd promised Dareka you'd look for a new tapeman, preferably a local. Kanya¹had asked for either a leave of absence or just a normalized workday - here you couldn't remember which. With a long groan, you slid upright, reluctantly sliding off the bed with the blanket. There were a few shekels on the nightstand beside the bed. You took a quick glance at the amount of materia units in them. Yesterday's guest had turned out to be a miser; at most it was enough to pay for this room. You worked for Dareka and all that, but the only thing you got for free was food and drink. The landlady was already demanding shekels for the room.
You moved to a wardrobe and opened one door, which had a mirror hanging on the inside. You had to assess the damage, patch yourself up. In the depths of your sparks you hoped all marks of the night were gone.
The life of a shadromancer, though, suited you much better than the one you had in your home world. At least here you were spared the grueling physical training, the constant cramming, and all the other crap that accompanies a boy with Klinefelter syndrome in is trying to be like everyone else in order to avoid ridicule. Speaking of which. Another of the pluses you found was that no one even tried to make fun of you - on the contrary, you caught glances full of envy and wishful thinking. You could spend your free time doing whatever you wanted, and you could earn money doing what you liked, thanks to the "rebirth" and your voice. There was only one drawback. Because you were previously a dreamer, you still felt pain, which you tried unsuccessfully to hide.
Now, getting your aching body into relative shape in the morning was a problem. Especially if... You cursed silently. There was a mark on your thigh that didn't want to erase - the damned guest had taken to claiming you without leaving permission to restore that mark to normal skin, though you always seem to be clear on the rules. You'll have to complain to Dareka. Or Isho. Yeah, you'll definitely have to whine to Isho in her soft pink blouse. And she'll ask Krzysztof for help and sort it out. Sometimes good connections are a pretty good subject.
You leisurely got dressed, adjusted your green shirt, and draped the blanket back on the bed. Then you walked to the window, sliding the slats of the blinds open with your fingers, not wanting to disturb the dim light in the room. The sun hurt your eyes. It was too bright. It was still an indication, however, that no rain was in sight for the day. You could get out and about, maybe you still had a couple of hours to do it. You should be up on stage singing in the evening.
You grabbed a black cardigan from the wardrobe and left the room, paranoid about locking it, even though you didn't have much to steal. You went downstairs. Dareka, behind the counter where she usually sat, was nowhere to be seen. The tavern was sparsely populated, and no wonder since most of the visitors were locals, and they'd be here by late afternoon when they were free of the dreamers' company. It must be rush hour in the Isho's coffee shop now. With her cyclopic look³, opening her own coffee shop was a dubious idea, but turned out to be quite lucrative at the expense of the dreamers. As it turns out, there are quite a few creatures with similar faces among your consulate's dwellers, and that's what Isho has made her success out of. You should drop in on her sometime, not wait for her to stop by Dareka's for a shot of baileys. You look around. The landlady was still nowhere to be seen, only Kanya was playing something lazily at the piano. Sometimes you thought Kanya could have been working anywhere in the world; instead of legs, he had five or six black tentacles. It was a sad story, of course - he came to the Consulate severely mangled by the bit-thing-beasts, in particular, his legs had been bitten off by them completely. Because of your nature, he could not have them restored to their previous state, as he had to get the consent of bit-thing-beast and guess which one you needed!
You didn't bother him, and left the tavern.

The anise sun assaulted your eyes again and you involuntarily squeezed your eyes shut, then slowly opened and let them get used to the bright light. The tavern was, as always, nice and pleasant to the eye: although it was situated by the road that ran through your settlement, Dareka had somehow managed to keep a small front garden on either side of the building itself, where something was always blooming. In fact, this was an extremely puzzling circ*mstance for you, as you had never seen the landlady do anything here.
There weren't many people outside, most of whom were the dreamers, many of whom showed up here every time as if for the first time and were inspecting everything with particular curiosity. You grinned and imagined what their faces would be like in a couple of days when the leaf-fall season begins. Ah, the fall of leaves! You were glad to be reborn here, with the seasons and weather you were used to. Yes, there was no internet and other things from your home world, but you got over that pretty quickly.
The first thing you decided to do was to go to Isho's, even though it was quite a long walk to her coffee shop. In any case, your condition bothered you a lot more now. You walked down the street, thinking of speeding up your step to get there faster. A steam engine driven by Alik²whizzed past, picking up particles of road sand in the air. You stopped and waved to him, and he waved back. Alik was mostly picking on these machines, which appeared here not too long ago, and occasionally moonlighting, you think, as a waiter in Dareka's tavern when there were too many customers.
And then you heard some quiet tune that sounded like an instrument you hadn't heard in a long time. A bayan.

- By-vaaaaali dni vie-syooolie⁴...

The voice coming from the instrument's side was not, to put it mildly, a good one. Anyway, you turned off the road following the narrow path that led to a glade where you bumped into a hapless accordionist. He was a boy, not much older than you, blond, snub-nosed and blue-eyed. He was wearing a red T-shirt and denim breeches, and I think he was wearing the wrong size trainers.
He spotted you and hovered a little.

- Am I interrupting? - hesitantly he asked after an awkward pause.
- No, not at all! - you muttered. - I can't believe I was lucky this morning.
- Yeah? Luck is always nice, - said the boy, and then added: - But I don't really see what it has to do with me.
- You know how to play a musical instrument, don't you? - you shuffled your foot, and then, after a short silence, added to the question: - At least, the ones I'm used to? I haven't heard any instruments from my world here, except the keyboards, for a long time...
- My accordion is partly keyboard too, - your opponent grinned.

Accordion. You abruptly felt like a dummy who confuses right and left. As a music-related person, you considered your blunder unforgivable and imagined how embarrassed you would have been if you had blurted it out loud.

- That's better, though, - you sighed.
- Better? Look, Ronnir, a lot of people know you around here, and I'm kind of flattered that I accidentally 'summoned you' with my attempts to remember old skills, but... I don't understand a damn thing right now!
- Sorry, - you squinted as if you were about to be hit. - Dareka asked me to find Kanya a partner. And I'm not much of a recruiter, even though I said I'd help... - then you were silent because your head was filled with hurried thoughts: "Agree, agree, agree, please, I beg you, wonderful stranger, you are a necessity in the tavern..."
- Huh, depends on what it takes from me, - he pronounced. - Thank you for the "wonderful stranger", but my name is Lososilij, or simply Vasya, - he then added, looking at your surprised face, - You're thinking loudly.
- I still can't get used to the fact that such a thing is quite possible here, - you mumbled confusedly, opening your eyes.
- Neither can I, actually, - Vasya chuckled. - It's also nice to see that you're as normal and lively as the others. There's all sorts of stories about you, Ronnir.
- I can't help it, image, - you shrugged and stepped a little closer to the boy, almost a step away. - And if the stories were true, what would you expect me to do?
- At any rate, I'd expect false promises and sugary sweet talk, - he hummed.
- Then I'm glad I disappointed you a little in that way, - you smiled. - I'll leave that sort of thing to the mistress of the tavern. Can you be there today at five o'clock? I think Dareka will be at the counter by now... Tell her I asked you to came in case I'm not there.
- I think I can, - Vasya answered.
- Thank you, - you embarrassed the unsuccessful musician with your hug in the grip of happiness caused by the mission. - See you tonight!

You made short work of teleporting away, though you rarely do, for fear that you might not be able to to regain your familiar form. But the situation seemed very awkward for you, especially when the image of a cold-blooded bitch was accidentally broken, revealing your whole 'cinnamon bun' inner self to a guy you didn't know.
So, the next item on today's agenda was a visit to Isho, and you decided to materialize yourself closer to her coffee shop after all. She didn't seem to have much of an influx of customers today. Anyway, as you approached, you only noticed Ma Linaa sitting on the porch, tossing a ball to Thing.
The porch of the coffee shop was large, with a bent railing and a canopy resembling a trumpet mushroom, which was ironic - the whole house was decorated as a thick tree. Linaa didn't take up too much space there, nestled on the steps. Thing ran after the tangle, fetching it and twirling under the girl's feet. The girl was clearly bored, wondering what to do with herself.

You certainly liked her, in the sense that, despite her young age, she was quite bright, and she was sometimes interesting to talk to. Though sometimes she might say something that made you feel uncomfortable, but it was rare. The last such phrase was something like "everyone works to the best of his ability - some with their mouth, some with their hands, and some with their head" - when she meant that Ronnir sings, Mommy makes desserts, and Daddy has to think hard about how to get the hang of catching bit-thing-beasts.

- Hi Linaa! - you waved your palm at her.
She waved back. Thing, meanwhile, snatched the clew back into your arms like a cat.
- Bored? - you asked, stepping closer.
- Sort of, - she shrugged, twitching her long ponytails slightly so they wouldn't "sweep" the steps. - I'm on important mission, though, to make sure Thing doesn't run back into the house.
- I wonder. Why?
- Daddy brought today, - the girl covered her pet's ears with her palms, - some bit-thing-beasts. He and Mommy have to dissect them for materia, and I don't want to lose my progress in taming Thing. You just look how good he is!
She flipped Thing onto his back and started scratching his belly. The pet twirled and caught her hands with his paws.
- Isn't he a good boy? - she asked, glancing up at you with a smile. - He even doesn't bite anymore!
- You're a very smart girl, Linaa, - you smiled back at her. - At any rate, you are the smartest tamer I know.
- You flatter me, Ronnie, - she puffed her cheeks. - When I teach him tricks, then maybe I'll believe you.
- Not at all, - you argued. - At least it didn't ate your legs off like bit-thing-beasts did to Kanya.
- Oh, I feel sorry for Kanya, - her smile faded. - Kanya is kind, he gives me sweets.
- Maybe he'll even have more free time, - you suddenly remembered the recent. - I asked another shadro to keep him company and be a substitute for him when Kanya gets tired.
- Wow, I'll ask Mommy to come and visit you! - she exclaimed. - I feel I have to meet this lucky guy!
- Why the lucky guy?
- Well, - she protruded, - Kanya can do everything, I'd like to be his apprentice too. But it's so much fun helping Mommy with the desserts, and I'm so useful to Daddy on the hunt too, and I don't really have time for anything at all because Things needs a bit of attention too, - she emphasized the last word and gave her pet a tickle attack. It twisted and nibbled lightly on her finger.
- Oh, it bites, - you said with feigned annoyance.
- But he doesn't bite off a finger! - Ma Linaa held up her bitten finger. - See, it's still in one piece!
- I believe, - you smiled.
- One day it won't bite at all, - she scowled and wagged her finger at him. He guiltily squeezed his pinched yellow eyes shut. It was a very small bit-thing-beast, neither of its eyes surrounded by sharp jagged protuberances. It was clear why taming it was relatively easy for the girl.
- I think you'll do fine, - you replied, and, creating a daisy in your hands hastily, you handed it to the girl.
The girl sparkled again.
- Shall I tell mommy you stopped by? - she asked, tucking the flower into her hair.
- No need, - you brushed it aside. - I've been stopping by quite often anyway.
- Well, suit yourself, Ronnie, - she shrugged. - It was nice to see you!
- Likewise, Linaa.

You used teleportation again, transporting yourself closer to the tavern. You probably missed it in your old life; even if you'd had to spend time in exhausting training, including running, it would have been safer to come home from school that way. But on the other hand, without thatmysterious incident with the black fog in the entrywaythat hid you from stalkers with unclear intentions, you probably wouldn't have continued to experiment with lucid dreaming that night and no way you would have ended up here. "Everything that happens, for some reason," you thought as you entered the tavern.

Nothing much happened before the start of your work evening. Vasya came, though, and after a good chat with Kanya, he stayed to watch the proceedings. Dareka mechanically wiped glasses and mugs, as every day, and then took her usual seat. Visitors were beginning to arrive.

You, too, habitually took the stage, getting ready to sing. The songs, though, always depended on Kanya - he would start playing and you would quickly adjust, sometimes no longer thinking about what you were singing. When you were playing, you would just walk around the stage spectacularly, looking at the audience and deciding if you were sleeping that night or not just sleeping.

This time your gaze caught on an unassuming man in a drab grey coat, walking up to Dareka's desk. They were talking about something; you weren't very good at reading lips, and the most you could make out was the stranger's name. Nikolas. He laid some papers on the tabletop, similar to the ones the landlady had sold to Anton not long ago for a good sum of shekels. There seemed to be some blueprints in them.
You noticed how Mrs Herovato quickly tucked the papers into a shelf under the counter and placed a bottle of something green on the countertop. The visitor in grey nodded, took the bottle and proceeded to the far table against the wall.
You continued to sing, still not thinking much about the lyrics - it just worked itself out.
Customers came and went, most of them keeping small groups today, and you involuntarily returned to contemplating the one in the grey coat - you usually chose loners carefully so that things didn't go downhill by accident. The stranger was drinking leisurely, with a kind of detached gaze, as if deep in thought. In your mind you dubbed him "the scientist". You turned your gaze to Kanya, who met your eyes and nodded at you - letting you off the stage. You hurriedly walked down and slid between the tables, but you didn't manage to reach the coveted table by the wall - a couple of steps away you were roughly grabbed by your shirt and lifted above the floor.

- Walking away, then?
The cheeky one turned out to be your visitor from last night, and now you weren't happy about it at all - you'd realised yesterday that you'd made the wrong choice about him.

- You're just my whor* now, got it? - he came at you again. - I've claimed you.
- It's against the contract you're signing, - you muttered. - I told you about the rules...
- I don't give a f*ck about your rules, you're a partial, what means you're a servant.

He was already reeking quite strongly of strong alcohol, which you in your right mind would not even try, which meant that the degree had already been gained, if the dominant was drunk.
There was essentially no help to be had.

- Leave Herr Ronnir alone, - Nikolas said calmly, without raising his voice or even raising his head.

You were still hanging in the air and dangling your feet, envious of the zen of your new supposed acquaintance, because it was getting harder and harder to pretend that you weren't scared. Your visitor from yesterday didn't even pay attention to the scientist, shaking you again and muttering something unintelligible. Oh, good lord NN, why is Dareka so busy at the bar right now?! No one seemed to notice you, and all you could hope for was a scientist getting involved in your squabbles.
And then something terrible happened. The hand of your last night's guest touched a small object no bigger than a cigarette case, and it began to slowly melt away, dripping down in particles of matter.

- What have you done, you freak?!
- Now you fear for your own skin? - the scientist answered question by question, without changing his intonation and still not looking in your direction. - It's a destabilizer. Your hand will never return to its normal state because it has been deformed by a mechanical device. It was created by me, yet I have no power to such an allowance for recovering after it. And that is far from all I can do now. So be an adult and leave Herr Ronnir alone. And give him permission to fully restore his appearance.
- Just put that f*cking box away.

You were silently placed on the floor, and you immediately felt your morning attempts to restore some areas of materia to their former appearance begin to work. You would have to be sure to thank the scientist, even if he called it a gesture of goodwill and asked for nothing in return.
Nikolas tucked the device into his coat pocket, and your yesterday's guest hurriedly left the tavern. In some ways, it was rather amusing to watch the big-shouldered dominanta sneer. In some ways, you realized that your new acquaintance could be far more dangerous.

- Thank you, - you said quietly, taking a seat at his table. - How can I ever thank you?
- You needn't, - he said with a chuckle. - It's a matter of honour.
- But... It really means a lot to me.

He sipped a small amount of green drink from his chubby glass and looked at you meaningfully. His eyes were cloudy, like those of an out-of-water fish, and his right iris was a little paler, as if some of the pigment had crumbled. Those were the eyes you'd never seenbefore. You just sat there looking at his face, not knowing what else you should say. His skin was mottled with small scars from sores, and you seemed to know what they were from - Grandma called them 'pockmarks'. Only by your time, smallpox had already been eradicated in your world. You estimated your age difference, assuming Nicholas was from your world, and that difference didn't make you particularly happy, numbering at least a couple of hundred years. But that didn't make him any less interesting to you.

- Shall we continue this conversation in a quieter place? Drinks are on me.
- If you have a desire to do so, that's fine with me.
- Then... Wait for me at the stairs, I'll go to the bar and back!

He nodded, and you rushed to Dareka.
The tavern keeper sat behind the bar, habitually sprawled out in her wide bar stool. It seemed to be her personal construct - at any rate, it was fairly stable, whatever posture Dareka was sitting in. As you approached the bar, Mrs Herovato 'flowed' over to the edge of the chair and rested her elbows on the countertop, giving her head some stability. The landlady was complete and was terribly proud of it, though it prevented her from drinking too much. Usually, however, she was drunk by nightfall, and it was possible to get anything out of her without risking losing the last shekel in your pocket.

- Ronnir, honey, what brings you here today? - she sang, lazily opening her right eye. - You don't usually like to come into a bar, though I don't forbid you from doing so...
- Just a means to good conversation, - you looked up at the ceiling. You have seldom asked the hostess for alcohol.
- So, what exactly is my little starlet interested in? El, whiskey? Maybe a mead? Or... Something more potent?
- Can I have... Wormwood one? - You answered a question with a question, hoping that you had guessed the drink. At least you didn't know many green colored alcoholic liquids.
- No way, - Dareka seemed to sober up in an instant as she pulled herself away from the bar. - Honey, I know all the customers who drink that stuff by heart. And you better stay away from them. Especially the one in gray.
- What's the worst that could happen? - you're just playing silly. Somehow it's not that simple.
- The apprentice is going to be far worse than the one who brought you here, boy, - she sighed. - There's a lot of talk about him. Things like how he nearly started a war between the blue and the red with his experiments.
- It can't get much worse than this morning, - you grimaced.
- Suit yourself, - your hostess shook her head, but still pulled a large bottle from the cabinet behind her back and handed it to you. - Still, take care of yourself. Where else am I going to find an almost free singer?
- Thanks, I'll try, - you grinned, and clutching the bottle, you ran for the stairs.

Nikolas was already waiting for you there.
You flew up the stairs, stopping at the top and beckoning him after you, as you did almost every day. He came up behind you leisurely, as if the whole world could wait for him.
Your room was right next to the stairs, so the journey to it was not too much trouble.

- Sorry, I don't have any suitable furniture here, - you said guiltily as you closed the door to the room.
- So what did you want to talk about, Herr Ronnir?
- Oh, this and that, the world... - you answered at length.
- About Shado? A peculiar subject if you ask me, given the kind of fixation going on here, - your guest said thoughtfully, coming to the window. - Things rarely change dramatically here, except for the shade of the sun at the Blue Consulate. Ah, about the Blue Consulate and today's events - if I were you, I wouldn't be averse to asking for help from their justice in such cases, especially if there was indeed a contract. The sister is too timid to be against it anyway.
- Thank you for your concern, - you also mentally noted that when he spoke of justice, by sister he was most likely referring to the Green Consul, Evangeline. That seemed odd, to say the least. - But I was referring to the home worlds. They can be quite interesting, I love hearing stories about them...
- You want to get me talking, then, - he grinned bitterly. - Ah, if I remembered that world well enough to tell it... I've been in Shado almost from the beginning. The old memory is badly scarred by time and alcohol.
- Pity... - stretched out. - It seemed to me that our original worlds were similar.
- Interesting... And from what did you draw such a conclusion, Herr Ronnir?
- Your face, - you said after a short pause. - There are marks on it, what my grandmother used to call 'pockmarks'...
- You are very observant... - he turned his gaze to you. - I did get smallpox. I did die from something worse, though. Although... Wait a minute. Maybe the worlds aren't just similar.
- Well, at least in my world, smallpox was eradicated long ago, - you shrugged.
- It can't be, - he grinned. - Tell me there's no plague, and you'll kill me twice!
- Well, not that there isn't, but in civilized countries they don't get it.
- I've been mowed down by it, that bitch, - Nikolas cursed in a low voice.

You're a little freezed, and he seems to be, too.
You threw off your cloak, hanging it on the wardrobe door, and then walked back to the table where you had left the bottle. You materialized two uncomplicated glasses, and then pondered for a moment whether you were really going to drink it. However, the fact that your companion actually appeared to be a good three hundred years older than you, convinced you to fill your glass and drink it nonetheless.

- You shouldn't drink this tincture like that, - the scientist commented on your actions. - Besides, it is not your degree, Herr Ronnir. You'll be sick in the morning if you overdo it.
- Really? - you're actually a little woozy already, but you're choosing not to show it.
- I assure you. I started drinking it here because it reminded me of the home world, but what I can tell you is that it's a fraction of the strength of what I drank in the Tower while I was locked up there. Bottom line, you can't really judge from me how much...

You tried not to hold on to the table, and would have ended up collapsing to the floor after walking a few steps if Nikolas hadn't tried to pick you up, causing you to fly a little further and collapse onto your bed by inertia. You felt extremely uncomfortable.

- You shouldn't have, Herr Ronnir, - Nikolas muttered and then added more quietly, - I haven't slept for so long...

And then your guest seemed to pass out. Sometimes, you thought, the sleeping shadromancers look creepy sometimes - they don't control the imitation of breathing and look dead.
You pulled the scarf off him carefully, exposing his wiry, still pockmarked neck. Then you untied the lace on his cloak... Nikolas fell into a fairly sound sleep, and you risked pulling off his shirt as well. A keyhole was revealed on his chest.
The light gray metal was intricately woven into the skin, beckoning you to touch it, which you did. The scientist sighed softly and turned on his side. You felt that next time you would have to ask him about it... Will there be a next time?
You took off your shirt and lay down next to him face to face. You gently tousled the strands of dry, stiff hair that were in the way of his face... And found yourself pressed against his chest. The scientist wrapped one arm around you, pinning you down and preventing you from doing anything.

- What do you want from me, Herr Ronnir? - a low whisper right next to your ear stabbed your thoughts, stopping them in their tracks, and you froze. - However, I've known how this was going to end from the start. Is that really all you want?
"No, - you thought, - No, no, no, that intonation only means that he is no longer interested in me..." - but all you got out was a stifled 'yes'.
- Well, have it your way, - Nikolas sighed and, loosening his grip a little, turned you onto your back, then hovered over you.

You hadn't felt this kind of fear in a long time. You wanted to shrink into a little lump, or run as far away from the apprentice's heavy gaze as possible, and coupled with the coldness of his hands and body, you wanted to scream, but you couldn't. Besides, you weren't at all aware of when things had changed so drastically.
The first kiss somewhere behind your ear and you flinched, then seeing only the odd satisfied smirk on Nikolas's face, after which you preferred to close your eyes altogether. Then to your neck, and a bite near your collarbone. You exhale convulsively, thinking that it was all for nothing in the first place, you should have listened to Dareka, and it would be a good idea to pass out right now. Cold hands stroked your body affectionately down your waist, towards your hips. You thought that if he touched your horns now, and that made you start to like what was going on - it would be a straight road to masochism. But what's more, you were already experiencing some terribly contradictory feelings.
The scientist hesitated a little, freeing your legs from the excess clothing, but made up for it with another bite to the neck. Then you felt his hand slide down your stomach and you reflexively tried to bring your knees together, which didn't work - you only squeezed Nikolas'es knee with them. He touches your valve, catches the tip of your tentacle with his fingers, stroking it lightly, making you squirm. He lets go of the tentacle, and inserts a few fingers into the valve, gently, as if really not wanting to hurt you, pushing its walls apart. The tentacle instinctively wraps around his palm, and when he squeezes it gently, you feel yourself blush - you've had enough, let go, don't torture.
Squelching. You accept his coldness into your warmth, sighing. The apprentice gently covers your lips with his, and your first real kiss of the evening takes on the bitter taste of wormwood. The kiss doesn't last long, so you now want more inexorably. The movements pick up the pace, the one you like, the one you set, wrapping your tentacle around his co*ck, plunging it into you, squeezing a little. Another kiss, and another, you cling your hands to his skinny back, arching out, snuggling closer to him. He runs his nose down your neck, as if he's trying for another bite, but all he leaves is a reddish hickey mark. You twitch, trying to tell him that you don't really like it, but all you hear is him chuckling. In fact you're already feeling good, decently so, and your whole look just tells you that you don't care what happens anymore, just as long as it doesn't stop now. Needless to say, you can't even imitate breathing anymore. Another kiss, as bitter as that tincture, your head fogging up and you're not thinking straight... But you don't need to think today.

You woke up proudly alone again. Your body didn't hurt at all, and you felt surprisingly well. You sat up, put your arms around your knees, and turned your head to find that the bottle of wormwood tincture that you could still taste in your mouth had disappeared from the table. In its place was that box and what appeared to be a note.
You crawled habitually off the bed, wrapped in a blanket, and walked over to the table. Yes, really a note. Written in a strange for a dominanta and basically such person calligraphic handwriting with twisted uppercase letters. The text read: "My apologies for having to leave you asleep. I'm leaving you this as my apology. I think you will probably find it useful, though I beg you not to use it for entertainment. N. Toraitengen."

On the back of the note were instructions for the box.

Notes:

1 - full name of character is Kannabis, it'll be rarely used in text in full form, so we decided to mention it here.
2 - full name of character s Alistor P'en. if you'll be seeking him in character list.
3 - shadromancers calls any faces with single tootheye as "cyclopic look". There'll be reference to us having multiple characters from various tootheye species (there was times when we had a lot of such) also.
4 - There was a time when the days were merry; left as it is due to the atmosphere. Also! Bayan and accordion are two same-looking but still different instruments: accordion has both buttons and keys, while bayan has only buttons on both sides. And there's a lot of ppl who make mistakes in naming them c':

Chapter 22: Chapter 20. Threads –Stranger–

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

- Hannah, you can't take the executioner away from me. Untouchable power, remember? - Curse paced nervously around the office, trying not to look at the blue consul sitting imposingly on the guest sofa. What bothered her most, of course, was that the heroic figure had turned up in person, not the usual way of sending a secretary in his place.
- I haven't forgotten, Onica, - Regret rubbed her right temple. - It was you who forgot. None of us has family, so you keep missing one fact. The former judge of my consulate does have one. Also, since his child is my secretary, the whole Yamaraja family is untouchable.
- What's your point? - Onika raised an eyebrow, stopping in front of him. - What's Willow got to do with it?
- It has to do with his missing grandchild. Yamaraja's my friend, but he gave me a hard time last night. He lost Emmanuel as the heir apparent, so when Kairel was really lost, he went through half the consulate himself and then came to me. Last time I saw his grandson was through the window, just as Alter was coming out of your house.
- Is that why you came looking for me?
- Well, I'm sorry, goldie, - Hannah said, getting up from the couch, - word travels fast, and it's my duty to work that theory.
- May the DUAUO forgive you, Hannah! I know the consequences of your article!
- Are you afraid? - Regret suppressed a chuckle and touched Onica's cheek, causing her to pull back.

They stood silent for a couple of minutes, staring at each other as if waiting for something to happen.
- If your theory is correct, what can I do to lighten the punishment? - Onica muttered, almost whispering. - I cannot lose executioner, you see. His abilities are unique.
- We'll see, goldie, we'll see, - Hannah snickered. - Depends on how right I am, and how alive Willow's grandson is.
- No, you name the price.
- I said we'll see, - he shirked and disappeared in a shower of blue sparks.
- You jerk, - Curse blurted out, walking nervously back to the table.

You awoke to the sound of someone pounding on the door. You sighed and then pulled yourself up on your elbows, straining to peel your eyes open. That's something you all got from your father, a sleep addiction. On the other hand, though, sometimes it was pretty boring and there was absolutely nothing to fill the time with, so it wasn't such a strong disadvantage either. You sat up, and noticed something weighty sliding down from the sofa. The sofa was always wide enough for you alone, but it was cramped for two. And besides, you didn't remember the girls in your house getting through the night in peace.
Da f*ck, what happened that night?

Oh yes, that mistake of his parents. You remembered giving him a good scare when you freaked out about accidentally prying into your secrets. However, that third glass of cognac you thought you'd put him through was a mistake - you could have "got" him even without it, finding out all he knew and why he'd risked coming to Cog after all. You also couldn't help but wonder if he'd been here before.
You got up from the couch, being careful not to wake up yesterday's victim before his time, picked him up from the floor and returned him to the sofa. With a little hesitation, you habitually ran your hand across his chest, running your hand between the units of matter deep inside, fumbling for his spark. A small, barely warm, blue glow...

- Don't touch there, please, - he whispered barely audibly, - I'm all yours, what do you need my heart for?

You froze in a stupor and then removed your hand from his chest. The boy fidgeted, turning on his side and hugging the edge of the plaid that lay on your place.

- I missed you so much...

You wondered to whom all this was addressed, since this was basically the first time you'd seen this kind of sleepwalking. You were used to the idea that that sort of thing only occurred to the dreamers and that it only occurred in their worlds.
The door was still pounding, getting on your nerves. You yawned and staggered toward the stairs, reluctantly retrieving your clothing.

- Who else could it be?
Behind the door several guards appeared. You were already annoyed by their sameness and identical faces, and you were not happy to see them, to put it mildly.

- Mr Executioner, Madam Consul to see you, - one of them mouthed a recorded program.
"Goddamn dolls," - you thought, then added something along the lines of "I'd like to find Lorenzo and smash his face in for this unoriginality," but said something else out loud: - What the hell... I mean, what does the Curse want from me at this hour?
- I suppose if you refuse, we'll have to drag you there by force, - ah yes, you've already forgotten that debating with autoprogram is an extremely pointless thing.
- She can wait, won't fall apart. I still have things to do today.
- Madam Consul knows of your urgent things-to-do and has ordered to bring 'em along with you.
- I'll think about it, tell her so, - you sighed and slammed the door. It didn't get any easier by the hour. The Consul usually respected your right to sleep in the morning, being almost the only person who knew of your origins besides your mother and your stupid brothers.

You went upstairs and squatted in front of the sofa. The boy's back was to you, and you could see the birthmarks spilling over his right shoulder and side, forming a whimsical ligature of fine patterns that looked as a folded wing closer to his ribs. You would have loved to continue the pattern, except you didn't want to spoil the boy's delicate white skin. You weren't much of a marker, your own patterns being protective rings on the wrists and some kind of triangular geometry. The only exception was the Sun, strategically placed at the waist because of its petal rays. You once had a marking in the form of leathery demon wings on your upper back, but those feelings are long gone, and you've removed the marking with them. The boy... what was his name?
"My name is Kairel," it popped into your head rather quickly. Kairel. Like a variety of wild rose or a fancy lily... Yes, he seemed to fit the meaning of a lily with petals as white as his skin. Or not?

- Isaak! - he sat up abruptly, opening his blue eyes wide.
- A royal lily would suit you, damn, - you were a little taken aback, which caused you to voice the last thought that came into your head. From what you partially coaxed out of him yesterday, you knew that the name could be from that past, which he asked, sobbing, to stay out of. Kairel, on the other hand, caught his breath and, turning his head carefully to the right, shrieked again and squirmed as if you were sitting in front of him right now with a knife smeared with blood. You found it rather amusing, especially after you remembered the scraps from last night. Yes, he'd been lashing out and scratching like a wildcat at first, but a scratch or two could be tolerated, because once you got him started everything changed and he was already begging you not to stop. And you only stopped when you were already feeling ungodly exhausted. Oh yes, now you remember why you didn't kill him. You liked it. You wouldn't mind another night like that. Seems like you haven't had that much luck in a long time.

- You don't remember anything, do you? - you asked calmly, with a little sneer, knowing full well that it was a rare partial to remember anything after something stronger than home-brewed wine.
He shook his head. You could tell from the look of fear in his eyes that his memory had been obliterated by the moment he started to weep.
- All right, well, we've got a little more time to get into this than we have to. Pack it up.
- Turn around, - he muttered hesitantly.
- Like I didn't see something? - you grinned, rising to your feet and then returning to your chair.
- Asshole, - he blurted out, wrapping himself in the soft plaid and looking around in a sort of dreamer way, apparently looking for his clothes.
- You'd better start over, for DUAU's sake, it'll be easier.

Royal lily snorted resentfully, slowly creating new clothes. The sight was fascinating in your eyes, but you had to speed it up as you left the floor - you were beginning to realize that he was doing things slowly on purpose.

You went into the kitchen and rummaged through the cupboards a little in search of coffee. Some shadro thought buying stuff was a no-brainer because there was plenty of materia to create it, but most of other thought it was easier to get things from ones who were better at it. You were no exception - so you could find a small stock of coffee, spices and random food in your kitchen cupboards. You had a knack for transforming raw materials into culinary masterpieces. However, you cooked only for yourself.
Coffee was found fairly quickly, and you materialized a coffee pot to brew it. Coffee in the morning set the mood for the day - it made you wake up and not be too kind - floating particles of coffee beans irritated you a little.

- Hey, lily! Want some coffee?
- Unless you're going to poison me, - the aforementioned floated into the kitchen like the shadow of Hamlet's father.
Normally you'd shun partials, preferring completes, but Kairel gave off such a bouquet of genuine emotion yesterday that you didn't even regret that particular slip. More than that, of course, you liked the way he reacted to your touch - as if his whole body were an erogenous zone, if you knew how to touch it properly. Now you did notice why you mistook him for a complete one - for a partial, he was ungodly handsome. You loved the inhabitants of the Blue Consulate in principle as well, at least completes you came across were entirely to your taste and met all the requirements of your aesthetic sensibilities. The "royal lily" had delicate features, skin as pale as paper, and eyes a bit large for such a section, with a deep blue iris. The face was framed by long black hair with a blue glow, and slanted bangs covered half the face with a black mark. The mark, as you understood yesterday, was not a birthmark. You wonder how many suns he really lived... More than one for sure.

- I hadn't thought of that, - you replied after an awkward pause and then returned to brewing coffee.
- That's not what you said yesterday.
- Coffee is sacred, - you smirked, setting the cups on the table.

He was quiet for a moment, then materialized a small pitcher in his hands and asked:

- I hope you won't be too offended if I dilute mine with milk?

You just brushed it off as 'do what you want' and went back to your workbench to grab a couple of apples from a small basket. You got the apples, by hook or by crook, from the green consulate, though your friendship with Evangeline had soured after you'd had to make amends at her expense. The fruit in the green consulate was made with care, not just pretty tasteless shells like here in Cog.
It was amusing, though, to see the genuine surprise on Kairel's face after habitually taking a sip of coffee and snacking on an apple. The boy had already managed to materialize a couple of butter sandwiches and pour milk into his coffee.

- Are you an aristocrat or something?
- You think that's funny? - he raised an eyebrow.
- No, I don't. Once again, we don't have much time, - you shrugged.
- Why all the fuss?
- I don't know what Curse wants me to do, but you'll have to play along if you want to live.

He almost choked on his coffee.

- Why are you dragging me to the Consul? - blue eyes' condition was changing at a catastrophic rate, and you found it quite amusing. - If it touches my life or is used as a way of affecting my family, I won't even think of playing along. Because it's not my fault.
- You sneaky bitch, Kairel, - you muttered, turning your cup of coffee upside down on the saucer. - You've had time to think about it and not come here, so you can't throw everything off onto me.
- I know I'll get my ass kicked at home, - he propped his head up with his hand. - But as I've never been to the red consulate officially, I could play dumb and imitate an innocent childish prank and then the punishment would certainly be less.

You didn't answer, just turned your cup back over to look at the pattern formed by the remaining grains. The pattern was unintelligible, and suggested either shackles or spider webs of some sort. You spat and dematerialised everything.

- Never mind. Time to go before they send a convoy after us, though I wouldn't be surprised if they were still waiting for us outside the door.

They were waiting for you at the door, after all. The same identical faces of the guards you slammed the door in front of earlier. You let Kairel out, then you went out yourself and closed the door, sealing it so anyone couldn't get into your hiding place without you knowing. Sometimes you felt that such defense systems made many houses look like a game of 'tetris' - when you used spark vision, the matter was always slightly illuminated by the color of the spark it belonged to, and it was easy to delimit such 'holdings'.
Lily tried to escape but was caught by the guards. You began to realise that the matter seemed to be urgent - you even had a portal opened. Portals were only used by the consuls; the others found this method of travel too cumbersome. This portal corridor led you to the House of Curse, just before the doors to her office. The guards, by a mysterious coincidence, did not follow you. You shot a glance at the dazed Kairel, looking around helplessly. He looked very distracted; you wondered where his spoiled temper had gone.
- Stay here, - you said, and opened the office door.

Inside, it was much as it had been the day before when you had to account for your idleness, which, however, was not your fault - it was as if someone had been doing some of the work for you lately, and you couldn't even figure out who. Curse was lying on the guest couch, rubbing her temple, and she looked rather tired.

- Onica?

She immediately jumped up from her seat, darting towards the table as ginger lightning bolt and nearly crashing into her favorite ficus. She took her usual place at the desk now, and propped her head up with a hand.

- Here you are, finally, - she said with a frown. - How long have I been waiting for you, Alter? I suppose you're not too stupid to know there's no time to waste.
- And good day to you, Consul, - you said. - What are you doing up so early? You know I am not a bit-thing-beast on the fryer in the morning¹and I cannot turn round very quickly. And you should get some rest too, you don't look so good.
- Don't play dumb, Alter, this is no time for foolish retreats. I know you've got your head on straight, and I know all about it, Alter.
- I don't know what you're talking about. I'm sitting here, I don't touch anybody...
- You don't have a primus.²

There was a tense silence in the office. Curse was tapping nervously on the table with the fingers of her other hand.

- Okay, you're right, - you surrendered.
- Just because I turned a blind eye to your list and that incident with the visitor doesn't mean you're allowed everything, - the consul continued her onslaught. - Morrie,Sharlott, Alba... Who else have you had there? Oh, never mind. They were all inconspicuous in their own sectors, but why do you touched the nobles?
- I didn't kill Alba! - you blurted out, which was only partly true, since that girl had met her fate as a warlock's doll and basically a maid with a rudimentary program. But then one last question came to you. - Wait. I'm sorry, what?
- Hannah demanded to turn you over to them yesterday, - Curse continued as if nothing had happened. - You will most likely be convicted and punished.
- What the f*ck? Regret has no authority in our territory.
- He didn't. Until you trespassed on his nephew. f*ck you, Alter, the sh*t you got yourself into...
- At least I'm not that boring as your secretary, - you tried to lighten the mood.
- Heiden's got a job to do, unlike you, and he's doing it with integrity. You, on the other hand, are proving to be more expensive to keep, - she retorted.
- Damn it, just tell me exactly what happened.
- There was a good friend of the Blue Consul. He was a judge until he decided to retire. More specifically, he disappeared for a few years, Hannah had to find a replacement for him. On his return, he didn't displace Miss Karoo, but stayed home with his family, - Onica began in a distant but already strained sort of way. - So. Yamaraja's grandson is missing. The gods never gave him sons, so he takes great care of his grandson. And look at that - the last time he was seen in your company!
- That doesn't mean anything, - you muttered, glancing up at the ceiling to avoid the prickly eyes of the Councilor.
- Tell me, is the boy still alive?
- Who are you talking about?
- f*cking DUAU, Alter, don't be stupid! Kairel Yamaraja, known to the world as Kaj Llingvam.
- f*cking DUAU... Well, suppose he's alive.
- What do you mean "suppose"?! - Onica did break into a shout. - It's in your f*cking best interest, Alter.
- He's alive, he's alive, - you interrupted her. - Might have a bit of a headache today, but he should be all right. In fact, I brought him with me, he stayed outside the door if you want to see him.
- Yeah?
- Meh, when I was cheating on you.
- Almost always? - the consul rose from her seat and proceeded to the door. She opened it and called out, - Come in.

Apparently, the royal lily had the brains not to try to escape and he obediently entered the consul's office, stopping next to you. Onica closed the door and cast you a glance, as if choosing words to describe the situation.

- Alter, I think you're in a damn trouble.
- What more do you want from me? - you sighed. - Alive, here, look. Can't you just deport this joy home and put this matter to rest?
- No, you can't, - Curse replied nervously. - Alter, what the f*ck happened between you and him?
- Mistress Consul... - said Kairel quietly, - I just got lost looking for an item, and Alter kindly offered to stay the night with him. He was going to walk me back in the morning; there was nothing between us.
- That's very kind. Especially that you're trying to defend him now... What has he said to you, my boy?
- Nothing much, - he answered even more quietly.
- What am I to blame for all this? - Onica threw up her hands. - One is playing the innocent little lamb and the other one is playing along like a mouse! You're both lying now, I can see right through you. At least the description of Kaj that Hannah gave me is different from what I see now.

The royal lily immediately turned red. You could even say it looked rather nice.
The Consul clucked her tongue and opened the portal.

- Go.

Kairel had to be pushed towards the portal. It was amusing to see how only an hour ago the formerly so self-assured boy had snapped. The portal corridor, opened by the Curse, led out into a spacious hallway with ornate arches and pillars. The hallway was empty, and the clatter of the Consul's heels as she emerged from the portal behind you echoed off the walls. You began to feel uncomfortable. You looked around; the hall was still empty, with paintings of fictional landscapes on the blue stone walls, alternating with lit torches with an unnatural bluish flame. A girl in a long blue dress with an embroidered apron - most likely the clumsy secretary of the Regret - emerged from the far archway, and Onica quickly moved in her direction. What they were talking about, you couldn't hear, but the one kept glancing excitedly in your direction.

- Mother? - whispered the royal lily, turning around.

But Onica quickly led the girl away from the hall somewhere. On the other side of you another shadro materialized in the distance. And if you could figure out the Secretary of Regret because you had crossed paths earlier, this was a complete stranger to you. This shadro had long rounded ears unaccustomed to you as a Cog native, blackish-blue hair, and blind eyes, but which must have been compensated for by spark vision or eyes on his shoulder - in other words, this detail struck you as odd. He was dressed in a black shirt that sprawled in threads at the neck and elbows, and white trousers tucked into high boots. A belt with vials fixed in it dangled from his waistband, and long black threads stretched from the bottom of his shirt to the floor, seemingly living a life of their own - as if they were probing the space around the stranger and anchoring him to the floor. Then they stretched out toward you and shrank, pulling the "host", whom you mentally dubbed an elf, with them. Up close, the elf looked an awful lot like your hapless victim of circ*mstance.

- Thank goodness you turned up, - he hugged Kairel tightly, as if he'd actually been worried about him in his absence. - Your grandfather was all over the place yesterday when you didn't come home.
- It wasn't worth the trouble, Dad, - Kairel replied grudgingly, with a sort of indifference, but still answering the hug. Then finally deigned to introduce you: - This is Theodor Medea, my father. Theo, this is Alter... You've heard of him, I suppose, if you're here often.
- Well, not so much word of mouth, -elf sighed, - but I'm here to escort you back to the Council Chamber.
- Well... - the royal lily snickered. - I didn't think it would go this far.
- Then we're wasting our time, - you snickered. - I've already got a kick out of Onica for being late today, and, can you believe it, I don't want any more.

You walked to the hall in an oppressive silence, broken only by Kairel's frantic sighs. Your escort made it clear that he would have loved to brighten the silence with conversation, but he must have been afraid to say anything unnecessary.
You didn't know whether it was skillful play or not, but the closer you got to the tall doors of the hall, the worse the royal lily became, and when Teo opened the door, lily's legs buckled and you had to catch him, giving each other unfriendly glances.
Medea took one of the vials from his belt and uncorked it right under the boy's nose before he winced and stood up on his own.

- Just spirit, - Teo snorted, anticipating the question. - In my lifetime I've been able to expel a less pure version than I have here, so I was sure it would work - the pungent smells were quick to bring back the senses.
- May I ask how many degrees it is? - you wondered.
- Over forty, I think, - he answered. - But I wouldn't drink it.
- Thank you for your answer.
- You're welcome, - the elf said with a chuckle. - Good luck.
- I'll certainly need it, - you said with a frown, - thank you.

You stepped into the meeting room, and your eyes opened to a large room with bleachers on either side of you and a low balcony on the wall in front of you. There were also two single bleachers in front of you which looked like desks⁴. You remembered about desks from a visit to the blue consulate a long time ago, when out of interest you tried to pull the same scam as your brother Dmitrij and get into a local school³. But things didn't go so well and you went back to Cog. Scarlet 'footprints' appeared on the floor leading to one of the stalls and you followed them. When you turned around, you saw that Kyrel had taken a place behind the second desk, following the blue footprints on the floor.
Observers slowly appeared on the bleachers. The balcony and the small alcove to his right were still empty.
All in all, the waiting began, which was extremely tedious, and then you heard a whisper to your right hand.

- Would you like me to try to make your punishment less?

You glanced contemptuously at Kairel leaning against your desk. The boy grinned smirkily at you, as if he was up to something. Again, it was nothing like the dying swan he'd been mimicking in the hallway in front of the hall just a few minutes ago.

- I hope Curse has solved that problem by now, - you snickered. - And why such condescension on your part, anyway?

He looked away and answered reluctantly:
- You didn't kill me, though. Though Isaak had warned me about something like that...
- What are you talking about, anyway?
- It doesn't matter, - he already evaded the answer this time, only adding, - After coming back to the blue consulate in this condition, I'm already an embarrassment to my family. So why not help you not die too? One for one, as they say.
- Do as you like, - you snorted. - I don't care.

Actually, you knew in your heart that this was really taking a serious turn, now that you were standing in the room behind the desk. The curse couldn't protect you this time, and not knowing what you'd done was killing you. You glanced sideways at Kairel again. "Royal lily" was standing behind the stall with a bored look, trying to remain calm, but you could see his spark flicker quickly - it was undisguised excitement. Afraid that his past visits to Cog will also be revealed?

- All rise, court is in session!

You thought the phrase was utterly meaningless, for one way or another you are already standing. But the Blue Consulate have adopted the system from the human dreamers and it's remained in its most traditional format. Except there was no lawyer for you or him.
The judge emerged from a small door behind her seat, and calmly took it, placing her gavel beside her. All too graceful, with a strict hair-bouffant, draped in a corset of deep blue, hidden behind a tiered skirt. Her name was Gerda Karoo. Perhaps, had it not been for the circ*mstances, you would have given her a few compliments. And you also knew, thanks to Ortvik's blabbing over a glass of St. Tressa's tincture, that Miss Karoo was a warlock's doll. But what kind of warlock was plugging away at her for the duration of the proceedings, you had no idea.
On the rostrum to the judge's right was bored Evangeline's Credence, Hannah's Regret with his inherently triumphant look, and Onica's Curse, with her inherent severity and article, but unlike her counterpart, with a sour expression on her face. Something has definitely gone wrong.

- A case is being heard for the kidnapping of Kairel Yamaraja and the commission of unlawful acts against him, - Miss Karoo pronounced, then tapped her gavel on a special stand.
- It is submitted by the prosecution that Kairel Yamaraja, a native of Blue Consulate, times of the Pale Sun, on the eighth of the fourth day, mysteriously disappeared in the early morning of the twelfth first day, leaving a cryptic note, exposed as a lie in the evening of the same day. A search at the Blue Consulate was unsuccessful, and with the assistance of the Honourable Consuls the lost one was found. Identification of the kidnapper was not difficult, it turned out to be Hatori Longshadow, a native of the Red Consulate, times of the Pale Sun, the twenty-fourth of the second day. Victim, if you have anything to add?
- Nothing, except that it was my fault, your honor! - Kairel blurted out.

You noticed how the face of the Regret turned grey, and Credence looked at him worriedly. Things have not gone according to his plan now?

- You mean you're covering for your kidnapper?
- Absolutely not, Your Honor, - blue eyed continued. - He has been very kind, and I object to the imposition of capital punishment on him.
- So you confirm that you crossed the consulates borderline without coercion?
- Purely in the name of love at first sight, Your Honor.

There was a deathly silence in the hall, and you only noticed the nervous twitching of the lower eyelids of Regret and, now, of Curse. You, too, must have been a nervous tic, because you couldn't perceive what had just happened with a sober head.
The boy, on the other hand, followed up this unperceived information with an air kiss.

- The court is dismissed for sentencing, - Miss Karoo broke the silence and rose from her seat and went into the same room from which she had emerged. Following her, the consuls disappeared from their seats, scattering in sheaves of colored sparks. Evangeline's Credence vanished after her, glancing up at you with a final shake of her head.

You turned to Kairel. He was completely out of breath, and it felt as if he would have collapsed had he not been leaning on the desk. His lips whispered something that sounded like "This is definitely the end now".
Again the minutes of waiting slowly dragged on, and you just watched the faint flicker of the "royal lily" spark.

- All rise, the court is coming!

The sudden second coming of the judge took you by surprise and made you almost jump. You found it extremely ironic that this lie deprived you of the opportunity to justify yourself in person.

- By the Court of the Blue Consulate, Hatori Longshadow, a native of the Red Consulate, on the twenty-fourth day of the pale sun, is sentenced to have his arm cut off and sworn to a red thread oath. The sentence is to be carried out by the aggrieved side and is not subject to appeal.

The red thread oath.
You have left the desk and walked calmly towards the scaffold. The loss of your arm was of little concern to you now.
The red thread oath.
Kairel approached you with a face paler than usual. It seemed to come to him, too, the realization of what you'd gotten yourself into. He, trembling like an aspen leaf, summoned the blades you were already familiar with. The blades were cutting fast and clean, now all you could do was watch as your right hand quickly disintegrated into units of materia. "What a bitch, - you thought. - I'm right-handed, after all."
And then Miss Karoo proceeded to read out the sentence.

- Kairel Yamaraja, of the Blue Consulate, of the Pale Sun, of the Eighth Fourth Day, is sentenced to house arrest until the end of the current sun.
- May I appeal against this sentence and apply for at least a few days of his visit to the Red Consulate, Your Honor? - you asked. - I am well aware of the meaning of the oath to which I am condemned, so I have to ask this question because it interferes with my work.

The Judge turned her head towards the Consul. You saw how restrained Curse nodded and felt that if it hadn't been for the formal setting she would have expressed her agreement much louder. Regret, on the other hand, hesitated for a moment before nodding.
- The Shado consuls of involved parts have no objection to your request so you may consider it granted: you have permission to return to the Red Consulate as necessary.
- Thank you very much, Your Honor.
- Case dismissed.

With these words Miss Karoo left the hall once more. The invited shaddromancers began to disappear from the stands. Regret appeared beside you, causing you to recoil.

- Willow asked that you be delivered to the manor as soon as the trial was over.
- I'm not a child, uncle! - Kairel blurted out angrily. Wait a minute, seriously uncle?
- And you're not acting like an adult, - Hannah's Regret replied. - Anyway, your opinion has already turned things upside down today.
Then he turned his attention to you as well.
- You, as far as you are concerned, must accompany him.

You only glanced at Onica's Curse, who had remained on their balcony, and after she nodded approvingly, you only sighed.

- I realize that I have no choice.

You were displaced in the blink of an eye. You found yourself in a spacious entrance hall, with several doors, two arches leading to a living room, and a spiral staircase. The furnishings were similarly sparse, with only a coat rack at the entrance, a voluminous vase of some unpretentious plants under the stairs, and a couple of pictures on the walls.
After you two, a third man appeared in the room. His... Or hers? Bit-thing-beast can sort them out, the partial ones. The features of the arriving shadromancer seemed familiar to you, and you remembered rather quickly where you might have seen her. Especially her eyes, eyes with a monochromatic heterochromia that you couldn't forget. Standing before you was the Blue Consul's secretary in her own right. Her materia was quickly rearranged after teleportation - her hair was blackened and her formal dress changed to a roomy terracotta shirt and simple trousers.
- Mom, I can explain, - Kairel muttered as the transformation ended.
- He'll explain, yes, - sighed Emmanuel. - Kairel, what's happened to you in the past two days? You don't seem like yourself. I let you stop attending lectures in school after you complained about feeling unwell, but I see your staying at home hasn't turned out too well. Well, now take responsibility for your actions.
- Mom, I'm not ready, - he blurted out. - Please, just give me a day to... Clear my head. He's gonna eat me!
- I'm standing right here, actually, - you snickered, probably making the royal lily howl in the depths of his spark.
- Aren't you ashamed of yourself? - Emmanuel turned to you. - I can't even begin to imagine what you've managed to do to his head.
- He's doing fine on his own, - you said grudgingly. - I don't know what he's thinking, but he's certainly not thinking logically.
- I'm standing here, too, - Kairel blurted out. - Thank you for thinking I'm an idiot!

He took off toward the stairs, launching himself up the short flight of stairs.

- You have until tomorrow morning, Kairel! - Emmanuel shouted after him.

Then you looked at each other, and, returning to a quieter tone, he added:

- Now, I'm sure that the sentence will indeed be punishment for both of you.
- Indeed, - you agreed with her. - At least I expected the second part of the sentence the least. Being attached to someone is torture in itself.

The secretary immediately went quiet, as if your words had touched a personal nerve. Oh yes... If you recall Kairel's questions yesterday, his father was
a dreamer, which means something unpleasant could have happened in his family to his mother.

- I apologize if I inadvertently offended you, - you hastened to apologize. - It's just that I've lived alone all my life.
- That's all right... - he replied in a tone that made you sharply understand who the royal lily has such mood swings. - Still, take care of him.

There was a tense silence in the hallway because you didn't know what kind of answer Emmanuel was expecting. You could have quipped that one way or another you'd have to do it after the sentence had been carried out and the oath had been spoken. You could have, but you didn't - you thought your strained relationship with your own mother was enough.

- Momo will escort you to the guest room, - the secretary said after this long pause. - As you understand, the so-called time zone difference implies that it is deep night at our consulate. Do not ask unnecessary questions about the court session at this time of day - it was held so urgently at my insistence.

You only nodded and Emmanuel disappeared from your sight.
Out of the archway to your left came another shadromancer with an ice-coloured spark. You assumed it was a complete one after all, and quite similar to the working image of the Blue Consulate's secretary. Long white hair, long rounded ears, heterochromia... Except the eyes are one brown and the other green. She was wearing a satin blouse with pink and turquoise stripes, simple black jeans and soft slippers.
She walked up to you and asked:
- Are you the chosen one?
- What do you mean? - you interrogated.
- Mistress said to take you to the guest room, - she shrugged. - We don't get many visitors these days, except for the Consul.
- Oh, I see.
- Come, - she pointed toward the stairs and then made her way toward them.

You followed her.
You went up to the third floor and she led you to the far door.

- The room next door is Kairel's, so you can still be in separate rooms after saying the oath.
- Careful, though.
- Just the layout of the house, - she opened the door of the room. - Please. And remember - I keep an eye on everything that happens in the house.
- No problem.

You stepped into the room and the door closed behind you, leaving you alone.
You looked around. The guest room appeared to be a relatively small room with two windows, a bed, a bedside table, a table and a couple of chairs. You took off your jacket, hanging it on the back of one of the chairs closest to the sofa, and then lay down on the bed, hoping for some compensation for your disturbed morning's sleep.

You were about to drift off into slumber when you noticed an opening in the wall opposite you in the form of an archway, from which Kairel hesitantly looked out. He hovered there for a few minutes, but realizing that you were still awake, he ventured into your room, stopping beside the bed.

- Alter... - he whispered. - I can't sleep... Can I ask you something?
- Go ahead, - you looked at him lazily.
- What happened between us yesterday at Cog? - he asked, and, after a pause, he added: -Well, you weren't to blame for my outward change, because it's happened before, but... I don't really remember much after your strange reaction to my question about your amulet.
- Do you want me to tell you how it ended, or with details? - truth be told, you were really too lazy to tell anything at all right now.
- I wouldn't say no to the second option.
- Then a counter question: Who's Isaak?
- Mind your own business, - he snapped back. - It has nothing to do with what I don't remember.
- Wow, we're formidable all of a sudden, - you snickered. - You couldn't tell from yesterday.
- Why are you dragging bit-thing-beast by its tail now?
- Because there's not much to tell. You got drunk and started crying like a girl, then, when you got a clear shot, you tried to attack me, which you paid for with the logical conclusion of my plans for the evening.
- And you... What? - you had no idea that with his asian eyesight his eyes could be so wide open. - Don't tell me you really...
- f*cked you? Come on, if you were a little less of a log, I'd love that a lot more.

He recoiled. His face expressed a state of deepest terror and fear.

- Is that all you wanted to know?
- P-Please tell me you're joking, - he muttered.
- The absolute truth, - you hummed. - Besides, how much of a loss is it if it wasn't me who 'ruined' you anyway?
- Great, - he blurted out, then stormed out of the room. The arch in the wall disappeared with him.

Again you felt that you understood exactly nothing of what was going on.
After a couple of minutes you heard a soft sobbing sound behind the wall where the arch had previously appeared. Indeed.
Such accompaniment certainly prevented a peaceful sleep, and now all you had to do was lie back and stare at the white ceiling of the room. Lord DUAUO, the royal lily has really started crying again for some reason you don't understand. At this point you had absolutely no desire to dig into the root cause of this crap, only an urge to move into the next room and tell that Bachchisarai fountain to shut up.
After a few more minutes you decided to grant the wish. You were lucky enough to move rather neatly without fitting into the wardrobe, or whatever else he might have had in this room that you could get stuck in with materia. He had already managed to fall asleep, but hadn't stopped sobbing in his sleep. He was lying on his side, facing you, hugging the edge of the blanket. You crouched on the edge of his bed at the headboard and gently touched his face. He instantly fell silent, wrapping his arm around you, which made you freeze. But no, still, it wasn't an accidental awakening, and you sighed quietly. But now you were literally short of hands to continue.
You sighed again and began rearranging your matter, revealing a large clawed paw in place of your lost right hand. You had once found the ancient elements fascinating, but now you were forced to use them yourself. You clutched your father's amulet in your paw and mentally said: "Isaak, last memories."

Your father, on his home world, used to lift curses on children, letting each one pass through him.⁵Since you shadromancers are already cursed, the thing your father left you that contained a tiny remnant of his soul allowed you to tamper with someone else's memory by letting the memories you requested pass through. And you could have influence on other shadro's sparks, yeah. Now, when you had direct contact with the royal lily you could and did use that ability. On request, you have now been given only a jumbled piece of memory, partly littered with emotions of anxiety and longing. From this piece you could only pick out a moment of feeling very close to someone else's disintegration. Fresh shadros, not born here, but created as they should be, can be wiped out by their own hosts, and you've seen it more than once during your tenure. So he's irrevocably dead... That made the Kairel's sharp and vulnerable reaction to everything about the story a little clearer. "Isaak," you intended to ask the next question to memory, but didn't have time.

- I am a traitor, - he whispered. You looked at him dazedly, but his eyes were still closed. - Isaak, I didn't mean to!
Then he fell silent, and after a while he started talking again.
- Although why should I make excuses, it looked as if it was really my foolishness and I gave myself to the first man I met, although I promised to remember you and keep our secret... Hit me... Hit me, please, I deserved it, I cannot be forgiven...
- Hush, hush, hush, - you mumbled dazedly, trying to pull your healthy arm out of his grip, thus only pulling him to you. Royal lily's head and shoulders were now resting in your lap. - I'm not going to hit you.
- You're too good to me, - he sighed. - You knew what happened... That's why you touched my spark directly for the first time yesterday.
- What... - there was less and less understanding. But when you applied the events of the morning to what you said, you knew that what you said was probably projected onto what he was seeing now.
- If you want it, take it away, - he continued. - Please take it away, I can't live calmly anymore anyway, knowing that I betrayed our feelings.
- It's not your fault, - you said slowly, wondering what else that lad could have done in your place. - You don't remember what happened to you.
- Y-you're right, - Kairel exhaled, - you're right as always, but... Still.
- But?
- Punish me so that from now on I'll keep a better eye on my condition and it won't happen again.

"Goddamn lunatic, - you mentally swore. - How am I supposed to put up with you for the rest of the sun?"
Nevertheless, traumatising his psyche was absolutely not in your best interest right now, because you could get yourself hurt later because of the goddamn oath. But what if you tried to correct it tactfully?

- I already said it wasn't your fault, - you pulled him to you, holding him tightly with your paw. - Sometimes the past... is worth letting go of.
- But don't let me go, - he replied, letting go of your hand and then hugging you tightly. - Please... at least for now.

You didn't say anything, and just made yourself comfortable with your back against the wall, knowing that you would have to spend the rest of the night here.

Notes:

1 - derived from "вертеться, как уж на сковороде"
2 - awkward reference to scene with Begemot from Bulgakov's "Master and Margarita"
3 - here and further: originally it sounds like "shola", it's a local educational establishment which is something in-between school and university.
4 - originally not simple desks, but "конторка", sorta desk behind which you should stay. Idk how to translate it right.
5 - a reference to Inna Jivet'eva's book again.
Ah, yes, forgot to mention: bit-thing-beasts are local "animals" in Shado. Technically, they're the other branch of "evolution" of shadromancers, sorta "antisocial" one, which prefered to spook the dreamers to gain needed attention. So, they're not so dumb as "social" shadro treat them. But yeah, in local untranslatable folklore shadro mention bit-thing-beasts replacing with their name random curse words.

Chapter 23: Chapter 21. Excuses –Knyaz'–

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

You were back in that cramped little room with the black walls, the chessboard floor, and the stairs up to the wide crescent moon that was painfully familiar to you, except that it had been in a much larger room before¹.
The redhead reappeared before you out of nowhere, but all you cared about was that he came to you again, disturbing an old memory. You collapsed to your knees before him, whispering:
- I am traitor.
A shiver ran through you, for you had indeed betrayed your feelings that you had promised to keep. You were nervous, not knowing what would happen next.
- Isaak, I didn't mean to! I really... Though why am I making excuses, it looked as if it really was my foolishness and I gave myself to the first man I met, though I promised to remember you and keep our secret... Hit me... Hit me, please, I deserve it, I cannot be forgiven...
- Hush, hush, hush, - you heard his voice, which you had almost forgotten. You were lifted off your knees and you found yourself face to face with him. - I'm not going to hit you.
- You're too good to me, - you sighed, lowering your head again. - You knew what happened, didn't you? That's why you touched my spark directly for the first time yesterday.
You didn't hear the answer, so you went on:
- If you want it, take it. Please, take it away, I can no longer live in peace, knowing that I betrayed our feelings.
- It's not your fault, - he said slowly, as if waiting for your reaction. - You don't remember what happened to you.
- Y-you're right, - you breathed out, - you're right as always, but... Still.
- But?
- Punish me so that from now on I'd better watch my condition, and this wouldn't happen again.
- I already told you it's not your fault, - he pulled you to him, holding you tightly and nuzzling your shoulder with his nose. - Sometimes the past... It's worth letting go.
- But don't let me go, - you asked softly, hugging him back and trying not to cry like a girl. - Please... At least now.

He didn't answer, and everything was gone, like an obsession. You felt like you were lying on something hard and quite hot relative to your own temperature. You didn't open your eyes, hoping it was a continuation of a dream, and only reached up, trying to feel what you were lying on. Your fingers touched someone's soft hair, and you decided to continue lying there, since it felt very much like a continuation of a dream. You only habitually pressed against him, his warmth, like a lizard on a rock, and slipped your hand further, coming across something rough and ribbed. You gently palpated the object, finding a deep, smooth indentation that was extremely pleasant to the touch. The object beneath you exhaled noisily. You probably bumped into its... Horns?
Just as you touched the notch once more, you distinctly felt something roughly penetrate your rib cage and squeeze your spark, causing you to open your eyes wide and jerk your hand away, trapping the prickly stubble on its cheek.
You were lying on Alter the whole time, and apparently he was clearly unhappy with your amateurism.
- It hurts, - you mumbled. - Free me...
- So you're not going to explain your behavior?
- Neither are you going to tell me why you were in my room, - you retorted.

Though there was a black monstrous limb in your chest, holding your sparkle between his claws, Alter held you gently behind your back with his normal hand, as if to hug you. And yet, you were still in pain, especially when he squeezed your spark harder. You realized that he could really crush it like a grape, and then you'd disappear and rest forever - and it wouldn't do him anything, because the oath hadn't been taken yet.

- I won't do it again, - you hissed. - I won't touch your horns. Free my core spark.

Outside the window, the cobalt sun slowly rose. Someone knocked on the door of your room.

- Kairel, are you all right?
- Momo, everything is fine, I'll be downstairs soon! - you blurted out. Lord DUAUU, please don't let her just come into the room.
- You never answer like that, - the maid chuckled. - Are you sure?
- Five minutes, give me at least five minutes...
- Suit yourself. Don't keep everybody waiting for you, in that case. Especially when the oath haven't been said yet and the whole family is gathered.
She's gone and you felt your spark deigned to let go.

- The whole family is how many? - Alter asked dumbfoundedly.
- Does it matter? - you asked, and in the blink of an eye you found yourself slumped on your back.
- It's f*cking important, honey, - he hovered over you. - As far as you know, there's no single text for an oath, and everyone creates one for themselves. And I was hoping to do without the officiousness.
- Is that a bad thing?
- Anyway, it's personal and... The oath doesn't tolerate mistakes in the text. I don't know how it would turn out if I said the wrong thing.
- They'll see to it anyway; you can't get away with it, Alter.

He didn't answer, only disappeared with a quiet rustle, apparently moving into the guest room.
You quickly got to your feet, made your bed look normal, and rushed to the mirror. You noticed with annoyance that he didn't seem to touch you, but your cheeks were flushed crimson. It was dangerous to leave the room like that, so you turned away from the mirror, feverishly wondering what you could do now.
As luck would have it, nothing came to mind. You turned back to the mirror, closed your eyes, and inhaled deeply. Then you exhaled and opened your eyes. Good f*cking morning, Kairel.

After making every possible effort to clean up your appearance, you left the room and hurried down the stairs. Everyone was already seated at the table in the dining room, even your mother - apparently, Regret gave her a little respite, knowing that she'd still be better off at home after all that had happened.
Alter stepped out of the kitchen with Senna, helping her with the trays that held the teapot, the sugar bowl, and the various snacks for tea. Is he that simple, or is he getting used to it beforehand?

The tea party took place in silence, everyone only looked at each other, and you could feel your grandfather's judgmental gaze on you, so you preferred to look down, only into your cup, nervously stirring the sugar in your tea. Alter was sitting at the table with everyone else, to your left. The look in his eyes was half blank, as if he were deep in his own thoughts. What kind, you wonder?

- So we're gathered here to witness the punishment of my grandson and the person involved, - Willow broke the silence first, setting his cup aside. You felt as if you were standing behind that desk again, and your grandfather had a knack for creating that kind of atmosphere, just you can't trade talent for shekels, as they say. - Hatori, I suppose you've had plenty of time to create the text of the oath.
- That's right, - Alter replied. - And yet it's not finished...
- Nevertheless, the deadline has come up.
- I understand I have to read it as it is, - he said, as if reluctantly, rising from the table.
You went up after him. Now you were standing near the table, with five pairs of eyes on you, if not count your father's extra eyes and Senna's, which occasionally peeked out from the archway that led to the kitchen.
- We need eye contact, remember? - he asked you, and you nodded faintly. It's going to be difficult.
You looked into his emerald eyes.
- It's only until the new sun...
And he began to recite the oath.

- You are to me
Like the rays of dawn, see?
I will be your sunset,
Just do not look back.
In times of those idle days,
Among core sparks flames,
Among the evil tongues
I'm not afraid of the shackles
That bind us.

He hesitated, as if he'd forgotten the text, or was just writing it as he went along. You felt a red thread materialize, binding your right wrist and his neck.

- From the cruel world
I'll save you.
If the trouble occurred -
I'll die for you, knew?
From dangerous ideas
From the claws of the beasts
Your wall and bulwark
For a thousand suns to come.

The thread knotted and disappeared, and then there was a ringing silence in the room, with only Alter closing his eyes and sighing, frowning at the only question he asked:
- Could I rewrite the last line?

No one answered, for everyone knew that the oath did not tolerate mistakes.

Alter threw something along the lines of "I'll be back" and quickly walked out into the kitchen. You decided to follow him, since you didn't know what any of your actions would mean now and how it would end. As you reached the back door, you heard your grandfather laughing for the first time.

Your newly minted servant was found outside the back door. He was sitting on the steps, smoking and looking deep into the garden. Smoke wafted thinly from the charcoal of his cigarette. You coughed.
- Would you please get the f*ck out of here, Kairelka²? - he said without turning around.
- Stop calling me by my house name, - you snorted. - And there's no smoking in our house. That leaves an unpleasant smell...
- Would you be so kind as to shut up now, huh? I'm sick of being told what to do. There's a thousand suns in front of you.
- I'm sorry, - you said hesitantly. - I... Maybe I should have found my mother and talked to her before the trial started, explained everything to her... I'm really sorry it had to be like this.

He was quiet and smoked.

- Lord DUAUU, what can I do?
- At least go back to Cog with me and keep a low profile. I'd get through at least a week without using that possibility, but f*ck! - you could feel how annoyed he was.
- Alter...
- Alter what? - he jumped to his feet. - One night is a f*cking long time for this sort of thing, oh yes! Write - overwrite! Especially when you're sleep-deprived and there's a lunatic sobbing behind the wall!
- What do you mean? - you asked him dazedly.
- I was hoping to at least get some sleep and write the damn text in the morning when I was awake, but no, I could not sleep, and concentrating with this snotty accompaniment was out of the question...
- What do you mean by saying lunatic? - you were embarrassed to interrupt his verbal combustion, but you didn't remember the meaning of the word "lunatic" either.
- I had to go to your room and sit there like a babysitter for the rest of the night until your calmed down...
- Okay, I don't get it, but if you really haven't slept well and you want to be alone, my room is yours, - you murmured, fixing the coat that had slipped off your shoulder. - And... I'm really sorry about what happened. I'll try to find a way out of this situation, even though I don't think I can.
- You look as if you're about to be beaten, - Alter said in a calmer tone. - What the hell's the matter with you?
- Nothing, - you blurted out.
- Liar, - he grunted, stepping closer to you. - You're always trying to make something of yourself, but then you contradict yourself. Remember this morning, - he said. - I wouldn't even think about playing along with you. And now what?I hate it when people pity me.And you should stop, if you're going to keep being what your family expects you to be.
You don't feel good, as if he were holding your spark again in the palm of his hand.
- And you don't allow yourself too much while you're on Yamaraja's estate, - you hissed, gritting your teeth.
- There, well done, - Alter chuckled. - But I'll take your offer to sleep in your room, thank you.

He vanished from your sight again, as he had this morning, leaving only a lingering sense of understatement. Besides, lunatic. What the hell is a lunatic?

You decided to go back to the dining room. You hovered for a while in the archway leading from the kitchen to that spacious room, listening to Grandma marvel at the poetic form of the oath, and incidentally chanting at Grandpa, who, as it turned out, was not so original, having made something like a contract with Grandma when he "revived" her here.
- He liked you, - Senna, who had been silent in the kitchen until then, pulled you abruptly out of the void of your thoughts.
- I'm sorry, what?
- He's the executioner of Cog, isn't he? I've heard how much he values his freedom... I think if he was strongly opposed to what happened, he'd behave... How should I say? Less calm or something? And he's not a bad guy, really, - the cook winked at you.
- You think so, - you sighed.
- Helped me out today. Oh, I'm not me if I don't get and write down his way of making cookies!

She seems to have stopped listening to you.
You did go back to the dining room, back to your seat, to your chilled cup of tea. In principle, it wasn't a problem for you to re-warm this materia, or to ask Senna to do the same, but you were in absolutely no mood for that right now, and you decided to let things go as they were. Ellen came closer to you, and in a conspiratorial tone asked:
- Where did you get him, tell me? I want one too.
- You've got Adam, - you hummed, taking a sip of your tea. - What do you want it for?
- Oh, don't tell me, - she turned away theatrically, and sat for a little while, looking at you sideways, but she couldn't help asking, - And he's good not only for his words?
- Ellen! - you blurted out, hastily shutting up and trying not to swear at your snide little sister in front of all your family.
- What Ellen?
- Nothing, - you got up from the table and decided to leave the dining room - you saw no point in having another conversation with your sister, and your mother, who could have resolved your conflict, was probably already in her room.

On your way to your mother's room you ran into Momo, who confirmed your assumption, because she was coming from there.
When you reached the room, you politely knocked and asked if you could come in, which you did, receiving an affirmative answer.

Mother was half-sitting, half-lounging in her big rocking chair. Wrapped in a warm, fluffy rug, she was clearly beginning to doze off, and you felt a little ashamed that you had disturbed her now.
- Is something bothering you, sunshine? - she asked with the warmth in her voice that you are accustomed to.
- Yes, mom, - you answered, closing the door behind you and sitting down on the floor near your mother's chair. - I need your advice.
- What is it?
- I don't know what I should do now, - you sighed. - This silly accident has bound me to the end of time with a shadro that I don't know at all.
- What's wrong with that? You have plenty of time to get to know each other better...
- At least I loved someone else... And I'm sure Alter hates me now.
- You can't be 100% sure of anything, - she stroked your head affectionately, masterfully not touching your horns. - Oh, maybe if I told you a new tale about the glorified hero Changshi and the Court of Souls, it would make you easier to understand?
- Tell me, - you said, and sat down comfortably. - Please, tell me!

Mother's stories about the world of Xinsheng had always helped you as a child when you had questions you could not answer for yourself. You knew that your mother always made them up as she went along, and she would have had an entire book published if she had written them down.
You had grown up a good deal since your mother had been away at the consulate, and she had hardly told any tales, so now you felt like that silly little spark again.
Mother chuckled faintly and began her new story.

- In a faraway world called Xinsheng, the willful goddess Shiqu Xiwang rules people's destinies and lives. And her eternal assistant walks with her...
- You Changshi!
- That's right, you haven't forgotten yet, - she patted your head again. - And nearby Shiqu's throne sits a pitch-black shadow that consumes the souls of those who don't deserve to be reborn.
- Zog Yar, - you shivered. You were terrified of him as a child, because you thought he might eat you too, because you were such a big liar when you didn't want to be caught doing something your grandfather forbade you to do.
- Zog Yar, - mother nodded. - Once upon a time, the glorified hero Changshi was faced with the daunting task of tracking down a soul that had long eluded the Court of Souls. So when the soul came before Shiqu, it had to tell her why it had evaded judgment. And the soul told that it was afraid of losing its beloved, being reborn in a new body. And the goddess assured that soul that after the rebirth, fate would favor their reunion. Her words calmed the troubled soul and it was reborn.
- But how could the goddess influence random events?
- And this is not the end of the tale, - the mother closed her eyes and shook her head. - Here you are now, too, in a hurry, like that soul who heard what it wanted to hear. But approached Goddess You and asked courteously, "My thrice-honored mistress, are your powers so infinite as to keep track of every soul in our world?" And Shiqu answered him with a sneer: "No, my humble servant, they are not limitless. Nor are they likely to meet again." "Have you deceived that troubled soul?" - the hero asked again. "So be it," the goddess answered this question as well, "but the distance from life to life must be filled by someone."

The mother was silent, and you just freezed, this time not at all able to extract the moral from the tale, as if there was something missing in it.

- I think this time the tale is no more complicated than the previous ones, - she rubbed her temple. - It is, as always, on the surface, sunshine.
- I can't understand the goddess's words, complicated, - you sighed.
- Think about the fact that sometimes it's not a bad idea to find a compromise, - said your mother. - Discuss the state of affairs over the same game of chess.
- I'm not sure he can play, - you shook your head. - But thanks anyway, mom.
- You're welcome, sunshine, - she smiled. - Now, would you mind leaving me alone? I'd like to rest while I have the chance...
- Of course, - you rose quickly to your feet and straightened your mother's plaid. - Have a nice rest.

She nodded faintly and you hurriedly left her room. At the door, you noticed her body slumped limply in the chair - mother was so tired that she was hibernating quite deeply, almost disemboweling her body, and maintaining her imitation breathing was out of the question. The first time you saw her in that state, you remembered it for a long time - that day you thought she was dead. It was only later that you began to go to the school and learned that your race died in a very different way, and much later that you saw the process yourself.
Even now you were worried about how your mother knew that you had found your father's chess. Could it be that Momo had not kept her promise?

Step by step you approached your own room, and your thoughts were once again occupied by Alter, who was probably asleep there now. In your room. In your bed. Brrr.
You entered the room as silently as possible and stopped at the door.
Alter was predictably where you expected him to be, except he wasn't sleeping in the "I'm a star in bed tonight" pose you'd expect him to be, he was lying on his side, his back to you. You could tell by the imitation of his breathing that his sleep was not that deep, and that waking him up to talk was realistic. But how to do it in such a way that you don't get another wave of moral destruction?

You slowly walked over to the bed and sat down on the edge of it. So far, no reaction. You touched his shoulder, but then you changed your mind and took your hand away, and then you just lay down next to him, with your back to him.

- What did you want? - he asked dryly, making you flinch. - Don't be silent, mimosa. All right, I'm not going to bite you just yet.
- Nothing... - you cringed. It sounded so much simpler in words. - To talk.
- Can't you postpone it?
- If you don't want to, fine, I might have changed my mind either, - you said, your face burrowing into the blanket.
- Oh, no, that's no good, - Alter got up lazily and sat up, one leg tucked under him. - You've got to see this through to the end. Don't become one of those things that piss me off the most.
- You don't seem eager to talk, - you muttered, keeping your head down, and then you felt a tap on your shoulder blades that grazed one of the lines of your birthmark on your back, sending you reeling to face him. - What the hell are you doing?!
- Well, it's working, - he said, feignedly. - Your face is on fire now, by the way. Though I don't think you're sick right now. So, what were you trying to say?
- If you think that was a pretty good way to get me to talk, you're wrong, - you hissed.
- But at least you turned to face me, - he chuckled and moved closer to you.
- You think I can't find a few more ways to make you talk?
- A few more ways already sound like ways to shut me up effectively and discourage any desire to talk to you at all.
- I'll keep that in mind, though I'm not sure if we're on the same page. So what did you want to...
- About the situation, - you sighed. - I think it wouldn't be a bad thing to put all dots above i and draw up a contract. It'll be easier that way.
- Are you trying to force me into an even bigger frame of reference? - Alter raised an eyebrow, and it was clear to you that wasn't such a good idea. - Oh, no, it's no good. I'm not the one who signed myself into slavery... Oh, wait a minute. Anyway, I object!
- I'm not going to! - you blurted out, and there was silence in the room.
- Well, what then? - he asked perplexedly.
- Just to discuss things you shouldn't do. Like touching me. At any rate, without warning.
- Mimosa, what do you know... Well, if it comes to that, you must remember that I'm not happy about you trying to dig in my family tree.
- Because your dad's a dreamer?
- Are you kidding me?!
- No, I'm not! - you jumped out of bed and headed to your table, rummaging through your hutch for the ill-fated chess. - I'm the same! Do you want me to show you an artifact?
- Go ahead, - Alter replied without much joy. - The other artifacts are a myth anyway, or my brother wouldn't be stuck in his agency, endlessly searching for them.
- Here it is, - you finally found the coveted checkered box and, turning around, showed it to Alter, holding it in outstretched hands. - Play a game with me, and you'll see.
- It smells like a trap, - he reluctantly got up and walked over to you. - Come on, what's the catch?
- Well, it could be a one-way ticket, - you scratched the back of your head and put the box on the table.
- It won't, - he said with a smirk. - It wouldn't anyway. And if that was the only trump you had up your sleeve, I'll play a game with you, but don't whine if you lose.
- I'm going to lose? Don't be ridiculous, - you opened the box, quickly unloading the pieces onto the table. - This game is in my blood!

Alter didn't answer you, but left you the black pieces and began to line up the white pieces on his side of the board. You cursed to yourself, and began to line up your two rows. The world around you twitched in the familiar shimmer, revealing for a moment the outlines of another world, unaccustomedly bright compared to your own. Then you heard Alter's loud call.

- Look at me!

His once green eyes were now a deep scarlet, and it was as if they were radiating some kind of luminescence. He clutched his amulet in his hand, and with a newly manifested clawed paw pressed you against him.

- Hold the board tight and close your eyes.

You thought for a moment that you also heard another inaudible "this branch shouldn't exist at all, but it's fixable." And then you were thrown into some relatively small room with one window and some furniture around the walls.
On examining it, the furniture turned out to be kitchen furniture, and your chessboard with your game, for some reason started, was resting on the dining table. You were sitting at that very table, just as you might have been sitting in your room a few minutes earlier. Alter looked thoughtfully at the queen in his hand and returned it to the board, removing one of your pieces at the same time, a rook, probably.
You could hear some commotion outside the door of the room, and when it opened, you saw a man in a not-so-good state, with a pile of plates in his hands. The plates seemed to be holding on by sheer zen, and yet collapsed when he reached the sink. Then he did turn his attention to you.

- Hope I won't get in the way, - he said as if he'd done something naughty and turned to you. - I didn't know anyone was coming to see you today, brother.

The voice soundedfamiliar. You must have heard it somewhere before.

- I don't mind at all, - he went on, going back to washing the dishes. - I'm even glad you've found someone...

Then he finished the dishes under your awkward silence, and before he left, before closing the kitchen door, he said without the shadow of a smile in his voice:
- Hatori, if you break his heart, I'll break your f*cking face.

The door closed behind him, and you just sat there, blinking and completely unaware of what was going on.
- It's a funny threat, isn't it? - Alter asked, leaning against the table. - Especially considering my position.
- How does he know us... Both of us? - you mumbled dumbfoundedly. - This is the first time I've seen this place at all!
- All in good time, Kairel, all in good time, - Alter chuckled, as ifhe knew more about this than you did. - Your turn, by the way. Think fast, because while we're sitting here, there's no telling how time flows in Shado.
- Tell me that you really know how to get back, - you were absolutely unable to think about the game.
- Finish the game by check or checkmate to be sure, - he said blankly, - I really dared to speed it up during the move, I'm sorry. I'm not really in the mood to play it here.
- So youliedto me about there being no other artifacts, and I didn't hear the phrase about how that world wasn't supposed to exist?
- All in good time. Just finish the batch before I correct another misunderstanding in your face, - you think he would have yawned a little more.
- What?! Have you forgotten that you can't even lay a finger on me?! Need I remind you?! - you literally jumped up from your stool.
- Oh yes, your mother wouldn't forgive me, - Alter hummed. - She won't forgive me for this unplanned exit, either, so I'll have to get inside your head anyway.

He wrapped you in his frightening embrace once more, and before you could say anything, you were back in your room.
The game was over, the black king lay defeated on the board, and you remembered nothing more about what happened after the pieces hit the board.

Notes:

1 - ah, yes, we have another cover related to it https://youtu.be/MkZm0ME8mno
2 - diminutive form of name, used here in derogatory sense

Chapter 24: Chapter 22. Alcohol –Longing–

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

It's been a few days since Vlad brought that goddamn corpse into the bungalow, and your restful sleep has finally begun to malfunction. Now there was a nearly-completed robot carcass in your room, and it wouldn't stop making you nervous.

It was still pitch black outside the window, only faintly pierced by the glow of the neon signs of the Center. You couldn't sleep, and you lay there, curled up in your burgundy plaid and staring at the ceiling. You knew that if you turned on your left side, the robot would still be there.
You tinkled nervously and got up from the couch, took a couple of steps, and squatted down next to that pile of metal. You flicked a toggle switch.
The dull, unblinking eyes of the robot slowly glowed blue, and you distinctly heard something like a sigh.

- Wow, - you blurted out, not really expecting the Engi to get it working.
You hovered over the robot and got another audible response:
- Hello.
- I'm not going to talk to you, - you hummed.
- What happened? - the mechanical voice ignored you completely.
- You're f*cking dead, Abby, - you stated, overpowering the mechanical robot's hollow intonation.
- I know... You, - she continued. - Vic... You're Vic, aren't you?
- How did you... - you haven't heard that name since you were stuck in Shado. - You must have lost your memory, and you've always been too busy being yourself!
- You're right, ha-ha-ha, - the mechanical laugh sounded creepy. - But Vic was always getting in the way. I was glad when he was covered in debris from that abandonment.
- Then I'm glad you're dead too, you stupid bitch, - you hissed.
- The son of the mother of the tabor is still mine, ha-ha.
- We'll see about that! - you blurted out and only now realized that in your anger you pierced the flask with your fingers.
The glass was well made - you noticed the cracks creeping across it. You dazedly took your fingers out of the glass and noticed particles of cadaverous materia flying out of the holes you had punched, then disappearing into the night. You mechanically patched up the defects, though, leaving a small crack at the bottom - if Vlad didn't notice it, Abby's memory loss would accelerate manifold.

- You're not worthy of such a golden boy as he is. And anyway, don't forget that you're in a flask made of my materia.

Before she could answer you, you flipped the toggle switch and the robot's eyes went out. You were shaking with anger and helplessness, and you needed an urgent trip to the catacombs.

You left the room and went to Maynajo's - if not to encourage him to keep you company, then at least to borrow his gold reserve. Since everyone in the bungalow respected their privacy (except you, apparently), no room doors were locked without a good reason. You walked into the Goldfinch's abode.
The spacious room was for once uncluttered - no other reason than his ward-dreamer girl had cleaned it up - just a red thong hanging from the chandelier, as a tribute to his previous ward's mysterious notion of feng shui. She thought it was for good luck, and May, imbued with her as a soulmate, did not object at first, and then kept this strange tradition.
The red-haired man slept soundly on the wide bed, sprawled between two dakimakuras, one of which was, quite expectedly, a picture of Nika in her pretty lingerie, but the other was a picture of Bun in one of those unmistakable poses. Given Goldfinch's love of the over-functionality of many things - it's possible that the picture on the dakimakura changed at the owner's will, but damn it, Bun? Really?
However, it was much easier to pretend that you didn't see anything and just poke Buckshot in the shoulder.

- Hey... May...

He turned on his side, wrapping his arms around dakimakura with Nika. You tsiked nervously, and poked him in the shoulder again. Considering he was wearing a soft terrycloth robe, you thought that basically poking him as an anti-stress pillow was even pleasant. Then you poked your sleeping deputy one more time.

- What do you want, you drunken goldfish? - he muttered. - What time is it?
- It's morning soon. Let's go smoke cigarettes.

Goldfinch lifted himself up on his elbow and turned around.

- Are you serious?
- Come on, get up, working people¹, - you answered. - I'm bored to go up there alone.
- Tell me honestly, you're feared to go there alone, - May corrected you skeptically, reluctantly rising from the bed and scratching his ass, moving to the chair, where the clothes were piled.
- It wasn't my idea to have a smokehouse in the catacombs, - you snorted.

While he gathered himself, you once again noted how well built your deputy is. From trying happiness with him, however, you were separated only two things - Goldfinch was hopelessly busy with his ward, and you were busy with your unrequited idiocy. Well, taking into account the dakimakura with Bun, maybe three.

You went down to the catacombs in silence, you only begged May for a cigarette. You didn't really notice when you and he developed this "specialty" - you were great at crafting beer, and he was great at crafting cigarettes.
The catacombs were a dungeon beneath your bungalow, though it looked more like a cave of some kind, with giant stones lying around and passages in different directions - you didn't know where half of them led. Goldfinch sat down on one of the rocks, lit his cigarette, and said:

- Tell me what it is this time. I'll be your psychologist lady, it's glitch day anyway.
- Glitch day? No way, - you said. - I thought it was later.
- I sometimes keep track of the Dreamers near the center, and when they start talking about Halloween, they can tell the exact date. I mark it on my calendar and I'm going to stay in bungalow on that day so I won't get caught up in the general wave of madness.
- It's a f*cking surprise every cycle for me, - you sighed. - I wonder what Maore will do this time.
- Well it was too sudden last time, but I don't mind if that free cleaning and baking service happens in this sun cycle too, - the he grinned. - Bun baked excellent buns. Don't get off the subject.
- I broke the container of Abby's remains.

There was an awkward pause, and then Goldfinch took a drag on his cigarette, exhaled a large ring of smoke, and asked:

- I hope you fixed it? Engi is going to be upset.
- A little. Didn't feel like it.
- Why do you have to react to these remains anyway? So he's reanimating it, so what? Everybody jerks off however they want.

Now it was your turn to fill yourself up with smoke, thankfully you already had your own lighter. Today the cigarette smelled like coffee.

- I don't remember if I mentioned it, but me and the Engineer are from the same world. And, in fact, we had some differences of opinion with this wench, enough to wish each other dead.
- Didn't share the Engi? - your deputy deduced skeptically. -Hey, Syaba², don't be silly. You know you'll get nowhere, if only because he's still human and you're still a Shadromancer. Don't step on my rake.
- I don't care anymore, - you grunted.
- Well, at least I know your nerves now, - he shrugged. - I'll leave you out of it.
- Thanks for that, - you leaned your back against the rocky wall. - Thank you for listening.
- No.

You were sitting on one of the stones, gazing faintly at the half pendant, now worn and badly oxidized around the edges. You had once jokingly created this thing by giving the other half to a ward. The inscription on the whole pendant read: "best bitches," and when the pieces were disconnected, it broke into "be bitc" and "st hes," which you personally found very ironic, interpreting the scraps as "be bitch" and "stay his." You found it especially satisfying to realize that the damn dreamer had a second piece of text and at least in some ways he was still yours.
You glanced around the part of the catacombs where you were sitting, and in one of the archways of the passages you noticed something amiss. Someone was standing there, apparently for a long time, watching you. You bit down silently on your cigarette and reached behind your back, calling for your half sword. You rarely did this, but that marking on your back that allowed you to pull that trick had saved your ass more than once when you found yourself unarmed.

- What is it, Syab? - May asked and looked where you were going. The silhouette was gone.
- Some kind of sh*tty omen, - you exhaled, closing your eyes. You ought to check your spark vision to see if you're imagining things.

You weren't imagining it, though, for you could see a green toxic spark behind one of the walls, illuminating a certain amount of matter as a rather tall, skinny figure. At a glance, this six-foot-tall fellow was dressed in some sort of cloak or something. The spark illuminated the subject's hands much more faintly, so there was definitely something wrong with them. You ended your analysis at the point where you saw a strange oblong object in his right hand, like a clock hand.

- I wouldn't say an omen is as tangible as our intruder, - said Goldfinch with a chuckle. - I'd better make a note not to go out for another smoke without at least a magnum.
- So you can see him, too?
- Sure, - he said in the affirmative. - Hey, bat in a hat, come out, you've been spotted!

The figure reappeared in the archway, but did not come out into the light.

- I seek material for the latest experiment, and today I have nothing to do here, - the stranger's voice was monotonous and hoarse. - I'll be back later.
- You'll only get fresh olives³, - you snorted, raising your sword and pointing it in the direction of the sound. - I don't take much pleasure in those who come from this side of the house.
- I wouldn't expect otherwise, - you said from the darkness. - Once again, I will say that I do not intend to attack today, it would be pointless, because there is someone who will bring back-up and the forces will not be equal.
- And I'm pretty clear too! - you lunge forward, bringing your hand out to strike at legs...

Your sword was met with a clang and a clang by that arrow. In the hilt, almost in its place, a biconvex-lens-like stone glowed a poisonous green. In that light you could vaguely make out the stranger's gaunt face, scarred with sores, and then he struck.

- In vain, - he said dryly, when you barely managed to block without getting hit in the face with an arrow.

A punch, another punch. He was a much more capable swordsman than you are. You materialized your broken wings and bounced back.
The wings hadn't been functional for a long time and simply rested on your back as a framing of the sword. Without their maneuverability, however, you felt like you'd have a much smaller chance, so you decided to take your chances. At least they could still be used as a shield.
The night visitor was about to step into the light, but when he caught his breath and stood in the shadows, you could see the tattered sleeve and the black hand that held the arrow.

- Oh, my gosh, you're really something! - you heard a childish, boyish voice behind you.
- Don't interfere yet, Yan, we risk to hurt him, - a more grown-up, low and drawn voice tiredly besought him. You turned around.

Fanservice was coming down into the catacombs, and behind him, yawning, was Tima with his Ray of Kindness on his shoulder. "The Ray of Kindness" still looked like a giant stylus, and it was still powerful - Tim was probably not going to act, and was clearly going to purely morally scare his opponent, knowing that he could easily blow a couple of walls down here.
You turned back around. The stranger was gone.

- Morning, guys, - you sighed, flapping your wings back. - What are you doing here?
- Goldfinch raised with alarm, - Tim yawned again. - What was that about?
- Uninvited guest of the class of mortals, - you lied partially. - We should make a dungeon raid just in case.
- How about tomorrow? - Fanservice sighed. - We were supposed to go to the fest today.
- Sure, Yan, - you answered hastily. - There's plenty of time for that. Shall we go back to the bungalow?
- What were you doing there anyway? - still yawning, Tima asked you as you walked back up the stairs.
- De-stressing, like we always do, - you snickered. - I was talking to that 'innocent murdered' today, and I wasn't okay with it.
- Oooh, how did she do without revival? - Yan chimed in. - Was that even possible?
- I don't know, I hope it was just agony, - you answered dryly. - It's glitch day, so I thought I'd give myself a wry smile.
You gave yourself the appearance of Abby, with her long hair and a simple costume, and continued:
- I'm so poor and miserable, aren't I?
Fanservice laughed, covering his smile with his palm. Yeah, I guess you didn't have enough boobs for the full composition right now, but you didn't care. You got carried away.
- Everybody owes me! And I won't have to lift a finger to learn how to survive in this goddamn world! 'Cause there's Vladik⁴, who's crazy about me!
You walked out of the catacombs into the hallway of the bungalow, right next to your room.
- And he'll never guess that I've been using him all my life!

The raiders who had been accompanying you and giggling at the performance suddenly fell silent.
You turned your head and saw Kajdar staring at you point-blank. You swallowed nervously.

- We need to talk.

With those words, he walked into your room. You looked guiltily at the boys and followed him.

- Vlad, I...
- No need to make excuses, - he said with a frown. - I've spent nights putting together a body replacement for you, keeping you alive while you're lying in a coma, and the question is, why?
You sighed and walked over to your couch to climb onto it with your feet, your arms around your knees as usual.
- Because you're just as obsessive and unfulfilling as I am, - you sighed. He thought you were Abby.
- What's your point? You've unmasked yourself, so at least don't lie now.
- Look at me, - you said, putting your feet to the floor. - You didn't notice the black stripes on my shoulders, so at least look at me now.

You untied the belt on my corset, then took it off and left you waist-deep in nudity. And then, staring at the engineer point-blank, you slowly began to rearrange your materia back into place.
- I'm sorry about all this, I'm sorry, really, I'm just tired, - you whispered. - She doesn't deserve you, and you won't remember me, because I forgot what I looked like myself.
- Wha...
- But I remember how I used to change here. I got the sores and scars out of my face. You like 'em shorter than you, fine. You like 'em chubby, you're welcome. And I kept my last memory. How I lay under the rubble, thinking how good it must have been to be her after all, because you would have come to her...
- Stop it, what the hell are you talking about?
- You can take it any way you want, - you moved in close to him. - Maybe I'm just crazy. Let me just be her for one day.

And you kissed him. You weren't very good at it, since you'd never kissed anyone before...
And he bit your tongue.

- Stop it.
- You're right, it's crazy, - you sighed, turning your back on him. - It's crazy. Leave me alone, I'll just cry myself to sleep once more.

The only answer was the creak of the door closing behind you.
You went back to the couch and collapsed face down on it, then rolled onto your side and put your arms around your knees.
There was a tentative knock on the door. You were too out of sorts to go open it, so you just ignored the sound.
There was another knock on the door.

- Pan, how are you? Is everything okay?

It was definitely Yan, and you frankly didn't understand why he was so optimistic and willing to worry about everyone in the squad. You decided to lift your mortal matter from the couch and go to the door.

- I wouldn't say that, - you answered glumly, letting him into the room.
- I tried to make what happened a little easier, - he announced as he entered. - I don't know how much it will work, but I told the Engineer that it's Glitchfest in Cog and a lot of shadro are going crazy and acting idiotic or just not normal this day.
- I don't think he'll forgive me, - you sighed. - I hurt something I shouldn't have hurt.
- So tell him about it! - Yan put his hand on your shoulder. - Just tell him you crossed the line and admit it. Apologize, it's not hard...
- You know very well that it's difficult for me in particular, - you replied dryly. - I just don't know what I should say.
- The same as you have already said now, pan. And at least "I'm sorry." Just don't turn everything into a show, as usual.
- I'm telling you, it's complicate-ed, - you howled. - For me to just do something?
- So tell me you chickened out, pan, - Yan squinted his already narrow eyes, which made it almost impossible to see his pupils, but you could feel that he was looking at you judgingly.
- Me? No way! Right now, right now I'm going!

You left the room and walked briskly to the workshop, hovering in the doorway. Yes, Yan was right as usual, you are scared. What were you going to say anyway?
Vlad hadn't seen you yet, or pretended not to. The engineer was busy with the painstaking work of building ammunition. You often hung around the workshop as he and Kenny created little things like ammunition or firecrackers, you liked the way the particles of materia intertwined, taking on incredible power. You waited until he was distracted to scoop more materia from the tank, and hesitantly walked into the workshop.

- I'm sorry, - you squeezed out. It was as if your throat was too dry to speak.
- Why? - Kajdar answered just as dryly. - I thought you were trying to open my eyes.
- For going that far, I'm sorry, - you answered. - The prank got out of hand, I didn't mean to hurt you.
- Yan said something about your world crazy day, too, - he hummed. - Anyway, if that was a joke, it was a very unfortunate one.
- I... I admit it, - you sighed and created two cans of cherry beer on the table. - Peace?
- Are you seriously going to buy my trust with beer? - he looked up at you.
- That's all I know how to create, - you mumbled confusedly. - I'm that mediocre.
- Learn, - he rearranged the matter of one of the cans, turning it into a glass bottle, an exact replica of the ones that already stood by the wall of the workshop, except not empty.
- I will, sensei, - you folded your arms like a Buddhist monk and bowed slightly. The engineer smiled faintly.
- So go ahead.
- This is going to be bad wine⁵, - you were speaking the absolute truth now, because it wasn't your specialty.
- You have to start somewhere, - he took his bottle and uncorked it, then took a sip.
- You're right, - you tried recreating your jar, but it was coming out bullsh*t, you had little idea what exactly he was creating inside the vessel.

He covered your hand with his, creating a bottle with a reddish liquid inside of it.

- In the name of your day of dorks, - he answered your silent question. - Or is that about another form of bottle?
- That too, - you mumbled dumbfoundedly.
- You wanted wine, - he shrugged. - I have amasek.
- Thank you, - he shrugged.

He went to the exit of the workshop and, as if reluctantly, said:
- Somehow it always turns out that way, and I can't stay mad at you for long. Let's go. I don't want to drink in the workshop now.

You picked up your bottle and followed him.

The wine was definitely good; you had time to check it out before you even got back to your room. It was getting warm inside, as if the sun had risen inside you, and it left a tart taste on your lips.
In the room, Vlad took off his glasses, which served him as some kind of useless hairband most of the time, and put them on the nightstand against the wall. You, on the other hand, kicked off your boots and settled down on the couch, cuddling with the bottle.
The engineer tried to remove the obstructing bangs by running his fingers through his hair and combing them back. The bangs were against him, though, and some of them fell back. He tinkled indignantly, and then turned to you:

- How long does this craziness last?
- It's up to each individual, - you shrugged. - I just wanted to... Anyway, never mind. Now I know it was a bad idea.
- Wanted to what? - Kajdar asked, expectantly.
- To tell you that the only one of my real life I remember well is you, Vlad, - you sighed and took another sip from the bottle. The wine hit your head pleasantly. - Maybe I really am going crazy.

The engineer silently took another sip from his bottle.

- I don't deny that you may not remember me, because I'm an outsider and I've stayed away.
- Halgen? Are you really Halgen?
- Bull's-eye, - you answered grudgingly, dangling your feet - you once made the couch high so your feet wouldn't reach the floor when you sat on the edge.
- I never thought I'd see you again, - he sat down on your couch. - The outsiders really don't count in the family, they just come and go.
- Huh, I knew it.

Vlad tucked one leg up and looked at you point-blank.

- But you've cut your age pretty severely, yeah.
- I can afford it, - you snorted. - By the way, take your shoes off. You shouldn't wear shoes on my couch.
- How far have you lost your mind already? - the engineer asked, but he obeyed your request and took off his shoes.
- Oh, let's not talk about it, - you did not want to step on the same rake you made today, because you were drunk and on the verge of molesting your ward again. - You'd better tell me how long it's been since I disappeared and how it's been with you.
- Five years, maybe, - Vlad thought for a moment. - I was seventeen, yes, that's right, five years.

"And I had a big crush on you when you were fifteen and I was thirty-five, - you thought. - I'm an old pedophile, a child molester." Out loud, you just lamented the fact that you weren't really a hundred and fifty, but a measly 42.

- Well, you don't look old, - Kajdar said with a chuckle. - Even younger than me.
- Shado does wonders, - you chuckled. - Would you rather see me look my real age?
- Whatever you're comfortable with, I didn't say I minded.
- In that case, I'm more comfortable, - you took another sip from the bottle, noticing with annoyance that only half of it was left. - I don't want to feel our difference. So what's new in the world?
- Nothing much, - he shrugged. - Except that we've found some new land suitable for cultivation, and we've tried to plant the surviving seeds. It's no good so far, but I've got a crooked little apple tree now. We hope it lives to bear fruit for us.
- It's so great! Better than risking your life looking for something in the catacombs, anyway, - you replied, noting that the mention of the catacombs sent shivers down your spine.
- The numbers of tinsmiths aren't growing, though, many of them are being killed by disease, but my mother's still hanging on.
- A woman of peace, - you decided to save at least half the bottle for later and moved the bottle to the nightstand, placing it next to a bottle of amasek. - I'm glad to hear she's doing well...
- The woman you came into the family with died a year ago of illness, - the engineer continued, and you felt somehow uncomfortable, even though you barely remembered her, the one who raised you in that world full of hardship and despair.

You didn't know what to say, so you just collapsed with your back to the couch, then pulled Kajdar with you. You pressed yourself against his shoulder, no longer thinking of the consequences.

- It's still scary out there, isn't it?
- I don't know, I guess I'm used to it, - Vlad said with a smirk. - Though yes, it is much safer in Shado, I agree.
- Tell me something else, - you asked, feeling at the same time that you were lying down for nothing, and now the alcohol has hit your insomnia, deactivating it, and almost making you yawn.
- Okay.

You didn't listen very long, though, for you were well enough to feel better, and, lying on the soft blanket with Vlad's shoulder as your pillow, you fell asleep rather quickly, thinking that, even though it was a sh*tty morning, it was the best Glitch day you'd ever had here.

- You don't know anything about succubi.

You raised an eyebrow. Usually the Engineer didn't give a damn about the furnishings in your room. Now you were both staring at the poster hanging in your closet as a distraction.
The poster showed a pretty blue-eyed brunette in tight pants and a corset, with a long tail and wings that resembled melting cornflower ice cream and sprinkled with cornflower petals. On her head was a pair of waffle horns, typical of the shape of a demon. She was depicted in a rather innocent pose, even considering the knife in her hands.

- What exactly do you mean by that?
- Well, succubi don't behave like that.
- Well, how?

You decidedly didn't understand why he thought it was a succubus, but you were still pretty curious about what was going to happen next.
The engineer hastily created a headband with horns, then put it on his head and walked over to the couch, where you were actually sitting.

- You're lying there, staring at the ceiling, - he began from a distance. - She walks imposingly into the room, comes up to you, puts her knee on the bed...

And then he puts his knee on the bed, next to you. Your spark fluttered.

- Then she leans over you...

He leaned over, and you collapsed on the couch as you were sitting, backwards. And he leaned even closer. You looked into his gray-blue eyes, which were now staring at you with a kind of snide squint, and you were getting hot.

- And biting your neck.

At this point you get a giggle, and you laugh nervously, and everything around you sinks into darkness.

- Halgen? Halgen, for f*ck's sake!

Someone's shaking you by the shoulders so that your head seems to wiggle back and forth.

- Halgen, can you even hear me?

You open your eyes. The rays of the scarlet sun are still trying to make their way into the room through the thick curtain. You're still laughing nervously. Kajdar shakes you by the shoulders, as if something really wild has happened or you're almost dead.
You look into each other's eyes for a couple of minutes, and then you have no more clever idea than to blurt it out:
- You're the one who doesn't know anything about succubi. At least you'd make a good incubus, but not...
- Damn it, Sabishii, - he jumped off the couch, fiddled with his shoes for a moment, and then, before he shut the door behind him, he said: - Sleep it off.

Notes:

1 - an ungodly reference to working Marseillaise. https://youtu.be/d3FR52iaqU4
2 - diminutive form of Sabishii's name.
3 - originally is a reference to gamer's slang, "маслину поймал". https://ru.hinative.com/questions/16903316#answer-39771999
4 - diminutive form of Vladislav's name.
5 - sorta a reference to the mood of ЭНМП's song "Пей, моя девочка". https://youtu.be/cnAkbfLPnug

Chapter 25: Chapter 23. Jonquil –Stranger–

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

You had been in the blue consulate for several days, and it was beginning to annoy you, for you had done practically nothing without actually leaving the house, and it was disgusting. Mimosa was stubbornly trying to pretend that nothing had happened, and in principle was not very eager to cross paths with you, preferring to sit either in the living room for books, or in the room for watercolors. When you did meet him, he was quick to turn his eyes on a book, or simply to turn away. All you had to do was to hang around the room and help the cook out of boredom, causing her some kind of indescribable admiration. Mimosa's family, except for his sister, who made eyes at you, stubbornly pretended that you didn't exist.
Yesterday you freaked out and pinned Kairel against the wall, questioning how much longer this inactivity would last, and causing the blue-eyed to panic. At least something moved on, though, that afternoon you left the house. He excused himself by saying that it would be a good idea to keep looking for those things. You chuckled, but you didn't even bother to tease him - you remembered that your older brother was doing about the same thing, except his agency had been in "standby mode" - the artifacts flocked there on their own. You knew Mimosa meant artifacts the moment he pointed to your amulet, but you didn't make it obvious. In fact, there was no reason to.

In the city, he hesitantly took your hand. You certainly liked the contrast in temperature, and the feel of his barely warm, almost cool, palm in your hot one was quite pleasant. Now, though, you looked a little comical as you strolled down some wide street with two-story houses and "glass houses" of local cafes. The streets were crowded, at least for a blue consulate. You listened to the crowd, but if you picked up any openings of phrases, they were mostly about theories about when the color of the sun would change in this cycle, and some local "intra-family" things.
You reached a round fountain with a simple sculpture, like a three-tiered fruit vase, in the center. Blue-eyed sat down on the rim, and muttered something about how he had no idea what to do next. You collapsed beside him, letting all his jabbering past your ears, for you knew in advance that there would be no valuable information in it. Kairel sat half-turned to you, and, as if nervous, he drew some elaborate figures with his finger in the water. Then he looked up, as if he'd noticed something. Before you could turn your head to see what it was, he pulled you to him and, taking you virtually by surprise, kissed you. Not at all like that day at Cog, but as soon as you put your hand on his waist, he jerked back. You noticed the crimson blush on his cheeks and wondered dutifully if he was all right. He didn't answer, just lowered his head again. You turned around. There was his sister sitting in one of the terraces of the cafe, apparently with someone. She definitely spotted you, and you smiled faintly and showed her your tongue. At any rate, one of the mysteries of Mimosa's behavior was now less.
You roused him, and offered to continue walking down a less crowded street. He nodded briefly, and you ducked into an alley that led to the river. Despite the objective seasonal changes in the local flora, its banks were strewn with something in bloom. Kairel went forward, then hid somewhere in the tall grass near the water. You weren't in much of a hurry to follow him, but you could see the "florist's paradise" around you; when you lived in Cog, you'd only seen plants in street shops and in pots in your kitchen. A plant with yellow flowers and thin, knotty stems caught your eye, and as a fan of their hidden meanings, you couldn't resist. You picked one flower and went looking for the blue-eye.
That one turned up by the water. To your surprise, the riverbank was precipitous, and even at the very edge the river was a decent depth. Kairel sat dangling his feet in the water. His shoes were beside him, and his pants were neatly rolled up to his knee. You crept up to him as silently as you could and tucked a plucked flower into his hair. The blue-eyed man flinched and immediately pulled his hand to his head, taking out the "gift." "Narcissus?" - he asked, tilting his head. "Jonquil¹," you hum. He's looking at you like you've done something wrong, or... Very much right, but he wasn't expecting it? You found that reaction amusing.
You didn't go anywhere else, coming home when it started to get dark.

The night after that day, you couldn't sleep. You lay staring at the ceiling, watching the shadows of the trees on the ceiling. You sensed that Mimosa wasn't sleeping either, and... An archway in the wall between your rooms opened again, and you chose to close your eyes, continuing to watch through your spark vision.
He laid cheekily beside you. His spark fluttered frantically, but since you didn't move, it soon slowed its flicker. You smirked. This was a good chance to dig into his memory one more time.
You clutched the amulet in your left hand, and, quickly summoning the clawed paw that had already replaced your right hand more than once, prepared to intervene...

- The Chambers of Memory, - you whispered, anticipating opening that memory book to make sense of it all, but apparently you weren't nimble enough for lack of practice.
- Busted.

Anyway, you didn't have time to catch the spark, and you got a tangible slap in the face. Even if you hadn't slept before, that kind of impact made you wake up for good. You opened your eyes and noticed that he had managed to sit on top of you, resting both hands on your chest, making it impossible for you to get up. He was wearing pajamas of some kind of soft fabric, and a pair of top buttons were undone on a blouse with wide sleeves tied with a braid at the wrists. His hair was a little mussed, and his gaze was... It was a mess of feelings, as if you were about to be shot or loved to death.

- If you were going to leave me, why did you have to do it like that? - he hissed. - Do you have any idea what it was like?
- What do you mean?
- Oh, don't pretend you don't remember! - he blurted out. - Well, you know, faking your own death is totally uncool. You could have said it to my face!

Then you got another slap in the face, and this time it was a little weaker than the last one.
- Why did you come back... Did you think I would just throw myself back into your arms? - he said the question in a voice that sounded like it was a question of raw nerves, as if he really had something inside himself that was about to explode.

You lay there in silence. You had no time to read his memory, and therefore you could neither reply nor play along. There was a stupid silence, and all you could hear was the heavy breathing of the blue-eyed, as if he were holding back his emotions.

- Yes, I will, - he whispered softly, and then he pressed himself against you, hovering just inches from your face. - You won't run away now, will you?
He was about to say something else, but it didn't take you long to realize that you were looking into each other's eyes, and you knew exactly what it was. You couldn't find a more effective way to shut him up than to kiss him, and you rolled him onto his side and then beneath you.
- Don't do anything rash, - you said huskily. - Especially if you're not sure of the outcome.
- You say that to me? - he laughed bitterly in your face. Then he closed his eyes and added, without waiting for you to answer, - But take me away from here. I've thought it over.
- To Cog?
- Do you have any other choice?
"Oh, you wouldn't believe it, yes, - you thought. - But now is not the time, and being in Shado is much better than that."

You hastily created a note explaining that you had to leave for Cog due to exigent circ*mstances, and left it on the nightstand. You seldom had to create a handwritten note, and even your dominant hand was not capable of holding a pen, so your handwriting was particularly disgusting this time. You only hoped that the point would be understood and that you would not get into any more trouble with the law.

- As you wish, - you said, and took you both back to your apartment.

In a way, it wasn't a bad thing anymore - you were back home, with your familiar couch and supply of quality coffee. You leaned against the back of the couch. Amazing, you could fall asleep just sitting there, if it weren't for the damn red thread oath tossing you another option, and at least torn between fatigue and something you couldn't miss in any way.
Kairel moved into your lap, making it look not two sensed again, and you dared to undo the rest of the buttons on his blouse. There was no resistance, except that he had the audacity to run his fingers through your hair and, as if unintentionally, touch your horns. That one touch made you tense. Normally, that was your thing; you weren't used to getting that kind of response, and Kairel seemed to get it: you felt his cold fingers on your horns again.

- Stop it, - you said in a low voice. - I'm seriously.
- I don't want to, - he whispered back as he pressed against you.

His fingers slid over the smooth hollow of his horn, causing a wave of pleasant sensation. You hissed and materialized petals of your sun, which with black tentacles immediately wrapped around Kairel's thighs, squeezing them slightly. The blue-eyed smirked, but clearly wasn't going to stop.

- What the hell are you trying to do?

You got a chuckle instead, and he stroked your cheek, lifted a little, and... Licked the hollow of your horn. You groaned, mentally cursing Shadromancer physiology.
And then something happened that you expected even less than what has already happened.

- Hatori Evgraphievich Longshadow! You'd better explain how you've been out of network range for almost a week straight!

You automatically pressed Kairel against you, practically immobilizing him, and also opened yourself up to the network window that opened right in front of you. Well, you could recognize your mother's voice, as they say, from a thousand.

- Not now, Mommy, I'll call you back! - you blurted out and tried to close the window, but there was no way - your mother stubbornly held it.

Communications of all kinds were well developed in Cog, but you never had a telephone, and, in general, your mother always got you through the net. The net was a method rather old, but stable, with the ability to reach all the blood-related shadros within Cog. Network "calls" were represented by network windows, or simply gaps in space, perceived as a holographic window hanging in the air, through which the conversation took place. Because of her long experience of networking, your mother was a virtuoso at creating these very gaps in space, which has caused you some problems more than once.
And now you were sitting there with your face red, clutching your unfinished plans for the evening, and watching that very window and your mother's menacing gaze from there.

- You wouldn't do that, I know you! - your mother always saw right through you. - You were off the net at the day of the glitch, and we deigned to postpone the family tea party. Well, now that you've shown up, show up at the agency in half an hour. That's out of the question!

With that, the network window slammed shut with a quiet click, and you loosened your tight embrace. And why does everything happen so spontaneously, piling up like a snowball?

- What was that just now? - Kairel said dazedly.
- An unscheduled impending introduction to my family, - you answered grimly. - Mother has a knack for calling, ahem, bad timing.
- Sabotage it, - the blue-eyed snickered. - We're not finished.
- We'll finish it tonight, - you plopped him back on the couch, kissing him on the cheek. - Be a good girl and keep me company. If I don't show up, they'll think I've officially admitted they annoyed me till death. Besides, it's a good opportunity for you to meet someone who knows more about artifacts than I do.
- Artifacts?
- The things you wanted to look for in Cog...
- I get it. And you didn't say anything! - he thumped you in the chest, and you jerked back on inertia, then just stood up from the couch.
- I didn't think it was necessary, - you hummed. - You and I have a thousand suns ahead of us, anyway.
- Don't mention that, - Kairel muttered, sitting down on the couch with his legs tucked under him. - I'll make you happy with my presence.
- That's a good girl, - you said. - Come on, get ready. I'll wait for you in the kitchen.

- What?

You didn't answer, just moved into the kitchen, frantically wondering what you could possibly do. Usually this event didn't take you by surprise, and you had time to prepare something for this tea party, but not today. Your gaze fell on the basket of apples that had been a regular in your kitchen, and you realized that today was going to be quick and strict.
You opened the refrigerator, scratched your chin, and pulled out a couple of eggs. You considered it a supreme blessing that food didn't tend to spoil in Shado, at least now you wouldn't have to create anything from scratch and would be satisfied with transforming what you had.
The eggs were cracked and sent to the mixer bucket. Normally you'd be meticulous about separating them into whites and yolks, but you weren't up to it now - every second counted because of your mother's time limit. In the same ladle went the sugar and then some flour. You went back to the basket, got a couple of apples, then took a knife from the rack next to it and started slicing.

You could literally feel the stare of blue eyes on your back. The boy was watching you from the balcony, and he was clearly in no hurry to come down.
- I told you I was waiting for you in the kitchen, - you said as you kept your eyes on the cooking process and put the apples on the tray.

You poured the dough over the apples and put the whole thing in the oven. Then you turned your head toward the stairs and were literally stunned.
Kairel had gone absolutely overboard with his new clothes: the cloak with the dainty clasps, the voluminous hood, and some other trim on the shoulders. But you were more surprised by his other transformation. The blue-eyed had grown his hair, which was now pulled back into a ponytail, except for a few long strands that framed his face. He adjusted his glasses with rectangular lenses and asked:
- Serious enough? I... I've never been to visit.
- You look great, - you replied, thinking that he was just mocking you for unfinished plans, 'cause now you wanting him right here and now, but you added aloud just: - You're making me fit in.
- I hope I don't look much like myself, - he sighed, walking a little forward, but still stopping at the partition. - You know, that trial... I don't think the interconsular case wasn't in the news. I don't want to go outside.
- Oh, you think I'm gonna have fun now? - you raised an eyebrow. - I'm lucky my position wasn't mentioned. I'm sure the whole Cog knows me now, oh yes. The question is how. As Alter the executioner or as Hatori the goddamn loser.
- I'm sorry, - the blue-eyed co*cked his head to his shoulders and folded his fingers into a club. - You can have your hand back if you want it.
- Oh.

You felt the matter return, and you tried to rearrange it, returning your arm to its usual form. To your surprise, you succeeded, even the triangle pattern was in place.

- I wonder I need to say "thank you".
- Are you sure you only have two names? - the question was rather sudden, and you involuntarily wondered.
- Well, yes, - you answered. - The name mother gave me and the executioner's false name are enough for a peaceful existence.
- And you're sure you don't have a host?
- I never had, - you grunted, trying to figure out what he was getting at. It didn't work out so well. - But I have an adorable mentee I can introduce you to sometime, if you want.
- No, no, that's okay, - Kairel sighed. - I'm sorry, I... I don't know what came over me. I shouldn't have confused those dreams with the fact that I always wake up with you after.
- Dreams?
- I was dreaming about my old... Ahem, acquaintance, - he shivered. - I'm ashamed of my behavior.

You quickly moved closer to him and pressed him against the wall.
- I didn't say I was against it.
- And I... - his blue eyes flickered from side to side, just to avoid looking at you. - I don't know.
- You suggested sabotage a few minutes ago, - you ran your palm across his cheek, and he turned away, and you moved even closer to his neck.
- You're not going to burn anything, are you? - Mimosa abruptly shifted the subject, letting you know the moment was lost.
- Just my nerves, - you grunted, turning back to the oven. - Anyway, I'm not going to insist, but don't get lose hopes up, either.
- What? I just wanted to apologize for mistaking you for another shadro! - he snapped at you. - You took the initiative from there!

You were silent, checked the readiness of the apple pie; you, in principle, were satisfied, and you took the pie out of the oven, hastily transforming the matter of the form into a nice-looking box with a transparent lid. Then you quickly rearranged the material of your shirt just as quickly, turning it into a light gray shirt with sleeves up to the elbow, adding a couple of belts at the waist, and a scarf instead of a tie. You fixed your bangs with your hand, picked up a box of pie, and headed for the exit.
Kairel silently followed you out of the apartment, and before you closed the door, you handed the box to him.
- If you drop it, I'll kill you.

You walked in silence through the streets of Cog to Seth's agency, you pulling Mimosa by the arm like a tugboat, while he clutched the box of apple pie in his other hand. In part, you were glad you'd missed the Glitch Festival - it must have been crowded yesterday; the streets had gotten narrower in the past solar cycle, and Cog's population had clearly increased. The Senior's agency was close to the center, and mother's apartment was above it, at least the place where she stayed while she was in Cog. You and Dmitrij were constantly bothering to get permissions for her to travel to the Blue Consulate and tours of the Green settlements, providing her wonderful leisure time, but the older of the brothers still took all the privileges and mother's love for themselves. Even the objectively most useless Demian was better to her than you, the younger ones; probably because it's either good or nothing about the dead.
Against the solid wall of stores, the entrance to the agency looked like a gaping black mouth with the teeth - gothic letters of the sign and a long tongue of staircase. You turned back to your compelled companion; you could see that he was clearly afraid to go there.
- It'll be all right, - you sighed, and pushed him toward the stairs. - I hope so.

The agency greeted you with the soothing chime of "wind music" suspended in front of the door: no wonder Evelyn tried. There she is.
- Welcome to L-Ray, - chanted the girl's left head, Shiba, as she approached Kairel, who entered the agency before you.
- We are glad to see you in our agency, where we can pick up any artifact you are interested in or exchange what you have for a solid sum of shekels, - said Evelyn's right head, Setsuka, and then, shifting her gaze to you, she added: - Ah, Hatori, hello. Everyone's already gathered in the hall.
- Hello to you too, Evelyn, - you said with a smile. - I'm sorry to break it to you, we didn't bring you an artifact, it's just my pastry.
- Worthy of an artifact, - you heard from the archway leading to the central hall of the agency.

Then Seth emerged, leaning on his ruby-headed cane. He'd hardly left the agency since he'd run into something and lost part of his right leg in his endless search for artifacts, and his limp had kept him from leaving. You suggested more than once that he change the shape of the lost limb to at least a hoof, but the stubborn elder kept it in the archaeo-version: a bird's limb.

- Don't be ironic, - you retorted. - You've been munching on it for the past tea party and you hardly distinguish it from mama's.
- Anyway, your hobbies are... Questionable, - Seth replied phlegmatically, then glanced at Kairel and asked: - With you?
- Yes... My black bride, - you answered grudgingly. - I'd like to introduce my companion to everyone, not just you personally.
- Suit yourself, suit yourself, - said the elder with a chuckle. - Your companion just looked like a visitor to my establishment. I could have sworn she was probably connected to the artifacts, too.
- We'll get to that later. We're not going to hold everyone up any longer, are we?
- I suppose so, - Seth nodded, and with a slight bow he pointed with his hand toward the archway.

You could see that Kairel could barely keep from bursting into tears about the "lady," but he nodded briefly and headed in the direction indicated.
"Keeps up well, - you noted to yourself. - I wonder how long that patience will last."
As you passed the archway, you sensed that Seth was ready to mock again, but you successfully pretended you didn't care, and the joke failed.

The hall hadn't changed in your memory since its creation, and today, however, was no exception. It was a circular, spacious room with two staircases up against the entrance along the walls. Beneath the staircases were cabinets that held the books your brother read periodically, and artifacts, probably of weak power. The hall also had a rather high domed ceiling, with a pompous crystal chandelier hanging at its highest point. On the wall on either side of the portal arch hung some paintings you never really looked at. You never seem to understand Seth's predilection for this excessive luxury.
The tea table was, as usual, set in the center of the room, just under the chandelier, and was ironically round, though equality was never an issue in your family. Your mother sat exactly opposite the archway, and you could feel her disapproving gaze on you; no matter what you did, she was and would always be displeased with you. On her left was Liar, who, after Demian's death, had taken mother's second favorite place; on her right, as always, Seth was in seniority. The fourth of the brothers, Dmitrij, was to Liar's left, talking to him about something; but their animated conversation was interrupted as you entered the hall.
- Good evening, - you said, realizing that no, hell, it doesn't matter how long Mimosa lasts, it matters how long you last. Especially when Mimosa needs to be introduced to everyone present. - I have the honor of introducing you to my fiancée...
- My name is Kairel Yamaraja, - the blue-eyed decided to spare you a lot of thought about the best way to go, though you could sense that he was clearly angry at you for calling him a fiancée. - It is an honor to be introduced to your family.
- Well, welcome, Kairel, - your mother said in an officious tone, and she pointed to the vacant chairs with the palm of her hand. - Take a seat at our table. My name is Adelle, and I'm the mother of all of the dummies here.

You almost laughed at this point, since for once your mother put all of you down on principle. You sat down at the table, and Evelyn brought another kettle, quickly swapping it with the one on the table, and your quiche, already cut into the required number of pieces and resting on a round dish. You didn't, however, notice when she had time to take this "artifact" away from Kairel.

Even if this Glitch Day tea party pretended to have an uncharacteristically friendly atmosphere with easy and relaxed conversation, the atmosphere remained extremely tense due to the general silence. You always took it as your own fault - you had too little in common with your siblings, and the conversation faded by itself when you appeared. Kairel, who had the misfortune of sitting across from your mother, was clearly nervous, as if he'd been the day you'd had to not screw up your oath.

- Let's remember my second son, Demian, - Adele broke the silence, then folded her arms and closed her eyes.
- It is not yet time to bury him, mother! - Dmitrij suddenly burst out, literally jumped up and put his hands on the table. - Anabiosis is not a verdict yet, I believe that sooner or later I can find a way out, or at least help Raia restore his project and then for sure!
- At least Liar's work was objectively visible, - his mother saddled him sharply, and he collapsed backwards without a care in the world. - Nothing but theories have come from you so far.
- But I will certainly achieve my goals, - he said in a low voice, adding, - There are more useless ones in the family.

At the same moment you felt the stares of four pairs of eyes on you, and only Kairel didn't really know what was going on.
- What about me? All I'm doing is killing shadros for the good of the Red Consulate, where we all live, please note, - you replied nonchalantly.
- And you go to court of Blue, with a forced marriage to a partial, very progressive, Hatori, - Seth quipped and smirked snidely.
- It was my fault, - Kairel whispered quietly. - I only wanted to keep him alive. I didn't know how my prank would turn out...

He was about to get up from the table and leave the room, but you put your hand on his knee and stroked him lightly. "It's okay."
- I wouldn't say that's such a large minus, little brother, - you replied with the same venom. - You might say that this is how I was the first of us to form a new family, and, by the way, I can now safely cross the border between Red and Blue, while you, my dear, have been sitting on your ass for almost half of the cycle.

Seth was going to pour another cup of venom on you, but he didn't have time.
- Shush, - mother slammed her palm down on the table. - Or have you forgotten the rules of the tea party?
- No open quarrels at the table, - said Liar, who'd been drinking his tea with an absolute poker face up to that point.
You and Seth glared at each other angrily, but you shut up. Pissing off your mother was absolutely unnecessary.

But almost immediately you got a slight nudge in the shoulder. Fourth.
- Ps, so is your fiancée from the blue consulate?
- Well, yeah, - you hummed, not really understanding what Dima needed from you.
- Oh, then you should have introduced me differently, Hatori, - Dmitrij suddenly said and held out his hand to Kairel. - Angelicus Haiyu, let's get acquainted.
- Ahh... That Haiyu? - blue-eyed asked dazedly. - The author of the best study guide to the Dreamer worlds and customs at the moment?
- In person, - fourth grinned widely.
- Oh, Lord DUAUU, you're a legendary shadro, it's an honor to sit at the same table with you, - Mimosa shook Dmitrij's hand and bowed his head.
- Come on, enough with the honors, no one will believe us now anyway, - fourth tried to pretend he wasn't flattered, but it didn't work out so well. - Though sometimes it's quite amusing.
- You've done a tremendous job, - Kairel pointed out. - The other books don't cover half of it. If only other subjects were covered so well...
- Like what? - you could see the sparks of professional interest flicker in your brother's eyes.
- In my opinion, there's still not enough description of our own race and probably the artifacts, if you have the opportunity, - he answered thoughtfully.
- So you have an interest in artifacts after all?

Of course. Seth was bound to get into it.

- Mostly in the principles of how they work, - Mimosa replied without thinking. - And maybe the types, if indeed they exist with different capabilities.
- Perhaps you might be interested in my collection, - Seth said curtly. - I wouldn't refuse the honor of showing it to you.
- And I wouldn't refuse to look at it, if that's the case.

Kairel looked at you. You nodded briefly, like "Do what you want," and said quietly: "If anything will go wrong, call me."
You yourself understood that your brother could drag him anywhere on the first floor without much trouble - the length of the red thread in principle allowed, though the non-reciprocal version of it was much shorter.

- And she's interesting, your fiancée, - Dima remarked as the elder and Mimosa left the room. - I'm even a little jealous, it's sometimes boring to write these scientific talmuds alone, you know that I'm more of a practitioner.
- I'd be glad to lend you his white hands, - you hummed. - Just remember that interest is not always a desire to work.
- Which is also true in its own way, - agreed fourth. - But I'll give it up for a different reason, because you'll be a free appendage.
- Yeah, - you sighed. - I'm sorry, it slipped my mind.
- You only have to survive the day of the Ice Sun, - Dima patted your shoulder encouragingly, unaware of the calluses he had just rubbed in your face. - It's no more than sixty days away, by my calculations.
- Hey, you're lucky it wasn't the beginning of the solar cycle, - Lair interjected. - Why do you look so gray at the mere mention of it?
- You'll laugh, brother, - you said grudgingly.
- Is it worse? - he sipped more tea from his cup and added, - Well, not worse than my ruined project, that's for sure.
- Depends how you look at it, - you shrugged. - According to what I said, I'm now his wall and bulwark for a thousand suns ahead.
- You're really something, - third said, chuckling.
- I told you you'd laugh.
- Just pretend it was meant to be, - attempted fourth, trying not to laugh for company, but it didn't sound like such a good idea.
- It's easy, a thousand suns was better for the rhythm, - you tried to keep your voice down. - The main thing is not to think about it yourself.
- Still writing poetry?
- I just didn't know what an oath was supposed to sound like, - you shrugged, - And I don't write them that often, Liar. Not if I have anyone to write them for.
- Isn't your fiancée worthy? - your mother broke seamlessly into your conversation. - Don't treat her as a burden, Hatori. Even if it's hard for you now, sooner or later you'll have to accept her. So start small.

You felt your throat tighten unpleasantly with something and pulled somewhere sideways.
- I'll take note of your moralizing, mom, but you don't have to physically influence me.
- What are you talking about?
- So this isn't you?
You kept being pulled sideways, insistently, so much so that you were literally sliding off the chair you were sitting in.
- I'll step back.

Your mother nodded, and you hurriedly left the room in the direction someone was pulling you. You thought of the red thread and bingo! - It led exactly where you were going. The corridor where that obscure archway between the closets under the stairs led was long enough, but you were already starting to hear the voice of an older man. What the hell is going on down there?
You decided not to show yourself away prematurely, and walked closer to the wall, as if sneaking around. You didn't like the fact that even as you got closer, the thread was shrinking. Something was definitely wrong with Mimosa, you were willing to bet. The elder's voice was getting louder.

- I've always wondered what would happen to a shadro bound by red thread oath if you hurt the one it's bound to, - you heard Seth's low voice at the end of the hall. - How fortunate that I can test it on my useless brother.
- You wouldn't dare, - Kairel answered him, clearly on the verge of snapping and calling for help already in his voice. - I don't think anyone wants any more inter-consulate problems.
- If I'm right, there won't be a trace on you, - the elder sneered.

You stopped sneaking up against the wall and stepped out into the gap in the corridor, releasing the petals of your sun, ready to punch him in the face if need be. Who was he without other people's artifacts, anyway?
- Do you need a leg trimmed for symmetry so you don't limp?
- You're perceptive, brother.

Seth pressed Mimosa against the wall, and the... You noticed him exhale in relief when he saw you. The red thread that stretched from your neck to his wrist was wrapped around his fist like a spool. So that's how he managed to call you. Witty.

- Didn't expect you to rush over here so fast, though.

Brother let go of Kairel, and he immediately crawled away, then slid down the wall. You sensed that you must have gone unconscious, too.

- Just like I didn't expect you to risk doing sh*t today, - you hummed. - What's da hell, Seth?
- Couldn't help it, - he shrugged. - What's a chance, admit it.
- Scared him, that's enough. Sufficit.
- Or what, Junior?

You sprang into a huff and lunged at Seth, intent on strangling him, if not damaging his spark. You were too late; the cane jammed its ruby point into your chest.

- You'll have to wait a little longer with your murderous tendencies, - he chuckled. - Someday I'll let you fight me as an equal, but not today. And... you've got to wonder why you do it now. You've always been your own man.
- f*ck you.

You walked around him, and you squatted in front of the Mimosa. He was paler than usual, though you'd think how more than he was. You patted him lightly on the cheek.
- Hey. I know you're still alive, don't play dumb.

No reaction.

- So... That's how it works, - Seth said thoughtfully behind your back. - Attachment broke you, Hatori.
- f*ck, be that as it may, I'm going to punch you in the face, - you practically jumped up, but a hand gently rested on your shoulder.
- There's nothing wrong with me, - Kairel whispered. - I was just nervous.
- You don't f*cking go anywhere alone anymore, - you stood up, and then lifted him by the shoulders, - or your mother will rip my head off.
- Oh, you for that, - he sighed. - Don't worry about it. I'm sorry that I'm... I'm in the way.
- Divide by zero, - you put your finger to his lips. - These problems have nothing to do with you.
- I mean, I bring extra, - he pulled your hand away. - I'm not sure that...
- I've had a 'special relationship' with my eldest for a long time, - you snorted and turned around. Seth, though, he was gone by then, and he must have been sitting there grinning like the Mona Lisa. - So don't take it personally. But we can get out of here if it's too much pressure.
- No, no, it's okay...

You just put your arms around him, tucking your face into his shoulder. His cloak smelled of autumn rain that had nailed the summer road dust to the pavement, and also, you think, of hibiscus. Kairel didn't move, but you could feel his confusion; it was as if he didn't know what he had to do. Fine. And you're one step away from breaking here and now.
- No, it's not, - you said in a low voice. - Not here and not in my family in general. Everything that happens here is not okay. If the red thread had been longer, I wouldn't have dragged you here. I'm sorry.
- Then let's go, - he hugs you back kind of hesitantly. - You've got too much on your plate to think about, so you don't want to burden yourself with this tea party.
He sighs and strokes your back.
- If you need me as an excuse to leave, use me, - he continues. - Still, I should really get to know you better.
You raise your head.
- Thank you.

You return to the hall, and you tell your mother that you need to bow out and leave the tea party after all. To your surprise, your mother didn't object, and even walked you into the hallway.
- It'll be hard, but you'll like it, - you heard your mother's voice behind you as you opened the portal home. - They all have their own messes in their heads, but you made a good choice, and you have my blessing.

You pretended not to hear it, and without turning around, you dragged Kairel into the portal with you.
You moved familiarly into the hallway of your apartment. Kairel didn't seem ready for such a spontaneous transition, and now he was trying to catch his breath, leaning his outstretched hand on the wall in front of him. You touched his shoulder, and he instantly shook your hand off and began fiddling with the clasps of his cloak.
- May I help you?
- Don't you dare, - he hissed without any anger in his voice, then, remembering what mechanism he'd created, took off his cloak and left it on one of the hooks.

He walked leisurely up the stairs, and on the second-to-last step he pulled the ribbon out of his hair, turned and said:
- Anyway... Since I'm your fiancée now, we're not done.

You're stuck in the notion of "normality."
You want to seem normal, but you'll always be an outsider toboth the real world and the one you've created for yourself, trying to overcome your fear of being alone.
When you could allow yourself to relax and be yourself for a while, your set of qualities and resulting hobbies became rather mutually exclusive, like the desire to work, ignoring sleep, abruptly replaced by unaccountable procrastination. Now you, the eternal womanizer and lover of one-night relationships standing before the stairs in your own apartment; before the stairs, at the end of which, at the very top, he stands, he, who filled the void in you so that youhave no idea when it happened.
He looks down at you, his long, blue-black hair like waves of the sea on his shoulders. A twinkle flashes in his sapphire-blue eyes.
"We're not finished."

It's like something scratches inside you. The longer you're with him, the more you begin to rememberwho he really is. You know he probably hates you, and this morning was just a mistake of his new memory.He mistook you for someone else, didn't he?
You put your foot on the step, about to walk up to him.
"Wait. Not so fast."

You freeze, unable to understand what he wants. You cross his gaze. Cold blue eyes stare at you point-blank.
"I want to see the real you."

The words put you in a stupor. You don't remember exactly what should be considered real anymore. The idle drunk who devotes himself entirely to cooking and spices and writes poetry in his leisure time, or...
"What's up? I withdraw my permission to return youre hand."

Yeah, the f*cking monster. You feel your right arm disintegrate again, and you machinary disassemble half of your face into matter to reassemble an ancient clawed paw in place of the lost one. It's not a good time to bother rearranging the matter more neatly. The remaining iris swims scarlet.
"Yeah... That's how you showed up today to save me."

He chose your guise as an executioner, and basically someone who killed others for fun. Even if only in this false world. What matters is the very fact of your soulless existence.Or is it just the shards of his old memory that have inadvertently surfaced in his mind, mixing you now with your previous appearance?

You immediately fly up the stairs and stop in front of him, literally face to face, except for the fact that he is taller than you by half a head. His graceful hands pull your scarf off you. Well, you didn't start it this time, and if he wanted a monster, let him have one.

You undo the hook-and-loop fasteners and pull his blouse off; then you pull his scarf off and run your hand through his hair, gathering a few strands into a fist and pulling his head back, then you bite his neck lightly. He twitches, but immediately takes the initiative away from you, running his cold palm down your cheek and kissing you on the lips. And he does it quite well, you like it.He's always liked kissing, at least when he came to you in that time loop.You return the kiss and lead him away: you don't want to crash down the stairs.
He unbuckles the straps on your waistband, and you run your hand under his shirt, running it down his waist and up to his shoulder blades. He takes the hint and pulls his shirt off. You pull him to you and move you both closer to the couch, then roll him over. You've already noticed that he's always a little dizzy and a little blurry after teleports, and it was a shame not to take advantage of that. You hover over him and kiss his collarbone. And a little lower... He wraps his arms around your back, and when you try to get up, he rises with you.
Just as he did this morning, he sits on your lap, fiddling with the buttons of your shirt. In your mind, you note that if he were still lying there now, it would be much easier to get the rest of his clothes off without destroying the fabric. But, as they say, when anything stops you.

You hold him down with your paw, and with your hand you undo the buckle on the belt of his pants, thinking that you were basically lucky that the rest of the straps on him were decorative. Then you undo the button and run your hand along the bottom of his belly, noting how he flinches. If it's so uncomfortable, why did you start?

He pulls away, flailing around, stripping off the rest of his clothes; when he managed to take his shoes off, you didn't notice. Long, dark strands of hair run down his pale, paper-like skin, hurting all of your aesthetic sensibilities.
You, on the other hand, are completely unconcerned and undress the way you're used to - taking your clothes apart on matter.

His skin is soft and cool, and you feel like you could seriously burn him. You run your hand down his side again, deliberately trapping the black markings, and move it sharply down to the valve. He exhales noisily and straddles your back. You push the walls of the valve apart with your fingers, then intercept the tip of the tentacle. He immediately rests his face against your neck.
Anatomy of partials always seemed a little strange to you in this way - a valve unlike anything human, with a delicate slippery tentacle behind it, and a slit where... Oh, God DUAU.
The tentacle wrapped around your co*ck and squeezed gently. You instinctively released the petals of your sun, wrapping them around his thighs. His confused breathing next to your ear made your thoughts fuzzy. You kissed his shoulder. The tentacle pulled your co*ck inside, and blue-eyed pressed against you, so that you could feel his cool body with yours. This pose is quite comfortable, he literally lets you enter him full length. You can feel the tentacle contracting, setting the pace, and he begins to move leisurely, making the process more familiar to you. Your tentacle-petals squeeze his hips, giving you back control; you hold his back with your paw and burrow your hand into his long hair. You still remember all of his sensitive spots, and you willingly take advantage of that, tearing soft moans from his lips. You still remember how he loves: not too gently and not too roughly, but enough to bite his tender neck and meet no resistance. It does bother you a little, though, that he's changed, as ifreminding you of that conversation when he complained that he could hardly interest you, because you only like girls.

Why the hell again.

Notes:

1 - Jonquil in the language of flowers has the meanings "desire," "sympathy," and "let's get back together". Hatori uses the first meaning, wanting to "tease" Kairel and hint that a kiss isn't enough. Kairel, on the other hand, takes the jonquil as the third meaning, which later creates a strange logical chain, mistaking Hatori for a lost love.

Chapter 26: Chapter 24. Remnants -Failure-

Chapter Text

The first thing you remember is that you are not a robot. The second is that you are very important to this man. The third is that the bulb in your belly is the most important thing you have.
You're not a robot, because you don't need power from the electricity or anything else. Except that it's of no use to you. You wander aimlessly around the room, only occasionally leaving it, going into other rooms of the house. You are not allowed out of the house at all.
One man comes in often, as if on a list, quickly, asking the same questions every day. He is obviously worried. Wor-ri-ed? The word is familiar to you, but you no longer remember the feeling. Then he sits down next to you, checks your joints and strokes your head. He always leaves so quickly, and you always hear how heavy his breathing is when the door closes behind him.
He can't let you out because you're not from here. You're not supposed to be here at all, you hear the second man's disgruntled voice. He generally yells a lot about it being crazy and your man suffering from necrophilia. But you still can't do anything about it, you don't remember anything and keep forgetting.
This time your man walks into the room off schedule, like he's sneaking around.
- I'm sorry, I can't handle this anymore, Abby.
He sits down next to you on the couch and, with a sigh, continues:
- I can't keep keeping you locked up here in the mechanism and seeing your still-living sleeping body in our world. I can't go on like this, Lithium. I can't watch you continue to lose your memory and still slowly fade away. I don't know what to do. I have to kill you with my own hands, one way or another, and I can't do that either.
You stare at him incomprehensibly with your unblinking gaze.
- Even if I ask you to be resurrected here, to get your memory back at least here, I will kill the real you!
- Kill, - your mechanical, iron-rimmed voice sounds indifferent and dry. - Kill me for good.
Now he's looking at you as if you've said something awful.
- You shouldn't leave me if I hurt you. I don't want to.
- If that's your wish... - he flinches and then hugs you tightly.
You feel him flick some tumblers on your back, and then he touches his lips to yours as if kissing you.
Your eyes begin to dim, and the liquid in your stomach begins to disintegrate into tiny sparks, disappearing. Soon you stop feeling anything at all, finding peace.

- Vlad, I don't remember where you put...

Sabishii froze, cutting off the question halfway through. What was revealed to his eyes was not to be believed at all. Vlad and Abby, or rather what was left of Abby, were sitting on the couch in his unsightly lair. The robot's unblinking blue eyes were already lighting up the room relatively habitually, and Kajdar...
Sabishii swallowed. How he wished he were in the goddamn robot's place right now! Kajdar kissed her, barely touching the cold gray metal with his lips, and put his arm around her shoulders lightly.

- Screw you, Vlad.

Why a goddamn robot, with her plexiglass belly and fish eyes! Sabishii measured the corridor with quick, wide steps and stepped outside, then leaned back on the door in impotence and slid down onto the concrete steps. "No, you can't cry, you're a big boy, you're over fifty, and big boys don't cry." With trembling fingers, Sabishii pulls a Winston, left in case of nuclear f*ck-up, out of his shirt pocket and lights up. Vlad's going to freak out when he finds him here.
He doesn't keep himself waiting, Sabishii would know that formation move from a thousand. Knocks on the door, he knows the door opens from the inside from himself and is unlikely to yield now due to the presence of the maroon "brick."

- What's wrong?

Sabishii wants to laugh, bitterly and intensely.
- Nothing.
- You wouldn't smoke.

There is a brief pause, and then Kajdar adds:

- I thought I'd cleaned up all that crap in this apartment. Smoking is bad for you, Sabish.
- It's bad for you to go crazy, - he replies caustically, and continues his game of silence, watching the cigarette smolder, spreading out in thin threads of smoke. If squeeze the filter now, crushing the capsule, it will also smell tolerable. But for some reason he don't want to.
- Why don't you go see the consul, you idiot. Revive f*cking Abby, since you're so attached to her, and that's it, love and advice!

Sabishii says this angrily, feeling himself starting to shake like he's getting chills.

- You know what we, and you in particular, are in danger of, - Vlad said with a phlegmatic chuckle behind the door.
- I know you brought her here from the territory of Regret, and I don't care what I get for it if the Curse finds it out. Just for being responsible for you being here and letting you in, - Sabishii snorted. - Do you believe it?
- That's still not the answer. Not anymore. Your 'revival' would just finish her in the real world, one way or another. And I'd go crazy a lot faster if she'd just stay only here.
- That's why it's more fun to masturbat* on a robot, isn't it? You know, Vlad, I wouldn't want to end up like her. Even with a fail-safe you as a gift.
- That's why you're going to end differently.

A stranger appeared beside one of the crooked railings of the makeshift porch, wrapped in a scarf and some rags. A strangely moving bag hung at his side, and his hands were unnaturally black, suggesting their very recent absence. The cigarette falls out of Sabishii's fingers, and he asks perplexedly:

- Who the f*ck are you?
- Never mind, my friend, never mind. All that matters is that you will soon be rid of your burden.

Sabishii was beginning to think that he had seen this shadro before, which made his words somewhat frightening now, and the head of the raiders was already thinking of backtracking. The stranger himself didn't look imposing, rather rather rather shabby and pathetic, but his atmosphere... The atmosphere was terribly creepy. Sabishii got to his feet so he could rush back inside, to his dear mechanophile... But not in time.

- Sabish, what have you got there?

A snap of his nails on the chitin of a button and the bag opened, revealing something he couldn't quite see, so quickly it was plunged into his face.
The response to Kajdar was a scream.

Vlad gave the door a violent shove, causing a blinded Sabishii to lunge forward and collapse directly into the stranger's arms.

- Thank you for making it easy for me. And now goodbye.
- Wait, bitch, we don't give ours to the enemy! - Vlad yelled, rushing forward, but managed to grasp only air - the stranger disappeared, taking Sabishii with him.

Sabishii's head rumbled terribly, and his face seemed to burn with fire. As he began to palpate it, he was horrified to find some growths on it, which came into motion when he tried to open his eyes. The eye, by the way, could not be felt, but touching what was between the outgrowths caused immense pain. His vision was clearly impaired, though Sabishii preferred to put it down to a buzzing head.

- Oh, welcome back to our world, Abel, - said a familiar voice. - I hope I read your name correctly on that slab.
"What the f*ck?" - Sabishii wanted to blurt it out, but he couldn't. His mouth refused to move according to his will.
- Yes, that's right, - they answered for him.
- I hope you like this body, - the stranger said with a chuckle, coming over to help him to his feet. - Take it.

Sabishii felt himself swallow some kind of medicine... And then darkness fell.

Chapter 27: Chapter 25. Actress -Goldfinch-

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

You stood smoking, blowing the smoke out the windowpane that had been carefully made especially for you. The owner of the room, however, never cared for smoke, and now he was keeping you company through a bad habit, never getting out of bed, spreading his long legs in his stockinged boots in a starlike manner, reminding you of a relatively pleasant start to the morning, except for the fact that you still have no idea how much longer you're going to keep Nika in the dark, and how much more f*cked up you feel about the fact that you're not gay, but you woke up in a southerner's room again, and... sh*t, it's better not to think at all.

You met him a long time ago.
Before college, it seems. Or was it after? Doesn't really matter. You and the guys were just starting your cover band in Kenny's garage. You didn't remember exactly where you picked him up, but his almost unbroken voice played a cruel joke on you: you all thought your quintet finally had a female lead singer, and Fanservice could take a break and concentrate more on instrumentals and backing tracks. The southerner jokingly introduced himself as Akulina, and, coupled with the fact that he graduated from some culinary college and the folk wisdom about Akulina who baking pies, acquired the nickname Bun.
Except that you definitely shouldn't have picked it up.

The southerner always took care of himself. And even taking your treatment of him as a lingering joke, he could keep it all straight. You still remembered that turquoise dress he made for your first concert in some bar. And the two melons that you found ironic about Akulina being a plank. Bun fit in beautifully with your group, being a shy yuppie and ironically occasionally bringing her baked goods to the garage. More than once you offered to walk her home, but every time she would guffaw. Until that day when, after the concert, you pinned her against the wall and kissed her.
"Are you dummy or what?" - those words, coupled with the fact that he put your hand on his neck, after which you felt the barely noticeable Adam's apple under your thumb, acted like smelling salts. The actress stopped playing alone with you, and it was as if a black cat ran between you.
The guys did not understand, or pretended not to understand, what was going on between you and Bun. You were sprinkled with taunts and f*ck-ups on a daily basis, and sometimes he preferred not to come at all. Eventually Fanservice stood up and made you apologize to Bun, and even though you didn't feel the apology was accepted, at least the southerner went back to rehearsal.
On that goddamn day, you once again snapped at him. Snapped and lost control.

You didn't know what it had cost Sabishii to revive six men, because you'd never encountered the Consul yourself. You didn't think much of it, though, just that you were glad you had another chance to keep your company together, even if you'd been reborn strangely, with black spots on your bodies. Sabishii, as your former guide, explained that it would stay that way, since those body parts in you were damaged. Only Bun was damn lucky. Not a single injury, just the black markings on his velvet sandy skin appeared almost immediately, and... Horns. He got horns the very first of you all.
You got horns later, when you started picking up girls for one night stands.

And, actually, about the girls. You spent your time away from the raids in various ways, and you, for example, didn't mind exploring the local clubs, thanks to the fact that there was plenty of them. The girls, however, they had the same variety: from quite human to some kind of monsters, with horns, tails, wings, and creepy metamorphosis of faces. You used to pick the more human ones, at least in the face.
And one stupid night you crossed paths again: you bumped into him at a disco, and in the bad lighting you did not recognize him, only glimpsing that the girl you met looked like your old acquaintance. The desire to experience again the feeling that was so absurdly cut short by the southerner after that concert made you do your best to drag the "new acquaintance" to the nearest motel.
She was wearing high stocking boots, mini shorts, and a turquoise dress with a wide belt and a slit on her skirt, and you wanted to undress her and didn't want to do it at the same time; you rolled her onto the bed, kissing her tender neck and pulling up her skirt with your hand... At that moment it was the best time in your life, except for the fact that the girl had a tentacle and for a moment you thought that now you would be f*cked and not vice versa. You woke up in the same motel, with the distinct realization that you hadn't imagined it last night at all. Especially when the southerner was asleep next to you, curled up with his head on your stomach.

He was going to leave the unit to make sure he didn't cross paths with you again. You told him not to fool around, and that night you decided to pretend it never happened. He still pissed you off so much that you never went into his feelings. And then he offered you a relationship without commitment or flaunting it. And here you are again in the room of your personal actress, once again playing the girl for you.

- Why don't you tell her you're taken already? - southerner exhaled another ring of menthol smoke and took another drag on his cigarette.
- You proposed without obligation, - you answered nonchalantly, looking out the window. - So I'm taken by her, after all.
- She's a dreamer, - he stretched out. - It's not right, you know.

The scarlet sun slowly rose outside the window, illuminating the spire of the TV tower, the pillars of the high-rises, and the squalid boxes of the slums. Gradually the flickering old neon signs turned off; bums were dug out from under piles of garbage. The usual pattern.

- It's not right that I take masoch*stic pleasure in a relationship with you, - you snapped and turned toward Bun.
- Yeah, if you didn't like it, you certainly wouldn't have come.

He recovered slowly, wiping the makeup off his face, transforming his chest with making it flat again, destroying the marks you'd left behind the night before. A thin menthol cigarette smoldered in the fingers of a hand dangling from the edge of the bed.

- This relationship only holds on to the fact that you're partial.
- Hey, - southerner retorted grudgingly, lifting himself up. - I keep up this awkward cross-dressing sitcom that I'm no longer comfortable with myself. You know, go back to your sweetheart Kirano with such statements, Mr. "one time not a fa*ggot".
- If it's so uncomfortable for you, then why do you keep up this agony? - you extinguished your cigarette butt on the ashtray on the small window sill and stepped away from the window, heading toward the disgruntled man.
- Okay, then let's both admit that you're always more affectionate with your ward, and you come to me for your sick fantasies, and I... I like that.
- So let's just keep f*cking with each other without you whining about my rels with Nika, - you hover over Bun, looking into his turquoise eyes, which are stayed like that because of the lenses he used to wear before his death.
- Then just get the f*ck out now, - he replied in a half tone. - Go away. I told you to f*ck off and go to your Kirano, I'll be fine. Is this first time?
- You're still bluffing, - you snorted.

The southerner silently pointed to the door, and you just as silently got ready and walked out, practically bumping into your ward right on the stairs. Good thing Bun's room was well soundproofed.

- What are you doing here, Maynajo? - you don't like that intonation of hers very much. - I searched your whole bungalow!
- Destroying the xtonic monsters that crawled out of Maore's closet, - you lied honestly.
- If you don't get your ass out of here now, I'm sure I'll summon Cthulhu and demand some dreamer's sacrifices, - Bun hissed, peeking briefly out the door.

You felt extremely uncomfortable and, before Nika could ask anything else, you picked her up in your arms and went downstairs, leaving Maore in his proud solitude. Nika was extremely pleasant to the touch, you liked to carry her in your arms, good thing she usually didn't mind at all. She always liked attention, and she clung to you like a drowning man to a straw, forcing you to give all your free time to her when she was in Shado. Sometimes it seemed to you that in her home world she missed the attention so damn much. And you used to feel sorry for her.
It didn't weigh on you, only the idea that she was a Dreamer and who knows what that would lead to in the end. So far, you've been comfortable. Especially now, you just needed a comfort zone that no one here could give you but her. Especially now - because you needed at least a little time to not think about the leadership and the burden of responsibility for your team that had suddenly fallen on you. About a week ago, Kajdar simply told you that Sabishii had disappeared, and you would have to take command of the squad for a while while he looked for him. You weren't f*cking prepared for that turn of events.
Turning your attention to your ward and temporarily withdrawing from the problem helped a little and kept your sanity healthy. So today you were going to hang out with Nika, maybe even away from the bungalow so you wouldn't have to think about anything at all.
Your plans, however, were thwarted by a knock on the door.

You pulled into your room and left Nika on the bed, asking her to wait for you here. She expressed her disgruntled but assent, and you went back to the front door. You not without apprehension opened it and stared at the uninvited guest. A visitor.
On the threshold stood a petite blonde in a shabby jeans jacket with patches, a green T-shirt, frayed jeans, and sneakers on a high platform. The platform did little to compensate for her height - the difference between you was about thirty centimeters. She looked at her fingernails, as if she was smoothing them with a nail file five seconds ago, and then turned her gaze to you.

- According to my information, one of the raider squads lives here, - she said indifferently. - I want to offer you some help. Blueprints, materia, perhaps my own participation in the detachment.
- We don't need the Consul's handouts, - you answered glumly, also mentally wondering how she even knew about your bungalow. It all seemed suspicious to you.
You tried to slam the door, but she deftly put her foot in the doorway before you could do so.
- Still, why don't we talk and discuss the pros and cons of cooperation more thoroughly?

So, you did move into the hall, and now you stood there looking skeptically at the girl.
- Frankly - that's right, I've been sent to join your squad, - she said in the same calm and monotone voice. - My name is Maria.
- We don't need the Consul's handouts, you know, I've told you before, - you answered her coldly. - We have our own suppliers of weapons, we trust them, and we do not want to be dependent on the authorities.
- I wasn't sent by the Curse, - she snorted. - Consider my arrival a gesture of friendship or goodwill for all intents and purposes.
- Maeinnajooooo, who the hell is that woman? - there was a high-pitched shriek, and a purple lightning bolt exploded past you, swooping down to attack the newcomer.

Here you can say that Maria's reaction was excellent - she held the girl who attacked her at arm's length, and the latter, resting her forehead in the blonde's palm, could not even reach her. It looked comical and silly.

- It looks like your ward girl doesn't like this new addition to the squad, - Maore chuckled, covering his mouth with his hand as he crawled out of his room, sitting on the chest of drawers with guns and watching this useless bickering for about ten minutes now.
- I'll gonna hit you, - you snapped. - She has a name.
- Still, would you mind calming your Nika down? - there was a sigh from across the couch. - She makes so much fuss and noise, and people here are actually trying to sleep.
- Ein moment, Kajdar.
- That's fine, don't forget that you have a base on Sabishii's apartments, and this place is in my charge while I'm out searching for him.
- An elite squad of hunters living like bums? - Maria raised an eyebrow.
- I certainly like her humor, - Maore pointed out. - Well May, let's take her, what's in it for you, we've already lost two in the last seven days.
- If she survives the mission, I'll consider it, - you hummed. - She doesn't look trustworthy to me. The whole thing looks too suspicious.
- Maynajo, kitty cat, tell me who she is and maybe I won't drag you by the horns, - hissed Nika, glaring angrily at the blonde.

You, the brave head of the squad, flinched. The threat she made seemed quite serious.

- Not the horns, I beg of you, - you said, trying to remain calm.

Even if your comrades have been making cruel jokes about the fact that Nika thinks she's your girlfriend, they'd better keep making them. No one was supposed to know the truth of your relationship, because to an underling, a shadromancer was supposed to become a mentor, a friend, a brother, or anything else! You couldn't just love and get very attached. You knew very well how all this could end, Sabishii seems to have burned that way - no one in the squad knew where one of the best had disappeared to, and Kajdar was silent, preferring to avoid the subject altogether.

- Well?
- This is our new trainee, Nika, - you answered her. - Maria will try to stand in for Sabishii's replacement while Kajdar is busy looking. And besides, you have nothing to worry about - blondes aren't my type.
- I've got my eye on you, - the girl confirmed her words with a gesture and proudly retreated to the other room.
- T r a i n e e, - Maria spelled it out. - I have one foot in the squad?
- Thank the southerner. His casualty argument was convincing.
- Wow, you even didn't tell me to shut up with my ideas! Wow! - Maore exclaimed feignedly, then didn't have time to dodge the well-aimed improvised projectile in the form of a flask. It landed on his head, knocking him off balance and plummeting him to the floor.
- Headshot, - you heard from across the couch.
- I see, - Maore sighed, getting up and shaking himself off. It wasn't worth pissing an Engineer off sometimes, especially if he'd spent several visits in a row searching, and was so tired that he decided to just sleep through this one.

You couldn't understand that, though, because dreamers came to Shado while they were sleeping in their home world. And sleeping while asleep, well... Why?

Then Maore's attention shifted back to the newcomer. Perhaps the blonde had succeeded in the almost unbelievable task of peeling Maore's interests away from you, and turning them on herself. At any rate, at least one problem off your shoulders - after he let you know this morning that it was over between you two again, you wondered if he was going to throw another tantrum with his departure from the squad.

- Maria... Would you like me to show you our base? Or maybe we could walk around and look for ghouls so that this pompous moron can get you into the squad faster?
- The second idea makes more sense, but you'll have to answer for the moron, Mr. "I like to freeze in the middle of a fight," - you answered for the newcomer as you went over to the chest of drawers and started rummaging through one of the drawers. - By the way, have you seen my spice freshener?
- It's in the third drawer downstairs. It's heavy; I wouldn't risk putting it higher, - southerner snigg*red. - I hope you didn't hide my sloppy rage in retaliation.
- I didn't think so, though I think I will next time. Catch, by the way.
- f*ck, if the engie only saw you throw it, huh, - Maore whispered, catching his blaster. - He'd have blown half the room if he'd fallen badly.
- What is 'spice freshener'? - Maria tilted her head sideways.
- That's my pretty thing, - you said, pulling out a big two-handed sword from the hutch.
- I can say he compensates something with it, - chuckled Maore.
- Why 'spice freshener'?
- Because using it against the ghouls makes the space fresh and pleasant to live in, - you smiled. - Come, I saw a suspicious place the other day.
- The three of us? Shouldn't we at least wait for Yan and Kenko?
- It's a small place, Maore, don't panic.

It didn't take long to get here, because after Sabishii's disappearance, ghouls started crawling in your impromptu smoking room with enviable frequency - you hadn't been here for the first time this week. The prospect of living in a powder keg was not pleasant at all, and now southerner probably understood why it was urgent. There weren't many ghouls, but it was the presence of them that mattered. Maria, thin and graceful, fought with edged weapons, cutting through the ghoul's materia with little assassin knives. Maore, being a ranger, was able to watch from the sidelines as she twirled in this deadly dance. And then...
One of those very knives whizzed right by his ear, catching a few strands of hair and slicing them off. It made southerner turn around, and freeze in horror: The black shadow of a ghoul loomed over him.
Always, always, whenever Maore saw a danger near him, he was struck by a silent terror that made him freeze. Ghouls were always like snakes, hypnotizing him. He couldn't remember when Maria had managed to destroy that ghoul, and then bring him out of his stupor by patting his cheeks. His reflexes worked themselves out and he kissed her.

- Maore. Maore.

Southerner didn't hear you call his name, being too engrossed.

- Slowpoke!
- Аh?
- No joke, Maore. Get away from her.
- Why?
- She doesn't look like a normal shadromancer. She doesn't even look like a dreamer.
- So what?
- Why didn't I realize before... Maria, where's your spark?

The blonde hovered for a moment, and then passed out of southerner's arms.

Ortvik lay reclining in the back of his chair in his office, unresponsive to anything. His face was slowly returning to its former appearance... Controlling the warlock doll was a bit of a challenge when you were not used to it.
Why so unlucky, why so not according to plan! Just a little and he would have successfully infiltrated the raiders team to get the latest news from them as well and... Fail. A fairy tale failure. Heiden felt his face, and sat up, leaning his elbows on the table. One could only hope that the foolish Southerner would defend the doll's presence in the squad now. We should check in a couple of hours. The doll's automatism would only be enough for now for battles and something trivial like talking about the weather.
Only now did the gray cardinal notice the office door shaking frantically and hear the disgruntled cries of the consul behind it.

- Ortvick! I know you are there! Where the devil have you been?
- Asleep, I repent, my lady.

Onica's Curse needs information - and Heiden will get it. It's only a matter of time. And by what means, the consul doesn't need to know.

Maore sat at his desk, staring blankly ahead of him, pretending to be reading. In reality, southerner was sincerely trying to do his best not to turn around. Behind him, on his own bed, lay a girl who looked more like a corpse.
Maynajo was angry when it was discovered that Maria was not a shadromancer, or even not a dreamer. Maria turned out to be a warlock doll, which meant that someone had already found out about them beyond the norm. At the very least, they've found the bungalow and seen the weapons and how they work. But since the warlock had disconnected from her for the moment, the doll was inactive and left under Maore's control.
That was what kept southerner uneasy. Maria was the first creature that had appealed to him since his crush on May, and now he had no idea what to do. Maybe find the warlock and ask the consul... No, not an option. If you ask anything of the Consul, then your own pals would make a mess of it.
Although finding the warlock seemed like a good idea. At least we could find out who was doing it and why.

- What are you reading?

The blonde's sudden question made Maore jump in his chair.

- It's funny how I was even able to connect to 10A again after Red detected something wrong, - she said without waiting for an answer. - Or should I thank you for intervening?
- How do you know, - southerner said in a low voice.
- I don't know, - the doll chuckled. - At the very least, I didn't expect a turn of events like the one that happened a few moments before I blacked out from 10A. Had I known, I would have passed out a little earlier. It's not in my position to grow horns and get addicted.
- Your position?
- Now you're wondering who I am. I understand. But understand me, too - this project was in my personal interest, and therefore secret. For now, everything I've learned stays with me, and yes, I would really like to help. Due to certain circ*mstances, I can't leave the house for too long, so I'm looking for options.
- For now... Options... If you were sincere, you wouldn't be hiding behind the mask of this lovely creature!
- Funny, of course, that you never laid a finger on that creature while I was disconnected. I appreciate that kind of morality.
- Don't you dodge me!

Southerner turned and met the doll's cold, emotionless gaze.

- You won't give up now, will you? Yes, you won't. Tell your people you're going to find a man who knows about warlock dolls and will try to rewire the 10A for you. Go downtown, closer to the TV tower... Hmm. Motel... sh*t, can't remember the name, it's across from the tower, a star and a half away. Which everyone thinks something along the lines of "how it hasn't been recycled yet." I'll expect you there in about two hours, just in time to get an excuse to leave the house. You won't have much time, so don't be late. When you get to the motel, close your eyes and don't open them until I find you. Use your spark vision so you don't bump into anyone else if you do.

- T-that easy?
- Well, let's just say you saved one of my last projects and I'm a little grateful. Although I wouldn't say it's going to be really easy. You might not be believed, so be careful. Now it's time for me to disconnect again. Too bad the autoprogram on 10A wasn't perfect yet and didn't even turn on. See you later.

Maria passed out again, collapsing on the bed. Maore shivered. He had to lie to May carefully. How, he had no idea.
Southerner cautiously left the room, closed the door behind him, sighed, and started down the stairs, counting the steps to calm his nerves.
He ran into the head of the squad just before he left the stairs.

- Is the doll still there? - he asked him glumly.
- Yes, - Maore answered automatically. - There was no sign of the warlock's new connection to her.
- He's afraid, - said the red-haired man. - Where are you going?
- I'm going to Kassij... Maybe he knows someone who knows about warlock dolls, and we can shake Maria out of her program.
- It's a stupid idea, Maore.
- I want to try, Maynajo! It's not like anyone's disputing Nika's presence in the bungalow...
- Don't mix up the dreamers and the spies, - Mya clutched at southerner's shirt, lifting him slightly off the floor. - They're completely different things. Dolls can't be trusted. Might as well get yourself pet bit-thing-beast! You never know when it might bite you!
- Don't be angry! - he blurted out the unhappy man, then hastily added: - Please...
- All right, - the red-haired man unclenched his thumbs so that Maore's legs bucked on the floor. - It's your fault, you'll have to make it up to you.
- Thank you for your permission, - he grumbled nervously, and strode quickly toward the exit.

Now all he could hope for was that he wouldn't hurt Maria. Or else... 10А? Why 10A? He would have to ask...

Maore ran through the slums toward the center, occasionally looking upward for the TV tower to stay on course. It had been a long time since he'd been here, since he'd hardly left the bungalow outside of raids on ghouls lately. The center was too much, and the center was frightening.
How long he'd been standing by the TV tower, southerner couldn't remember. Only remembered why he had never used his spark vision - for a "revived" absolutely black world with only flickering lights faintly illuminating strangers personal materia looked even scarier than just the metropolis with its huge cluster of people.
He was taken by the hand and a quiet husky voice said:
- Come. Keep your eyes closed.

Except that no matter how hard Maore tried, he could not see the stranger's spark. He had to obey blindly for now... They entered the building, and then he was left at the entrance. The dialect, a broken version of which the stranger spoke to someone here, was unfamiliar to southerner, and even with difficulty remembering some of the languages of his former world, he could not recall anything like it.
- Mari mono.

Then he was led into a room of some kind, and he opened his eyes immediately, mechanically.

- Don't turn around, - the stranger said, as if anticipating the action. - Question one...
- You sent a doll again, - Maore interrupted him. - That is not fair.
- Not your question, - he chuckled grudgingly. - I do not have much time for unnecessary things. And no, I didn't send the doll. It's just that you're probably not used to seeing a shadromancer of my rank.
- You don't have the spark.
- Bless you DUAUO, why are you pestering my heart! Question one! Tell me, what did you expect to see when you came here?
- I... Maria's warlock, I guess.
- Tz. How right do you think Red was in his claims that the 10A is connected to the authorities?
- You said this project was personal to you. 50/50?

The stranger laughed.
- More. Turn on your spark vision.

And the southerner closed his eyes again. Now he could see the spark behind him, as if it had previously been surrounded by many layers of materia... A gray spark. A gray spark. No one in Cog uses gray except...

- A gray cardinal?!
- That's right. Is it scary?
- Maynajo will kill me.
- And that's scarier? It's funny, - he stepped closer to southerner, and said, almost next to his ear: - How old were you when you died, Maore?
- I don't remember, - he murmured, shuddering. - About twenty-something.
- And I was forty... Eight, I think. And that was too much. I saw a lot of sh*t in that life, believe me. Being born into a dying world, where people are cut each other's throats for information and resources, even though the population of the planet isn't more than a thousand heads - suspicious pleasure. I was killed in my sleep for knowing many schemes for nearly extinct weapons and not sharing them. I've met irdish¹here since I was reborn. Watched them and the crumbling of that world. The last of the irdish works here. He was left here by me, so that I would not forget the dialect and who I am. As long as I pay him well, though, he won't even try to kill me, huh.

There was silence in the room.

- Now... You know who I am, and I only have one question. Will you cooperate with me? Yes or no?
- No... - whispered Maore. - I do not want to be a traitor.
- Well, it's up to you. There are still five minutes left, perhaps you have some questions?
- Why did you have to do that?
- I still remember the schemes, and I can't realize them. I need tests. But for tests on a relatively peaceful, but population, the Mistress will depose me.
- That's not all, is it?
- I don't count the incidental purposes of getting information about what's going on in the slums and the borderlands.
- Who gave up our location?
- Kassij, for me leaving him and Jane alone. Though I still lied at the time. I will still continue to help Jane financially, because when you were on the verge of connecting yourself with someone via red thread oath, all promises become something more.
- What will happen to Maria?
- It's up to you, - cardinal hummed. - Surrender me to your friends and she's dead completely, and that would be another foolish waste of matter for me. If you cooperate, I'll find a way to come personally and fine-tune her just for you...
- Why do you make such conditions?!

Southerner turned and faced him.

Notes:

1 - irdish, people from imagined planet called IrDa, Heiden's birth world in remaster. Yes, actually a refence to IrDA connection since Heiden's being a gjinka of Siemens C75.

Chapter 28: Chapter 26. Disclosure -Knyaz'-

Chapter Text

You miss a hard punch to the body, fly away, and, hitting the wall, crawl down quietly, whispering, "Alter, Alter, Alter, I'll be good, Alter, Alter, just give me a chance."
He squats down in front of you, a little inaccurate, and says, intensely: "you can't be."
He wraps your hair around his fist and yanks it up sharply. It hurts, it hurts, it hurts until you are snotty, but your stomach is already not feeling good, it is tugs so badly good that your legs bend at the knees. You reach out on your own, pulling your arms toward him, wanting to wrap your arms around that broad, strong back, but you got only a hit on them, and then you collapse into his legs as a shapeless sack, just as soon as he unclenched his fingers and let go of your hair. You try to pull yourself off the floor a little, to fix the cloak that's slipped from your shoulders, but it's a disaster, and you barely hear yourself whimper in frustration. He doesn't like it when you whine, and if you start, he'll make sure you continue at the top of your voice, tearing it down. You lift your head, meet his gaze. He won't kiss you.
You'd give a lot for just one kiss, wet and nasty, ending with him sure to bite your lower lip, hitting the old wound and reopening it to lick off another drop of your tasteless crimson blood.
You'd give a lot for his caress, because you know how he knows how to explore your body inch by inch, stroking your birthmarks and leaving his dark hickey marks, making you lose your head and ask quietly for more each time.
But now he's off again, and everything you get tonight will be mixed with pain, that sweet pain you've already learned to accept and love.
Pulling you back again, you fall on your back, and before you can even try to get up, he intercepts your arms and presses them to the floor above your head. Your breathing quickens as he leans over you, scorching you like a blast furnace. He runs his nose down your neck like he's trying on you, and then he bites you, hitting one of your birthmarks and making you cry out.
You hate your body for these birthmarks that intricately decorate it and mark every sensitive spot. He knows it, and he takes advantage of it willingly.
The petals of his sun creep under your clothes, pulling up your T-shirt and sliding over your pale, paper-like skin; unbuckling the buckle of your pants and sliding down below. There's a pleasant tugging in your belly; you're ready to accept your fate completely and spread your legs yourself.
You exhale convulsively when one of the tentacles touches your cherished flap, pressing and penetrating. Yours instinctively entwines with it, gripping it tightly. He smirks unkindly, and you realize that your instincts are too rushed, apparently thwarting his plans. Other tentacles begin to encircle your thighs, squeezing your buttocks a little, and what was inside you leaves your withins and slides between your legs. You shudder. This is going to hurt.
He pulls off all the clothes that are bothering you underneath, lingering on your feet, tricking you into relaxing...
He enters you sharply, incomparable to the soft tentacles, you sob and get a savory slap. He smacks you hard, and his handprint on your cheek quickly turns pink. One of the tentacles penetrates you from behind, and you twitch and get a few shallow scratches on your thigh, and then you think about how if he'd held your wrists with a healthy hand instead of a projection, you'd be much worse off.
He begins to move inside you, and you straddle his co*ck with your tentacle, beginning to set the pace you like. You're already so used to it that you're doing it almost on autopilot, but a muffled growl lets you know that your desires are dust today.
"Alter, change anger for mercy," you whisper, "Alter..."
You have long forgotten what your fault is, but the battered dog's attitude of life now seemed the only right one.
He loves your helplessness, after all.
He throws your legs around his waist and sits down, settling you on top of him and letting go of your wrists. You instantly cling to his back like a drowning man to a straw, your whole body pressed against his broad chest. You're allowed to bend your knees and drop them to the floor, gaining a foothold.
The tentacle that entered you from behind begins to move, making you arch. Another pair of tentacles, still on your thighs, lifts you slightly, and then jerks you down sharply, and you cry out in pain again. But it also implied that the mercy is done for the day, and you are free to move on your own. Strong hands hold your back and you begin, gradually increasing your pace and sobbing from the pain in your ass.
He bites your neck again, and his fingers trace your sides under your T-shirt, reaching higher and stopping at the birthmarks.
You curl into his arms, flexible and supple, and when he touches your horns, you almost pass out from the feeling that overwhelms you.
"What do you want now, Kairel?" - he asks as your gazes cross again. It's as if you're under hypnosis, staring into his cherry-ripe eyes, and you're completely lost.
"Kiss me, - you whisper. - Please..."
"You want a lot as for a whor*, - he replies, slashing at your ego. - Roll over."
"Why does every slip I make end up like this," - you whimper, and he tosses you to the floor again, poking you in the ribs, forcing you to obey.
You feel even more humiliated standing on your knees.
He pulls your shirt up higher and runs his finger down your spine, as if counting each of your vertebrae.
"I should bring a rope next time, - you hear his voice. - Remember then... You looked really tasty."
You have the irresistible urge to kick him before he comes up with another torture, but you can't do it - he gently intercepts your leg...

You think too much about what Curse meant when she said it could have been worse. Time after time you ask yourself if you really want to know. Time after time you become more and more convinced that you are lost and really want Alter even in the guise of a monster, even knowing that you will be hurt. Anything to feel your energy woven together again, to feel him in you and him as yourself.
Another night when you wake up in his apartment in Cog, on the couch he's always too lazy to take apart. You snuggle against his warm, unlike yourself, side, half-asleep feeling his nose buried in your hair and kissing you lightly on the forehead. You don't know if he's doing this because he has to, or because he really loves you already, but you don't care as long as he's here beside you. And it's not the first day you feel like you've been going at it for quite some time.

In particular, yesterday, when Alter f*cked you right in the kitchen, starting with deep, sensual kisses when you sat on one of the kitchen counters, you felt deja vu. It absolutely didn't feel like it had happened before. Because it really was. Except the kitchen was different, and you had less time. You told him something important, but what? Oh, if you could remember that, or at least what happens in that other world, where your chessboard throws you. You've experimented with it more than once, but you've never been able to remember what happened when you were there.

But you did manage to figure out how to go into that strange room where you last saw Isaak, on your own accord. Except now it was missing that orange crescent moon, and there were some frames hanging in the air with a bunch of screens in them. You'd come here a couple of times before, but you just watched, never daring to interact with them. Now, while Alter was still asleep, you dared to go into the room again and approach the damn frames. To your genuine surprise, the frame, neatly sorted into milestones and worlds, contained your own memory.
You were unpleasantly surprised to find that what you used to think of as your dreams were actually happening and were nothing more than a memory from that world behind the chessboard. You were f*cking there, every f*cking time he took you as if he wanted to f*ck the soul out of you, as if his life depended on the process at all, and he needed it. Time after time, he would pull all your innermost desires and weaknesses out of you. He was crippling you, and you loved it. You loved to be skillfully tied up. You loved being spanked and bitten. You loved it, loved it, loved it. You loved being helpless in his black claws, because somehow it helped you relax. What the f*ck. Damn, God, Kairel, you're sick, you're just sick in the head.

And then you get to the frame with the memories of what came before all this. About how everything you were already used to perceiving as real reality was a lie constructed by the Stranger. Oh yes, Alter lied to you about not having a third name. Or was the way he introduced himself to you the first time you met him, and the way you were used to calling him then, not a name for him? You watched those screens one by one, and somehow it hurt you. Why did he interfere in yours and Avier's difficulties? Why did he bother about you? Why he exchanged energy with you when he didn't have enough for himself. You reached out to him, you betrayed Demiurg, you helped him stay alive. And he left you alone as soon as he built a new world.
Come on, admit to yourself that you were with Isaak only because he reminded you of him.

You almost lost sight of the little screen that showed one of your last conversations with Avier. Yes, the one next to Kassij's corpse. When demiurg had braided a few more twists into your back pattern that went to your shoulder, and told you that now you won't afraid of anything else, not even if he died. You dismissed it habitually at first, but still asked him where he got that idea. And he said that he didn't want to see you die. You thought that was strange at the time, and you thought it was probably the death of Koetree that had affected him, but now you thought about it. What could those two curls hold for you if, as demiurg had said, they could guarantee your survival even in the event of his death?

You tried to return to the form that was familiar to you at that time, and after you succeeded, you brushed the cloak fabric off your shoulder and examined the black pattern on your skin. Nothing out of the ordinary, it seemed. Except that when you got back into that smoky garment, you felt a little different. It was as if there was nothing else in the world what might interrupt you, because you were the only law in it. And coupled with the fact that Stranger wasn't able to bring Gerda into the new world as a person, you understood everything. Well, you're sure Stranger hasn't yet, judging by his behavior and attitude toward you. So perhaps you should play by his rules for now, because he hasn't deceived you about one thing after all. You asked him to show you love, and he did it in full, even if it took so long. Now you know the damned feeling. You will say your part of the red thread oath.
The main thing now is not to give him a reason to interfere with your memory. Anyway, so far he still suits you better than aElm in any of his incarnations. And you catch yourself thinking that you even feel a little sorry for him. You've already noticed his weariness.

When you walked out of that room and pretended to have just woken up, Stranger wasn't there, and the rays of the scarlet sun were beginning to break through the window. If you took into account the sounds of talentless singing coming from the kitchen, you could assume that he was probably cooking something. For a moment you thought you would have figured out sooner or later that Alter was the Stranger, at least because of his peculiar singing. He always missed the key, but nonchalantly pretended that he had to, and in fact he sort of reads rather than sings. That thought made you smile.
You certainly liked mornings like this when it was Stranger here in Shado, not Avier. With Stranger, you felt quite ordinary, like a character in some lady novels in paper back. A perfectly calm morning, rising at about eleven, a simple breakfast (perhaps even with delivery to bed), then a leisurely tidying up after a nap, and thing which was called a walk, when Stranger would leave you at a cafe and go on a conditional patrol to do his executioner's job. At the cafe, you usually took a notebook with you, out of boredom, to make a few sketches while you waited for him to return. He didn't usually run for long, though, or so you thought. In the places of Cog which you visited twice, you were unironically nicknamed the forerunner, but no one dared to harm you, probably aware that the executioner of Cog was exceptionally close. Sometimes, though, the string of oaths wasn't long enough for a full patrol, and you had to accompany Stranger, noting with interest the fact that he didn't like putting you in danger. As he administered his dubious justice, you watched him with fear and admiration, finding the whole process, from the chase to the disassembly of the materia into shekels, extremely fascinating. Afterwards you would usually return home, sometimes stopping at one of the roadside shops where he would occasionally buy you trinkets. In other words, it was a routine that had become comfortable for you.

And about Avier, you had big questions for yourself at all about why, exactly, you revived him. For what?

You ran up the steps as fast as you could with that heavy burden in your arms. Alter tried to talk you into teleporting, but even if you'd tried it against your principles, to pull that stunt with a dreamer in your arms would have been a questionable idea. Victor rested in your arms, almost out of breath, and particles of materia flew in and out of his right hand, sometimes extinguishing in small sparks in the darkness of the night. You let your sister down, didn't keep track of her ward, and when you rushed to look and check everything, only at the end to fearfully visit the last place you wanted to find him, you were too late.
You flew into the consul's office and collapsed to your knees.
- Hannah... Regret gracious, help me!

The consul had been quietly drinking his tea and reading something before your unexpected visit and you could see that you had taken him by surprise when he looked at you dazedly, now and then at the tea spilled on the table.
He gently pushed the book away from the puddle and got up from the table.
- What have you got there... Again?

You realized that even though Hannah's Regret is practically your godfather, you've already become a headache for him during this solar cycle.
- You can revive, can't you?

Avier, who you no longer doubted was the one, appeared in Shado as your sister's ward dreamer, and was so arrogant as to call you family that it began to annoy you. On top of that, he was acting like a fool. You didn't want to be his "beloved brother" at all. So you weren't happy when Ellen had to leave him in your care for the day. You would have been glad to get rid of him, and, as if reading your mind, the damned Avier escaped to the cemetery and was attacked almost to death by a ghoul, at any rate, you found him already without his left arm. And, without thinking twice, you ran to the consul, so you wouldn't have to listen to your sister's lamentations.
And then Avier asked you to keep his body in MiRAI, which caused Stranger to sometimes leave Shado and go out into that world, into that body instead of him, because you couldn't just kick Avier back for good.
Yes, that's when you started experimenting with your chessboard again.
Yeah, that's when you were in MiRAI.
Were you worried about Stranger?
Yes.

And you hated having to stay with Avier here in Shado.
Sometimes it was fine when he wasn't doing much. And other times he'd gitch terribly, what put you in a state of animal fear. The first time it happened, you were terribly lucky that Stranger came back in time.
You still remember how Avier's body began to turn black, starting with the palm beneath his glove, and showing an ominous halo of distortion that was like an unlit gas burner. The scratches and scars that littered his wrists began to appear lighter, almost white, against this gloom. You couldn't call out for Stranger, because you were still having trouble of remembering when you moved to MiRAI, so you just froze, froze in place. You was so scared for some reason that you wanted to run away or curl up in a ball under a heavy blanket. It was doubly frightening that for that moment everything in Shado seemed to disappear, leaving you and Avier on the black plateau, as if Shado had never existed, but there were only empty wild lands and white threads in the dome of the dark gray sky, with uneven stitches. Stranger was back then more than ever; he silently yanked a dull, black, like any other materia unit, core spark out of Avier, waited until those horrible, body-breaking transformations had stopped, and then put everything back the way it was.
All in all, you were just scared till death to be alone with Avier now.

You got up, put your hair in a ponytail, and adjusted your pajama sweatshirt, which had come undone a little overnight. Perhaps today you could skip waiting for Stranger to finish cooking and go downstairs, taking in every moment with him once more, since there's almost no one to take it away from you right now.
Don't forget that he asked to be called Alter here.

You walked up to him from behind, waited for him to finish the last pancake, and then hugged him. He turned around, looking at you somewhat dumbfounded.
- Is everything okay?
You made sure you were now looking into each other's eyes and started the text.
- Don't look back easily,
'Cause you're always free
To go on all sides three.
Under the mask of lies
Doomed to take all the answers
On the fate's turns and twists.

Stranger is literally freezed, probably trying to understand what is happening. You put your finger to his lips and said the last stanza.
- Closed in disbeliefs,
You're the master of death
So stay forever with myself.

The red thread around his neck was untied and wrapped around the wrist of his left hand. And you kissed him.

- Why.

He ducked his nose into your shoulder, hugging you back. You were silent and listened to his heavy breathing. You had the feeling that he was about to burst into tears.
- I... - you hesitated for a moment, wondering how to answer without revealing that you found your old memory. - I want to feel you, Alter. Plus, it seems to make you a little more comfortable about your work.
- How cursed, - he exhaled, and then he laughed bitterly, which made you feel a little uncomfortable. - How cursed it all is.

Chapter 29: Chapter 27. Prerequisites -Stranger-

Chapter Text

The days since Kairel had said his part of the oath stretched on strangely.

You were aroused by his responses to even the slightest touch, and he always immediately did something in response, and more often it was something you would have liked for sure. It was as if he were jamming your attention, trying to take your focus away from something important. And the important things, perhaps, are a little too much for this week. Well, for starters, the shadro, which looks like a f*cking zombie, appearing in various parts of Cog and stressing out the more impressionable ones quite a bit. The number of artifos in Cog had doubled in the past week, which was a pretty alarming signal, so alarming that Onica had already called you to the carpet and told you that finding the creature was your number one concern at the moment, and that by the day of the cold sun it must be gone from the consulate. Everything you could find either led to the raiders, who were such a murky bunch that you didn't want to get involved with them, or to the green consulate. Well, you could try the second one.

Yesterday you met with Dima for a word, to exchange information. You were somewhat amused that he had a companion, although the fourth brother looked, to put it mildly, not in his best state. He's probably busy with something more important right now, though you could tell by his condition that his life depended on this likely concern of his. He told you once before about his lapses in memory after he took Demian's spark. Has the situation worsened? Yeah, well, not with the fourth.
He always had it under control.
He called his companion a hound. His companion addressed him no other way than "Messir." Damned like role-playing. Don't care, though, all you needed to know was that Ronnir is still where you left him a solar cycle ago. Well, you'll be sure to visit him today.

Lazily, through the network window, you demanded a mission from Onica, then notified Kairel that you were literally leaving on a relatively unplanned tour of the Green Consulate for 24 hours, and grabbed him by the wrist and moved you closer to the Cog's border, closely to your mentee's cafe. Mela, your charming ward dreamer, was already used to your sudden appearances, so she just casually asked what kind of coffee you'd be having today. And then she congratulated you, you wouldn't have known what for if you hadn't remembered that she'd somehow seen the red threads.
You sat in her cafe for a relatively short time, promising to stop by again on your way back.
From there, the road through the Green Consulate began, and you prayed that you hadn't forgotten the way to the settlement where you'd left Ronnir. You hadn't been there in quite some time.

By the time the winding roads led you to GreenDark, it was beginning to get dark at the consulate.
GreenDark was still a small tavern, though Dareka's business seemed to be booming, now that she'd changed its name from the humble "Three Coppers" to something more upscale. The tavern was crowded today, and you figured out how free Dareka would be. You should have had a word with her, though you knew full well that she would probably refuse to tell you anything herself and with a snide smile would suggest that you talk to Ronnir. Speaking of which.

The redhead sang with a self-complacency, clinging with his thin fingers to the large brass microphone and opening his eyes only occasionally to glance around the hall and probably to pick out someone more pleasant from among the tavern-goers. He knew that these fleeting amusem*nts of his added to the fortune of Dareka, the tavernkeeper, and so she could still afford to keep him here.
Vasya, the newcomer taper, began to play a refreshingly lisp, and Ronnir allowed himself a little walk across the stage. To think how ironic it was that his life after death went on the upswing! In part, he was already somewhat grateful for the asshole who had simply snapped his neck a couple of cycles ago when he'd played around.You haven't forgotten yet, have you?

Before going back to singing, Ronnir looks out into the hall again, and you notice his gaze stop on the unassuming customer who was occupying the far table in the very corner.You think you've seen him before, more than once.The redhead's lips spread into a smile of their own, and his voice trembles a little as he begins to sing. Out of the corner of your eye, you notice Dareka shaking her head at the bar, but all Ronnir seemed to care about right now was the presence of that shadro at that very table.

Ronnir no longer remembered what it was that had first caught his eye. He looked more like a road dust burglar than a native, with his faded stiff hair, clouded gaze, and pockmarked face, but he was not a dreamer, for Ronnir it was clear as day. But he didn't seem to be a shadromancer, either. This was probably what attracted him to the scientist at the time...

Ronnir waited for each meeting with him with a special trembling. Scientist was like a night vision, and redhead enjoyed every minute with him, melting in his arms. As soon as he appeared in the hall, Ronnir's every song began to sound special, and only the hostess shook her head disapprovingly.
Scientist rarely showed up at the tavern, and each time he drank himself to death.
Each time, at closing time, having finished his song program, Ronnir would sit down at his table and begin some meaningless dialogue, then leisurely lead his treasure up the stairs to his room. It didn't take long to talk in the room, and, beginning with light, almost innocent kisses, pretty quickly escalated into something more. Ronnir was losing his head with him. The scientist was the only outlet that allowed him to feel like a human again, without all the stupid rituals and cheating with stroking horns and birthmarks. At the same time, he was never too rough on him either, only occasionally allowing himself to leave a few purple marks on his delicate neck. Ronnir gave him all of himself, without the rest, to fall asleep snuggled against the dominant's cold body and wake up proudly alone, warmed only by foolish hope.

The redhead sang self-consciously, clinging with his thin fingers to the large brass microphone and only occasionally opening his eyes to make sure that the long-awaited guest was still here, and to anticipate his cold hands on his body. There were still a couple of songs left... The redhead noticed a strange kid emerge out of nowhere, literally out of the wall, whose face he couldn't even make out - so quickly he snuck over to the counter where Dareka was sitting. Ronnir didn't know why, but the mere presence of this strange visitor made him nervous.
The guy tried to keep a nonchalant look and continue singing, his eyes reflexively closed, which, in his opinion, was for the best - as long as you do not see the problem - there is no problem... It wasn't until the next time he opened his eyes and faced the boy's gaze, standing again at the secret door, that he realized everything. Cyclopean gaze. The boy's cyclopean gaze was restless, as if he were afraid of doing something wrong or being late... "You're definitely doing something wrong already!" - Ronnir wanted to blurt out as he saw him take the scientist out that secret door. His scientist.
A lump came to his throat, and the redhead didn't sing any further as he slowly climbed down from his little stage, and, quickening his pace, headed for the stairs so that he could fly up them and lock himself in his room. Walking a few steps, collapse on the bed, and burst into tears of pain with his arms around the pillow.

You melancholy left Kairel at the bar, asking him to wait for you for literally a few minutes, then went up the stairs and knocked on the door of your past mistake room.
Ronnir doesn't respond to the knock on the door at first, then just yells something incoherent.
- Just open the door, you stupid c*nt, - you boredly exhale. - If I kick it in, Dareka is not the Curse and won't forgive me that.
- If you've come to comfort me now, that's nice of you, - the guy on the other side of the door snorts, but still opens it a little, probably to make sure he's not mistaken. - If not, get out.
- I don't care, - you hum, stepping through the barely open door and gently pushing back the owner of the room. - I'm looking for someone, and since you might know where he is, I'm not leaving without an answer.
- Hostess might as well tell you, then, - Ronnir defiantly turns his back on you. - She knows more about visitors than I do. I only sing here.
- Maybe it was someone special, - you move closer to him, and he shudders as he feels your hot breath on the back of his neck. - Like your last f*cker?
- How dare you! - Ronnir turns around and comes face to face with you.
- I'm sorry, I can't think of any other excuse for your present condition, - you reply with a chuckle. - Come on, give me the information, and then we'll part like ships at sea again, and suffer your own fun as long as you wish.
- It won't do me any good.
- Ronnir, don't be silly, I'm gonna f*ck that answer out of you anyway.
- f*ck it.
- Did I hear you right?
- Just don't twist my neck like you did that time.

There's a look of longing and indifference in his eyes.
You remember Sharlott's arrogance. You remember that meek affection of the healer. You remember the whole spectrum of Roma Perov's emotions, that raging flurry, changing a hundred times a day. There was something uncharacteristic of him in the gaze of that soul, crippled by rebirth and by you. It seems that if it had been then, in the time loop, it would have made you worry. But now you realize that you really don't feel anything for him anymore.
He silently pulled his beige cloak off his skinny shoulders, then tossed it aside, still keeping his eyes on you. Still true to his tastes, still the same green stretchy shirt sliding off his shoulders, still the same black jeans, still the same black suede boots on white soles. And the same fiery red hair, and the same gooseberry green eyes. To think how ironic it is to have spent centuries wandering through different worlds in pursuit of this soul, and now, when it offers you what you actually wanted from it, to realize that you no longer want it.
And then there's that red thread.
You don't know what the hell you should do now.
Kairel, though, feels perfectly calm, even overdone. Maybe if you solve the situation now the way Ronnir expects you to, nothing will change.

- You used to be more decisive, - the redhead breaks the silence in the room and walks away to the window, then pulls down the blinds on it. - I'm really not kidding right now, if that's what you're thinking right now.
He turns to face you again and then sits down on the window sill. His green shirt had slid off his left shoulder, though, revealing his flat chest and dark pink nipple areola. It looked totally dirty.
- Come on.

Your consciousness blurs for a moment, as if in an alcoholic haze, although the last time you felt like this was only in the last solar cycle, when you drank with Diodora until you blacked out on a bet. After that you already knew your limit and controlled yourself well in terms of alcohol. Something's wrong.Oh, yeah, you left Kairel at the bar.
"We're here because you want information you can only get here, -his mocking voice echoed in your head. -So get it."
And again a wave of stupefaction, just for a moment, but enough for you to still press Ronnir against the window sill and make him freeze.

No foreplay. A little rough. Without too much emotion.
Like animals.
You needed information and he needed a little distraction.

- If you needed to know who I slept with last time, his name wasNikolas, - Ronnir says aloofly, wrapping himself in plaid after it's over. - All I know about him is that we're from the same birth world, but from different eras. He was also, I think, once a doctor. I... Please don't harm him, Tori. I don't know how this is going to end.
- Do you love him?
- How do you know, - the redhead snorted a little irritably, but your straight question clearly hurt him. - And why would you care about my feelings after you left me here?

He sounded as if he remembered that you left him twice. It made you feel somehow uncomfortable. The answer to the question didn't quite add up.

- Well, you don't have to answer, - Ronnir sighed. - I've never bothered you for more than a couple of hours when you needed me. I'm not sure I ever bothered anyone beyond that. Not even him. You know, if you were looking for Nikolas, you missed him by literally a couple of minutes, and now you're just wasting time, just because I want you to.
- Thank you for your cooperation, - you replied dryly, and, finally gathering yourself together, walked out the door, leaving him proudly alone again.

Now you should have gone back downstairs and checked on Kairel, because you didn't like these lapses in consciousness, or rather, you didn't like them at all. Something had happened. Specifically, you were worried about what he'd been drinking. Dareka would have offered stronger drinks.

Kairel was sleeping peacefully where you'd left him, sitting at the bar and resting his head on the countertop, using his elbow as a pillow. It did make you feel a little better, though, to think that nothing more serious had happened to him. You sat down in the empty seat next to him, and as soon as the tavern owner noticed you and flowed smoothly closer to you, you asked:
- Dareka, what the hell. I've been gone for literally fifteen minutes.
- So what can I do about the fact that he's been drunk off one shot of baileys? - Dareka propped her head up, leaning against the counter. - But then again, what was the executioner of Cog doing here this evening? Did he come to check on his sins?
- Partly, - you answered grudgingly. - But sins aren't very talkative tonight, so I guess I'll talk to you. The end of my search ends here, for now.
- What exactly are you looking for? - She materialized a mug in front of you and poured you a beer. - Or who?
- Shadromancer, with his ancient cyclopean gaze and his troubled head, - and you nodded appreciatively, pulling the mug closer to you. - The number of artifos in Cog had increased, and at first we chalked it up to an unscheduled sneak attack by the Blue Consulate in terms of the ghouls, but no, according to eyewitness accounts it was still a living shadro in two sparks. Most likely two conflicting sparks, since this entity is behaving rather strangely for normally consensually coexisting sparks. The consul suspects that this is a fact of forcible removal of matter in the presence of its living owner...
- What else do you know about it?

You turned around. Sitting at the other end of the bar was a tired-looking guy, maybe even a dreamer. He was wearing a gray overcoat, a gray T-shirt, threadbare jeans, and some worn boots. He was wearing aviator's goggles at his forehead, so, for now, you mentally dubbed him a pilot. The pilot was drinking something of the whiskey variety, at least as far as the color of the drink was concerned, and he looked pretty bad-looking, as if something were depressing him.

- Not so much in total, - you hummed. - Short mahogany hair, black shirt, blue boots, black jeans, striped sweater, and fancy-shaped wings, namely with two dragonfly inserts in the feathers of each wing. Oh, and yes, the cyclopean gaze that almost no one uses anymore, except some individuals of the Green Consulate.
- I know who those wings belonged to, - the pilot grinned bitterly. - Do you mind if I join you in your search? We're probably looking for the same shadro.
- Admittedly, I don't care, I just need to solve this problem before the day of the cold sun, - you sipped a little from your mug and thought for a while. What could possibly bind this dreamer and some ancient creature?
- Well, here's some of what I dug up, - he took another shot of whiskey and continued: - My search for whoever had something to do with the creature has brought me here, for according to some reports it comes here with enviable regularity. It is a pity that I appear at this consulate comparatively infrequently, and today we seem to have missed each other.

And then you have the puzzle. Nikolas that Ronnir was talking about. You lost time.

- Dareka, darling, tell me about the visitor named Nikolas, - you said thoughtfully. - And about the man that Ronnir was attached to.
- Oh, no, - the tavern-keeper sobered up in no time and stared at you. - I wouldn't even mess with him if he didn't pay me with valuable blueprints.
- Still.
- Yes, the Apprentice was here today, - she answered grudgingly, as if she were hiding something. - Left here accompanied by his latest experiment. Strange, really, though, usually Abel doesn't even set foot from the tower.
- Where does he come from? - You asked, knowing that if you have to do business with the Black Tower (which you thought Dareka meant), you won't be able to find it on your own.
- From that door, - he waved a hand toward an inconspicuous back door on the right side of the counter. It was an unassuming-looking door, as if it had never been used. It looked as if it had never been used, and it didn't lead anywhere, since it wasn't that far from the actual entrance to the tavern.
- It looks too easy, but I think it's worth the risk, - you scratched your chin in thought. - Hey, pilot, you want to keep me company?
- Engineer, - dreamer corrected you, but nodded nonetheless. - We're probably on the right way.

Chapter 30: Chapter 28. Rebellion -Actress-

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

You were lying in your room under a heavy plaid and hugging the consul's secretary. Both your gaze and his were completely blank, and your head was just as blank.
You remembered who he was. You remembered your age difference. You didn't seem to care at all. You crossed the line, leaving you both in complete ignorance of what would happen next. A line beyond which Heiden considered an unacceptable obstacle to his work.
Here at home, too. Not the one-and-a-half-star motel where he used to make appointments if something was urgent and he didn't have the time to change appearance and visit your bungalow.

That first meeting you had, you broke down and agreed to cooperate.
You remember that slight smile on his lips, as if your answer would have amused him. A smile that seemed to wound you in the very spark. He said he would connect to Maria in a couple of days and give you a further plan of action.
Your second meeting took place in a little crowded cafe closer to the outskirts. You wouldn't have recognized him if he hadn't called out to you. His voice was a little louder that time, but still a little hoarse, as if he'd had a hard time speaking. He made himself a second appearance, changed his ashy hair color to charcoal black, and the silvery gray irises of his eyes turned green. He changed his hair and clothes, and acquired a simple warlock doll in the form of a black terrier. "As long as I am in this form, call me Nico, - he said. - Nico Licorizee."
You were glad of his decision to join your squad in person, though you feared May would uncover your lie sooner or later. Nico blended in smoothly, helping Kenny and the engineer with new developments and blueprints, and pretending that he was really only coming here to refine Maria. In truth, he had indeed fine-tuned her battle program, and was only going out on raids by means of a connection to it. Still, he melancholy continued to gather news from the outskirts, only staying briefly in your room at the end of some visits. You were glad of that, too, though.

You felt a kind of dependence on him.
And eventually you couldn't stand it and snapped, kissing him as soon as he came into your room today. You felt his confusion, and you noticed how his false image had "floated", returning his appearance to what you had seen the first time you met him. Except now he wasn't wearing that fancy jacket and light neck scarf, just a dark gray sleeveless sweater.
You looked at each other in silence, and you caught in his judgmental gaze the question, "What the hell do you think you're doing." And you kissed him again.
You sure as hell taught the consul's secretary a bad thing.

You stroked his back thoughtlessly, your fingertips touching the thin, lash-like black marks that were silent witnesses to your sin. Evidence that each encounter you made had a fresh mark on his back. Evidence that you sowed this confusion in him even before today.
You stroked his back mindlessly, remembering how, just a few minutes ago, you were practically one, being partial; how your tentacles intertwined and how he sighed softly, still not resisting the will of fate. How his cheeks blushed.

- There's a lot of tension in Cog right now, - he said, breaking the silence of the room first. You liked his whisper. - I came today to make sure you had everything under control in that part of city, since I'll have to stay at the consul's house for the next couple of days and monitor from there. I have a vague feeling that something is escaping my eyes. Something that is being deliberately hidden.
- I wouldn't keep something from you, you know, - you sighed.
- They're probably keeping you in the dark on purpose, - Heiden gently twisted out of your grasp and sat down on the edge of the bed, his feet on the floor. - I'm making that assumption about the current affairs of your squad. Maynajo is not the sort of man who would trust you.
- I wouldn't be surprised, - you turned on your side, toward him. - May really is wary of me, especially since Maria showed up. I'm a little sorry that I might be spoiling your expected monitoring results with this.
- On the other hand, I'm not sure I'd be able to get that deep into the raiding community on principle, - the gray cardinal shrugged. - I guess I should thank you for your cooperation. Even if it was all of questionable value.

He was speedily restoring the fabric of his robes, but you could see the rogue materia drawing another scar across his back, this time under his shoulder blade.

- I have one more favor to ask of you, - he said, rising to his feet and turning to you.
- What is it? - you raised yourself on your elbows, then sat down on the bed with your legs propped up.
- No matter what happens during the time I'm on duty, you still have to think of yourself first, - he said reproachfully. - Get your vanilla bullsh*t out of your head. The smell of a storm is in the air, and you're still a fool for going out in the open field with an umbrella with iron spokes. Don't you dare put yourself in harm's way. And I'm not talking about ghouls or anything like that, I'm talking about your squad leader. In other words, if he tell you to shoot, you shoot.
- I don't know what you mean... But all right.
- If anybody asks where I've been, you say I had an urgent business.

With those words, Heiden disappeared.
You collapsed back on the bed, trying to make sense of what he'd said, but nothing useful came to mind. It still made you a little uneasy that any conversation with him was full of excessive officiousness and instructions, even now, even after what had happened. Say goodbye to the health of your cuckoo, Maoré, it flew off to a warm land.

Literally the very next day, May announced another meeting with the blue consulate hunters. A joint raid on Shado consulate was on the agenda.

At first you tried to assure yourself that you were hearing things, but no. You were going to storm the consulate together and, if not overthrow the consuls, at least get the truth out of them about what's going on with the blue consulate cemetery and what kind of strange shadro is terrorizing Cog in general right now. In particular, you were more interested in the second component directly, because most of the time you observed the "alien" quite close to the bungalow, and its wings unmistakably reminded you of those of your past squad leader. Since the "alien" always flew away toward the consulate houses as it retreated, either the consuls or what was behind it: the black tower could have been behind the phenomenon. However, none of you knew anything about the tower at all, other than the venerable legends.

You should have seen your face when you found out that the Engineer had crossed paths with the executioner of Cog in the green consulate and seemed to have gone to explore the tower with him. You couldn't get that into your head at all. Wasn't the executioner in the category of Cog's authorities you didn't want to deal with? Wasn't the executioner supposed to try to stop the attempted coup? What nonsense is going on now. Did you have such a bad night's sleep and are you still asleep, Maore?

Unlike the border between the consulates, the consuls' houses were not guarded.
You went inside unhindered and separated, exploring every available room of the house. The gray cardinal was ordered to be eliminated.

As you opened each successive door, you prayed that the room would be empty. Anybody, but let it not be you. You were full of anxiety that swept over your head because you didn't want to think that May was going to destroy your feelings with his own hands. He sure as hell never cared about your feelings. Unwillingly, Heiden's request came to mind, and now everything in your head fell into place. He knew it would happen.

Another unassuming door opened into a small office with a wide desk and a bunch of screens hanging in the air. In the middle of the room, near one of the screens, stood a gray cardinal. You gulped and pointed your blaster at him. For a moment you feltdéjà vu, as ifyou had lived this life once before, and he had, and you were standing like that in the doorway. Except back then you didn't care, and you were blindly following May's orders.It's different now.
Your hand trembled, and you, once a marksman, couldn't bring yourself to pick out your opponent's spark and pull the trigger.
The gray cardinal turned and froze in front of you, looking alternately at the "slowpoke's fury" and into your eyes.

- I don't suppose I can wait for an explanation, - he paused.
- Heiden, please, - you said in a trembling voice. - DUAU see, I don't want to... Please hide under the guise of Nico and come with us.

In the corridor, you could hear the cries of a united movement of hunters and raiders. The consul's secretary sighed and shook his hands.

- Alas, I will not. After all, this is my real face, and I owe a lot to the Onica's Curse. If I'm going to lay down my second life for the one who gave it, then so be it.
- Heiden, please... Don't you understand, you'll be killed, I'm the one bargaining for your life right now, because I just can't do May's bidding.
- You are, God forgive me, strange, Maoré, - replied the gray cardinal with a chuckle. - From the beginning, when I decided to meet with you about the 10A issue after all. I've been using you to get on your team, haven't I?
- And I... I...

Your eyes were already racing from side to side, just to avoid looking at someone you didn't want to be standing here with like this. You lowered your blaster.

- Amao tar, Tvik¹.
- Dakkero², - Heiden whispered, trying to reassure himself that he'd misheard and it wasn't his first language.
- A rera anova, so nai. Amao tar³, - you tried to sound as confident as possible, because the couple of phrases Jameso translated for you in his and Ortvik's native language were the very plan B you didn't want to use in the first place. - Zen ib dakreo, hada tar e ge ta a, a ib kallaamoa tar⁴.
- Zen ib dakreo... - The secretary echoed, completely out of tune.

A gunshot sounded, and the gray cardinal grimaced, grasping the shoulder where some of the matter had just been dislodged.
- What the f*ck took you so long, Bun?

May appeared in the doorway. May, who took aim at the consul's secretary again.
- You can't be charged with anything, Maore, - he said angrily, co*cking the trigger.
- Don't you dare! - you suddenly burst out on him and darted to get between Goldfinch and Heiden to shield Ortvick from the next shot.
- It's the goddamn gray cardinal who's been keeping tabs on the whole Cog and reporting every suspicious move to the consul!
- If that's the way you want it, then kill them both, - you answered without a second thought. - I can not...
- You can make a warlock's doll out of my matter and be done with it, - Heiden whispered. - You'll make a decent code someday. You must learn.
- I can't duplicate your character and manners, - you turned to him instantly. - I need you, not a weak-willed puppet.

The shot. you instantly bend in half, as the old dreamer instincts take over, and the bullet that pierced your thigh rips out a tangible piece of matter.
The shot. Heiden literally collapses to the floor.

- f*ck it, - Maynajo throws angrily and nervously, - you can explain yourself later.
He slams the door, leaving you alone with your pain and confused thoughts.

"Your weapons were never meant to kill your own kind, - you hear Heiden's voice. - You remember the principle well. Find my spark before the DUAUO starts decomposing my body, or it won't be quite a bit uncomfy."

Notes:

A set of letters imitating Heiden's native language:
1Amao tar/nero/neno - love you/him/her [Mao - love (object)]
2Dakreo/dakkero - idiot/fool
3A rera anova, so nai - I will repeat again if necessary
4Zen ib dakreo, hada tar e ge ta a, a ib kallaamoa tar - don't be an idiot, hide yourself and come with me, I don't want to kill you

Chapter 31: Chapter 29. Mechanism –Knyaz'–

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

- And... I transferred the core of Shadowsgone to Knyaz'.
- I'm sorry, what? - Hatori choked up and stared at his innocently smiling interlocutor.
- You must have wondered why you couldn't keep Gerda conscious and all, - he melancholy went on. - Well. You remember our pact for a new life for Knyaz', so I couldn't hurt him?
- I suppose so, - the alternate demiurg answered glumly, and set the cup down on the table. - I still don't see where you're going with this.
- I remembered that your relationship with him was a mess, and I decided to rule out hurting him on your part, too.

Avier folded his fingers together, spread them a couple of times, like the bridges of St. Petersburg, and then looked expectantly at his opponent.

- You bitch, - Longshadow exhaled.
- Well, you know, if your whole mess with the city still exists, I guess he's comfortable here, - the firstborn shrugged. - But, on the whole, yes, I managed to make him our world, and I don't regret it one bit. And I'm glad you were able to love him.

You feel very warm and cozy, and a sweet fog sprawls in your head. You instinctively snuggle closer to the source of warmth, bury your nose in the soft scarlet scarf, and feel a light kiss on the top of your head.
"You've had a lot of luck, - Stranger's voice tells you. - I thought you're supposed to remember what you can and can't do."
"Why didn't you leave him at the tavern? - The second voice is not familiar to you. This voice sounds relatively young, though it has the effect of making the wearer sound a little 'nosey'; perhaps this man's nose was once broken. - I think Dareka would probably have a spare room."
"Because I couldn't, - Stranger hums. - Consider me attached to him in a way. And... I guess I'd feel safer that way."

Stranger's gait isn't very smooth, and you're a little shaky. They seem to be walking up the stairs.
- Did you find what you were looking for in that tavern? - you ask, with one eye open.
- Partly, - Stranger answers, but oddly enough, he doesn't stop. He would have stopped and put you on your feet to walk on your own, but no, you are still being carried like a princess.Knyazhna¹, to be exact.

You know, before you were carried away, you felt something wrong, you felt his confusion, as if he was faced with the choice of whether to do something he thought was wrong or not. Then you thought to yourself that it would probably be better overall if he got what he was looking for and you nudged him by saying that the price of the information wasn't important right now. You'd have to wonder what that choice was. But something told you that it might not be worth inquiring.

Your paths diverged with dreamer, who was walking with you, when you reached the first platform, which you conventionally called a floor. The floor was something like a laboratory, and your companion left to explore the place. You, on the other hand, continued up the stairs.

On the second "floor" you nearly had a heart attack, because when you deigned to look around (as far as your position would allow), you noticed Avier following you the whole time. When you asked him a perplexing question, he lied to you honestly that he was lost. Who's he kidding, the entrances to the Black Tower only exist for those who know about them. To hell with it, though, because another silhouette appeared at the next tier of the stairs, and Stranger, first gently setting you on your feet, rushed after him. You walked leisurely in the same direction. You didn't really care whether or not you found an object here that threatened the psyche of the entire Cog. You were more worried about losing sight of Stranger and then getting lost here yourself. Avier followed you.

When you reached the next "floor", which was still a closed balcony ring with a view to the laboratory of the first "floor", Stranger had already reached the "goal" and held the "hero of the occasion" pressed against the clock face, which occupied the whole wall here. There was no hand on the clock, and the "hero of the occasion" seemed quite familiar to you.
- I... I knew him, - Avier said uncertainly behind your back. - I hadn't spoken to him before, but I saw him in MiRAI.
- Mi... Really? - You didn't really believe it. You were more inclined to believe that you were all just experiencing deja vu right now. At any rate, you were pretty sure that Nikolas left Shadowsgone after that "change of power" thing happened.
- Well, yes, in the capital of the Republic of Despair, - Avier replied and looked at you strangely. - You lived in MiRAI for three or four years... Or have you forgotten, brother?
- Goddamnit, stop calling me that, - you sighed. You're really f*cking sick of it already. Avier was getting really annoying with this "brother" story he made up for himself. Seriously, though.
- But... - Avier sniffed his nose. - Maybe it's a disease, bro. Do you have amnesia?
- Oh my God, stop it! - you blurted out, and then you shut up. You weren't planning on hurting him, though. You sighed, came to your senses, and said calmly: - Look. I was born here. I only have one sister. I was only in MiRAI when Alter and I had to help you. All you remember about me are false memories you've indoctrinated into yourself.

Avier sniffled again, and then burst into tears. Congratulate yourself, Kairel, you're the worst psychologist in Shado.

- How long do I have to hold him? - Stranger asked with boredom in his voice.
- Take your hands off me, please, - whispered the "hero of the occasion" pressed against the wall.
- Or what? - Stranger smiled unkindly. - Who are you without your machines?
- Wait until we find out who he is, - you interrupted him.
- And you just made the only shadro, who knew, unable to say something, - said Stranger, looking at the crying Avier.
- But personally, I don't care who he is, I just want to beat the crap out of him, - the dreamer shouted from the first floor. Dreamer... You thought for a moment you'd seen him before, too. Where?
- Tshh, be still, lionheart, - Stranger shouted back at him. - Shadromancers don't feel the pain, first of all.
- That's a lie, you know... - "hero of the occasion" whispered again. - Many revived shadros can still...
- Kairel, honey, let me just get a spark out of him and be done with it, - Stranger sighed. - I just want to finish my errand with Onica and get home. I hope you do, too.
- Too early, - you shook your head. - But why are you even asking me that?
- I haven't found Sabishii yet, so I need that creep alive! - you heard another scream from the dreamer on the first floor.
- Well, ok... - Stranger replied, and turned his attention back to Avier. - Hey you, Bakhchisarai Fountain! You said you knew something!
- M-make him tell me he's my brother... Please...

Your eyelid twitches nervously.

- Alter, no.
- Alter, yes, this is our chance to get things moving! - dreamer's back in the game.
- Kairel, stop being such stubborn.
- Can you at least put me down on the floor? - "hero of the occasion" whispered, but you didn't seem to be paying any attention to him right now.
- OK, BROTHER, - you said loudly, and you noticed how quickly Avier's sad face changed to a wide grin.
- I'm all ears, dearest brother, - he glowered.
- I hope this won't be one of your fictions... Who is this shadro?

Avier thought for a moment and then answered:
- He lived in city's town hall. I stalked for him for a while. People said, that he was a principle or step-son of the clockworker. He was really strange one, that's why I paid attention to him.
- Clockworker?
- Yeah, mysterious man in black. Someone said that he was killed by someone, someone said that he travelled to another world, - Avier scratched his nose and added: - A city legend, maybe.
- It cannot be the truth, - you noticed, that the man tries not to laugh now. He sighed and added: – Humans cannot see all of us in their world. Only their guides!
- You stole the hour hand from town hall's clock, when disappeared, - said Avier.
- This one?

The wanderer nodded toward the big hand of the clock, which perhaps the "hero of the occasion" had dropped. The hand was indeed more than a meter long and looked more like an ugly sword than a hand. Instead of the "handle" of the sword there was a rounded green stone.

On the first floor there was some commotion, a shout of "you're not going to shoot your guide, are you?" and a barely audible "if you want to save me, shoot me in the head, you can aim for the eye," followed by a short shout of "you're not going to do that?!" and a shot. The voices that sounded like one went silent.

- Sabishii has been found and, I hope, sa... - you heard the voice of dreamer, and his phrase was cut short as if he had just been shut up in the most effective way possible. You ran up to the bars of the balcony to look down and make sure for sure.
Yes, you did. You even looked down with your spark vision for a few seconds to make sure that the shadro that was now passionately kissing the dreamer had only one spark already, a burgundy one in his chest where his heart should be. The acid-blue spark had been carried by the shot to the far wall and now seemed to be slowly fading away, being completely devoid of matter.

- Okay, that was a good show, I'd say it was a pretty good sitcom,- you heard behind you. You turned around.

I waved my hand in greeting. Stranger looked alternately at me and at my double, whom I had created out of boredom, and whom I had now temporarily turned off so as not to cause a collapse of reality by having two of me in the same room. Why are you even looking at me like that? Yes, I'm standing here in a portal from Grayworld. Yes, yes, right from the living room, where NN is now lying on the couch and continuing to watch this boozy soap opera online. Io really didn't appreciate this hobby of ours, especially my idea of a doppelganger, which I'll probably have to keep so Ronnir doesn't get bored.

There's probably a lot I should tell you, unless you're going to pull some kind of trick right now?

Notes:

1 like feminitive from Knyaz'

Chapter 32: Epilogue. The Bad Ending

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

You realized yourself back in that little subspace where you went when you interfered with Kairel's memory. No Black Tower. No second coming of Nemo.
You scolded yourself, though, for probably rewriting everything from scratch again, but you had no choice: you must preserve your peaceful existence in Shado at all costs. Because you're just as reluctant to go out into the world where you dumped Avier to solve some of his problems. You don't get paid for that. And it was Avier himself who disowned Shadowsgone, wasn't it? He did, didn't he? You didn't put pressure on him, did you? And this time, you didn't promise anything to anybody, did you?
...and you're just scared of the difference between Kairel's consciousness here and in that world. That gentle "get it first" here and the reckless "flee from the city" there. You're confused about your own feelings. You don't know what you even want. You're f*cking tired. "Step on me, just leave me in peace."
Avier made a joke about Kairel's spark being the core of Shadowsgone, didn't he?

You frame part of the memory, automatically. And then into another one. f*ck it, just f*ck it, it didn't happen. Please it never had happen. That meaningful smile with just the corners of your lips alone will stay in your memory for a long time, if not even forever. You catch yourself thinking that you're scared out of your wits about what's awakening in him. Let's forget that you made him that way, okay?
He f*ckin' pisses you off.
It wasn't long ago that you noticed those sparks in his eyes, like he knows everything anyway and is only fooling you, giving you a break.
"Be afraid of the moment when he realizes himself and what he can do now, - Avier said. - I'm more than sure he'll get even for everything. Just run."
And you f*cking run. You run like damned.
Was it all for f*cking nothing. You were looking for the cause of Shado's malfunction at wrong way. And you interfered with NN and Nemo for absolutely nothing. f*ck, the hour hand is a holiday, everything goes to hell¹. f*ck-f*ck-f*ck.

- What am I supposed to forget this time, Stranger? - You hear a husky whisper in your ear and shivers run down your spine. - I'll do you a favor, and I won't bring it up again. So?

You feel his cold hands on the back of your neck; he runs them up and makes you tilt your head back and look into his eyes. Into those two sapphire-blue depths where you seem to have lost your soul. If you have one, because your reality has always been wrong.
A clammy chill takes hold of you.

- What the hell.

You twitch, rising lightning fast to your feet and bouncing aside, breathing heavily as if you'd just run the toughest sprint of your life. Why do you even have shortness of breath? You've practically given up smoking, haven't you?
He laughs lightly, getting up from his knees and shaking off the hem of his cloak for some reason. He looks like he did a few years ago again, you can't catch the distinct outlines of his clothes, as if they were woven of smoke or fog.

- f*cking DUAU, I'm tired of pretending, - he says with a chuckle, looking at you with a kind of snide squint. - No, the whole running around city with you was certainly hilarious, but it doesn't seem right to treat you like an idiot, you're far from stupid, Tori.

Why the hell is he calling you by your real name right now?!

- No, well, part of me thanks you for systematizing my memory, I guess without your intervention I would have lose my sanity much easier and faster, - he adds with feigned regret in his voice. - You know, all this traveling between worlds is kind of exhausting.
- What the hell are you doing in this subspace, - you let out, unable to comprehend what's going on right now.
- Oh, perhaps I should make it clear to you that within Shadowsgone, I'm wherever I want to be. This is my territory. And I'm kind of God to you here.
- You've got to be kidding me, - you exhale, and your mind goes "no, no, no".
- Alas, no, - he waves his hands theatrically and curtsies, - The jokes are over, Tori.

Jesus f*cking Christ, is he serious right now? He never called you by your real name, mostly by variations of your false one.

- Hmm, I never noticed how delicious your name really is before, - he says, as if reading your mind. - I'm sorry I didn't call you that before, Tori.

God, just stop, not now, just not now. Just don't make that comment. You get the distinct feeling that he's only doing it because it's your weakness. Still, if he really remembers everything now, if he's a virtuoso at anything, then it's torture. He's not even one step away from you yet, and already you don't feel well. You're not thinking straight. Case is bad?

- Say something, hey. I can't read minds yet.

He's got that meaningful smile on his face. He's lying.

- I thought this would be a good time to put all dots above i²and all like that, - he closes his eyes and shakes his head. - No, if you want to smoke nervously now, smoke, I won't bother you, except I'd suggest something more interesting to do. We're really out of time here. Oh f*ck, I wish you could stay here as a guarantor of my existence. I shudder to think of it.
- Stop it.
- You won't even be remembered, honey, - he exhales sweetly, and in a flash he's behind you. - You haven't erased your own knowledge that you created all this, have you? That Shado is the artificial world of your escape from loneliness?

He pulls you toward him and adds ingratiatingly:
- Your real world is beside you now, and generally even cooperative.

His thin fingers unbend the collar of your shirt and he runs his nose down your neck.

- You seem to have misunderstood me when I took you out on emotion and asked you to show me the real you. I don't deny it, crippled by life, you're hot as hell, but I've had enough of you like this. Too bad you just seem to be scared now and can't express anything stronger, Tori.

He puts his arm around your shoulders, and then he lifts your chin with one of his palms, making you turn your head where he wants you to go, and then he kisses you. You give in to him briefly; this is exactly the way you've never kissed before, with a kind of storm of desire that makes you feel like you've had more than a gallon of aphrodisiac poured into you. Your legs felt like they were going to buckle. He feels it too, you know.

- If you think I'm going to get back at you for my f*cked-up psyche, you're wrong, - he whispers, breaking the kiss. - You're a little late with that, Tori. My psyche got f*cked up a little earlier. And you just created an opportunity for me not to think for a while, at least.

He walks around to your left and pulls on the loop of the scarf, causing one of its ends to slip off your shoulders.

- I'm far from stupid, either, and I'm not about to destroy someone who's done so much for me not for his own gain.

You just stand there and have no idea what to do. That's where the f*cking DUAU are, and why you had to go on these f*cking adventures instead of reborn Ronnir as Sharlott from the very restart, inspire this creature of your asshole hands to love you immensely and live in f*cking peace. Guess you never took the easy way out. What the f*ck have you been missing?

- I've been wondering why you, Stranger, - the blue-eyed beastie sighs and unbuttons the top button of your shirt. - How is it that in this change of world you left your beloved Sharlott, whose reincarnations you spent so much time chasing through all the worlds, and came to me?
- Stop digging into my past, - you hissed through your teeth. It's not the question that makes you angry, it's the fact that you don't know the answer.
- Why? - He looks you in the eye again. - I'm just curious. Oh yeah, I'm also not going to get back at you for what happened at MiRAI, just because I don't blame you if your true nature kicked in for a minute.
- What the f*ck...
- Have you already forgotten exactly where you got your energy from? - His tenacious fingers keep unbuttoning your shirt. - Oh, I'll remind you.

He immediately kneels down in front of you, and in the process unbuckles your belt, and then undoes the zipper of your jeans.

- You put it all behind just for me, didn't you?

He doesn't wait for an answer to his questions; you feel his soft lips on your co*ck and instinctively run your fingers through his deep-black hair.
This is actually new on his part; he doesn't do it very well, but he seems to be trying. At any rate, enough to fog your head.
You stroke one of his horns with your fingers, and eventually he breaks off and sighs sweetly with his eyes closed. Even though he's changed his appearance, he's left the sensitive points in place.

- Now it's my turn to sarcastically point out that this isn't going according to plan, - he exhales with a chuckle, and gives you a gentle shove, just enough to make you lose your balance and fall backwards onto the bed he's on. Oh, yes, you're dealing with the core of the world. No wonder things come out of nowhere so fast.

He immediately sits on top of you, throwing his leg over you. You can literally feel his perception floating slowly too. He takes your palm in his hands and whispers:
- Touch me.

You place your hand on his waist as soon as he releases it; you notice how, at that same moment, the fabric of his cloak spreads under your fingers like smoke, revealing delicate white skin. You run your hand down his side, down to his hips, and the effect continues. You find the process mesmerizing.
You put your hand on his back, he leans over you, and you immediately pull him to you, embracing him as if he might disappear. You feel his tentacle encircle your co*ck, then plunge it into his insides; you kiss the blue-eyed beastie on the neck, only to hear the tearing sigh over your ear again.
f*cking as if for the last time, expressing your storm of emotion through touching and kissing. It's a tempestuous feeling, like he's all yours and no one else's, and you're his, all his, and there's no other way. And the familiar spoon pose at the end of everything, except this time he lets you hold him. Why, good lord DUAU, it's all so strange.
You kiss his shoulder and he turns his head in your direction.

- You know this is all wrong too, don't you? - He asks, and then turns away again. - You know... And I don't know how I really feel about you, Tori. I really don't know. Love? No. Gratitude? That's ridiculous. I just don't want to let you go.

You don't know what to say to him. You don't know how you're feeling right now. How does a dog on a short leash feel?

- You know you're supposed to be a guide too, don't you? - he suddenly asks, still not turning to you. - In this world, you and I share the same name. AKaio. You are not Avier's doppelganger. You are mine's. It's just that by the time the DUAU were able to interfere in your world, the one who was the true alternate demiurg was long dead. And, like, the DUAU had no choice but to swap you. And in the end, they miscalculated. You should never have been given that power. Just like Avier shouldn't have trusted me with the core of the world.
He sighs and then adds:
- You and I are both f*cked up.

For some reason you want to laugh.

- Avier figured you'd get your revenge on everyone and everything as soon as you realized your new rights, - you say, ruffling his dark hair with your nose. - I was inclined to believe him, considering that you'd taken my hand away from me again.
- You were inclined to believe him, but you were willing to indulge my every whim? - he turns to face you again. - Why?!
- I was inclined to believe him, but I believed to the last that you wouldn't, - you snickered. - If you believe I'm your double, who knows you better than you do?
- Then tell me you were serious when you called us family at that tea party.

He looked you in the eye, and you felt how important it was to him. Perhaps even more important than his whole life. And you wondered how you could even say that. You wouldn't be anything like a normal family anyway, no matter how you looked at it. But on the other hand, you felt comfortable with him, even if it was often life on a powder keg. More comfortable than in those long ago dreams of Sharlott and a big house in the middle of nowhere, where fresh baked goods would always smell and laughter would sound. You came to be confused. Is it all compatible?

- O-okay, forget it, - he blurted out confusedly, seeing your hesitation, and then averted his eyes. - I'm the one who thought it might happen if I tried...
- I wonder what you mean by family, - you exhale. - I don't know if we have the same ideas.
- You see... - he says grudgingly, - In one relationship I let myself be loved. In the second, I was not asked, and the concepts underwent a distortion. In the third, I unaccountably and blindly loved myself. But only now do I feel like an equal. I'm not ready to lose that. Tori, I... I don't know how I should behave for you to accept me. You've seen me in both my majestic ugliness and my pathetic helplessness, so look at me now in despair. I agree to accept any notion, just don't push me away...
- You don't know, we will have children, in the world the most beautiful children³... - you began to hum an old song you heard back in the worlds before you stayed in Shado and you could barely contain your laughter as you watched his eyes open wide. - Foster's, perhaps. I don't make you do that.
- O-okay... - He muttered dazedly. - Then rewrite the world with me.
- Why? - You raised an eyebrow. - Is there something wrong with Shado?
- I... - he swallowed. - I erased everything.

You blink.
You blink again.
The alarm clock on your phone beeps on the nightstand, and a streak of morning sunlight peeks treacherously through from under the thick roll-up curtains with a seemingly full blackout. Your head buzzes terribly, and you have some coordination problems before you reach for your alarm clock. Kairel is asleep next to you, or pretending to be asleep. Asleep on top of the blanket.
The room is somewhat chilly, and you decide to at least cover him with the plaid, then note with horror how the plaid goes through him.
You blink again.
Good God, you're losing your mind.

You lie on your side, facing Kairel.
He opens one eye and whispers:
- Charmander, I choose you.

You still don't understand anything.
The apartment, though, is relatively familiar to you and looks like the one you were in the last time you replaced Avier at MiRAI for a while.

- I'm happy to wake up here with you, - Kairel says, still half-asleep. - No more Avier or anyone else who's been in that head, just you and me. And our wonderland, of course.
- Wonderland? - Your throat feels dry, and your voice seems different. You cough involuntarily.
- Yes, our wonder, which I accidentally erased today, - he stretches and smiles as if he's not going to regret it. - But then again, we don't have to dwell on just this city anymore, do we? I'd love to try something else.

You silently rise from the couch and go into the hallway. Yes, the mirror won't lie, it's not really you in the mirror. In the mirror is some kind of you-Avier hybrid with badly dyed red hair and damaged skin. You scratched your cheek. Now you remembered.

- Listen, could it be some kind of medieval at all? - Kairel is still not paying attention to your confusion.
- Which I wasn't expecting like the Spanish Inquisition, - you hum and go back to the room. You flick a button on your phone. 5:50. An hour and a half before you have to go to work, so you don't miss the right bus.
- That's an idea, - Kairel sits down on the couch with his legs tucked under him. - I've wanted a tail for a long time. I'll be a demon summoned by an inquisitor with a lack of sleep.

You slowly continue to assess the weight of the responsibility that has fallen upon you. Well, for starters, you're still an ordinary human. With ordinary human capabilities. And a sore back, sleep deprivation and occasional wrist-breaking tunnel syndrome. 5 days a week you do the quest of going to work. 2 days spent doing whatever the hell it is you're doing. Well, as in, you don't know what. You spend it on Kairel. You spend all your free time on him. He's always hungry for your attention.
God, you have to remember how to control this body and how to live in general.
Now you remember everything.
Now... Now you can say "I."
Now I remember everything.

Notes:

1 a reference to "винтовка это праздник, всё летит в пизду". Once more. https://youtu.be/_OBYdCbRwMM
2 originally "checks above ў", refered to belarusian language.
3 reference to an iconic song https://youtu.be/k9T_QHHH3Tc
So this is the end of the Shado arc, thank you for your attention.
Welcome to the post-Shado arc, in which all is canon, if WE made it.
And thanks again for waiting patiently for the full end of the 2k19 bullsh*t. With love.

TYLD [now on english] - Fractured_Hope_Co, Sabishi-i (Fractured_Hope_Co) (2024)

Chapter 1: Intro. This is just the beginning

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Chapter 2: Chapter 1. Fog

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Chapter 3: Chapter 2. Loops –Stranger–

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Chapter 4: Chapter 3. Cells –Seer Through–

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Chapter 5: Chapter 4. Fin

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Chapter 6: Chapter 5. Refrain –Stranger–

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Chapter 7: Chapter 6. Spillikins

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Chapter 8: Chapter 7. Dysphoria -Actress-

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Chapter 9: Chapter 8. Butterflies

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Chapter 10: Chapter 9. Tangle –Stranger–

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Chapter 11: Chapter 10. Tertia

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Chapter 12: Chapter 11. Statesmen -Actress-

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Chapter 13: Chapter 12. Ghosts

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Chapter 14: Chapter 13. Lady

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Chapter 15: Chapter 14. Falling –Demiurg–

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Chapter 16: Chapter 15. Glass

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Chapter 17: Afterlogue. That's not the end.

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Chapter 18: Chapter 16. Beginning –Knyaz'–

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Chapter 19: Chapter 17. Iron -Longing-

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Chapter 20: Chapter 18. Stigmas –Knyaz'–

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Chapter 21: Chapter 19. Storyteller –Reaper–

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Chapter 22: Chapter 20. Threads –Stranger–

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Chapter 23: Chapter 21. Excuses –Knyaz'–